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Goodbye Jesus

The Sentence That Led To My Deconversion


TippyToe

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Firstly, thank you so much for this platform to share my story. i feel to be a new ex christian feels a bit like no mans land! The Christians cant relate to you and those who have never believed in god don't always quite see the struggle shifting your entire world view entails!

 

 

 

I was bought up in a christian home like so many others here were. my parents weren't fundamentalists (although when i was very young we were taught creationism at church and my parents subscribed to that idea too) That was in the 1990's though when it was more widely accepted in christian circles. Still they were very serious about Jesus all the same. They were both converted in adult life and when me and my brother where born they were relatively new Christians. So from a young age i was surrounded by Christianity, and i loved going to youth group (actually some of my best memories) 

 

 

 

So whilst i never questioned the existence of god because it was so ingrained into me (i went to a christian high school, evolution or the big bang theory was firmly off the curriculum) i only made the personal decision to be a christian a couple of days after my 17th birthday.  I was a bit of a rebellious teenager but i had  very close relationship with a youth worker, who desperately wanted be to become a christian. He invested a lot of time in me and i was very close to him and his family, that may seem a bit intense but i still believe he honestly cared about my well being and had my best interests at heart. So maybe a couple of years of intense talks with him, i was at christian summer camp, which i had gone to since i was eleven. i did not start off there with the intention of becoming a christian but i did. I was sat there with one of the leaders having a chat on a bench by the lake, and we prayed 'the prayer' 

 

 

 

Now i can honestly say i did feel differently after that.

 

I started doing nice things, being sweeter to people, being polite and open. 

 

In hindsight i can say that this was not my soul being saved but simply me letting go of my teenage angst! 

 

 

 

After summer ended i returned back to college to finish my a levels, but because of my new found faith, i decided i did not want to go to univeristy but wanted to be surrounded by Christians and be involved in work for Jesus! so i did some looking around on the internet for christian gap years and found the perfect one. A christian, childrens holiday centre. 

 

 

 

I lived there for a year in close quarters with a team of other young christians, i will not slate the place, for it is filled with friends and well intentioned people. Its purpose was to give kids a great holiday, and to share the gospel, with kids both from christian backgrounds, and also for kids on school trips. Part of me LOVED this period of my life and i often get nostalgic for it, i have made life longs friends, and some unforgettable memories. 

 

 

 

However it was also incredibly emotionally destructive. As a young adult ( i was 18 at the time) i was at a point where i should have been figuring out who i was in the world, but i got stunted. Continuously told i needed to change. I was told that i needed to compare myself to one of the permanent staff, that before i spoke, if it wasn't something i think she would say or do then i shouldn't speak or act. There was one women, who is still a close friend today, and i have no bitterness left, but she took quite an emotional interest in me, so when i failed to be the kind of christian she wanted me to be she took it as a personal loss, causing me to feel all kinds of guilt! 

 

I really did feel lost by this point, i even went to the doctors and they put me on antidepressants.

 

 

 

The doctor told me 'I know of the place where you live, and i cant help but feel they are very idealistic and perhaps this is a cause of your continuous low mood' 

 

 

 

I really should have taken that on board, but when i confided this is christian peers, they told me not to listen as she was coming from a worldly view point. 

 

 

 

Anyhow the year came to an end and i moved out and i was thrust out of the christian bubble and into the real world! i loved it, i fell in love and made all kinds of memories. A few years went by and i stopped going to church, although i still identified as a christian, i didn't really relate to church anymore. A lot of people were quick to assume that i had abandoned church because of my non christian partner, but that was unfair, hes always been very supportive and never tries to persuade me one way or another but engages in objective discussions with me. I lived with this sense of, i don't relate to a lot of Christians (I've never been homophobic or bigotry and it always bugged me) but i still felt that i knew Jesus, so i carried on and Christianity was still a part of me, but a lot less central to my being as it has previously been. 

 

 

 

I met up with some of my friends from my gap year and one friend asked the other 'hows your sister doing' and this is the sentence that led to my de-conversion 

 

 

 

'She doesn't know the lord, so obviously she doesn't know TRUE joy, but other than that shes fine' 

 

 

 

I think it just really struck me! here was my other wise very down to earth and lovely friend saying something so deluded and ridiculous. 

 

 

 

It really irritated me, and got me thinking about how many other deluded things Christians say, leading me to do extensive reading into Christianity. We all know the reasons why Christianity doesn't add up so i'm not going to sit here and list them. I'm aware that most of this post has been about the emotional side of Christianity, but i assure you when de converting i put all that to the back of my mind to deal with later and focused solely on being objective and looking at things logically and intellectually. I have been an ex christian for about a month now and  I can honestly say its a freeing but confusing time! i'm happy I've got to this point at 22 and haven't let it drag on unnecessarily. 

 

 

 

 

 

(sorry i know this was long and terribly written, i get tired of writing academically for university so just thought i'd let it go where my mind and keyboard took me!) 

 

 

 

 

 

ThankyouFirstly, thank you so much for this platform to share my story. i feel to be a new ex christian feels a bit like no mans land! The Christians cant relate to you and those who have never believed in god don't always quite see the struggle shifting your entire world view entails!

 

 

 

I was bought up in a christian home like so many others here were. my parents weren't fundamentalists (although when i was very young we were taught creationism at church and my parents subscribed to that idea too) That was in the 1990's though when it was more widely accepted in christian circles. Still they were very serious about Jesus all the same. They were both converted in adult life and when me and my brother where born they were relatively new Christians. So from a young age i was surrounded by Christianity, and i loved going to youth group (actually some of my best memories) 

 

 

 

So whilst i never questioned the existence of god because it was so ingrained into me (i went to a christian high school, evolution or the big bang theory was firmly off the curriculum) i only made the personal decision to be a christian a couple of days after my 17th birthday.  I was a bit of a rebellious teenager but i had  very close relationship with a youth worker, who desperately wanted be to become a christian. He invested a lot of time in me and i was very close to him and his family, that may seem a bit intense but i still believe he honestly cared about my well being and had my best interests at heart. So maybe a couple of years of intense talks with him, i was at christian summer camp, which i had gone to since i was eleven. i did not start off there with the intention of becoming a christian but i did. I was sat there with one of the leaders having a chat on a bench by the lake, and we prayed 'the prayer' 

 

 

 

Now i can honestly say i did feel differently after that.

 

I started doing nice things, being sweeter to people, being polite and open. 

 

In hindsight i can say that this was not my soul being saved but simply me letting go of my teenage angst! 

 

 

 

After summer ended i returned back to college to finish my a levels, but because of my new found faith, i decided i did not want to go to univeristy but wanted to be surrounded by Christians and be involved in work for Jesus! so i did some looking around on the internet for christian gap years and found the perfect one. A christian, childrens holiday centre. 

 

 

 

I lived there for a year in close quarters with a team of other young christians, i will not slate the place, for it is filled with friends and well intentioned people. Its purpose was to give kids a great holiday, and to share the gospel, with kids both from christian backgrounds, and also for kids on school trips. Part of me LOVED this period of my life and i often get nostalgic for it, i have made life longs friends, and some unforgettable memories. 

 

 

 

However it was also incredibly emotionally destructive. As a young adult ( i was 18 at the time) i was at a point where i should have been figuring out who i was in the world, but i got stunted. Continuously told i needed to change. I was told that i needed to compare myself to one of the permanent staff, that before i spoke, if it wasn't something i think she would say or do then i shouldn't speak or act. There was one women, who is still a close friend today, and i have no bitterness left, but she took quite an emotional interest in me, so when i failed to be the kind of christian she wanted me to be she took it as a personal loss, causing me to feel all kinds of guilt! 

 

I really did feel lost by this point, i even went to the doctors and they put me on antidepressants.

 

 

 

The doctor told me 'I know of the place where you live, and i cant help but feel they are very idealistic and perhaps this is a cause of your continuous low mood' 

 

 

 

I really should have taken that on board, but when i confided this is christian peers, they told me not to listen as she was coming from a worldly view point. 

 

 

 

Anyhow the year came to an end and i moved out and i was thrust out of the christian bubble and into the real world! i loved it, i fell in love and made all kinds of memories. A few years went by and i stopped going to church, although i still identified as a christian, i didn't really relate to church anymore. A lot of people were quick to assume that i had abandoned church because of my non christian partner, but that was unfair, hes always been very supportive and never tries to persuade me one way or another but engages in objective discussions with me. I lived with this sense of, i don't relate to a lot of Christians (I've never been homophobic or bigotry and it always bugged me) but i still felt that i knew Jesus, so i carried on and Christianity was still a part of me, but a lot less central to my being as it has previously been. 

 

 

 

I met up with some of my friends from my gap year and one friend asked the other 'hows your sister doing' and this is the sentence that led to my de-conversion 

 

 

 

'She doesn't know the lord, so obviously she doesn't know TRUE joy, but other than that shes fine' 

 

 

 

I think it just really struck me! here was my other wise very down to earth and lovely friend saying something so deluded and ridiculous. 

 

 

 

It really irritated me, and got me thinking about how many other deluded things Christians say, leading me to do extensive reading into Christianity. We all know the reasons why Christianity doesn't add up so i'm not going to sit here and list them. I'm aware that most of this post has been about the emotional side of Christianity, but i assure you when de converting i put all that to the back of my mind to deal with later and focused solely on being objective and looking at things logically and intellectually. I have been an ex christian for about a month now and  I can honestly say its a freeing but confusing time! i'm happy I've got to this point at 22 and haven't let it drag on unnecessarily. 

 

 

 

 

 

(sorry i know this was long and terribly written, i get tired of writing academically for university so just thought i'd let it go where my mind and keyboard took me!) 

 

 

 

 

 

ThankyouFirstly, thank you so much for this platform to share my story. i feel to be a new ex christian feels a bit like no mans land! The Christians cant relate to you and those who have never believed in god don't always quite see the struggle shifting your entire world view entails!

 

 

 

I was bought up in a christian home like so many others here were. my parents weren't fundamentalists (although when i was very young we were taught creationism at church and my parents subscribed to that idea too) That was in the 1990's though when it was more widely accepted in christian circles. Still they were very serious about Jesus all the same. They were both converted in adult life and when me and my brother where born they were relatively new Christians. So from a young age i was surrounded by Christianity, and i loved going to youth group (actually some of my best memories) 

 

 

 

So whilst i never questioned the existence of god because it was so ingrained into me (i went to a christian high school, evolution or the big bang theory was firmly off the curriculum) i only made the personal decision to be a christian a couple of days after my 17th birthday.  I was a bit of a rebellious teenager but i had  very close relationship with a youth worker, who desperately wanted be to become a christian. He invested a lot of time in me and i was very close to him and his family, that may seem a bit intense but i still believe he honestly cared about my well being and had my best interests at heart. So maybe a couple of years of intense talks with him, i was at christian summer camp, which i had gone to since i was eleven. i did not start off there with the intention of becoming a christian but i did. I was sat there with one of the leaders having a chat on a bench by the lake, and we prayed 'the prayer' 

 

 

 

Now i can honestly say i did feel differently after that.

 

I started doing nice things, being sweeter to people, being polite and open. 

 

In hindsight i can say that this was not my soul being saved but simply me letting go of my teenage angst! 

 

 

 

After summer ended i returned back to college to finish my a levels, but because of my new found faith, i decided i did not want to go to univeristy but wanted to be surrounded by Christians and be involved in work for Jesus! so i did some looking around on the internet for christian gap years and found the perfect one. A christian, childrens holiday centre. 

 

 

 

I lived there for a year in close quarters with a team of other young christians, i will not slate the place, for it is filled with friends and well intentioned people. Its purpose was to give kids a great holiday, and to share the gospel, with kids both from christian backgrounds, and also for kids on school trips. Part of me LOVED this period of my life and i often get nostalgic for it, i have made life longs friends, and some unforgettable memories. 

 

 

 

However it was also incredibly emotionally destructive. As a young adult ( i was 18 at the time) i was at a point where i should have been figuring out who i was in the world, but i got stunted. Continuously told i needed to change. I was told that i needed to compare myself to one of the permanent staff, that before i spoke, if it wasn't something i think she would say or do then i shouldn't speak or act. There was one women, who is still a close friend today, and i have no bitterness left, but she took quite an emotional interest in me, so when i failed to be the kind of christian she wanted me to be she took it as a personal loss, causing me to feel all kinds of guilt! 

 

I really did feel lost by this point, i even went to the doctors and they put me on antidepressants.

 

 

 

The doctor told me 'I know of the place where you live, and i cant help but feel they are very idealistic and perhaps this is a cause of your continuous low mood' 

 

 

 

I really should have taken that on board, but when i confided this is christian peers, they told me not to listen as she was coming from a worldly view point. 

 

 

 

Anyhow the year came to an end and i moved out and i was thrust out of the christian bubble and into the real world! i loved it, i fell in love and made all kinds of memories. A few years went by and i stopped going to church, although i still identified as a christian, i didn't really relate to church anymore. A lot of people were quick to assume that i had abandoned church because of my non christian partner, but that was unfair, hes always been very supportive and never tries to persuade me one way or another but engages in objective discussions with me. I lived with this sense of, i don't relate to a lot of Christians (I've never been homophobic or bigotry and it always bugged me) but i still felt that i knew Jesus, so i carried on and Christianity was still a part of me, but a lot less central to my being as it has previously been. 

 

 

 

I met up with some of my friends from my gap year and one friend asked the other 'hows your sister doing' and this is the sentence that led to my de-conversion 

 

 

 

'She doesn't know the lord, so obviously she doesn't know TRUE joy, but other than that shes fine' 

 

 

 

I think it just really struck me! here was my other wise very down to earth and lovely friend saying something so deluded and ridiculous. 

 

 

 

It really irritated me, and got me thinking about how many other deluded things Christians say, leading me to do extensive reading into Christianity. We all know the reasons why Christianity doesn't add up so i'm not going to sit here and list them. I'm aware that most of this post has been about the emotional side of Christianity, but i assure you when de converting i put all that to the back of my mind to deal with later and focused solely on being objective and looking at things logically and intellectually. I have been an ex christian for about a month now and  I can honestly say its a freeing but confusing time! i'm happy I've got to this point at 22 and haven't let it drag on unnecessarily. 

 

 

 

 

 

(sorry i know this was long and terribly written, i get tired of writing academically for university so just thought i'd let it go where my mind and keyboard took me!) 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankyou

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Tippy Toe, there's much to relate to in your story. Welcome, and thank you for sharing it. I'm glad that you got out of the cult while still young! Don't worry, you might have been stunted a bit, but at 22 you may have been confused in this confusing world, no matter what ideology! I envy your chance to put together a life based on reality.

 

Your doctor sounded very insightful.

 

BTW your post got repeated twice. I don't know whether you have editing privileges yet on here, but something went wrong when you posted it.

 

Hope to see you around on here!

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Ficino, you are right! I have been feeling embarrassed that i believed it so whole heatedly, but i was young and Christians can be VERY convincing as they really pull people in from emotions, usually when they're are vulnerable... so not matter what age someone is, its easy to get sucked in i would imagine! 

 

Thank you for welcoming me, I realised i have posted it three times :/ I don't think i can change it haha! still getting used to this site!

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Thanks for sharing your story. I was raised in the church and even became a pastor, which I was for almost 25 years until this year. Deconversioning is a hard process but I think in the end it will be beneficial. I'm in the middle of it, so what do I know? :D

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Thanks for sharing your story. I was raised in the church and even became a pastor, which I was for almost 25 years until this year. Deconversioning is a hard process but I think in the end it will be beneficial. I'm in the middle of it, so what do I know? biggrin.png

wow! that must have been really messy to brake away from. It is a hard process, trying to unlearn everything and start again.... its such a mixed bag of emotions! but it feels worth it! huge weight off my life

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