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Goodbye Jesus

Girlfriend Left Me For Jesus


Simonion123

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Hello everybody, I thought I would sign up and share my story, I came across your site while googling terms such as “intelligent people who believe in Jesus”.

 

My girlfriend has recently left me to “explore her faith”, “move closer to God” etc.

She was not a Christian when we met (about 2 years ago) and we enjoyed reading similar books about religion or spirituality and we went to meditation classes together.

We moved in together about 6 months ago from which time she started getting more heavily into the church, it was a bit of a joke between us as I foolishly thought she was too intelligent to get completely drawn in to this environment. We did end up getting into some serious arguments about it on and off.

 

To be honest I have always had a problem with Christianity since I was young, I was taught about Jesus in primary school and asked a lot of questions back then, I did believe in Jesus when I was a child up until the point that we were told that other religions exist, I think I stopped believing right there.

 

More recently my girlfriend started reading the bible daily and was under the impression that God is talking to her directly through bible, by asking a question then randomly opening the book or indeed using a bible App on her phone (God moves in mysterious way in 2016.) She became very unpredictable with me, one minute being loving and the next thinking that God was telling her to be alone to explore her faith.

I even went to the lengths of attending church with her on one occasion and I found it ridiculous. It was a modern church in a dance studio, there was a live band and the pastor was just in normal clothes. I am sure you all know the process. They sang the most asinine boring songs about God loving everyone (for ages).  Then they did some prayer, then the keyboard player held a chord down and the pastor went into a monologue, “ God is here and he loves you, Jesus is in this room with us now, if you have any doubts about Jesus just ask him into your life now, the father loves you, know that you are loved..etc”, then a couple of other people stood up and started repeating the name Jesus and similar sentiments as the pastor. Everyone loved it, I felt depressed and embarrassed. I stayed for the whole service including a talk from a guy talking about the cross and how we can give all of our sins to Jesus and just let them go (this is probably psychologically positive, apart from the fairytale element taken as truth obviously).  After the service I had a long discussion with the Pastor about religion, he tried to get me onto the Alpha course and wanted my phone number so we could meet for a chat, I took his number instead. I also spoke to the other speaker who has a PHD in history and thinks Christianity can be proven historically, I gave him my email and asked him to send me link to some of the documents he was talking about (he never emailed me).

 

So here I am, she says she still loves me but has now left to live with one of her church friends for two weeks to see what she can find in a different environment. God has told her to do this and he has a plan for us all.

I am pretty annoyed to be honest. I know there is little I can do about it, in fact nothing. The chances of her coming back and saying actually I’ve decided it’s all nonsense is slim.  Particularly as she’s living with a devout Christian now.  We did have other issues going on as well and maybe I could have acted more compassionately but at the end of the day she left me for “God”. Jesus Christ!

I there any point me pursuing her any further, she often gives mixed signals these days.

Any thoughts or comments are welcome.  

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Even the best minds can be "love bombed", a common cult practice of making someone feel overwhelmed with what appears to be friendships, genuine concern, a mysterious "god" that absolutely and completely WANTS you (but who will torch your ass forever in hell if you reject his "love"), and the ever so popular feeling of being in-with-the-in-crowd. Otherwise brilliant people will hang up their minds and blend in for the emotions they get from this. It is rather like a drug (probably dopamine). The music is designed to lull people into a semi-trance where they are far more open to suggestions by those in authority. Then there can be people claiming to receive messages from god, and this seems very exciting. Her mind WILL notice discrepancies along the way, things that don't add up, things that seem wrong, but she will gloss over these for the sake of the perceived relationship she has with Jesus.

 

More than likely, she will put her current experiences before any facts, and ignore actual evidence as lies from the devil trying to deceive her. When her honeymoon period is over and she comes down from cloud 9, her friends will tell her not to trust her emotions (except when they are positive and she can "feel god"). Without other believers, very few stay committed to the faith because it is so damn hollow. But once someone is entrenched in belief, they can become self-sustaining.

 

I swallowed the bait for 30 years, hook, line, and sinker. I finally had a place where people accepted me, talked with me, pretty girls hugged me, and they all knew about my invisible friend Jesus. Arguments from atheists were ignored, though they made me feel sad because I couldn't answer them. I was told not to even look at such things, but to "trust what I've already experienced", though at the same time they would say not to trust my mind, not to trust my emotions because I needed faith. Cognitive dissonance is an everyday way of life for a believer. For me it took a shock that rocked my tight world of belief and made me start authentically questioning. Once I began, it took a year to come out. But I had already separated from other believers over church control issues (that's another thing they don't tell you about up front, that some pastors and churches can become very controlling and judgmental, suck up your free time "for Jesus", and so on). Unless something happens to really sour her experiences, she's probably in for the long haul. I think the one thing that defines most of us on this board is that we finally decided to call bullshit, return to trusting our instincts and minds, and make a decision to separate from the lying controlling culture of church and religion.

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Ooh my. Good luck with that.

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Hello everybody, I thought I would sign up and share my story, I came across your site while googling terms such as “intelligent people who believe in Jesus”.

 

My girlfriend has recently left me to “explore her faith”, “move closer to God” etc.

She was not a Christian when we met (about 2 years ago) and we enjoyed reading similar books about religion or spirituality and we went to meditation classes together.

We moved in together about 6 months ago from which time she started getting more heavily into the church, it was a bit of a joke between us as I foolishly thought she was too intelligent to get completely drawn in to this environment. We did end up getting into some serious arguments about it on and off.

 

To be honest I have always had a problem with Christianity since I was young, I was taught about Jesus in primary school and asked a lot of questions back then, I did believe in Jesus when I was a child up until the point that we were told that other religions exist, I think I stopped believing right there.

 

More recently my girlfriend started reading the bible daily and was under the impression that God is talking to her directly through bible, by asking a question then randomly opening the book or indeed using a bible App on her phone (God moves in mysterious way in 2016.) She became very unpredictable with me, one minute being loving and the next thinking that God was telling her to be alone to explore her faith.

I even went to the lengths of attending church with her on one occasion and I found it ridiculous. It was a modern church in a dance studio, there was a live band and the pastor was just in normal clothes. I am sure you all know the process. They sang the most asinine boring songs about God loving everyone (for ages).  Then they did some prayer, then the keyboard player held a chord down and the pastor went into a monologue, “ God is here and he loves you, Jesus is in this room with us now, if you have any doubts about Jesus just ask him into your life now, the father loves you, know that you are loved..etc”, then a couple of other people stood up and started repeating the name Jesus and similar sentiments as the pastor. Everyone loved it, I felt depressed and embarrassed. I stayed for the whole service including a talk from a guy talking about the cross and how we can give all of our sins to Jesus and just let them go (this is probably psychologically positive, apart from the fairytale element taken as truth obviously).  After the service I had a long discussion with the Pastor about religion, he tried to get me onto the Alpha course and wanted my phone number so we could meet for a chat, I took his number instead. I also spoke to the other speaker who has a PHD in history and thinks Christianity can be proven historically, I gave him my email and asked him to send me link to some of the documents he was talking about (he never emailed me).

 

So here I am, she says she still loves me but has now left to live with one of her church friends for two weeks to see what she can find in a different environment. God has told her to do this and he has a plan for us all.

I am pretty annoyed to be honest. I know there is little I can do about it, in fact nothing. The chances of her coming back and saying actually I’ve decided it’s all nonsense is slim.  Particularly as she’s living with a devout Christian now.  We did have other issues going on as well and maybe I could have acted more compassionately but at the end of the day she left me for “God”. Jesus Christ!

I there any point me pursuing her any further, she often gives mixed signals these days.

Any thoughts or comments are welcome.  

 

 

There's 3 billion women in the world, 2/3 aren't Christian ................. though a majority of those may subscribe to some other nonsense.

 

Is there a AtheistMingle.com?

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Ah yes, turning to a random part of the Bible and claiming it's from God is the sort of stuff I'm very familiar with. In reality, it's nothing more than -- no, it's worse than -- turning to the astrology section of the paper. It's a random roll of the dice that isn't even the supported way of studying the scriptures by academic, believing biblical scholars. At best, those sorts will refer to it as mistaken mysticism. I simply refer to it as Bible Roulette. 

 

Interestingly, I've often wondered what happens if someone randomly turned to one of the Old Testament books and their eyes landed on the huge, boring lists of genealogies there. What could God mean by this? Or how about that raunchy good time in the Song of Solomon. 

 

But to the point of your issue, she's gone. At best, she's keeping you around to convert you, or she's hoping you'll convert. This is called "Missionary dating" where the believing party thinks you'll come along for them. Happens all the time, and probably one of the most heard-of couples conversions stories I've listened to in my life. 

 

Don't convert for love, and don't think you'll be able to co-exist with a hardcore Christian in a relationship. She has a free-ticket to "Biblically" leave you because you're a non-believer, so at any point she could drop you for that Godly man of her dreams. 

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...

My girlfriend has recently left me to “explore her faith”, “move closer to God” etc.

...

 

 

 

Move on.  Why deal with a religion addict?

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Drop her like a rock.

 

A lot of us here would say you're lucky, never experiencing first hand the dominating, life altering (in a bad way), time waste that is christianity. So don't let her drag you into it. Anyone who would chase after invisible friends and choose that over real people who you can hold, talk to, love on, experience things with...well, that tells you something.

 

Wish her well and find another good woman. There are plenty around.  

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I hate to be negative, but I don't think your relationship is going to work out. No matter how asinine her interest in Christianity she is getting something out of it and has chosen to pursue it.

 

Christianity isn't softcore on Christian/non-Christian relationships, you are a threat to her "spiritual growth" and may even be seen as just a secular boyfriend instead of "God's chosen boyfriend".She probably still loves you, which is why she's hot-and-cold. I'd guess she's struggling with her feelings for you while struggling with the pressure to dump you. I wouldn't be surprised if she dragged you along with this internal drama before giving you the final goodbye, seasoned with the words, "I feel like God wants me to focus on him".

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Hi, 

 

That's rough, very sorry to hear about it. 

I've sort of been on the other side of the story - I once was a girl who was long-distance-"dating" a non-believing boy, when I became Pente. My new friends actually started actively warning me about the guy (they'd never even met him), the whole "unequally yoked" thing, and someone even went ahead to say that even dating a fellow Christian could be wrong if it's not God's will! 

Well, that relationship eventually ended, for different reasons than my faith at least, but the behaviour of the others did give me a lot of emotional trouble. 

 

I guess I don't have any better advice than what you've already gotten...but I think you need to think of yourself, and let her go. She will probably think it's another "test" or whatever. It's a shame, I know. 

 

Many of us on this site were that devout at some point, and took years, decades to leave - but we did leave. Many people never leave though, so don't count on it. :/

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     I want to be compassionate and tell you how sorry I am but you seem like the sort of person who can doesn't need all the song and dance to soften the blow.  You're lucky things are happening this way.  Call it a day and don't spend time on this girl any longer.  She's got a bad infection and you need to keep away.  She may, some day, get over it but not right now.  Not in this stage.  So just go.  Save yourself.  This sounds a bit like a joke but it's not.  Leave.  Don't look back.  Don't keep an open channel of communication (unless you have kids or something where you must).  Just go.

 

          mwc

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It's the use of the Bible as a form of divination that bothers me particularly.

 

This suggests to me that she is unstable - it just happens to be Christianity into which she as dived, but she would have been just as liable to drop you had she thought the runes were telling her to move to Sweden in a longboat.

 

I'd walk away.  Wherever you go with her or she goes with you (if she ever returns), she is liable to move on to the next fad and drop you again.

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Simon, hi and welcome. I hope you stick around for more than this one post.  I agree with everybody else on this one. 

I have a neighbor and close friend who is losing his marriage of many many years because his wife won't let go of her imaginary friend. It's ugly, and trust me, you don't want to go there. 

Call it over and then be glad it's over. 

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I don't know, don't go down without swinging.

 

At least make your pitch and remind her that you're a good person, that you've never killed anyone, unlike SOME people who get mad and wipe out the entire population of the planet, including kittens and puppies. Remind her that it wasn't nice to create a place like hell, and does she really think you are going there? And if so, does she agree that you should?

 

She may not hear it, but it needs to be said.

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It's not worth it. There are wonderful women out there who do not believe in fairy tales. Do not put yourself in a situation where you have to work through your faith or non-faith together. It is hell and not worth it when you're just looking for a mate. You're not compatible, learn from it and move onto someone who is a better fit for you. This is one of those times where you need to disregard your feelings for her because they will only end up leading you down a troublesome path. 

Knowledge > Feelings 

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I don't know, don't go down without swinging.

 

At least make your pitch and remind her that you're a good person, that you've never killed anyone,

 

Along those lines ............ he could tell her there's exponentially more Christians in prison than Atheists.

 

But damn........ I know........... those aren't "true Christians".

 

nevermind

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"Randomly opening the book"

 

I tried it with Harry Potter - I tell you what, HP is really speaking to me! Must be real!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi everybody and thank you for the replies, you obviously know what you are talking about. You were all correct almost to the word about some of the things she has said to me, particularly the "those aren't true Christians" comment to anything I bring up that puts Christians in a bad light.

 

As an update she has moved out completely now and is flat sharing with another Christian girl so is basically completely surrounded by them now. She also gave my email address to her pastor so I received and email from him. He offered me a warm welcome at any of the churches in the area and would love to meet up for a cup of coffee some time. In a complete lack of empathy he also informed me that he "knows" that my gf moving out was the correct decision for her. How omniscient of him I thought. I will have around this forum more too as I have a lot of questions about this subject. 

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Sorry to hear about the gf. Glad you weren't married with kids and a mortgage. :) Still sucks though. 

 

I'd start calling her the ex and do some dating now. Or do something you've wanted to do but couldn't because you had a gf. :) Take away whatever lessons you can from this and move on. :) 

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I know it sucks to see someone you love get pulled into a predatory religion, because that's what it is. 

 

These people are sharks. Christianity desires to make everyone the same - homogenous in belief and action. It's a faith virus that implants itself in the heart of a person and can turn them into stark-raving lunatics. I'm not saying that to be a dick towards your (ex)-girl, I'm saying it because I was there myself. I know exactly what she is going through because I went through it.

 

They (the church and her) she is in with are either already planting the "sin" thoughts or already have. If it hasn't came up yet, it will - she will believe living with you was her being rebellious against god and moving out and "getting right" with Jesus is going to change her life for infinite better. She'll say things like "oh he was a good guy, treated me well, but he was so sinful. We did sinful things (not necessarily sex, mind you) and I know my life would've went south had I stayed. I know that now that my eyes have been opened to the truth."

 

I strongly encourage you to remove the pastor's email address, tell your ex-girlfriend nicely that you don't want someone who cannot think for themselves and that she's in a predatory religion (if she asks you to join her, etc.). Then drop her and don't talk to her again. 

 

BTW - if you would like to know what will be said behind the scenes after your "final discussion" with her, it'll go something like: "His heart is hardened and Satan has a hold of it. Pray for him, maybe jesus will lead him here."

 

Whatever you decide to do, do NOT go down that path of conservative christianity unless you are perfectly okay with giving up intellectual honesty, critical thinking skills, and don't mind a whole lot of group think.  

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     Take my original advice and run.  She's already told them all her (and likely your) intimate information and you shouldn't offer them anything more to use against you.  Just cut off all contact and leave this situation.  If you truly don't understand what is happening then you're in over your head and need to get away.  Don't test the waters.  You'll drown.

 

          mwc

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     Take my original advice and run.  She's already told them all her (and likely your) intimate information and you shouldn't offer them anything more to use against you.  Just cut off all contact and leave this situation.  If you truly don't understand what is happening then you're in over your head and need to get away.  Don't test the waters.  You'll drown.

 

          mwc

 

Yes, yes, yes...100% yes. 

 

Save yourself the time and trouble and drop her. 

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Oh I totally take your advice, I would never get involved with the church, indeed I couldn't as a teenager when I tried to. I just don't believe in Jesus being the son of god, I tried all the "ask him into your heart" bs 20 years ago, nothing happened, ever.

Sometimes my EX seems not indoctrinated at all and insists the church haven't suggested anything to her. Yet I phoned her last week to sort something out and asked what she was doing and she said writing a poem to god..

As for her church, I don't think the pastor will bother me again after the reply I sent to his email. 

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As for her church, I don't think the pastor will bother me again after the reply I sent to his email. 

 

Oh...Now I really want to see your reply...if you feel like sharing, please do. I'm guessing some of us might be a bit entertained by it. :D

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Hi all, late into this thread, haven't stopped by here for a while.

 

Just to add, totally agree with the consensus here - the OP is better off out of that relationship.

 

It was 1978 when I was 16, and my then girlfriend was a Christian, putting God, Church, and her Christian friends before me that first got me interested in Christianity.

 

It was 1979 when I became a Christian; 1984 when I married one; 1994 when I finally came out as not being one any more, and 1999 when I finally extricated myself from the marriage, wifey having gone ever deeper into it all since I rejected it and started thinking for myself.

 

Bottom line: don't fuck up like I did.

 

 

 

 

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Yes I think you are correct that it would have been a mistake to have gotten more involved , everytime the subject comes up with her we just argue endlessly.

 

Here is my email exchange with the pastor. I do feel a little guilty that I may have been too harsh, what do you think?

 

Hi

 
Just an email to say, it was great chatting to you when you came along to our evening meeting in March, and keen to make contact with you and say I'd be very happy to meet up for that cuppa sometime.
I’m aware that ***** is moving out and know that’s this is the right decision for her, though want you to know that you would receive a warm welcome at any of the churches we’re linked with that may be nearer to where you live. 
You had a chat with ***** **** that evening you came along, and he leads the The *** church in ******.
I know he’d be up for a chat sometime as well.
 
Hopefully you’ve caught our heart we’re keen for you to know the support of the church yourself, and keen to do whatever I can to make that possible
 
Kind Regards
*****
 
 
 
Hi *****
 
Sorry it took so long to reply to your email but I was initially pretty annoyed by the presumption you seem to have made for yourself. To suggest that you "know" that ***** leaving me is the right decision for her is both arrogant and offensive. I have known ***** for over two years and in that time we have spoken almost everyday. You have known her a few months, I know that because of your belief system you think that you know something that others do not know, personally I know that this is an erroneous belief. Your words came across as completely lacking in empathy and any real understanding of the situation.
 
 I enjoy discussing human belief systems a lot and have done with many different people, from stoic athiests to strict muslims, obviously everybody thinks that they hold the truth themselves. The "faithful" usually also seem to have an air of superiority because of their "faith". You are no different in this regard *****, from my paradigm there is absolutely nothing noble, superior or impressive about someone who has "faith". Faith is simply just pretending to know something you do not really know due to a lack of reasoning in your epistemology.
 
It is for these reasons that I am not entirely sure that we should have that cuppa, to be more specific it is because I think that you would have an ulterior motive, where as I am interesting in discussing beliefs, you have your eye on me to join your flock. Unfortunately for the church I have seen and learned too much in my life to be that gullible.
 
Needless to say you did not exactly catch my heart, I found the experience of actually being in your church service slightly disturbing. The more "joyous" your flock became the more I felt a depression creep over me, not the depression of not knowing Jesus as my lord and saviour but of knowing all these people are so far removed from reality and deeply commited to a delusion.
 
If you would really like to help me on a practical level then I am looking seriously for somewhere to live in the ****** area. As ***** moved out so quickly I have been left in a very difficult situation to manage, both financially and in regard to having nowhere to live after next week.
 
Apologies if my words sounds harsh at this time but I cannot sugar coat how I feel,
 
-*****
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