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Is Your Recovery Process Active Or Passive?


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Has your recovery process out of religion been an active one?  Has it required you to reach out towards outside support, counseling, etc?   The fact that we're on this site implies that we fall into this category.  However, I'm wondering how many of you have recovered from Christianity passively?  By that I mean you came to the conclusion you didn't believe anymore and just let time do the healing (and wait out the ensuing fallout)?  I think I mostly fall into this category but I have a feeling that we all fall on a spectrum. 

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Personally, I think my recovery process has been more passive than active. It took following my gut instinct and natural human desires to drown out the heartless sounds of religion which told me that I needed to go back to God (even though I "knew in my heart" that it was over - "apostasy"). Since I had the blessing of not being close to God in my younger teen years, and because of that having developed a very strong personality prior to God, it was just a matter of falling back into my old ways and rejecting "truth". As a king named Solomon once said, "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly".

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Some people can just realize they made a mistake and move on, accepting any consequences, while others require therapy to recover from the damage religion did to them. Some are easily manipulated by family, others stand up for themselves. I suppose it's a spectrum, as you say, and situations are quite individual.

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R.C....I had a hard time when I found out there was no Santa Claus when I was a child. I bawled my head off and suffered my first depression.

 

I had a 10,000% harder time to accept that  there probably was no god and that the earth is all about evolution. Even to this day, I want there to be a magical fairy.

 

Trying to accept that I had been lied to all those years (while I was young and naive) was the single worst thing I ever faced.

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I'm an Aspie. Much of my concept of myself is internal and less dependent on how I relate to other people or what they think. So I was probably protected from some of the worst aspects of deconversion. But I still went through a period of intense sadness and fear of Hell and fear of death. I talked with a close friend who had experienced something similar but I did most of the recovery on my own, if you don't count reading books and listening to other deconversion stories on the internet. I'm grateful to all the people who posted their stories. They helped me make sense of what I was experiencing.

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Mine has been pretty passive. I never really bought into the whole "biblical inerrancy" stuff that my church (the ultra-conservative / fundamentalist "Churches of Christ") taught. Wasn't invested in it on an emotional level.  No real drama or emotional damage to process.

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Mine has been pretty passive. I never really bought into the whole "biblical inerrancy" stuff that my church (the ultra-conservative / fundamentalist "Churches of Christ") taught. Wasn't invested in it on an emotional level. No real drama or emotional damage to process.

I could have written that - every single word.

Thanks Tsathoggua for saving me the keystrokes!

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Reality,

 

My conversion is still in progress and has been for a couple years now. I had a relapse last Summer and am still picking up the pieces.

 

My closest friend is a staunch atheist and always has been so he really cannot relate. The only contacts I have that have been there and back are on this site. if it were not for this site I'd be a major basket case right now.

 

So, to answer your question,  I read former Christian material, science articles, the Bible (yes, it's a popper noun - like it or not) and have drawn my own occlusions. So I guess you could say it's been both active and passive for me.

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I want it to be passive, but I find myself oscillating back and forth between active and passive. I think this stems from my relationships with so many believers. When I am not around them, my process is much more passive, but when they are around spouting their crap, it riles me up and I become different. There are still things that really repulse me about Christianity. I have pondered seeking out professional help, but I have yet to do so. I mostly listen to podcasts and YouTube videos on what is wrong with Christianity or how the brain works or something to that effect. It helps me stay grounded in my deconverting process.

Sometimes my deconversion affects me in my own practice as a therapist. I have a client who is an overly religious christian and I often find myself disgusted at him and there are times I struggle with being objective with him because, in many ways, he was who I used to be as a believer and so I find myself wanting to combat "myself" through him. I end up transferring my anger and disdain towards Christianity on him and that is not a good thing for me or him. I have a co-worker and my therapy supervisor that I talk to on a regular basis to help me keep it in check, but I still struggle with it regularly. That is what is going on with me.

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Mine has been pretty passive. I never really bought into the whole "biblical inerrancy" stuff that my church (the ultra-conservative / fundamentalist "Churches of Christ") taught. Wasn't invested in it on an emotional level. No real drama or emotional damage to process.

I could have written that - every single word.

Thanks Tsathoggua for saving me the keystrokes!

 

 

 

Yer very welkum. Glad to help!

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I'm wondering how many of you have recovered from Christianity passively?  By that I mean you came to the conclusion you didn't believe anymore and just let time do the healing (and wait out the ensuing fallout)?

 

I fit that definition of passive. My deconversion process was lonely and miserable. Since everyone I was close to was religious, I had nobody to turn to for support. It wasn't until later on that I found out about freethinker meetups and found one around here. Now I'm involved in two groups, and I quite enjoy having some like-minded people to chat with, but I had nobody like that when I was coming to grips with the reality that the worldview I'd been raised with was fiction.

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the only thing I ever had invested in religion was my fear. Christianity never sat right with me from day one, even when I thought it was true. I had to go it alone for a long time, and by the time I got here there were still leftover issues that being an ex c member has helped with in a really, really big way. I always thought I was the only one. my weird past was just one more thing that separated me from other people. talking on ex c has made me so much more confident in myself. writing down my thoughts and getting feedback, reading the stories of others, carrying on conversations with people whose opinions differ from mine, it is all immensely comforting. 

 

Religion for me was not a passive thing. It was forced on me daily, I spent my entire childhood physically and mentally fending it off. So when I finally got out of the situation, I had functioned under such massive stress for so long that the sudden absence of it threw me for quite a loop. That stress and isolation had been the main focus of my consciousness, aside from escaping into books.

 

Logically I figured it out on my own, but I was still an emotional wreck. This site is a huge part of why I am as happy as I am now, and I haven't even been around that long. I love all of you.

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I'm wondering how many of you have recovered from Christianity passively?  By that I mean you came to the conclusion you didn't believe anymore and just let time do the healing (and wait out the ensuing fallout)?

 

I fit that definition of passive. My deconversion process was lonely and miserable. Since everyone I was close to was religious, I had nobody to turn to for support. It wasn't until later on that I found out about freethinker meetups and found one around here. Now I'm involved in two groups, and I quite enjoy having some like-minded people to chat with, but I had nobody like that when I was coming to grips with the reality that the worldview I'd been raised with was fiction.

 

This is pretty much where I am at. I don't have any non-christian friends and my wife and all of both of our families are believers. I have a co-worker that I can talk with who understands some, but otherwise, I am pretty much doing this alone. It sucks

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I'm wondering how many of you have recovered from Christianity passively?  By that I mean you came to the conclusion you didn't believe anymore and just let time do the healing (and wait out the ensuing fallout)?

 

I fit that definition of passive. My deconversion process was lonely and miserable. Since everyone I was close to was religious, I had nobody to turn to for support. It wasn't until later on that I found out about freethinker meetups and found one around here. Now I'm involved in two groups, and I quite enjoy having some like-minded people to chat with, but I had nobody like that when I was coming to grips with the reality that the worldview I'd been raised with was fiction.

 

This is pretty much where I am at. I don't have any non-christian friends and my wife and all of both of our families are believers. I have a co-worker that I can talk with who understands some, but otherwise, I am pretty much doing this alone. It sucks

 

We're here for ya Storm. 

 

((hug))

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My experience was active in the sense that I invested several years in the study & research of both the Bible & Christianity. I was in too deep to simply walk away. Leaving religion is often compared to a journey that involves several stages. I've been "out" long enough now that religion has become irrelivent in my life. I assume that means I've completed my journey.

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I'm wondering how many of you have recovered from Christianity passively?  By that I mean you came to the conclusion you didn't believe anymore and just let time do the healing (and wait out the ensuing fallout)?

 

I fit that definition of passive. My deconversion process was lonely and miserable. Since everyone I was close to was religious, I had nobody to turn to for support. It wasn't until later on that I found out about freethinker meetups and found one around here. Now I'm involved in two groups, and I quite enjoy having some like-minded people to chat with, but I had nobody like that when I was coming to grips with the reality that the worldview I'd been raised with was fiction.

 

This is pretty much where I am at. I don't have any non-christian friends and my wife and all of both of our families are believers. I have a co-worker that I can talk with who understands some, but otherwise, I am pretty much doing this alone. It sucks

 

We're here for ya Storm. 

 

((hug))

 

Thanks Margee. Everyone here has been a great help. If I didn't have this place, I would certainly be much worse off.

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I'm pretty passive by this point. I used to rage on here a lot, but got over the anger phase and just let time and distance from the fundy family work it out.

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My experience was active in the sense that I invested several years in the study & research of both the Bible & Christianity. I was in too deep to simply walk away. Leaving religion is often compared to a journey that involves several stages. I've been "out" long enough now that religion has become irrelivent in my life. I assume that means I've completed my journey.

That's different from how the OP was using "active." By your definition, I was also very active.

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This is pretty much where I am at. I don't have any non-christian friends and my wife and all of both of our families are believers. I have a co-worker that I can talk with who understands some, but otherwise, I am pretty much doing this alone. It sucks

It does indeed suck, doesn't it? I really do feel for you and wish you the best.

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I'm pretty passive by this point. I used to rage on here a lot, but got over the anger phase and just let time and distance from the fundy family work it out.

The length of this anger phase seems to be variable.  For some it doesn't exist at all and for others it's almost permanent.

 

My experience was active in the sense that I invested several years in the study & research of both the Bible & Christianity. I was in too deep to simply walk away. Leaving religion is often compared to a journey that involves several stages. I've been "out" long enough now that religion has become irrelivent in my life. I assume that means I've completed my journey.

For those who've completed their journeys I just want to ask, why do you stay on this site?

 

 

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When I first deconverted I debated theists quite often and I was angry for a long time. I think we can go through a grief-like process after losing faith, xianity is something that your entire life and identity is wrapped up in so when people come of it they can feel like they don't know who they are, like they lost themselves. They have to figure out who they are apart from xianity and find a way to navigate through their new life without it. Pretty daunting for some! These days I don't debate theists much and when I do I don't tend to do so angrily, I tend to keep it rational. In debates I like to keep emotion out of it if I can.

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For those who've completed their journeys I just want to ask, why do you stay on this site?

 

I love staying on this site because I love to communicate with like-minded people. It always breaks my heart when a newcomer arrives here as confused as I was back in 2010. I still love to read the board and help out when I can.

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For those who've completed their journeys I just want to ask, why do you stay on this site?

 

I love staying on this site because I love to communicate with like-minded people. It always breaks my heart when a newcomer arrives here as confused as I was back in 2010. I still love to read the board and help out when I can.

 

Same here. I enjoy reading what other ex-christians have to say, and the site helps keep me informed of things that I wouldn't come across on my own. Also, if I need to vent on something, this is the best place to come for it.

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I'm pretty passive by this point. I used to rage on here a lot, but got over the anger phase and just let time and distance from the fundy family work it out.

 

The length of this anger phase seems to be variable.  For some it doesn't exist at all and for others it's almost permanent.

 

My experience was active in the sense that I invested several years in the study & research of both the Bible & Christianity. I was in too deep to simply walk away. Leaving religion is often compared to a journey that involves several stages. I've been "out" long enough now that religion has become irrelivent in my life. I assume that means I've completed my journey.

 

For those who've completed their journeys I just want to ask, why do you stay on this site?
the people on here are really smart. Even the ones I don't agree with display a lot of intelligence, critical thinking respect, etc. I have a few real life friends that are like that,my fiance, my little sister, and maybe two other friends. That's it. So being on here is nice. There is always something new to talk about. Religion is a label for a vast group of practices and concepts that have effected our lives in an endless variety of ways. It's an anthropological thing for me. And a lot of people on here talk about stuff other than religion, feminism, a bit of parenting stuff, gender stuff, etc.
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Huh, It's probably been a little over 3 years since I started walking away from religion, if my original signup date is anything to go by. Feels kinda weird thinking about it.

Not exactly the best place I've ever been, emotionally speaking...

 

I was much more active around 2-3 years ago, mostly on YouTube binging as much as I could find on debunking religion and getting a better grasp of scientific understanding. That lasted up to about a year ago, which according to my posting history is roughly when I started participating here, that's when I was actually comfortable enough with my non religious status to start expressing it. Since then I've cut back on actively trying to get over it and started being more over it than not. Not that it doesn't still piss me off, I don't think that will ever change.

 

I do still thoroughly enjoy some Armored Skeptic, Logicked, TBR, or a couple handfuls of other channels focused on debunking religion and shit, it's just not something I'm really focused on so much anymore.

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