What Kind Of Church Did You Leave?

[GuyGone]

I've read a number of posts lately where people left a really dysfunctional church.  So it started me thinking about the kinds of churches we leave.  Are most of us graduates of really bad churches, or not?  So I broke churches down to 5 types:

 

Type 1: Religion is defined by shame and fear.  You are never good enough for God or for the leadership.  Leadership is abusive, with anger, control, or hypocrisy issues.  Your goodness is defined by what you do or don't do; it seems that everything is either mandatory or prohibited.  Bible is inerrant, literal, and twisted to justify the leader's preferences.  A strong us-vs-them mentality.

 

Type 2: Strict but not abusive.  Bible is considered true but not necessarily always literal.  Bible is considered the standard for behavior and belief and is often taken out of context.

 

Type 3: Leadership is sincere and seems to care about the congregation. Sins are preached about but not always enforced.  Living together without marriage might be the topic of a sermon, but nobody is shunned or kicked out of the church over it.

 

Type 4: You might have to sign a statement of faith to join, but it's pretty much ignored after that.  Sermons are mostly self-help messages.  Program-oriented, with something for everyone.  Most megachurches are in this category.

 

Type 5: Essentially a social club in a church building.

 

I would say that most of the churches I attended were type 3 or 4.  How about all of you?

[Guest]

The church I grew up in was definitely a Type 1, the second and last one was right in between a Type 1 and 2.

[Thurisaz]

One big fat 5 here... German mainstream protestantism

[Tsathoggua]

Mine was a type 2.

[MOHO]

Guy,

 

I grew up LDS which is about as structured and closed as you can get. I blew that sh*t off in high-school. HOWEVER, when I was a born again xtian, the church was (is) between 1 & 2. My wife is definitely a 1 and uses religion and shame to control all those around her. 

 

In addition to the mind control and shame - this church also uses creeeeeeeeeepy exorcises in conditioning (brain-washing) like "OK! On the count of three we will all simulate the rapture by standing up and throwing our hand into the air as if we are ascending into heaven!"

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

[TerranceG]

Guy,

 

I grew up LDS which is about as structured and closed as you can get. I blew that sh*t off in high-school. HOWEVER, when I was a born again xtian, the church was (is) between 1 & 2. My wife is definitely a 1 and uses religion and shame to control all those around her.

 

In addition to the mind control and shame - this church also uses creeeeeeeeeepy exorcises in conditioning (brain-washing) like "OK! On the count of three we will all simulate the rapture by standing up and throwing our hand into the air as if we are ascending into heaven!"

 

- MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

Oh wow...yah...that's a bit different, but coming from the pew jumping, tongue talking, prophecy and interpretation, slain in the spirit churches I was raised in...that would be the pot calling the kettle black.

 

I've been a part of churches that would fit most of those categories actually, from Church of God of Prophecy to liberal Baptist. And mega-churches like Rod Parcely's World Harvest Church in Columbus Ohio. And did my undergrad at a private college run by the Church of Christ. I took the Baskin Robins approach and had to sample all 33 flavors. Lol

[Daffodil]

I grew up in a church that was somewhere between a 4 and 5. Worst one we (hubby and I and kids) attended was a 2. We left that for a 3 that we still occasionally attend because hubby can't quite break the ties.

[GirlOnFire]

The church that got me sucked into Christianity when I was in high school was around a 4.  Then I got pulled into a hardcore 1, and that really messed me up.  Then I was churchless for a few years, then involved in a type 3, but with some people who had mindsets of a 1 or 2.  I got tired of not measuring up, or being looked down on any time my personal convictions deviated from that of the church's majority, so when I moved away from that area, that was the end of me ever going to church for me.  My husband and kids (as well as some of my close friends) go to what they describe as a 4 or 5.  They want me to try it out, but nope.  Never gonna happen.  I just cannot, will not do it.

[James23]

Hey Guy Gone, interesting topic. I don’t know that the churches I attended can be broken down quite as simply as your categories. But using your scale, I have seen a church that I attended transition from a 4 into a 1 - that was an interesting experience! I have attended churches that are primarily in the Charismatic/Pentecostal zone, but even they can vary quite a lot. I have been subjected to some serious leadership abuse, but importantly none of that drove me out of the church. It was not the church that put me off Christianity, I determined to deal with the flaws of people, long ago before I got into leadership (not the abusive kind!), rather it was study and reasoning that allowed me to see the flaws in the God concept.

[Geezer]

I left a bat shit crazy fundy church aka The Church of Christ. Definitely a type 1 group of whacko's.

[miamia]

Started off in a type 1-2 baptist.

 

Then like, this weird 1-2 type that was like really into casting out demons, speaking in tongues, and stomping the devil underfoot. It was all very eighties nineties hyper heroic weird crap. Mean people. Lots of agressive uncomfortable energy.

 

Then there was a mega church when we went to texas, I don't remember that much, lots of music, lots of food. And kids classes.

 

Then this mega church (does ~2,000 people per service 3-4services a day count as a megachurch?) Had to go to kids classes and adult sermon. There was food after. Probably type tree or four ish with a lot of guilt thrown in, itineraries to be fulfilled concerning activism in the comunity, goals, like reaching x amount of people, sending out a LOT of missionaries, many small groups, seminars, events, children's theater. Fancy music stuff. It kind of was like a social club. My dad was on the worship team, and a very popular man, because he is a genuinely nice and accepting funny person. It always took at least an hour and a half to leave after church with everyone stopping to talk to him. That was the last one I went to. There was some drama there with leadership. My dad found my stepmother there after his divorce with my mom. She is a wonderful lady. She herself has been through massive religious trauma, her first husband was a pervert, and the people he associated with were also. He was a public figure of some sort within the church. I don't want to give any details but she and her kids have been through the ringer. She's a therapist now. And I love her. I don't even care if she is religious. She's an amazing resilient woman. Why do I always go on tangents lol... anyhow...

[VAmountaineer]

I grew up in a church that adhered to the inerrancy/ literalism of 1, but the leadership sincerely cared about its flock like a 3. Even though I never experienced or witnessed abuse at this particular church, my affinity for an inerrant, literal interpretation of the bible put me in a lot of other churches, church camps, and schools ripe for control and manipulation (I.e., KJV only churches, BJU camps, etc.), which is where most of the damage for me occurred.

 

My primary church experiences as a young adult started as a mix between a 1 and 2 at a Calvary chapel, where the bible was taken very literally. Most of the people there seemed caring, but often questioned the motivation behind your behavior and over-stepped your boundaries. I then moved to 2/3 churches, where the bible was taken seriously but not always literally. Sins definitely were preached about but not enforced upon visitors or "seekers." Membership in the church, though, subjected you to church discipline.

[GuyGone]

MOHO: Sorry to hear about your wife.  My wife still believes, but she's not a 1.  I guess you have to constantly decide between living with the tension of being thought a pagan and pointing out the issues (with the attendant backlash)?  It's tough being the one who is spiritually inferior (in someone else's opinion).

[JadedAtheist]

The two main churches I attended did not fit any of these types that well really. The last church I attended had people who felt they were doing good. They were fundamentalists, but didn't believe the Bible was inerrant like a KJOist would. Differences in theology were not shunned, and were relatively accepted (so long as they were in the fundamentalist sphere). Nevertheless when I decided to leave, the elders decided to church discipline me and get the church members to shun me. The churches I attended were mixtures of 1 and 2, but had some aspects of the "lightness" of 3-4 though not their features exactly. 

[Margee]

Started off in Type 1 and stayed for many years until I eventually left. Then searched and ended up in type 5 social club that preached 'saved completely under the grace'.

[MOHO]

Guy,

 

"MOHO: Sorry to hear about your wife.  My wife still believes, but she's not a 1.  I guess you have to constantly decide between living with the tension of being thought a pagan and pointing out the issues (with the attendant backlash)?  It's tough being the one who is spiritually inferior (in someone else's opinion)."

 

You hit the nail on the head, Guy!. A marriage depends on mutual respect and, at this point, I really don't have that. The tension is so bad that I'm having to pretend to tow the xtian line again - or head for the BID "D" ! Both of those things are distasteful to me.

 

But, that's a topic for the unequally yoked forum. 

 

Great topic BTW   

   - MOHO

[TABA]

Mine was a Type 2, leaning toward a Type 3; it was a RELATIVELY liberal Church of Christ congregation. It was pretty comfortable for me most of the time, though I kinda had to hide the fact that I consumed alcoholic beverages. I think many of the other members were dong the same thing... Thy were by and large good, loving people, but I still very much regret becoming a part of it. Only good thing is I met my still-Christian wife there. We're still good together, even unequally yoked.

[Meta]

The church where I spent most of my early childhood was a 1. During middle and high school my family went to a Type 4 that occasionally verged into a Type 3 (they were Evangelical Presbyterian in name, but in practice they were closer to non-denominational than anything else).

[Ellinas]

Brought up in a 5.

 

Ended up in a 1.

 

The only oddity is that Brethren assemblies often have a less clearly defined leadership - no paid clergy; "elders" who are tacitly recognised rather than officially appointed.  The end result is that the most strident take the lead.

[Blindsighted]

3s and 4s. Tried out a 2 for a while, but we didn't like it.

[♦ ficino ♦]

I left a really good Catholic parish. It was the church as a whole I couldn't support anymore.

[hockeyfan70]

I would say type 3. The churches I've been part of have been relatively non-traditional, evangelical, independent christian churches. No denominational structure (locally owned and operated). My leaving the church doesn't have to do with traditionalism or legalism or anything like that. I just find the church irrelevant and fighting the wrong battles. Plus there is no god, that makes a difference too.

[bleepybloop]

Type 2 Pentecostal church was the church I was involved in over 10 years.

[rjn]

Started type 1, then went to type 2, then ended up at type 3, then left altogether. 

 

I have a really hard time imagining a strongminded guy like you bowing down to some preacher. How the hell did all that happen? Sorry if I'm snoping around, but I'm curious.

 

As for me, I never really attended church, and the few times I had to (school, confirmation, baptisms) it's been in Type 5 churches.

[TerranceG]

I am attending a 2-3 church of Christ as a true hypocrite because my husband is a deacon and he doesn't have any intention of giving it up. The people are very nice and the leadership fairly tolerant, but lately some newer families are trying to interject some type one fundamentalism in, especially the science deniers. I had to leave a bible class last week because I thought my head would explode from hearing that nonsense without being able to respond.

Oh no...that sounds miserable. I can't stop thinking that the human race has split into 2 distinct species.