Jump to content

How To Avoid Hell And Get Into Heaven


Recommended Posts

Phase  1- Accept you are a worthless piece of human garbage, who is complicit in a "crime" that occurred thousands of years before you were born. Live a worthless life, that is no benefit to you or to your fellow creatures. Live in a cave, dress in rags, go hungry. Hate yourself and surrender every single thought to Jesus

 

Phase  2- Hope that God sends a  a magic, invisible ghost  to live inside you 

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh! And believe that it's a "good" thing that someone else gets punished and dies for YOUR wrongdoings so that you live your entire life not having a clue as to what personal responsibility actually is..

Link to post
Share on other sites

Phase 3 - give your money to priest/ pastor (important) :D

 

Phase 4 - research Christianity, realize you have been scammed!

 

Phase 5 - join ex-christian forum

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Cling to the hope that whosoever believes and is baptized shall be saved. Try not to freak out if you have doubts, or if you see contradictions, or if you're not sure if you believe enough, because God knows your every thought and will see through you saying and acting like you believe. Try as you might, you're still going to hell.

 

Throw yourself into it even more: time, energy, talent, money, prayer, worship -- and hope to fake it 'til you make it. Search your soul with every waking moment. Go a little insane, literally.

 

Toy with the idea that an all-loving, all-knowing God gave you intellect, free will, and a contradictory and cryptic guidebook along with wicked followers of said book, and could not condemn you for exercising those "gifts" and finding pain and confusion and doubt.

 

Research the hell out of it. Picking up on Adam5's phases: Reach the tipping point and realize it's bullshit. Join Ex-C.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Cling to the hope that whosoever believes and is baptized shall be saved. 

The bit in the NT, where Christians, say, we cast demons out in your name, etc, etc, and Jesus replies that He did not know them and they could just piss off, shows what a load of baloney the whole "believe" mantra is........

Link to post
Share on other sites

...constantly struggle with your "sin nature" - spend every Sunday in tears at an alter, begging an invisible god not to toss your ass into the frying pan right then and there because you just lusted after that hot wife in pew 3, chair 5. Then spend the day questioning your salvation because it seems god hasn't sent you a "new nature", like you've been taught because it seems your wang still wants to bang anything and everything that moves, and dammit, Josh Harris says "purity" is a sign of a Christian or some shit like that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Phase 3 - give your money to priest/ pastor (important) :D

 

Phase 4 - research Christianity, realize you have been scammed!

 

Phase 5 - join ex-christian forum

Phase 6 - realize you will avoid hell because it doesn't exist, and you have to find and create your own "heaven" here on earth by enjoying the one life you do have.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

You also have to be into S&M:

 

Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. -- Proverbs 23:13-14

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.