My Deconversion Story

[Braveheart]

English is not my mother tongue, so please be forgiving for my language errors.

 

I grew up in a Christian family. My mother was strongly catholic but my father came from a protestant background. When I was a little child my father met a former friend of his who had become a pastor, and so his faith started to grow again. We used to go to a conservative protestant (Lutherian) church where women were not allowed to preach, abortion was condemned etc (mostly these churches are more liberal ones but ours was very strict and conservative). When my father got upset with me or something else, he used to beat me heavily. Afterwards he would tell me how God loves me as God would punish everybody who is going the wrong way to save him or her. And I used to be very wrong in every manner as I was different from my parents and my siblings. I am much more intellectual and I have a neurological condition which means that my brain is wired a bit differently.

 

After some time my father decided the conservative church we were going to was not biblical enough. So he changed to an extremist free "holy" church movement. There they told parents to beat their children to bow them under God (my dad already had done this many years), they told husbands to humilitate their wives if these weren't obedient etc. From now on I was evangelical. Later when I was grown up I changed to other evangelical churches as well which were not as radical as this one but I stayed in evangelical fundamentalism until deconversion.

 

Although I experienced all these bad things I was a devoted fellower of Christ. I used to do missionary street work, to work with alcoholics etc. 

 

But there were many questions rising in my head. Scientific ones, lingustic ones, some regarding the strange and damaging behaviour of devoted Christians. I never ever got satisfying answers from Christans. Nor from God. God was quiet. He had always been quiet.

 

On the Internet I got to know articles and books written by former missionaries (Ken Daniels, Dan Everett). That helped me to get out of Christianity.

 

Now I am a student of life sciences and can't believe any longer how I once could believe in something so stupid as creation.

 

I lost all my Christian friends and I am looking for new friends, especially friends who also come from a child abusing Christian background and/or friends with interest in biology or chemistry.

[TABA]

Hi Braveheart, and welcome to the group! We're glad you're here. Your English is flawless, by the way!

 

I'm sure you realize that everybody's deconversion experience is different. Some feel torn, being drawn back to positive aspects of religion like spirituality or the benefits of belonging to a community. Others are torn in a more painful way, unable to escape the nasty stuff like fears of Hell. You seem to have made a pretty clean break, which is good. There will surely be bumps along your road, but you can look forward to the joyful feeling of finally having a free mind, no longer having to tie yourself in knots trying to make sense of the contradictions.

 

You will find plenty of support here, with people who are loving but without the agenda that always accompanies religion. There are also folks here who are very familiar with the Bible, who can readily point out the many problems and who can reassure you that you're on the right path.

 

Again - Welcome!

[qadeshet]

Glad you've found you're way to Reason. Welcome.

[Guest]

Hey there! Your story is similar to many here! Welcome! You'll find many friends <3

[Margee]

Braveheart, Welcome to Ex-c. Thank you for sharing your story with us. We can relate to you on soooo many levels. Every testimony I read has one similar theme and that is when we started to lose our faith in the christian god. I hope you find comfort and answers here to be able to live a life of total peace. It takes time. But we are here for you....to help you through any 'bumps' you may go through. Post all your worries and concerns. Someone is always here to support you.

 

I'm glad you found us.

 

(hug)

[Braveheart]

Thank you for the warm welcome @ all.

 

Yesterday I found information on the Internet about a thriller written by someone with religious child abuse in the background (as I have). I immediately ordered this book and will get it on friday. It will be hard reading I guess. But good to know there are other survivors, too.

 

It's not easy to overcome this part of the past. There are wounds inside because of this.

[miamia]

Welcome braveheart! I am so glad you got out!

[Guest]

Welcome to Ex-C, Braveheart! You truly ade brave, for opening up and sharing your story. I understand that it can be shameful.

 

You are not alone! I can guarantee that you will find friends here for sure, and people who have been through the same things. I, for example, have PTSD from being spanked. My father also used Bible verses to threaten my brother and I into obey him. The trauma is very real. Are you seeing a therapist? That's what's been helping me most with processing the religious and physical abuse.

[Braveheart]

I go to a doctor once in a month. But it's only for getting receipts and telling what's going on. I don't have any therapist. 

[Guest]

I'd definitely recommend seeing a secular therapist, if you have the insurance or finances. Having someone that knows about the human brain and can help you process is amazing. You could even look around for one that specializes in PTSD.

[Braveheart]

I have health insurance as nearly everybody has in my country (our system is much better than yours, I guess) but I don't know if seeing a therapist would be covered while seeing a doctor. I have to talk about this with her. I'll see her in a few days and ask her.