Braveness And Butterflies

[JenniferG]

I've always lived my life as a minority. Sometimes being looked down upon or shunned is nothing new to me. I've faced racism and sexism most of my life. Now I'm stepping into the arena of "coming out" as a free-thinker.

 

I'm working on my first blog that will go public that my Christian friends and former community and family members will read and no doubt be shocked! I cannot keep my declaration a secret because I'll not be true to myself. I don't want to live in dishonesty like I did when I was a Christian. That' why I'm using my own name on this site as well as my photograph. This is me. I will no longer deny myself.

 

Martin Luther King Jr. was once asked if he felt fear during that Selma, Alabama, march in the Civil Rights revolution. He said, of course, he felt fear, because that's a natural human reaction to something threatening. The apprehension I feel about posting my blog on social media feels like anticipating a shot from the doctor's office. I don't particularly like being poked with a needle and usually look away or try to distract myself. But more often than not, the sting is not as bad as I had anticipated.

 

Being brave is not devoid of getting butterflies in my stomach.

 

 

[Mythra]

hi Jennifer!

 

I'm about 1/3 of the way through your book, an Immoral Proposal.  I'm enjoying reading it, and I'm learning so much about life from the perspective of someone who grew up in South Africa and wasn't a member of the white elites.  

 

If your blog is half as good as your book, it's going to be great!  You're a wonderful writer.  

[JenniferG]

Thank you "dancing in underwear man" Do leave a review on Amazon when you're through.

[Margee]

Jennifer, I am wishing you the best of luck coming out of the closet like this. And you are right...you are so very brave to do this because you already know that you will probably be rejected by some of your friends and loved ones. It takes a lot of guts to do what you are going to do. I completely admire you for becoming authentic about who you are. It is so hard  for us non-believers when we live in a whole world of believers in some kind of god. Even the 'new-agers' believe in something, so it is extremely hard to fit in to this kind of 'magical thinking world'. You will be the 'sore thumb that sticks out'. You are part of the minority now and that can be very hard. I have often said that I now know how the blacks, homosexuals, Jews, etc.... must have felt in their life. I know that the few friends and family who know who I really am, look at me differently now and it hurts. They think I am mad at god. No, I'm furious at the people who continue to live in the lie and won't open their eyes. But on the other hand, I try my darnedest to understand why people hold on to the lie of faith. So many times, I wish I could believe again  because I always loved the fact that there might be a personal god looking out for our lives.

 

I have already told you personally in our P.M's that I am doing home renovations right now but I want you to know that as soon as things settle down, I will be reading your book. And I want to thank you publicly for encouraging me to drag out the 16 chapter book that is under my bed collecting dust...to bring it back out and finish it. I may take that on as a huge project in 2016. I would love to tell my story from beginning to end.

 

I am here cheering you on! Please let us know how it's going? You go girl!! I completely admire you!!

 

((hug))

[JenniferG]

Thank you for those encouraging words, Margee. They mean a lot to me.

Check out my website jenniferbgraham.com. I am a certified writing workshop facilitator helping people tell their stories. Definitely drag that book out from under your bed and get it written! There must be a writing group near you to join. It helps if you're in a group in terms of motivation. The group I lead meets once a month and every month we have to prepare a 700-word piece for submission and group critique.

There's your New Year's resolution for you!

✍ hugs

Jennifer

[RenaissanceWoman]

Jennifer, you are so brave to want to share your story with an audience, some of whom might be openly hostile about it. And Margee is right about losing relationships over it; that's a real possibility. And yet you soldier on, knowing that this will help others.

 

Notice I did not say it "may" help others -- it "will" help others! Knowing they are not alone and are not crazy... very important. That's why we like coming to this site so much, for the support and sanity check that we can't easily find in real life.

 

I've kind of kept my deconversion low key, except for a few close friends (who, coincidentally, were already atheists, which makes it easier -- I'm a wimp!). I appreciate that your message (assuming what all your message will contain) gets out there, so believers can see their nonsense (not that they are open to seeing themselves and their hurtful cult-like ways, but maybe), and so those who are falling away can find commonality, peace, and coping tools.

 

I'm glad there are people like you who are willing to stand up and take some heat. I look forward to reading more from you.

[JenniferG]

Thanks RW. As a Christian I lived a very fake life. My honest nature demands of me to be authentic. Jesus is supposed to have said, "Seek and you will find." I took that advice, and sought my way to reality and authenticity!

[amateur]

"Courage isn't lack of fear; it's being afraid and saddling up anyway."  - John Wayne

[JenniferG]

Thank you, pilgrim