Irony

[Syrus]

Since I'm outing myself here, I suppose a "how I got here" bit might have purpose. Apologies if it seems a bit disjointed; I haven't done serious writing since I left college, so it's nearing stream-of-consciousness in how disjointed it can get.

 

Like many here, I was raised in the church. For as long as I could remember, I was always involved with it in one way or another. Unlike many others, though, my background was with churches falling under the umbrella of progressivism; PCUSA was where I spent the most time, with a couple of visits to ELCA and Episcopalian congregations. Plus, I come from a family of educators, so free-thinking was our norm. As such, inquisitive attitudes were never a problem; the Presbyterians in my neighborhood had a catch-phrase of "you were given a brain. Use it." That said, it took several years for me to actively begin questioning. Until just a few years ago, I like to think I was the typical good Christian kid. Showing up Sunday, toting a Bible or some related commentary to school during the week, love-thy-neighbor attitudes (save for the ones who pissed me off), praying daily, and a fear of all that wasn't Christian. Hell, I even remember writing a paper in my senior English class in high school attempting to give evolution a proper lambasting... with outdated sources and cherry-picking that would make even FOX News blush, but I digress.

 

When I was 11, though, was a kind of beginning of my apostasy, or at least working towards it. My parents divorced, but didn't separate too far; Mom stayed with the Presbyterians in my stick-in-the-mud college town, Dad went to a larger city not far off and bounced between non-denominational churches. I remember most of them from my custody visits; one had a pastor who taught well but also had a habit of throwing shade at Catholics, another was more-or-less dead in the water after having revolving-door leadership, but the last one. This was the one that hurt. See, my dad had found another non-denom church, with what we assumed was a Baptist basis; high energy, puh-raisin' Jeezus in the aisles, you know the type. What I would later know as a charismatic church. The sad thing is, I loved this church! I looked forward to attending service; the energy, the snippy and easy-to-remember sermons, even the speaking in tongues (though that was more because I took it as validation for the choice). I especially loved the youth group; its lessons were practical, even now - it addressed topics like relationships (namely, "don't force things," "communicate," "your partner is human not your property"). It was groundbreaking after a lifetime around more academic congregations.

 

But, it didn't last. See, this church had the same problem most charismatics had. Its most important topic was that of the tithe. "Better to have 90% of your income and be blessed than to have it all and be cursed" was something they parroted constantly. Tied to that was the ever-popular "believe hard enough and it happens." But to me, it made sense. "These people can speak in tongues!" I told myself, "They must have the best faith." This was further reinforced by a visiting minister who came and prayed over a few people - including my father - for healing of one thing or another. I even remember seeing someone shuddering and fainting as it happened... Though Dad didn't experience anything himself and he was - probably still is - a remarkably devout individual. I should probably also mention I recognized no one from that visitor's group of supplicants. But that wasn't what tipped me off. No, what was our final straw was learning the extent to which this church wanted to bilk its people. Here again, the tithe was their central teaching. Everything tied back to it. Including, rather tellingly, Sunday School classes with children. It wouldn't hit me until later - this happened behind my back, so our sudden and immediate departure from the church was jarring and beyond painful - but this was a huge contributing factor for my deconversion. The speaking in tongues? Put a few bilingual people in the audience, let the others play along. The visiting pastor? He was in on it, probably duping his followers as well.

 

After that, I became much more skeptical of the church, though it wouldn't truly take hold until leaving college and I had access to a little thing called current events (see, historians spend little time around such topics. Too recent). What I considered to be 'Truth;' conservative attitudes towards EVERYTHING, nationalism, literal Biblical interpretations, and so forth? Brought directly into question. Studying the text became more worrying in the face of my increasing open-mindedness; why is sexual orientation such a big deal, if it's something determined at birth? What happens when this verse or that is actually read in context? But, enough of my angst for now. This was also a happy time; I met the woman I'd later marry while in college. Initially, this was nothing unexpected; her upbringing was much like mine (that is, Christian from the word "go"), though much more rigid thanks to her military family. But, thanks to a combination of her own wounds at the church's hands (judgmental attitudes of the ignorant South, namely) and a knack for being spiritually perceptive (something I still see few reasons to doubt. I can explain if needed), she deconverted. She turned to witchcraft.

 

Now, high-schooler Syrus would have lost his mind at this revelation. She left the church?! Turned her back on God's love?! Madness. Grounds for separation! But by then, I was no bright-eyed student but a cynical historian with a disdain for organized religion thanks to seeing how many times it had been used as a tool for oppression (the Inquisition, the Crusades, Salem's witch trials, to name a few). I still had an expectation, though, that things would go horribly wrong. All the stories I had heard told me so; stories of former Christians-turned-witches being scared back to Jesus with laughing demons and visits from the devil himself... in the immortal words of Flowey the Flower, "But nobody came." No night terrors, no demonic possession, just my wife's deepening understanding of her craft that grows even now. That was when I began seriously questioning my faith and the Bible; if those threats of curses and such were false, what else? I considered changing my faith, and researched numerous religions. Zoroaster, Islam, Judaism, Hindu, name it and I considered it. Except, of course, for the pagan beliefs. Once I found this site, though, I jumped right off that will-I-won’t-I edge. Reading example after example of people leading fulfilling lives after deconverting, corroborating your research with my own to find fewer and fewer reasons to follow a petty, inconsistent god.

 

The irony of this situation, though, is where I have ended up at the moment. To put it in illogical, spiritual terms, I felt ‘called’ by Athena. One of the pagan gods I thought outside the range of possibility, yet hilariously appropriate for my newfound love of logic and reason. Here’s to new beginnings, hm?

[Syrus]

Christ on a pogo-stick... Redundancy everywhere. I apologize again 

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

On 3/13/2017 at 6:06 PM, Syrus said:

But, it didn't last. See, this church had the same problem most charismatics had. Its most important topic was that of the tithe. "Better to have 90% of your income and be blessed than to have it all and be cursed" was something they parroted constantly. Tied to that was the ever-popular "believe hard enough and it happens." But to me, it made sense. "These people can speak in tongues!" I told myself, "They must have the best faith." This was further reinforced by a visiting minister who came and prayed over a few people - including my father - for healing of one thing or another. I even remember seeing someone shuddering and fainting as it happened...

 

The charismatic churches really hook you. All the churches I went to were that way. It's like getting a spiritual high every Sunday. It's addictive.

 

On 3/13/2017 at 6:06 PM, Syrus said:

The irony of this situation, though, is where I have ended up at the moment. To put it in illogical, spiritual terms, I felt ‘called’ by Athena. One of the pagan gods I thought outside the range of possibility, yet hilariously appropriate for my newfound love of logic and reason. Here’s to new beginnings, hm?

 

That really is Ironic but at least you are finding what you believe in and not what you were told to believe in. I saw one of my FB friends who is in the assembly post a pic of his granddaughter today. She is about 1 probably and she was looking up at the camera so sweet. I kinda shook my head and thought to myself. "You are going to be thoroughly brain washed girl. I hope you can open your eyes one day". ?

 

Dark Bishop

[MOHO]

Glad you and Mrs. Syrus made it out.

 

About the witchcraft thing, though...seams like trading one phony life philosophy for another.

[Syrus]

Eh. If it works, it works. The important thing is agency, da? 

[Syrus]

That is, I'm fully cognizant of this shift, and I'm fully capable of changing if it turns out to be wrong.

 

I like the idea of being able to explore my curiosities, y'dig?

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

You don't owe anyone any explanations for your new beliefs. Your a free being now to explore your beliefs or non beliefs as you see fit. That's the important part. 

 

Dark Bishop