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Does anyone have some advice on getting along with roomates? I understand the rules, but sometimes it feels like I still fuck-up. At first I got in trouble for not putting the dishes in the washer away (I assumed that we put away our own dishes and since I didn't know where their dishes went) and last night I needed some printer paper and didn't realize how early the roomie I asked went to bed (at 9pm) and now I got a note that she wants to see me ASAP.

 

I try to do good (I empty the trash, put away the dishes, clean the kitchen floor, and try to be nice), but it always seems like I fuck-up somehow. Like accidently eating something that was someone else's or such. I just needed to have someone to talk to so thanks for listening.

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Um... it sounds like you have psycho roomates with OCD. Not really, but man... they seem a little strict to me. Most people I have roomed with or were close to who were rooming with someone were NOT that picky.... are you all in PMS right now or something? ;)

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From the few sentences that you wrote it seems like your roomate is a fool. I'm sorry, but are you in 7th grade? Is the see me note necessarry? THe only thing I can say is that if you know that you ate something that was someone else's, replace it the next day, but c'mon you are two different people. She needs to chill out, you were not put on this earth to help her pay the rent.

 

* I guess I'm taking this personally. My ex-b/f used to give me shit for leaving the washer open after pulling out a load of clothing I washed for him, and lecture me about where to put the throw when I'm done using it, etc. What a fuckin idiot.

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Sounds like you need to have a sit-down discussion between all people living in the house. During this time, you should make a written list of all of the agreed upon rules, and everyone sign it. Then, put the list in a place where everyone can see it. Talk about everything, from when not to disturb a roomie and a signal for it, who cleans what and when, how you will arrange food and sharing/not-sharing (like, many times past roomies would share stuff like milk and bulk fresh veggies, but not lunch meat or packaged stuff), and how much room each person is allowed to take in the fridge and cabinets. If someone feels the need for more refrigerator space, tell them to buy a portable and put it in their bedroom. Don't forget bills, whose name they are in, when they are due, and how they will be paid (one roomie writes the check, the others write checks to that roomie, or each person writes a check to the company). Ummm...temperature? That's another thing...what temp the thermostat should be on for purpose of bill costs...

 

Then, you need to make it clear that you will not be bullied around by another person in the house. Be firm but friendly. Try to agree that if one roomie is having a rough week or something and forgets to put a dish up that the roomie won't be tackled later about it.

 

Last thing I can think of...common areas vs. private bedrooms, borrowing things, and boyfriends/girlfriends. What is allowed to be in the common areas (living room...no shoes, homework trash, what?) bedrooms (no dishes laying around for long periods, bugs and stench), and how long overnight guests are allowed to stay w/o chipping in for bills and such.

 

I've had some psycho roommates in the past, and these are all things we fought over. I was also a resident assistant in college, and had to deal with girls fighting over stupid crap. That's why the list is so comprehensive. Good luck!

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Y'all are a lot nicer than I am..

 

About time this 'tard started harping on me, I do think that whipping *skippy* out and taking a piss on his or her bed and then dumping all the nicely picked up garbage and trash, along with all the dirty dishes there also would get message across..

 

"I fucking don't CARE what you think asshole, I prefer my quarters to be kept "X" way."

 

If ya gotta Huntress, put your gear, food and things all on your bed or under it.

If the sanitary facilites are not up to your use standards, do the minimal amount of housekeeping right before you take care of whatever business you have in bathroom. Take your supplies in, and then back out, including your brand of TP and soaps.

 

Do not allow this buncha bullshit intimidate you or steal things from your stash of living goodies.

 

Look for another place. Fuck'um.. If they don't want a clean, neat, conciencious living partner, then let the fuckers waller in their own pigsty..

 

k, have had to live with assklowns for roomates, L

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Pandora: The first roommate just had her wisdom teeth removed and the other has had a list of medical problems from heart problems to lupus since she was born.

 

Dianka: My roomies live very private lives and work very long hours so we aren't always in the apartment at the same time so I can see why she'd leave a note.

 

Loves Learning: I've already talked with the first roommate and I found out both were pissed at me (the other one was at work.) You see, I was under the idea that we'd go food shopping together every few weeks, split the cost, and share the food (unless otherwise noted). My parents even gave them a thirty-dollar check for any food of thiers I'd be using at the time until we went shopping. (I found out last week the one who does the food shopping didn't even bother to ask me along on the last trip.) I'll be buying one of them a new box of Carnation Instant Breakfast to make-up for the packets I used (my roommate demanded that I should).

 

My biggest problem is that since I'm autistic, I have a hard time communicating and understanding things that most people take for granted. I try my best, but it's not easy. For example: I mentioned that the milk was going to be expired soon and mentioned that "we should get some more" (sudjesting that we should get together for a food shopping trip), but she took it as me demanding that she should buy the milk herself. I explained it during our talk, but I don't think it made anything better. The walking into the room thing also pissed them off. I come from a very close-knit and socialbe family and was use to the open-door policy of the dorms at first college I went to. I guess I wasn't thinking (they pretty much had their doors locked with the lights out 24/7).

 

Nivek: By the end of the talk, I found out that they had half a mind to move out and leave the appartment to me (the complex owners are kicking out the students in July to make the complex into luxery condos). While I should be happy with that, it makes me feel like I failed as a roommate. (And I'm not the first person. They kicked out another girl for not doing her share of the work.)

 

Overall: I started crying during the talk and when she told me not to cry, I ended up breaking down, and hollared how I felt like such a fuck-up. My roommate said said she had no desire to put up with this because she was feeling sick and had to work and go to school full time. My parents have told me that they'd help explain my social problems to them if they want and I'll be leaving two notes for them as soon as the other one falls asleep.

 

The truth is that I've never had much luck with roomies. My first one once told me if I took something of hers without asking (even if I misunderstood in thinking that it was ok) again, "there'd be hell to pay" and would have at least one fight with her idot boyfriend per day. The second one was alright, but developed a Quake addiction and left to be with her friends. The third is what I'd call the Human Lump because all she did was watch Nascar and hardly talked. The fourth one was ok, probably the best of the four.

 

Well, thanks for listening. It really helps.

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It's not suprising. Most people don't have any social graces. I deal with the public all the time and hardly anyone takes the blame for anything they do. It's always someone else's fault. They exhibit no degree of logical thinking and it's usually at the point I discover this that I'm taking them into custody.

 

Everyone has their own ways of doing things. When your in a roomate situation you're supposed to respect one another and be patient with one another until you all have an understanding of what you can all put up with. Your roomies clearly have no patience with anyone other than each other.

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It sounds like your roommate is a bit anal.

 

I've had more than my fair share of roommates over the years and one conclusion I've come to is that Americans make bad roommates. Now, mind you, I'm taking the blame here and not putting it on others. Americans are independent (not such a bad thing in most situations) and this quality makes us clash with one another in close quarters.

 

I've had lots of roommates that started out as best friends and during the time we roommed together we became worst enemies, only to find that we were once again best friends after moving out. This guy threatened to beat me over leaving one glass and one plate in the sink. Read his story you will you see how scary the threat was.

 

Out of the 30 or 40 people that I've roommed with with over the years, the only ones I've really gotten along with were a small group of christian men (and that's because we had some good house rules) and foreigners. Foreigners make great roommates in my experience. I lived with a group of Italians and we all treated one another like family members rather than roommates. We ate together, bought groceries together, cared about one another. It was a very comfortable living situation. Likewise, I lived with one Russian (my current BiL) and we got along great.

 

I'm rambling, but I guess what I'm saying is that the key to a successful roommate situation is the same to a key to a successful relationship in general, you have to give as much as you take, and that includes some of your own individuality. If both parties don't make this decision, it's going to be difficult.

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I smell manipulation on your roomies part. Also, is your name on the lease? Are theirs?

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I don't know how much of an option it is but living alone might be a good idea, if you can pull it off.

 

I know I don't like to live with people particularly much either. It isn't so much that we can't figure out house rules and things, but that I just am really really paranoid and never really feel safe in a home I'm sharing with anybody other than an SO. (I even feel this way about family members.) I don't know that I'd be rude, necessarily, but I'm very territorial, so it's not inconceivable. I always prefer to live alone, with Ophelia The Incredibly Cute Wiener Dog the only company.

 

Plus it sounds like, from what you've said so far, that your roomies are pretty impatient and shallow. Not to mention somewhat immature. Misunderstandings about food, space, and so on, are really quite easy to figure out, provided everyone involved has a measure of patience and kindness in them, and the ability to realize that it really isn't The End of the World if someone else ends up drinking your Carnation breakfast beverage.

 

Roomies, I think, need to cut each other some slack in order to share living space, and it doesn't sound like this is what they're doing for you.

 

Whether you decide to live there or not, you're not a failure because you're having issues with your roommates. Remember that they're just as much a part of the equation as you are, and if they're impatient and manipulative, as it sounds like they are, then they're definitely adding to the problem in their own way. It isn't all you. Even if you do misunderstand sometimes, even if you do have autism. They could respond to the situation in a lot of ways and I find it very telling that they're demonstrating an utter lack of patience.

 

Anyway I've been rambling and should stop now. Good luck with the situation.

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As a survivor of Collins College and RNR, lemme just say that I'm always available to lend a hand (or at least some friendly advice) if you need it. Contact info is right there in my profile - don't be afraid to use it :) I've been through the whole schpiel before so if I can be of any help, please let me know, okay?

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LadyFeline: Thank you so much for your help.

 

Gwenmead: I learnt that they had (at least on of them) have been planning to leave the apartment for quite a while and never told me. On the bright side, I'll get the apartment to myself and they're planning to leave to return to their hometowns near the end of the year anyway.

 

Bluegiant: The lease is in all of our names.

 

Loves Learning: One is about 20 and the other about 22. Ironicly, when the application asked what I wanted in a roomie, I said someone who was patient and understanding.

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Ironicly, when the application asked what I wanted in a roomie, I said someone who was patient and understanding.

Ahh, those lovely RNR applications. They have you fill out all that garbage, and then don't even bother looking at it. Lazy bastards.

 

That's how I got stuck in an apartment full of party-animal smokers, who weren't even in any of my classes. When I'd SPECIFICALLY stated that I wanted non-smokers who didn't party all the time and (at least one of which) shared my class schedule...

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Does anyone have some advice on getting along with roomates? I understand the rules, but sometimes it feels like I still fuck-up. At first I got in trouble for not putting the dishes in the washer away (I assumed that we put away our own dishes and since I didn't know where their dishes went) and last night I needed some printer paper and didn't realize how early the roomie I asked went to bed (at 9pm) and now I got a note that she wants to see me ASAP.

 

I try to do good (I empty the trash, put away the dishes, clean the kitchen floor, and try to be nice), but it always seems like I fuck-up somehow. Like accidently eating something that was someone else's or such. I just needed to have someone to talk to so thanks for listening.

 

 

How about some notes, signs and even a guide of rules to abide by that you both agree to. That's what I did when I had a roomate. That way there wasn't any question as to how things should or shouldn't be done. And when in doubt, ask.

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You know, I had a roomate like this. That bitch was a control freak. My bed consisted of a blanket on the floor and I'd been having trouble sleeping, so I went to the spare room where she'd discarded her old bed and slept there. When she discovered me the next morning she pitched a fit. Talked to out other roomates on whether or not I should be kicked out.

Eventually she went really crazy and got her Daddy to fly in from Vermont and annoy the hell out of our landlord until we (being me and the other roomates) were all kicked out.

Fucking pyscho bitch.

Word of the paranoid: I'd watch my back. Or find a different roomate. Or kick yours out. Or even better, kill her, dump her body in a trash compactor, and flee into the night.

:grin:

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Seriously, your roomies have issues.

 

On a semi-related note...

 

You're autistic?!

 

Shit. Never would have known by communications with you here.

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Mad Ethel: Sorry to hear about your psycho roomie. I've come to realize that the one I had the talk with may not be the nicest person in the world. She's still pretty anal about the whole food situation even when I reinsured her that "I haven't been eating their food." She replied, "You had not eaten our food" and asked where I got the oatmeal I mentioned I'd been getting my dinners from. I don't know, but what the fuck is with some people these days?

 

Woodsmoke: Actually I have a mild form of autism (possible Asperger's). I had a good number of social workers (and my family) who helped me get to where I am today.

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