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New Friend Turns Out To Be Xtian


Medjool
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So I've made a new friend who is so fantastic in so many ways. She has older children and tells me stories and gives me hope in the motherhood path (my kids are still young). We bonded while in a cafe writing in our identical journals. But she later told me that she loves to look back in her journals and see what prayers have been answered and how much she has learned about god. And then she told me that she and her son love to exchange bible verses.

 

<_<

 

I have to admit that I'm tempted to not nurture this friendship after this news. I'm now dreading the day that she asks if I'm a Xtian or what I believe.

 

I was up in the middle of the night pondering this...should I say, "I'd prefer not to discuss this now." which would go over like a lead balloon, I'm sure. Or, "I believe discussion of god minimizes our experience of god, just be what you believe..." but nothing seems like it would work. Being straightforward about my spiritual practice certainly wouldn't shut her up, it would only make her want to pray for me.

 

How do I keep getting these people after me? A Xtian might say that God is trying to speak to me through them. Similar thinking from the other side would say that the universe is trying to speak to Xtians through me and tell them how foolish they are. :lol:

 

Would you end a budding friendship if you found out the other person was evangelical Xtian?

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But she later told me that she loves to look back in her journals and see what prayers have been answered and how much she has learned about god. And then she told me that she and her son love to exchange bible verses.

 

Would you end a budding friendship if you found out the other person was evangelical Xtian?

 

Maybe it's my "give everyone a shot" mentality at work, but labeling her as evangelical at this point doesn't seem completely fair...at least based on what you've said here.

 

I have a new friend (that I happen to be meeting for brunch in an hour) who is just so comfortable in her faith that she speaks of it as freely as she would anything else. It doesn't even occur to her that everyone just doesn't believe that way. She has never, however, have tried to "save" me, evangelise me or point out that I'm out of line in walking away as I have.

 

Will they be your BFF? LOL Probably not, but it'd seem a shame to just toss something out because she prays and you don't.

 

Now, after I get back from brunch, I might have to change my tune...probably just jynxed myself. :HaHa:

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I know how evangelical christians operate toward new friends. They are socialized by their churches to try to do "friendship evangelism." They don't believe they can have a deep connection with someone unless that person is also christian. They see God watching and approving as the little acts of friendship form part of a conversion strategy.

 

On the other hand, evangelicals are human, and they have all the genuine human emotions operating at the same time, even if under interference by their system.

 

So they can send out mixed signals, etc. They can be very empathetic. They can turn on you if you don't go along with them. If they have confidence, they may enjoy it if you speak your mind. Much of this is just part of what happens in a new friendship.

 

So... I would go slow and I would not hesitate to say what you believe if she says what she believes. If she can't let you be you, she won't be a genuine friend.

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Would you end a budding friendship if you found out the other person was evangelical Xtian?
I would never end a friendship based on the other persons religious beliefs. Friendship-ending is generally what they do, and I don't want to act like them.

When the time comes, just be gently honest and leave it up to them. Of course, this advise is from a guy who has been dating, and is madly in love with a Christian woman, so I would not rely to heavily on my opinion, for it is a tad tainted.

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I don't think you should end the friendship. It seems like the reason you want to is because you don't want to wait for the inevitable to happen, but it's not a fact that she's going to leave you. I don't think there is a problem with bringing it up if it bothers you though.

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I am very good friends with a Christian woman I met at school three years ago. We chat online almost daily, talk on the phone every week, and have lunch together every six weeks or so. I am so glad I did not decide to drop her as a friend when I found out she was a devout Christian. (She did not drop me when she found out I was gay).

 

She is a Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly listening Republican who reads the Bible daily, believes in Jesus Christ, goes to church every Sunday, and is a married mother of two boys. We maintain a very good friendship despite the fact that we rarely discuss religion or politics. This was an agreement made by both of us. We had some kind of connection and did not want to rock the boat. Maybe someday we can get into these issues, but right now we are both enjoying the fact that we are still learning a great deal from each other; when we talk, we chat about our lives, our family (including my partner), and friends. We both have learned that the ‘other’ is not evil. I have learned that intelligent, caring, and thoughtful people can incorporate Christianity into their lives successfully, and I believe her friendship with me has opened her eyes regarding the lives of gay people. We are both better off for having met each other.

 

IBF

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Like IBF, I have found that agreeing not to talk about certain subjects works very well. I have a very close Christian friend, and we agreed early on in our friendship not to talk about religion or politics. We see eye-to-eye on practically every other subject, and I would hate to lose her friendship. Good friends are too hard to come by.

 

That is part of the fun of having a relationship like that. My friend and I often find that we agree on a number of issues, it just that we often view these issues from a different angle. Learning to understand a new perspective from someone you like and trust has helped both of us ‘soften’ some of the hard edges we both had when entering this friendship.

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So I've made a new friend who is so fantastic in so many ways. She has older children and tells me stories and gives me hope in the motherhood path (my kids are still young). We bonded while in a cafe writing in our identical journals. But she later told me that she loves to look back in her journals and see what prayers have been answered and how much she has learned about god. And then she told me that she and her son love to exchange bible verses.

 

<_<

 

I have to admit that I'm tempted to not nurture this friendship after this news. I'm now dreading the day that she asks if I'm a Xtian or what I believe.

..............

Would you end a budding friendship if you found out the other person was evangelical Xtian?

Go ahead and nurture the friendship. Don't hold her religion against her. Sounds like you

think she's an OK person other than her other worldly views. If she is truly a good person

she won't hold your views against you either. The #1 thing is for you to be honest with her

and vice versa.

No I wouldn't end a budding friendship for that reason. I have a friend at work who is like

that. He openly talks about church and stuff. Which I don't care as long as he can take it

when I openly talk about my point of view. So far no problems.

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I don't think it should matter. I have friends who are still practicing christians...

 

My only problem is that I haven't exactly told them that I don't agree with Christianity anymore. Part of me is afraid that they will start trying to convert me back, lecture me, and pray for me.

 

I think I'm doing okay, and I can pray for myself just fine.

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Yes, I think you all speak very lovingly, and I agree that ending a friendship based on religion is a pretty low thing to do.

 

I will certainly continue our friendship and enjoy it, but I have to admit that there is this white elephant in the room with us and the heaviness bothers me. At some point, if our friendship deepens, I'll certainly bring it up with her, but for now I think I'll demure from the topic for awhile.

 

I just find it frustrating that it's even an issue. That I can be so touchy about being 'prayed for' (I don't even want somebody praying for me, it feels evasive, like they'd rather talk to the imaginary friend about my problems than listen to me). That the possibility even exists that somebody I'm beginning to trust could be insensitive and forceful with their beliefs again (see witness post I did earlier) - that I can even have this kind of wariness when entering an otherwise lovely friendship. I'm still bitter and upset about the judgmental nature of the evangelical mindset, I guess, and I don't wish to be caught up in it.

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How do I keep getting these people after me? A Xtian might say that God is trying to speak to me through them. Similar thinking from the other side would say that the universe is trying to speak to Xtians through me and tell them how foolish they are. :lol:

 

Would you end a budding friendship if you found out the other person was evangelical Xtian?

 

Christianity is the most popular religion in America, so it's not surprising that most people you meet are Christian. I wouldn't end a friendship just because of the other person's religion, but if they didn't respect my choice to be agnostic and kept preaching at me, then I would keep them at arm's length.

 

My former fundy cube mate at work was like that. But two people with completely opposite beliefs sharing a cubicle is not a good thing. He now sits at the other end of the office, and we get along much better (well, as good as we are going to).

 

I don't think it should matter. I have friends who are still practicing christians...

 

My only problem is that I haven't exactly told them that I don't agree with Christianity anymore. Part of me is afraid that they will start trying to convert me back, lecture me, and pray for me.

 

I think I'm doing okay, and I can pray for myself just fine.

 

Same here. But I think they will figure it out eventually, if they haven't already.

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Offer her a bowl packed with Fruit Loops and offer to light up, "need to get a contact high for the corn sugar gods"...

 

After she has a good lung fulla sugar,,

 

Oh, this might not work for you... Seems those around me would light up a used truck tire if someone told them it'd get them buxzzed.

 

Hmm. Tough, as the religious speak a totally different language than we non or un converts do. hard to discuss life when every session seems to revolve around the subjects of "gohWd" and "jeeeebuz", fellowship a the church, and the life they surround themselves with.

 

Best advise I can give you med is to learn to tune out the god_sprecche, learn to nod your head appropriately without agreeing to anything your friend says.

(Remember when you were a kid and mom or dad was yelling at you for something? that kind of tune, hear enuff to give an appropriate answer, not listening enough to let it sink in)

 

Enjoy her company, hard to find adult people with who you share interests and life as it is.

Even if you have to learn daFatmans "FOAD song" and hum it gently int e back of your head.. ;)

 

Still tho, offer her the bong of Fruit Loops.. ;)

 

kL

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