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I'm Fate, And It's Great To Be Here.


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I haven't introduced myself since joining the forum a week or two ago, so I thought I'd stop by the extimony section and describe how I ended up here. I would have liked to write more, but it's already getting long!
 
Born to Pentecostal pastors, my earliest memories are of church. I had lots of fun there as a kid. I wasn't the on fire for Christ type, and luckily, the other pastor's kids were as bad as me. We didn't mean to be nasty, but we did take a great deal of joy in stealing alcohol from our parents or other adults we knew. Our greatest haul was a case of 6 large bottles of Moet & Chandon Imperial. That was a good weekend.
 
Shit started to hit the fan at 16 when my parents moved to Asia to pastor a church of their own. The limelight of being the pastor's child was too much. My parents spent all their time at church, and I was upset about being dumped in a foreign country to fend for myself, so I halfassed my church duties. I would receive weekly mega-lectures about my spiritual failure, as though my only purpose in life was to be a beacon for Christianity. 
 
As was tradition with my older siblings, I moved out of home when I went to uni. One holiday I was travelling, and I met a guy from the opposite side of the globe. He was pretty cool, and two years later he moved and we now live together. All hell broke loose when I told my parents. They threatened to quit their job, and almost flew over to "remove me from under his roof", but I made sure to remind them they no longer knew where I lived wink.png I eventually saw them months later. My mother completely lost it, and my father decreed that I am an unmarried female and therefore under his control, before proceeding to question whether we have sex. I've always been close to my dad, but I won't stand for that Christian patriarchy rubbish, so I gave him an earful about double standards and sexism before denouncing the religion.  

 

This was a year ago. My parents have not recovered. They rarely talk to me, and have made it clear they consider their time wasted on me. It hurts. Having trained as a scientist I was always aware the Bible is nonfactual, but now, I truly understand the division Christianity encourages and want nothing more to do with it.
 
It has been difficult acknowledging that everything I was taught is a lie, and I am sometimes afraid of death because it is final. I know I'll work through these eventually. In the meantime, I have begun appreciating life for everything it is, and have found incredible peace in doing so. It's wonderful to be part of such an open and honest community - I am very happy to be here. Thanks for reading smile.png

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I am convinced the evidence confirms that all religions are cults in some form. Severing ties with any cult is difficult, sometimes even dangerous, and it almost always results in the destruction of established social structures and that often includes families members. I celebrate your freedom and wish you much happiness in the future. And welcome aboard.

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Welcome to the forum.  Its crazy that you parents would control/ disown you for not believing in fairy tales!  Of course cohabiting is a perfectly normal and sensible thing to do as a lifestyle choice and if you chose to marry at a later date,

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Welcome!  As a parent to two children, aged 25 and 21, I cannot imagine not loving them no matter what they did or believed or not believed.  I would always support them (unless one turned out to be a serial killer or something, but I would still love my child, not support the serial killer thing).  My kids are their own people with their own ideas and thoughts and lives.  It's so interesting seeing what they do and listening to their ideas.  If all they did was become mini-mes and parrot everything I said and believed, I'd be disappointed.  Neither of my kids are believers, but if one had wanted to become a pastor, I would attend the sermons and brag, "That was the best sermon ever!  My kid is so brilliant!"  I just would; I love my kids because they're themselves.

 

I can't understand parents who don't love their children unconditionally.

 

You sound like you have your life together much more than your parents!

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Thank you everyone for your replies. It has indeed been difficult severing ties. I knew that cohabiting would get me in hot water, but never thought I would be isolated from family. 

 

I can't understand parents who don't love their children unconditionally.

 

Unfortunately, my parents insist they are "loving the sinner, hating the sin". Whatever they're calling it, it's extreme :( 

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Thank you everyone for your replies. It has indeed been difficult severing ties. I knew that cohabiting would get me in hot water, but never thought I would be isolated from family. 

 

I can't understand parents who don't love their children unconditionally.

 

Unfortunately, my parents insist they are "loving the sinner, hating the sin". Whatever they're calling it, it's extreme sad.png

Being isolated from your family isn't "loving the sinner."  It's just being completely judgmental.

 

I'm so sorry for what you've gone through.

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"I am sometimes afraid of death because it is final."

 

Not a problem for me. I have a healthy lifestyle. 66 now and totally healthy. I expect to drop dead about age 110. If that works I will have nothing to complain about. Dropping dead and becoming worm food is called reality. The god-soaked fear reality and that's why these cowards believe in their childish idiotic magical heaven fantasy. I think reality is interesting. I don't have a problem with reality.

 

To be honest I have to say your parents are total nutjobs. Thank goodness you don't live under their thumb anymore.

 

I don't much care for the god-soaked. It's a disease, a serious mental illness, and there's no excuse for it. These people could grow up and face facts but they would rather be cowards the rest of their worthless pathetic lives.

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Sorry bout the family stuff.

On the good side of things you are really strong to come out like you did. I still hide my deconversion from some family to spare them the pain in their old age :(

Good for you and welcome!

Sorry but I about laughed out loud at that "unmarried female" thing... wow.

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"I am sometimes afraid of death because it is final."

 

Not a problem for me. I have a healthy lifestyle. 66 now and totally healthy. I expect to drop dead about age 110. If that works I will have nothing to complain about. Dropping dead and becoming worm food is called reality. The god-soaked fear reality and that's why these cowards believe in their childish idiotic magical heaven fantasy. I think reality is interesting. I don't have a problem with reality.

 

After 18 years of having a heaven-shaped safety net, reality has taken me some time to accept. Heaven may be a fantasy, but it is an effective one that lures and keeps many people in belief. I might have a difficult time learning to accept death what what it truly is, but that's OK, and I'll work through it eventually. 

 

 

Sorry bout the family stuff.

On the good side of things you are really strong to come out like you did. I still hide my deconversion from some family to spare them the pain in their old age sad.png

Good for you and welcome!

Sorry but I about laughed out loud at that "unmarried female" thing... wow.

 

Hehe yes, fundies ranting about gender roles gets me laughing too tongue.png

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 I am very happy to be here. Thanks for reading smile.png

 

Portobella, Welcome to Ex-c. I'm so happy you found us. And thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm glad you are here. I'm so sorry you have to go through what you are going through in the family. That really sucks. Religion definitely separates families and it's just so incredibly sad.  You stay here with us and we'll try to help you in whatever worries, concerns or anger you might go through. I went through all the emotions myself in the past 5 years. Ex-c is what got me through. We have the most wonderful people on this board who have been through everything including getting the silent treatment from their parents. You are going to be alright. Just try as hard as you can (if they contact you) to stay as loving as you can but continue to stand your ground. Keep us posted on how it's going hon.

 

(hug)

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Portobella, Welcome to Ex-c. I'm so happy you found us. And thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm glad you are here. I'm so sorry you have to go through what you are going through in the family. That really sucks. Religion definitely separates families and it's just so incredibly sad.  You stay here with us and we'll try to help you in whatever worries, concerns or anger you might go through. I went through all the emotions myself in the past 5 years. Ex-c is what got me through. We have the most wonderful people on this board who have been through everything including getting the silent treatment from their parents. You are going to be alright. Just try as hard as you can (if they contact you) to stay as loving as you can but continue to stand your ground. Keep us posted on how it's going hon.

 

(hug)

 

It's really wonderful to have found somewhere where others are going through or have had similar experiences. Thanks so much for the warm welcome, Margee biggrin.png

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Welcome.

 

Generally, I'm pretty relaxed in a "live and let live" sort of way about what others believe, but sometimes I really manage to hate Christianity with a bile filled malevolence.

 

And reading your account of the way you were treated is one of those times.  Sorry to have to say it, but you are probably far better off with them not contacting you.

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