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florduh

From My Dentist

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My dentist is known for the worst jokes, and he tells them horribly. This is from my latest visit. The better you can imagine an Irish accent, the better the joke will be.

 

Father Flanagan looked out his window to see a young boy mowing the lawn of the church, all the while drinking a beer. He went out and asked the boy, "Son, just how old are you?" The boy replied, "I'm five years old, father." The priest told him, "You shouldn't be drinking the alcohol at your tender age." The kid responded, "That's nothin'. I got laid when I was three." Feeling faint, the Father exclaimed, "Saints preserve us! How did that ever happen?" The boy said, "How the fuck should I know? I was drunk at the time."

 

 

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Bahahahah!  At least it wasn't the priest rape joke that I expected.

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Love Irish jokes. Good one.

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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

 

At the wake there is one less drunk.

 

-----

What's in an Irish seven course meal?

 

Six beers and a potato.

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Once two fellows were fighting outside a pub.

Big ole Shamus walking by saw this and quick as a wink was pulling his coat off saying "so you're fighting over Ireland are you?"

" no! no! said the men. It's purely a domestic matter Shamus!"

 

Shamus started to walk away and then suddenly turned back angrily.

Oh! So Ireland's not worth fighting over is it?

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"Why so sad, Paddy?"

 

"Me wife's been unfaithful. She let another man beat her up."

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Guest Furball

An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes." 

Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.

One guy even leaves the bar...

A little while later that guy comes back and asks the american
, "Is that bet still on?"

"Sure." So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes. 

As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?"

The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."

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Guest Furball

One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husbands best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep.


"Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? He went with you to the beer factory"


Paddy shook his head. "Ah Mrs McMillen, there was a terrible accident at the beer factory, your husband fell into a vat of Guinness stout and drowned"


Mrs McMillen starts crying. "Oh don't tell me that, did he at least go quickly?"


Paddy shakes his head. "Not really - he got out 3 times to pee!"


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Guest Furball

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Billy says, "In the car."
Paddy says, "That's the quickest way."

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Guest Furball

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand. 
Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both"

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Guest Furball

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.


He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"


"Just water," says the priest.


The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"


The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"


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