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Positivist

Thanks Joshua Harris--I Have Now Kissed My Marriage Goodbye

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Oh and BTW - Josh Harris totally borked my sisters sex life too, resulting in a failed marriage to a guy she wasn't attracted to either. 

 

My wife suffered at the hands of the purity culture. And I wasted my college age years on purity too - when looking back I had so many opportunities for some fun. Sigh.

Josh Harris's "gift" just keeps on giving.

 

It's poison.

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Positivist....

 

Ouch. 

 

I was also given the Purity fuckover from those in our AoG community where my intended and I met. her family was a mighty fine replacement for the one which splintered apart after Mom died. 
Was twenty-four, she was on cusp of seventeen. Not sure the attraction to a bearded, long haired trying to "reform" scooter trash, she was wide open chasing after me with her parents blessing. Got me to cut both off. bead was 10 inches off chin, hair was down to bottom of 501 pockets, single ponytail was nineteen pounds when they cut it off. (All that for jebus..)

 

Grew to like, then even love young lady enough to ask her hand in marriage.

 

THEN

 

Fellow member of AoG, twice divorced and a notorious busybody in church started counseling she and her parents with the then new book "Too Close, Too Soon" (1985), leaving me out of loop. Never knew what broadsided me when told "..ai'nt gonna happen".

We had enjoyed learning how to explore each other through and under our clothing, let her find ways to find orgasm other than her own hand. (Oh and HELL NO, that was a SIN for her to do that, but was enjoying THAT too much..)

After the asshole made his way into their minds and my desire either to settle down or head out to make serious cash in the oil patches of North and West Africa, we parted ways sadly. She never married. Passed away from heart attack two years past at forty-six from complications in her sick kidney transplant. In conversation via facebook, she never married, seriously dated, never again had anyone desire to take her down aisle.

What a waste of a perfectly good piece of ass and a damn fine woman.

 

Took me years to find a gal who was ir-religious and would put up with my idiocies. Twenty-five years last September, with a LOT of interesting side trips, other partners, explorations,  working troika with our female partner. Been a good if odd life. The Change has us living more as roommates than lust consumed lovers... 

To you and your life, please go out and do as you damn well please now you are unshackled from Josh's bullshit. Pleased your mnd has stayed the course towards self determination and sanity. Do well, avoid entanglements, feel free to love and enjoy what your life draws you towards.

 

Oh yes, Lead Therapy is ALWAYS a good thing to work out frustrations. 10X shooting at 500M+ works a lot of frustrations out. Being top Lady Gun and Top Gun at the weekend club shoots is sAweeeet! :)

 

kevinL

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On 2017-02-19 at 0:48 PM, SkipNChurch said:

...Lead Therapy is ALWAYS a good thing to work out frustrations. 10X shooting at 500M+ works a lot of frustrations out. Being top Lady Gun and Top Gun at the weekend club shoots is sAweeeet! smile.png

 

Hey SNC,

 

Wow, what a SAD tale!!! Josh's book (and others like it, and the busybodies who condone and peddle them) is so destructive to young people!

 

Sounds like you've come out the other side of the BS--yay!

 

BTW, I recently purchased my first antique rifle. I'll PM you!

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Jeez, Positivist,

 

That's a tough decision to make even if the marriage has been sucky for so long!

 

I empathize with you. Me and Mrs. MOHO seem to have have been just kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop for a few years now - also 20 years into it.

 

We're hear for you - as much as an anonymous community can be.

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That's a tough decision to make even if the marriage has been sucky for so long!

 

I empathize with you. Me and Mrs. MOHO seem to have have been just kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop for a few years now - also 20 years into it.

 

Thanks MOHO. Yes, it was an awkward conversation but also a huge relief for both of us, as neither of us has been happy for the past several years. The wheels had truly come off.

 

Funny/or not--I moved out on our 19th wedding anniversary! The STBEH couldn't even be bothered to help--he went away for the day, leaving me to rely on my friends to help me move out.

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Wow, so sorry this happened! I can relate to the purity bullshit. It totally fucked me up. It's a horrible, horrible thing and sabotages so many marriages - which is hard to believe since it has the appearance (at the time) of being nothing but good and honorable. 

 

Fuck religion and then fuck everything else while there's still time.  GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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Wow, so sorry this happened! I can relate to the purity bullshit. It totally fucked me up. It's a horrible, horrible thing and sabotages so many marriages - which is hard to believe since it has the appearance (at the time) of being nothing but good and honorable. 

 

Fuck religion and then fuck everything else while there's still time.  GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

Hi LC!

 

I agree!!!! Poison all the way!

 

I'm getting caught up in the fu(king department. GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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I'm also recently single. Wanna hook up?

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Wow, so sorry this happened! I can relate to the purity bullshit. It totally fucked me up. It's a horrible, horrible thing and sabotages so many marriages - which is hard to believe since it has the appearance (at the time) of being nothing but good and honorable. 

 

Fuck religion and then fuck everything else while there's still time.  GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

Hi LC!

 

I agree!!!! Poison all the way!

 

I'm getting caught up in the fu(king department. GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

 

Good for you! That just wasn't meant to be for me in this life and I've just had to cozy up with that reality. 

 

Hopefully, religion will one day just be a History class subject. 

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On February 21, 2017 at 10:47 AM, LifeCycle said:

Hopefully, religion will one day just be a History class subject. 

Here's hoping!

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On February 21, 2017 at 10:46 AM, TheRedneckProfessor said:

I'm also recently single. Wanna hook up?

 Are you really a professor? I am too!

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1 hour ago, Positivist said:

 Are you really a professor? I am too!

I used to teach General Biology, Anatomy & Physiology, and Cell Culture at a local community college.  When my students complained that they couldn't understand the difference between mitosis and meiosis, or the difference between lateral and medial, or whatever, I'd tell them, "If a dumb redneck from Rimertown can understand this stuff, then y'all civilized city-folk ought to have no problem with it."  Didn't take long before I became known as The Redneck Professor.  I'm not currently teaching; but I would like to get back into it someday.

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20 minutes ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

I used to teach General Biology, Anatomy & Physiology, and Cell Culture at a local community college.  When my students complained that they couldn't understand the difference between mitosis and meiosis, or the difference between lateral and medial, or whatever, I'd tell them, "If a dumb redneck from Rimertown can understand this stuff, then y'all civilized city-folk ought to have no problem with it."  Didn't take long before I became known as The Redneck Professor.  I'm not currently teaching; but I would like to get back into it someday.

That is a cool story about how you got your name :D

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26 minutes ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

I used to teach General Biology, Anatomy & Physiology, and Cell Culture at a local community college.  When my students complained that they couldn't understand the difference between mitosis and meiosis, or the difference between lateral and medial, or whatever, I'd tell them, "If a dumb redneck from Rimertown can understand this stuff, then y'all civilized city-folk ought to have no problem with it."  Didn't take long before I became known as The Redneck Professor.  I'm not currently teaching; but I would like to get back into it someday.

 

Ha! Funny!! 

I too used to teach anatomy and physiology. Now I'm in general health sciences at a university. What is the hiring like in the US? (I'm in Canada and academia is gridlocked.)

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1 hour ago, Positivist said:

 

Ha! Funny!! 

I too used to teach anatomy and physiology. Now I'm in general health sciences at a university. What is the hiring like in the US? (I'm in Canada and academia is gridlocked.)

In my experience, the bulk of the work is done by adjuncts, from lecture to lab.  No benefits, hourly wages, and no chance at getting tenure.  Actual professorships here are hard to come by.  I was an adjunct myself; but The Redneck Adjunct didn't have the same appeal to the students, I don't reckon.

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5 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

In my experience, the bulk of the work is done by adjuncts, from lecture to lab.  No benefits, hourly wages, and no chance at getting tenure.  Actual professorships here are hard to come by.  I was an adjunct myself; but The Redneck Adjunct didn't have the same appeal to the students, I don't reckon.

Yes, increasingly classes are being taught by hourly and sessional instructors. It's a shame.

 

I used to call myself an "instructional call girl" because as a sessional/hourly (adjunct)  instructor/professor I was given new and different courses to teach all the time.

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I was dating someone in church and thought things were going well.  Out of the blue I get the god told me to dump you talk.  Not quite those words, but that was the meaning.    I was devastated and It would be another 20 years  before I even kissed someone again.   I dated but just couldn't connect with anyone.  Women chased me and I froze, for lack of a better word.   It is sad to think of what these teachings on sex and dating do to people.   I also knew way to many good and decent single people who rarely dated and never married. 

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1 hour ago, Reprobate said:

I was dating someone in church and thought things were going well.  Out of the blue I get the god told me to dump you talk.  Not quite those words, but that was the meaning.    I was devastated and It would be another 20 years  before I even kissed someone again.   I dated but just couldn't connect with anyone.  Women chased me and I froze, for lack of a better word.   It is sad to think of what these teachings on sex and dating do to people.   I also knew way to many good and decent single people who rarely dated and never married. 

Another casualty of dating BS. Sorry to hear it, Reprobate. It's enormously sad that these toxic ideas have destroyed the happiness of untold numbers of people. I don't recall ever breaking up with someone because of the voices in my head telling me to do so, but I certainly had MANY friends who did that.

 

I like what Captain Cassidy described on her site, regarding Christian dating: 

 

Quote

This alarming bit of folk wisdom permeates Christian culture from top to bottom; I often saw Christians (including myself) make business or personal decisions that made no sense whatsoever because we seriously thought a god was telling us to do whatever it was. We couldn’t rely on our own wisdom or judgment, went the explicit teaching, so we had to rely on what we thought our god was telling us to do. It might not make any sense. It might even go against common sense. But it’d always turn out wonderfully in the end. And every single personal decision someone made–even down to where they ate lunch, sometimes–had to be made according to what this god wanted.

 

So sad.

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Thanks for the link.    One thing that I saw a few times over the years were people quitting their jobs, selling their home and a bunch of stuff and moving halfway across the country because god was leading them there.   A  few months later, they were back.

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On 2017-03-12 at 11:50 AM, Reprobate said:

One thing that I saw a few times over the years were people quitting their jobs, selling their home and a bunch of stuff and moving halfway across the country because god was leading them there.   A  few months later, they were back.

Yep. I knew some folks like this.

 

Or, people who gawd had "told" they would be a musician/singer/songwriter...even though they didn't have a musical bone in their bodies. They sucked. But they keep persevering through the suckage because "gawd told them" they'd be a rock star. 

 

How is this not insane??? How does this not make it into the DSM????

 

 

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I would hazard the guess, though, that it's better in the long run to break up because god told you to, than to spend XX years in a dysfunctional relationship because god told you to marry someone you weren't really compatible with.  I've known plenty of people in both situations.  Those in the latter certainly strike me as being far more miserable.

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This is an interesting book for ex-Christians.

 

Sex & God by Darrel Ray. 

 

Ray is a clinical psychologist. He was raised in a fundamentalists environment but is an atheists now. His book is about how damaging religion has been for human sexuality. 

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14 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

I would hazard the guess, though, that it's better in the long run to break up because god told you to, than to spend XX years in a dysfunctional relationship because god told you to marry someone you weren't really compatible with.  I've known plenty of people in both situations.  Those in the latter certainly strike me as being far more miserable.

A church in my past had a pastoral couple in that exact position. God had "told them" to get married, and so they did. Fast forward a couple of decades and it turns out he--Mr. Pastor--has been cheating on his wife with a parishioner/colleague for YEARS.

 

Things sure came out in the wash then!

 

But they stuck together, regardless..... They don't advise people to follow in their footsteps. I guess they're still unhappy together. 

 

What a waste.

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In the sex section of the forums, we've talked at length about how the faith screwed with our ability to enjoy sex. The constant brake-hitting because Jesus would be displeased was a huge problem later in marriage. The constant policing of thoughts doesn't just go away once you are in a church-sanctioned relationship. The subconscious is always worried about the possibility of angering god, even when the conscious mind is gung-ho to get nasty. Not easy to undo that level of programming even after years of trying, and understanding that there is no god, no judgment, no sin, sex is not only ok but totally normal and good even the kinky kind (maybe especially the kinky kind). Believers want to blame it on porn and unnatural expectations, but it is quite the opposite usually. I suppose if a guy really were conditioned to respond to porn, he might find his homely wife a turn off. But when a guy is horny, wants to go for it and can't get it up for his wife even with viagra, that's not a problem with porn, there is something much deeper going on.

 

If I didn't still have Christian songs appearing unbidden in my mind, I'd think I was totally done with the faith. But my hunch is that the bullshit sticks around in the dungeons of the mind for a long time. I made peace with the devil (me) in a very creative dream one night, but I think there are "positive" things from the church that still linger and need to be exorcised somehow. I even found myself preaching to believers not long ago, not that I believe it anymore, but damn it if they are going to claim to be believers and not follow it. Be one or the other.

 

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