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Goodbye Jesus

God Awful Movies


Fweethawt

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Here's a radio show / podcast that critiques and ridicules christian movies. I only clicked around on the first couple pages, but it seems there's some funny stuff to be found here.

 

Enjoy!

 

http://godawfulmovies.libsyn.com/

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The only Christian production I've ever watched was "The Omega Code", and that was pretty cringe-worthy. Hope they review it.

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Gawd, the Hallmark channel plays the worst Christian movies.  My mom is always watching the Hallmark channel when I visit her.  (Unless she is watching a preacher/televangelist tell her to send him money.)  They always have some lame plot.  The hero is either a pastor or the Salvation Army volunteer.  The stars are always washed up actors who were on a network show thirty years ago.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Covenant. I did not get through ten minutes of that. Acting was horrible and the dialogue was dated about twenty years. Do not watch this, ever.

 

Edit: I just observed this thread is about Christian movies, and the one I mentioned has nothing to do with Christianity. For everyone's benefit, there it is. I don't know if it's on the list, but I also hated Hangman's Curse, based on Frank Peretti's novel - that one is a Christian moralizer about witchcraft.

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  • 1 month later...

I don't know what's worse, '80's Christian movies that I saw as a kid (Kevin Can Wait, An Ordinary Guy, A Thief In The Night, The Cross And The Switchblade) or the crap I've had to watch the past few years with Fireproof, Facing the Giants and Courageous.

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Oh god, Cross and the Switchblade. Christian brings Jesus and morals to the drug-addled and crime-ridden urban underbelly. Everyone gets saved. The end.

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Sweet! There's An Estus Pirkle movie on their list. Except his "The Burning Hell" is way better in my opinion. If you want to see for yourself:

 

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Especially starting with the 18th minute.

 

Also looks like lots of chocolate syrup was used in this movie.

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I don't know what's worse, '80's Christian movies that I saw as a kid (Kevin Can Wait, An Ordinary Guy, A Thief In The Night, The Cross And The Switchblade) or the crap I've had to watch the past few years with Fireproof, Facing the Giants and Courageous.

Seriously - "Kevin Can Wait"? I love it! Should be re-made as a porn flick: Sophomore gets it on with Hot Cougar French Teacher...

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Oh god, Cross and the Switchblade. Christian brings Jesus and morals to the drug-addled and crime-ridden urban underbelly. Everyone gets saved. The end.

nicky, you could cut me into 1000 pieces and they'd all say jesus loves you. Lol

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Especially starting with the 18th minute.

 

Also looks like lots of chocolate syrup was used in this movie.

Sick manipulative bastards

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I don't know what's worse, '80's Christian movies that I saw as a kid (Kevin Can Wait, An Ordinary Guy, A Thief In The Night, The Cross And The Switchblade) or the crap I've had to watch the past few years with Fireproof, Facing the Giants and Courageous.

Seriously - "Kevin Can Wait"? I love it! Should be re-made as a porn flick: Sophomore gets it on with Hot Cougar French Teacher...

 

My French teacher was actually a hot cougar. Too bad I was the class clown and got kicked out all the time.

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The one that always plays at Easter time, I can't think of it. It's a really old movie. But, that is just not a well done movie at all. :/

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The one that always plays at Easter time, I can't think of it. It's a really old movie. But, that is just not a well done movie at all. :/

The Greatest Story Ever Told? The thing about the Jesus movies I could never understand is why he always looked so somber and sad-eyed.

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The one that always plays at Easter time, I can't think of it. It's a really old movie. But, that is just not a well done movie at all. :/

The Greatest Story Ever Told? The thing about the Jesus movies I could never understand is why he always looked so somber and sad-eyed.

 

Bad acting perhaps. Passion of the Christ, that was a well done movie, and in my own mind, I happen to think that's what Jesus may have resembled. If we could imagine it. He was from the middle east, so that actor fit what I imagine...dark...larger nose, dark eyes and hair. Not a blond hair blue eyed British sounding dude, like most of the Christian movies portray. GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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This is the one I was talking about:

 

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To be fair, here is my list of decent Christian movies:

 

The Mission - one of my top five movies of all time. Stars Jeremy Irons, Robert DeNiro and a young Liam Neeson. About Jesuit priests starting a mission in South America during political and religious battles between Spain and Portugal.

 

Chariots Of Fire - in my top ten. About Eric Liddell, a Scotsman who chooses not to race his speciality in the Olympics because the race fell on the Sabbath.

 

Blue Like Jazz - based on the book by Donald Miller, the movie did a pretty good job of representing the book.

 

Ragamuffin - the story of Rich Mullins, who I will always respect because he was so different from other Christians.

 

To Write Love On Her Arms - although not overtly Christian as a movie, Jamie Tworkowski is a Christian, and the movie is based on the organization he started up that helps people struggling with depression, anxiety, cutting and suicide.

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To be fair, here is my list of decent Christian movies:

 

The Mission - one of my top five movies of all time. Stars Jeremy Irons, Robert DeNiro and a young Liam Neeson. About Jesuit priests starting a mission in South America during political and religious battles between Spain and Portugal.

 

Chariots Of Fire - in my top ten. About Eric Liddell, a Scotsman who chooses not to race his speciality in the Olympics because the race fell on the Sabbath.

 

Blue Like Jazz - based on the book by Donald Miller, the movie did a pretty good job of representing the book.

 

Ragamuffin - the story of Rich Mullins, who I will always respect because he was so different from other Christians.

 

To Write Love On Her Arms - although not overtly Christian as a movie, Jamie Tworkowski is a Christian, and the movie is based on the organization he started up that helps people struggling with depression, anxiety, cutting and suicide.

 

Good point. Inn of the 6th Happiness with Ingrid Bergman is one of my all time favorites. Really an amazing and heart warming film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051776/

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To be fair, here is my list of decent Christian movies:

 

The Mission - one of my top five movies of all time. Stars Jeremy Irons, Robert DeNiro and a young Liam Neeson. About Jesuit priests starting a mission in South America during political and religious battles between Spain and Portugal.

 

Chariots Of Fire - in my top ten. About Eric Liddell, a Scotsman who chooses not to race his speciality in the Olympics because the race fell on the Sabbath.

 

Blue Like Jazz - based on the book by Donald Miller, the movie did a pretty good job of representing the book.

 

Ragamuffin - the story of Rich Mullins, who I will always respect because he was so different from other Christians.

 

To Write Love On Her Arms - although not overtly Christian as a movie, Jamie Tworkowski is a Christian, and the movie is based on the organization he started up that helps people struggling with depression, anxiety, cutting and suicide.

 

Good point. Inn of the 6th Happiness with Ingrid Bergman is one of my all time favorites. Really an amazing and heart warming film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051776/

 

I'll have to check that one out! I love old movies, and I like Ingrid Bergman.

 

And oh, I'm really really excited to see Silence when it comes out. It's based on a novel by Shusaku Endo. Has Liam Neeson, Andrew Garfield and Adam Driver in it, and it's directed by Martin Scorsese.

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  • 3 weeks later...

The most silly Christian movie I have seen recently was "Left Behind" with Nicolas Cage.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left_Behind_%282014_film%29

 

I enjoy some of the movies made by Pure Flix. I've seen a couple that were practically unwatchable, because the acting or camera work was so awkward, but I like some. It's about 50% o.k. and 50% awful. The o.k. films I remember are:

"Apostle Peter and the Last Supper"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostle_Peter_and_the_Last_Supper

"Do You Believe?"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_You_Believe%3F_%28film%29

"What If..."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_If..._%282010_film%29

 

An old Christian movie I liked was "Brother Orchid" with Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson about a gangster who takes refuge in a monastery. I only recently discovered Edward G. Robinson, but I enjoy him even more than Humphrey Bogart.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Orchid

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The most silly Christian movie I have seen recently was "Left Behind" with Nicolas Cage.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left_Behind_%282014_film%29

 

I enjoy some of the movies made by Pure Flix. I've seen a couple that were practically unwatchable, because the acting or camera work was so awkward, but I like some. It's about 50% o.k. and 50% awful. The o.k. films I remember are:

"Apostle Peter and the Last Supper"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostle_Peter_and_the_Last_Supper

"Do You Believe?"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_You_Believe%3F_%28film%29

"What If..."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_If..._%282010_film%29

 

An old Christian movie I liked was "Brother Orchid" with Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson about a gangster who takes refuge in a monastery. I only recently discovered Edward G. Robinson, but I enjoy him even more than Humphrey Bogart.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Orchid

 

I want to see Do You Believe, because a high school classmate of mine is in it. She was an "actress" on The Bold And The Beautiful for a long time.

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The most silly Christian movie I have seen recently was "Left Behind" with Nicolas Cage.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left_Behind_%282014_film%29

 

I enjoy some of the movies made by Pure Flix. I've seen a couple that were practically unwatchable, because the acting or camera work was so awkward, but I like some. It's about 50% o.k. and 50% awful. The o.k. films I remember are:

"Apostle Peter and the Last Supper"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostle_Peter_and_the_Last_Supper

"Do You Believe?"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_You_Believe%3F_%28film%29

"What If..."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_If..._%282010_film%29

 

An old Christian movie I liked was "Brother Orchid" with Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson about a gangster who takes refuge in a monastery. I only recently discovered Edward G. Robinson, but I enjoy him even more than Humphrey Bogart.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Orchid

 

I want to see Do You Believe, because a high school classmate of mine is in it. She was an "actress" on The Bold And The Beautiful for a long time.

 

I think you classmate's performance was very good. I believe I remember the role she played, and it seemed very natural and believable. I wonder if the actors and actresses are Christians? I have heard that many of the musicians in the mega churches are non-Christians, because music is so important that the churches don't care what the musicians believe. (I assume with your experiences as a worship leader that you know quite a bit about the criteria used in hiring musicians.) Some of the actors in Pure Flix movies were big names in the past. It is hard to believe that their faith could survive long in Hollywood.

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I actually liked the left behind movies with kirk cameron.

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The most silly Christian movie I have seen recently was "Left Behind" with Nicolas Cage.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Left_Behind_%282014_film%29

 

I enjoy some of the movies made by Pure Flix. I've seen a couple that were practically unwatchable, because the acting or camera work was so awkward, but I like some. It's about 50% o.k. and 50% awful. The o.k. films I remember are:

"Apostle Peter and the Last Supper"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostle_Peter_and_the_Last_Supper

"Do You Believe?"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_You_Believe%3F_%28film%29

"What If..."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_If..._%282010_film%29

 

An old Christian movie I liked was "Brother Orchid" with Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson about a gangster who takes refuge in a monastery. I only recently discovered Edward G. Robinson, but I enjoy him even more than Humphrey Bogart.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Orchid

 

I want to see Do You Believe, because a high school classmate of mine is in it. She was an "actress" on The Bold And The Beautiful for a long time.

 

I think you classmate's performance was very good. I believe I remember the role she played, and it seemed very natural and believable. I wonder if the actors and actresses are Christians? I have heard that many of the musicians in the mega churches are non-Christians, because music is so important that the churches don't care what the musicians believe. (I assume with your experiences as a worship leader that you know quite a bit about the criteria used in hiring musicians.) Some of the actors in Pure Flix movies were big names in the past. It is hard to believe that their faith could survive long in Hollywood.

 

I have two relatively famous classmates: Tracy and Dana Perino, who was GWB's press secretary and now is on the Five on Fox News. I've only seen her on it once because I don't watch Fox News but I thought she was great.

 

A lot of megachurches hire non-Christians for sure. The reasoning they use is that perhaps it will help them come to faith, but really they just want really good quality musicians.

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