Ellinas Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Sunday before Christmas, accompanied Mrs E to a carol service. Lots of singing of crass nonsense, interspersed by readings of mythology-taken-as-fact and ending with a preacher telling us all how Christ came because we needed him. All much as I expected, and as annoying as in previous years. But I had cause to smile. Despite the faithful having given out many tracts and invites, I was, as far as I know, the only unbeliever present. The locals completely ignored the church. Hallefuckinlujah Sunday after Christmas, accompanied Mrs E to a "testimony meeting". Three people telling us "what god had done in their lives". It was entertaining and boring for the same reasons. Firstly, it became painfully clear that the only reason such a meeting was being held was that the bloke who books speakers hadn't been able to find any. Secondly it became even more painfully clear that each "testimony" was comprised of precisely the same platitudes as the others. At least it's a church that refuses to hold services on Christmas day, so I was spared that part of the season's rituals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Reading this makes me even happier to have left the church, so as not to have to hear this drivel! I'm sorry you had to go, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 The testimony thing always cracks me up! I remember my old fundy church tried to do a "testimony of the week" thing, putting an insert in the Sunday bulletin each week. Every single testimony was from some young person who would say almost exactly the same thing: "I grew up in a Christian home and always went to church. I said the prayer and got saved when I was 6. As time went on, I didn't really think much about God or Jesus until I went to church camp when I was 13. I realized that I was a sinner and needed God in my life. I went up at the altar call and gave my life to Jesus. Since then, everything's been great!" (Why isn't there a gag-me-with-a-spoon emoticon?) I wanted to see a REAL testimony from someone who had actually experienced life on the other side and been transformed by God. I realized, though, that no one with that kind of testimony would ever feel safe sharing that in a fundy church. Despite their insistence on loving sinners, fundies keep people like that at a safe distance to protect their innocent little mini-me's from being tempted by the dark side. I thought about sharing my own testimony (having experienced a good portion of the dark side prior to conversion in college) but knew I would just get lots of "God bless you!" and then no one would ever talk to me again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 And the "god answered my prayer" stories are just as bad! I was flipping the radio the other day, and there was some bible study they were doing (as far as I could tell, they were just broadcasting a random bible study). One woman talked about how she needed to find more time to spend with god, but with three preschool children it was impossible, but she prayed for more time with god, and wouldn't you know?!?, the very next day all three of her children napped at exactly the same time and she spent that time reading the bible and praying!!!!! Everyone was all "praise gawd!". Another woman said that she and her husband had to make a big decision about an operation for their preschool daughter that wasn't 100% guaranteed to give good results, then while reading Psalm 139 she was overcome with peace and confidence that "god already knew everything there was to know" so they had the operation and it worked for her daughter!!! (I am not belittling parents being terrified of any decision to operate on their preschool child; I am grateful I never had to deal with that situation.) What got me even worse was that they read all of Psalm 139 out loud as part of the bible study. That's the psalm that has the "you have knitted me together in my mother's womb" line, and lots of stuff about god knowing everything about us since forever, which they were finding comforting (and I was wondering why god had knitted the above baby's eyes with a major issue that would need surgery when she was 3 or could lead to blindness). But they read and totally ignored the following lines: 19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! 20 They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain.[b] 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? 22 I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. That psalm is so confusing! It's all about how much god loves and cares for people and knows everything, but oh, by the way, if you hate god then the believers will hate you and want god to kill you (I think they might be talking about US!!!!). But THANK YOU god for letting my three children nap at the same time so I could read the bible and pray!!!!!!! (And I won't go into starving children or the millions of refugees who have lost everything whose prayers are seemingly unanswered.) I'm glad I will never have to sit through another bible study. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blindsighted Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I love reading your perspective while attending services with your wife. It always brightens my day. I didn't attend any Christmas services. I don't think my attitude would have been as good as yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffodil Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 My family and I actually got suckered into attending a Christmas Eve service. We were told that our nephew was playing the guitar for the first time and that everyone was going to support him. We got the impression he was doing a solo or something. Having been to Christmas Eve services many times before, I assumed there would just be lots of carols, candlelight, etc - no big deal. Well, call me stupid because this is an evangelical church and they can't miss a single opportunity to preach! First off, my nephew was just one of two guitarists, he was in the back in the dark so we could hardly see him, and there was no solo. Next, a gentleman sat on a stool and told the most stupid story I have ever heard of some woman he doesn't even know dying on the table after giving birth. The doctor says, "There's nothing we can do." The nurse jumps in and says, "Wait!" She takes the newborn and places it on the mother's chest. The baby's cries awaken the mother and she's ok! OMG! Mind you, the grown man reading this story to us is barely able to get the words out because he is so choked up by it, and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE PERSONALLY! I still don't have a clue what that story had to do with anything. Finally, we were treated to a regular Sunday morning-style sermon that was mercifully short, but still cringe-worthy. We weren't able to all sit together, as there were 11 of us, and I noticed every time I turned my head that my mother was watching us. Thanks for the ambush, mom! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellinas Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 Daffodil - you must be psychic. Your description of the content of such testimonies is eerily similar to what I had to listen to. Amateur - the "god answered my prayer" figured in the first testimony. Apparently, as a child, the person concerned had been in a car for 2 hours whilst his father drove around a town looking for a particular hotel. They arrived 10 minutes after the child prayed for a safe arrival. Apparently, the fact that if you drive around a town long enough you are bound to get to the right place eventually had nothing to do with it... It truly was a load of b*ll*x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts