Guest singlecoil Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 I have been lurking on this sight for about a year now. I think I’ve read almost everything that is in the archives and a lot of the posts here. I was raised in a very strict fundy Baptist background. My parents did the best they could and they believed (still do) in almost every fundy doctrine out there. While I now disagree with their stance on gods I have no real right to complain. I did all the church stuff growing up, accepted Jesus, and believed it to be true. I got married to a Xian woman and started raising my family. It never really satisfied me but since I believed it to be true then the problem must lie with me. Fast forward some years and my wife became ill with a rare brain disease (the symptoms mimic MS). We prayed, the church was praying, and people on line that I didn’t even know where praying for her. I guess god stopped listening because despite our best efforts she ended up coming home in worse shape then she left. The story is truly too long and involved to post here, however every time we thought god was showing us his directions it turned out to be worse than before. So I left home with a wife that was in a lot of pain and I came home with a wife that had no tongue function (could not swallow or talk) and was eating through a feeding tube (and still had the pain from the original brain problem). My faith was devastated. Where was god when I actually needed him? We finally did get the surgery done and while it relieved that brain issues it has since caused another. We have since found out that our children suffer from the same problems as their mother. In short they all lost life’s genetic lottery. In the middle of all this I went searching for answers. I started searching out websites the dealt with the infallibility of the bible. See as Baptists we believed that the bible is perfect, and if it wasn’t then how could we possible trust it. I found so many web sights documenting the errors, contradictions, and scientific untruths in the bible. To be fair I searched out apologetic sights too and simply found that they were forced to stretch and make up stories to actually keep their infallibility. I then read web sights like Ebon Musings and at the same time read books about church history (now that is an evil group of SOB’s). In the end my faith just fell away and I just concluded that either god wasn’t there or he just didn’t care to show anyone. Either way there was no reason to believe. I’ve since done much more research and have cemented my deconversion. I consider myself agnostic now. I’ve since stopped going to church (had to endure the pastor trying to question me and even had someone stand up and give a testimony about me falling away and how as a church they “needed to do something” ) and am finally at peace with myself. I like myself now. I’m not an evil sinner I’m just a guy finally learning to enjoy the life I have. This has caused issues in my marriage and while not the main reason we may split up, it sure is a factor. Despite that I would never go back and be sucked into waiting for god to run my life. I don’t have to be mad at god or wonder why my family has to struggle with their medical problems; they just got the short end of the straw. No matter what happens my life is mine again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Welcome to the site, singlecoil. Just like many people turn to faith when personal tragedy strikes, many find the courage to walk away as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnosis of Disbelief Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Welcome singlecoil! Sorry you had to go through what you've been through, but at least you got your freedom out of it. Best of luck in whatever happens next! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbolt Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Hey singlecoil First: Sorry to hear about your wife. Second: Welcome here. Third: Kudo's for you and the way you have explained the thought process you went through. I hear it so often, how people like themselves more, and how this peace is so much deeper than the peace they peddle in Church. Fasten your seatbelt, and enjoy the ride! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gliph Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 Welcome singlecoil! Sorry to hear about your family and your situation. Thanks for sharing some of it though, I'm sure it must still be hard to deal with. At least you were able to try and get her some help. I've known of some fundies that refuse to seek any medical help and rely completely on prayer and other religious "remedies", usually to devistating consequences even for situations not as serious as yours. Welcome to the club, although it seems like you've been sneaking around for a while... Definitely looking forward to hearing/seeing you around on the boards. -Gliph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aqua Kitty Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Wow, you've been through (and are still going through) a lot. I'm glad you decided to de-lurk and join us. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 I’ve since stopped going to church (had to endure the pastor trying to question me and even had someone stand up and give a testimony about me falling away and how as a church they “needed to do something” ) and am finally at peace with myself. I like myself now. I’m not an evil sinner I’m just a guy finally learning to enjoy the life I have. Hi singlecoil. Nice ta meetcha.... So sorry to hear about the tough medical problems inflicting your wife and family. I can't imagine how hard that would be to deal with. But, I'm glad to see that through it all you have managed to see through the mind game that makes a person riddled with guilt for just being human. Welcome to Ex-C as a member. You're among friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest singlecoil Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Thank you all for the warm welcomes. I anticipate I'll enjoy posting here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Hi singlecoil! You've been through such a lot and sounds as though it's still going on. I admire the way you sought things out, difficult to do with the consequences you might have forseen. I hope you find support here, but as you say, the thing to remember is that your life is yours and that is a good thought to walk with. It's hard to accept that bad things just happen, but better than believing they happen as god sits by and watches while we plead in tears... Cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lothartx Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Welcome singlecoil, Sounds like you've had a very rough time. Finding peace with yourself and happiness in yourself is a good thing. I hope you work things out with your relationship with your wife. I know how hard that can be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 singlecoil, Welcome to board amigo. Lots of like minded folks here at Dave's House. Pull up a sitdown and join in. kevinL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponymic Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 Thank you all for the warm welcomes. I anticipate I'll enjoy posting here. It's always great to get someone new around. Look forward to seeing you particular views on the site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ynotbegoodtoall Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Great Post, Sorry about your wife, How Awful! I can identify with your experience in the church. If you get a chance read my eximony titled Godly Christlike Atheist. Keep your "spirit's" up! (we need to really change that phrase) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin webmdave Posted April 9, 2006 Admin Share Posted April 9, 2006 Thanks for de-lurking, SC. I sincerely look forward to reading your insights. I would imagine, with what you've gone through and are still going through, that you could teach quite a few of us some important lessons about real life. Welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest singlecoil Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Thanks for having this website Dave. I don't know if I have anything to teach anyone, but at least I don't have to filter my life through the xtian lense anymore. My life is now my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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