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Sexual Identity Post Christianity


Travellingfemme
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Hello all.

 

I'm writing today, being particularly open and vulnerable and wondering if anyone can relate.

 

Excuse me for being candid, but my sexuality has been so screwed up by religion.

 

I was wondering if any of you experience a sense of dirtiness and guilt for fantasies, self-stimulation etc...I try to tell myself it's ok, I'm normal and human and my sexuality is natural, but I can't get rid of a sense that something is wrong with me, or I'm perverted if I entertain sexual thoughts. I don't know how to feel ok and stop thinking I have a problem or am overly sexual or something.

 

I have come to the conclusion after years of suppression that I may be bisexual, or maybe it's just a fantasy thing...regardless, it's like I feel I have a problem or something is wrong with me.

 

I don't know how to be ok with myself and not feel dirty or guilty.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

Thanks.

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The book you referenced in your link Sex & God by Darrel Ray E.D.D is available in a kindle edition if you want to read the book.

 

Also the book Sex Without Guilt by Dr. Albert Ellis might be helpful too.

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Yes, religion purposefully messes with sexuality because it is such a strong (and normal) drive for nearly everyone. If they can take something normal and call it bad or broken, and then sell the cure (which never works) then they are guaranteed a lifelong income of you showing up being controlled and giving money. It has worked for thousands of years and brought in untold billions of dollars. I spent decades learning about spiritual warfare, the details of levels of angels and demons, and ancient practices that were used for magic. When an invisible world of creepies is always there waiting to "get" you, your mind does a lot of policing of self to avoid being harmed by these creatures. When I realized that my faith in Jesus was a scam, and that none of it was true, that whole invisible warfare went silent (because it was never there to begin with).

 

Religion messed with my marriage, because one doesn't simply turn off decades of shame and threats of punishment and suddenly become a sex god. But when I deconverted, I knew to the edges of my being that no one in the sky gave a damn about my sexual fantasies or practices. As long as they are legal, no sane humans care either, just the religious who fear that their insane god/daddy will be pissed and hurt them because of your sin.

 

When I left Jesus, I explored a lot of the (pictures of) variations on straight sex that had heard of, and listened to music that I had shunned for years growing up. After a few years of that I started tiring of what had been forbidden fruit, and was able to settle in to the aspects of sex and music that I liked. A lady I know who also deconverted was surprised to find herself occasionally attracted to females, and has been learning about that since it was forbidden previously. There is a section of the forums dedicated just to Ex-C sex, but it doesn't show up for a while, and then you'll need to private message one of the admins for the password.

 

For some, it can take years to get over the shame and fear brought by religion, and to simply to be themselves. Cut yourself slack and test the waters as you see fit. Meet lesbians and bisexual people and you'll find that they are just people like you. No shame needed, no gods to please, no demons to fear, just normal desire to embrace and celebrate.

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Thank you Fuego for your honest and refreshing reply. *•*

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Hi Travelleingfemme

 

I think a lot of people get screwed up in this aspect. There was a period when I was about 17ish and got very guilty about sexual thoughts and fantasies and thought I might be going to hell because of it and ended up in a 6 month period of depression.

 

Sex is one of the most natural and primal (By primal, I mean it's deeply ingrained beyond conscious level. No doubt a biologist would be able to explain the concept.) aspects of a human, yet the one that arguably causes the most grief due to religious control.

 

I hope you manage to find peace with your own identity.

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Travellingfemme, break away from all of the indoctrination and programming.  Bottom line:  If a behavior, any behavior, does not directly negatively impact another person, than it is permissible.  Not dirty.  Not bad. Not guilt produce.  Just permissible.  

 n

Once I realized that god is imaginary a whole slew of behaviors, sexual or otherwise, became permissible for me.  Now, what I did not anticipate was that my desire for unique experiences actually decreased significantly after deconversion.   

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Thank you, all these replies are really interesting and helpful.

I suppose it's just the feelings of guilt and like there's something wrong with me that are hard to shift and detect that they're even there, but I'm working through it.

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I hear you. That was me a few years ago. 

 

I'm now in a happy, non-monogamous marriage, which enjoys other people in our bed, porn, and all sorts of fun stuff. But getting there wasn't easy.

 

Indoctrination roots itself deep in the mind and tells you you're worthless and guilty. It's a tool for control and takes away your right to enjoy even your own body freely, which is something that no one should have the power to do. But unfortunately, that's christianity for you.

 

That's the thing - Christianity as an organization understands this. They understand that people have desires. They know that they can't stop people from having sex (whether that is with yourself or with others). Instead, Christianity (and many other religions) capitalize knowing people will still do it - and then exploit that by saying it's wrong. The guilt comes that then keeps you in the pews, dolling out the cash and granting them control to abuse you for further cash.

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So, dangitbobbity, how did you get there? What steps did you take to free yourself?

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dangitbobby, not bobbity, sorry! But hey, it sounds quite cool!

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Hi travellingfemme,

I can relate. Religion does seem to repress sexual identity. I've been struggling with this one. The best way to be free of this is learning to accept this as part of who you are. If you wish to express this part of you, find a willing partner and explore it. I am currently freeing myself from the shackles of Christianity again. It's not an easy task, but I'm finally starting to get back the parts of me that I liked.

 

Also, if you have someone that is open about sexuality, confide in them. That honestly is the hardest part.

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Hi TravelingFemme,

 

I understand what you're saying completely. You should read my story I posted here titled, "Turning my back on Religion." I've been with my partner for 8 years, I came from a Christian family and I didn't understand why I needed to go to "hell." A member of my family told me I'd 'burn in hell' and his words sent me on my path to devonversion. I'd say read, read, and read more. There comes a time in all of our lives where we must choose. Choose love or fear. It wasn't love that kept me tethered to "god," it was fear; so, I chose to love myself fully, accept who I was and release the fear (god) that held me back.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So, dangitbobbity, how did you get there? What steps did you take to free yourself?

 

Sorry I missed this!

 

Idk, I just sorta admitted to myself who I was and stopped fighting it. In short - I started having sex and lots of it lol

 

For a while it felt weird, but as I continued to not really experience any negatives, and felt the others in my life were enjoying it with me, I quickly broke free from the indoctrination. 

 

But you need to understand, I'm *very* free spirited and tend to be rebellious. I don't like people telling me what I can and cannot do with my body, so I embraced my sexuality partly as a big "fuck you" to christianity. Some of the porn I enjoy is quite blasphemous, but I know that isn't for everyone. (Such as women "enjoying" utilizing religious symbols for pleasure) For me, it was the final way to escape from the indoctrination and control the church had over me for years.

 

My advice to you is to explore with partners and people who support you. You're always welcomed to PM me, as some of my suggestions might be inappropriate for an open area of the forum, where younger eyes might see.

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