Fundie Xtian Trolls The Homosexual Newsgroups

[euphgeek]

This is a post taken from a Google Groups posting found here. This guy is a real nut case.

 

Subject: Step Right Up! Holy Clitoridectomies RESUME on Wednesday!

 

That's right, all you lily-livered lesbians. Your sluttish sisters have spoken. They DEMAND access to clean, safe, and quick Holy Laser Clitoridectomies performed by a Man of God like me who can give them the proper Spiritual guidance away from the lusts of the flesh and toward the glories of sexual abstinence and purity. Imagine probing the vulva with your snake-like tongues for a clitoris and finding NONE because it's been burnt to cinders. Praise the Lord!

 

As far as I'm concerned, women who fornicate -- and that includes all practicing lesbians -- have misused the Sacred Reproductive Vessels that God has given them by turning them into orgasmic playthings. Their clitorides have caused them to stumble and sin grievously. They have turned otherwise decent women into labia-licking vampires. A Canadian pornographer even wrote a book about a lesbian vampire who grew teeth in her nether reaches so she could torture and maim men. I've found that Holy Clitoridectomy quenches these vampire lusts and brings much needed inner peace to Satan's whores and lesbians.

 

I'd like to see the wretched old covenmistres on this thread TRY to put me in jail for cleansing women in this way, as she in her lesbian rage and frustration often threatens to do. She wants everyone to be as filthy and vile inside as she is. She has no right to interfere with Our True Religion. She can't replace it with devil and flesh worship. God won't allow it. He will turn her bones to dust! The whoredom must CEASE on all levels. The worship of the clitoris must end. Matthew 5:30 states explicitly that " it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell." The clitoris of a fallen whore is such a member. It must perish to make way for the Salvation of the whole woman. No one has sex organs in heaven anyway. Why should anyone cling to them on earth unless they're performing Sacred Reproductive Work? As the prophet Isaiah preached, "Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough places plain" (Isaiah 40:4).

 

I also perform penile amputations for those who need them. Since Brother Buck LaFever is apparently sterile, I will start with him. That should make the man-hating lesbians happy. I can assure them that receiving a Holy Laser Clitoridectomy in their flesh will make them even happier by bringing them deep spiritual calm and comfort. Holy Clitoridectomy douses the fires of sick homosexual lust by pouring sweet, clean rain over the embers. It doesn't even involve mutilation or cutting The Divine Fire of the laser beam simply destroys a few simple nerve endings. I'm tried of hearing vaginacentric whores and their sex slaves calling a Sacred Ritual Cleansing of the Pudenda "FGM." It is no such thing. It's Godly Purification of something that's been defiled by illicit sexual activity and FORNICATION. Many of the women I've purified in this way would never have made it into Holy Heaven if I hadn't stepped in and removed the stumblingblock that keeps them out of God's Kingdom.

 

I urge all lesbians to step right up and submit to Our Lord's teaching and have the source of their vile pagan dog lusts removed with one brief flick of the Divine Spark. You don't need a clitoris to be happy or holy. If you're sterile or to old to bear children and find your mind wandering onto thoughts of nasty cracks and dripping orifices, you NEED an Inner Cleansing. Come, let me purify you this comin week. You will never regret sacrificing Satan's little rudder for the greater good of your Salvation.

 

Trust me. I'm a doctor as well as a Holy Man.

 

Laying the FULL Gospel Truth on the line for Satan's Strumpets and Lucifer's Lesbians every day,

 

Reverend Dr. TRUTH

Holy Man of God and His Laser Beams

 

© 2006 by the First Universal Christian Kingdom.

All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction and distribution prohibited.

[♦ nivek ♦]

"Loads more Vetos for upcoming Ballistics Parties"

 

kL

[Mythra]

I'd say that guy can't be for real.

 

But (sigh) he probably is.

[phoenix]

that can't be real...

[Biggles7268]

Reverend Dr. TRUTH

Holy Man of God and His Laser Beams

 

god has laser beams???????

[Nihil]

I been doing a little checking.

 

Found this: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.circumc...7fda38385e1eee6

 

Where he spouts off similar rhetoric. I haven't found anything that definately confirms he's a spoof (yet), but I did notice this in his post, a supposed address for his ministry or whatever:

 

First Universal Christian Kingdom

Prayer Box 424326

New Sodom, California 94142-4326

Attn: Bonfire

 

 

Hmmm, New Sodom? Could be a spoof.

[woodsmoke]

Reverend Dr. TRUTH

Holy Man of God and His Laser Beams

 

god has laser beams???????

 

No way! That's Superman's trick! The bastard copied him!

 

Honestly, I was getting a "just crazy enough to be real" vibe from the main body of that. Then I read those last three lines.

 

"Trust me, I'm a doctor!"

 

There's just no way this can be real.

 

Really, the person who did this deserves a medal. I'm going to start inserting "Satan's Strumpets" and "Lucifer's Lesbians" into my daily speech at every possible opportunity now.

[euphgeek]

"New Sodom" is what his cult calls San Francisco. The "church" probably doesn't even exist, except for the P.O. Box and the phone number. Everything else is probably made up out of his pointed little head, even though he vehemently denies it.

 

Anyone who wants to have some fun with him is welcome to sign up with Google Groups and respond to him.

[Nihil]

Hmmm, well, how about this?

 

First

Universal

Christian

Kingdom

 

[euphgeek]

You should see the full name of his cult!

 

First Universal Christian Kingdon

World Evangelical Tabernacle

World Holiness Organization for Religious Enlightenment

Christians United Now & Tomorrow

Religious Awareness & Wisdom

Supreme Holiness Interfaith Tabernacle

God's One True Church of Holy Assurance

 

He claims to be "rededicating these previously dirty words to the glory of God".

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

This guy is awesome.

[euphgeek]

Isn't he, though? But he gets so mad when people tell him how funny he is.

[Mad Ethel Rakem]

This is a post taken from a Google Groups posting found here. This guy is a real nut case.

 

You don't need a clitoris to be happy or holy.

 

I do!

What a jackass. You know, if you follow fundie sort of thinking (in the whole "You can't wear a condom because every sperm could become a human being!" way) then every time I bleed I commit murder. Which makes me, and almsot every other female on earth, a murderer since the age of thirteen. For not being pregnant.

Fools.

[euphgeek]

This is a post taken from a Google Groups posting found here. This guy is a real nut case.

 

You don't need a clitoris to be happy or holy.

 

I do!

What a jackass. You know, if you follow fundie sort of thinking (in the whole "You can't wear a condom because every sperm could become a human being!" way) then every time I bleed I commit murder. Which makes me, and almsot every other female on earth, a murderer since the age of thirteen. For not being pregnant.

Fools.

This guy claims to have a wife whose father would draw pictures of her eggs on the wall and cross them out each month when she had her period, thus putting pressure on her to get married and have kids as soon as possible. They take the verse "Be fruitful and multiply" very seriously. Her father also hung the bloody sheet from their wedding night out the window so that everyone could see she was a virgin when she got married.

 

If this guy is serious, he belongs in a mental institution.

[Jedah]

A long time ago I might actually attempt to refute that. Now I do what any sane person should do and carry out the age old "Point and laugh"

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

Why are you still seriously discussing this as though this guy isn't just having some fun. It was obvious from the first post.

[Guest Ghost In The Machine]

"No one has sex organs in heaven anyway." ????? WTF???

 

Now, all of a sudden I'm very thankful for my little buddy. I guess I'll just have to try and hold onto him for as long as this life lasts.

 

C'mon willy, let's go down to church and wash you in the holy water.

[euphgeek]

Why are you still seriously discussing this as though this guy isn't just having some fun. It was obvious from the first post.

This guy's been posting stuff like this for the last seven years. It's gone beyond "just having some fun".

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

I did the exact same thing for 5 years at Truechristian.com and it was shitloads of fun. The only difference is that I didn't troll other forums. You had to come to me if you wanted to hear my ridiculous fundy rantings. I mean, the guy claims to have performed amateur genital surgery on countless people and the name of his church, well, you saw that didn't you? If a comedian does his act for seven years, during the seventh year do we begin to believe that Bobcat Goldthwait talks like that when he's calling his mother? It's a joke, and the more people who get sucked into it, the more fun it is. Lighten up people. No real clitorises are in danger from this guy.

[euphgeek]

I did the exact same thing for 5 years at Truechristian.com and it was shitloads of fun. The only difference is that I didn't troll other forums. You had to come to me if you wanted to hear my ridiculous fundy rantings. I mean, the guy claims to have performed amateur genital surgery on countless people and the name of his church, well, you saw that didn't you? If a comedian does his act for seven years, during the seventh year do we begin to believe that Bobcat Goldthwait talks like that when he's calling his mother? It's a joke, and the more people who get sucked into it, the more fun it is. Lighten up people. No real clitorises are in danger from this guy.

Yeah, you're probably right. I pretty much suspected that no one was in danger and that he was making it all up. It's just that sometimes he seems like he's not kidding. And there really are people who are as homophobic as he is out there.

[Dianka]

This guy claims to have a wife whose father would draw pictures of her eggs on the wall and cross them out each month when she had her period, thus putting pressure on her to get married and have kids as soon as possible. They take the verse "Be fruitful and multiply" very seriously. Her father also hung the bloody sheet from their wedding night out the window so that everyone could see she was a virgin when she got married.

 

 

 

That's it.

 

 

He's a champ.

[euphgeek]

Oh, by the way, I noticed that he followed me here and signed up as "Princess Keesha" (this guy has lots of pseudonyms). So I imagine he'll probably start slinging a lot of invective and calling me a "racist". But at least we'll probably get a lot of hilarity from him.

[woodsmoke]

Man, that's a great avatar. I can already tell I'm going to enjoy reading this guy's stuff.

 

Edit: You know, upon reflection of the new moniker, I'm struck with a thought. About the only thing could make the Good Doctor even funnier is if he were actually a woman.

 

Your guess is as good as mine, of course, but I find that good for a hearty speculative chuckle.

[Thurisaz]

C'mon willy, let's go down to church and wash you in the holy water.

 

 

 

Oh, by the way, I noticed that he followed me here and signed up as "Princess Keesha" (this guy has lots of pseudonyms). So I imagine he'll probably start slinging a lot of invective and calling me a "racist". But at least we'll probably get a lot of hilarity from him.

 

Oh well, his avatar is... cute. Grotesquely cute.

I'll almost pity him if he happens to capture my attention enough for me to actually read one of his postings...

[euphgeek]

Oh, by the way, I noticed that he followed me here and signed up as "Princess Keesha" (this guy has lots of pseudonyms). So I imagine he'll probably start slinging a lot of invective and calling me a "racist". But at least we'll probably get a lot of hilarity from him.

Interesting character, this "Princess Keesha" is. Her profile says she's here to protect her church's copyrights.....

Yeah, he thinks that by putting a copyright notice at the bottom of his Usenet posts that no one can post them anywhere else.

More hilarity.... See her personal site (at least one of them): http://www.geocities.com/keshaluv/

 

~ Angela ~

Yeah, I've seen that one before. Did you notice that the link that says, "My Sister-in-Abraham Blessed by Christ" links to Dr. Laura's website? And her "Warn sinners about HELL!" links to Jack Chick's website?

 

I encourage anyone who feels like getting a laugh to sign up with Google Groups and respond to his postings. Thurisaz has responded to him before and can attest to his kookiness.