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Church Puns

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I recall that churches liked to use puns


"History is HIS-story"


"Reign on me"


"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1"


"We'll help you study for your final exam"




Then there were the Bible jokes. I stole this list from



1) What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?

Crown Him with Many Crowns

Extra points: Holy, Holy, Holy

2) Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?

The Dmin chord.

3) What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?

The Great Commission

4) Where was Solomon’s temple located?

On the side of his head.

5) How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

6) Who was the smartest man in the Bible?

Abraham. He knew a Lot.

7) What kind of man was Boaz before he married?


8) Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

9) Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?

It was a bird of pray.

10) Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?

Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

11) Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

Samson. He brought the house down.

12) What car make did the Apostles drive?

Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.

13) Who’s the patron saint of poverty?

St. Nickeless.

14) Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?

The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.

15) What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?

A convertible.

16) What’s the best way to settle church disputes?

With canons.

17) Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?

“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)

18) How long did Cain hate his brother?

As long as he was Abel.

19) At what time of day was Adam created?

A little before Eve.

20) Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?

They were using fowl language.

21) What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?

Jesus can’t be topped.

22) What man in the Bible had no parents?

Joshua, son of None

23) Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?

He was in ‘de Nile.

24) Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?

He didn’t want to split hairs.

25) Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?

To get to the other side.

26) If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?

Because he would be several thousand years old.

27) Need an ark?

I noah guy.

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4) Where was Solomon’s temple located?


On the side of his head.

Bwahahah. LOL'd at that one. goodjob.gif


Way back then, when I was a church goer, they actually had this really dumb joke:


God: "Let there be light!"

Satan: "No! Let there be darkness!"

What did Paul say?

Paul said, "Stop the flickering already!" 

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