Expressing thoughts

[Lost]

Do You have this hopeless feeling that You would like to express to others what You truly think, desire, feel, but...You simply can't put it in right words, cause it's so complex?

 

I wrote few posts on this forum and I am like...I can't really perform in front of people here what I really feel or think.

 

I feel like the only way to do that would be literally give someone my brain to understand that.

[Geezer]

For people who were deeply involved & committed Xians, leaving their faith is a deeply emotional experience. I've posted this many times to new ex-Xians. Deconverting is a journey not an event. This journey is often filled with doubt, frustration, anger, & sometimes feelings of hopelessness. 

 

And this journey often takes years to complete. Sometimes you feel like you're in no man's land. You know too much now to return to Xianity, but the feelings of isolation are certainly no fun either. The process takes time & I know sites like this help. If for no other reason to find likeminded folks who have successfully completed their journey or are feeling better about their journey. It does get better with the passing of time. 

 

If you were a deeply committed believer then you were also deeply indoctrinated & it takes time to get that crap out of your head. I highly recommend reading books & material that will strengthen your decision to leave your faith. 

 

A number of fundy ministers have left the faith because they knew it was nonsense & they have written about their decision & deconversion experience. Amazon kindle books is a good place to look for this material. If you're interested in the historical aspect of Xianity I can recommend some good books & authors like Dr. Bart Ehrman. He's written a number of good books that explains why the Bible isn't literally true or historically accurate. 

 

Hang in in there it will get better. 

[Lost]

Thank You Geezer for words of support  I know that lots of people here are supportive, but it's hard to handle everything when I am still in the closet.

 

I was hoping that one girl that I knew from other church (she was brought up in Christian faith by a single mother) that left faith 1 year ago, she really was an example that it's easy to just decide and quit belief. Unfortunately, today I found out that after relationship with her secular boyfriend she split with him and stayed alone with their child. And she came back to God, but she's not going to church for now. Shit...probably that was a short romance and her mother played a role in a whole coming back.

 

My dad, who always was rational, he knows about my crisis of faith and that I want to just escape from church.

 

I can't just tell people in church that I no longer believe, cause I know they will give me lots of shit if I will admit that. I assume that they noticed my lack of love, coldness, lack of interest in Scriptures during Bible Study, but they probably think that I am still this good sister and I feel stressful, cause I am 23 years old and there is a pressure to marry someone. They know that I had hard life and I am not this girl that quickly wants to marry, but people have different ideas.

 

I can imagine them telling me about their prayers for my dad when he had serious surgery, about different testimonies and that I am deceived by scientists to think about evolution.

 

I am tired of making excuses.

 

Escaping to another town or country to work and sent letter to a pastor with goodbye would be the best option, but leaving my only beloved dad and being somewhere isolated and alone is heartbreaking. Even if I would found supportive atheist group. Separation from people that were nice to me and spend time with me in church seems to be cruel too. For some of them it would be devastating to know how I lied to them and hide many things.

 

Maybe this whole plan with escape is like a fantasy that in reality will be too painful to handle and I will be crying and thinking about coming back to God as this girl that I mentioned about? SHIT

 

But as You said Geezer I know too much to return to Christianity, even if i will miss that or stay unhappy as deconverted former believer.

[Geezer]

Don't allow yourself to be pressured into doing anything. You do not have to reveal your decision to leave Xianity to anyone, in fact that probably wouldn't be a good idea right now because you're too fragile. 

 

May I ask what denomination you affiliate with? I was Church of Christ for 27 years when I made the decision to walk away from that & I was an elder at the time. When you leave the poop will hit the fan & you need to be prepared for that.

 

Loss of friends & social structure is almost guaranteed. If you're a member of some fundamentalists group, like I was, family issues are also likely. You need time to prepare for all of that because that will cause you a lot of stress. 

 

I don't think writing letters to the pastor & friends is a good idea, but lots of people do it & that often makes the situation worse not better but you'll have to make that decision. I would advise you to wait for awhile if you feel like that is the way to go. The road out of religion is bumpy & emotionally draining. You need time to prepare for the emotional fallout.

 

About 2 million people a year are leaving Xianity so you will have a lot of company. The Internet has helped to make people aware that the Bible is fiction and so are the characters in those stories, including Jesus. No evidence has yet to be found that a Jesus of Nazareth ever existed in the flesh. Christianity should be correctly labeled Christian Mythology because that is what it actually is. 

 

Lot of of folks here will be happy to support you in your decision to leave your faith & offer encouragement if needed. 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

This is your life; and it's the only one you are going to get to live.  YOU ARE WORTHY of making your own decisions.  You are worthy of being yourself; and nobody else's version of you will ever be happy.  The rest of us will only ever get to experience your perspective on life through you; which means you need to be uniquely your self in order to gain that perspective.  Not because you owe it to anybody; because you owe it to yourself.  Find your self and be that.

[Lost]

21 hours ago, Geezer said:

Don't allow yourself to be pressured into doing anything. You do not have to reveal your decision to leave Xianity to anyone, in fact that probably wouldn't be a good idea right now because you're too fragile. 

 

May I ask what denomination you affiliate with? 

 

 

I am in Evangelical Church since April 2011. I belonged to Catholic Church before. 

[Lost]

21 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

This is your life; and it's the only one you are going to get to live.  YOU ARE WORTHY of making your own decisions.  You are worthy of being yourself; and nobody else's version of you will ever be happy.  The rest of us will only ever get to experience your perspective on life through you; which means you need to be uniquely your self in order to gain that perspective.  Not because you owe it to anybody; because you owe it to yourself.  Find your self and be that.

 

Thank You The RedneckProfessor. Hope it will be easier in the future to look at things this way.