Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Shinobi

Give Your Heart to Zoda!

Recommended Posts

Give Your Heart to Zoda!

 

I was a little bit hesitant to post this message in the forums... I fully realize that this might be the end of any credibility that I may have had around here.  However, after much anguish, heartache, and distress, I have come to the realization that I have no choice left in the matter - you all need to know the truth...

 

It all happened around two weeks ago.  It was a typical boring Monday evening.  I had just finished up a hard day at school, and I needed to relieve some stress.  So, I put in my ear buds, loaded up a Radiohead playlist, and left the house for a nighttime stroll.  As I sauntered down a side street that leads out of the small town I live in, the nauseating scent of car exhaust and spoiled ditch water drifted lazily past me.  I passed by a dead possum lying outstretched in the road with a gaping maw and wide open glazy eyes.  Dried and darkened blood was caked all over his dirty and matted gray coat.  I observed his rotting corpse with a hint of sadness and pondered what his life might have been like, how it abruptly came to an end without warning.  I heard the tortured wail of a nearby train that threatened to completely drown out Thom Yorke's crooning vocals that explained how everything was in its right place.  The bright glare of approaching headlights that were carelessly left on a high beam setting threatened to blind me completely.  Feeling pensive, annoyed, and put off, I hastened my pace and made a beeline for my favorite walking path, a worn down dirt trail that snaked through a large expanse of fir trees located on the eastern edge of town.

 

By the time I reached the old trail, the full moon had already climbed half way up the sky.  It shone down like a floodlight on the line of old fir trees that rose into the sky like broken and jagged dragon's teeth.  I quietly let out a sigh of relief and promptly strolled away from the sidewalk towards the narrow opening in the hedge where the trail began.

 

I removed my ear buds and shoved them in my front pocket so that I could fully take in the nighttime's frenzied chorus that was ringing all around me.  I heard the broken and discombobulated groans of excited tree frogs, the shrill whispers of katydids, and the chirpy chimes of crickets.  A lone owl hooted three times in the distance.

 

I trotted through the woods silently for about a half hour or so winding left, right, and around as I passed by the outstretched arms of old prickly fir trees and the gnarled and knotted wide trunks of aged oaks.  The pungent scent of pine permeated the cool air around me invigorating all of my senses.  A short time later, the trail straightened out and I began to descend deeper into the heart of the forest.  The moon lit up the path before me causing it to shine like a silver stream running through an otherwise black land.  I knew that I was almost at the end of my journey, and I quietly bemoaned the realization that I would soon have to turn around and make the steep climb back up the hill that was currently leading me towards a glade that marked the trail's end.

 

Suddenly, the path opened up before me and the moonlit glade beckoned me forward.  It was much brighter than I had ever remembered it being.  The mix of dark and light greens almost seemed to have a slight glow to them as if they were radiating their own source of quiet light.  I stopped for a moment and wiped my eyes thinking that they were playing tricks on me.  I then proceeded to make my way further down the path.

 

As soon as I stepped into the glade, an intoxicating scent of honey and flowery sweet fragrance overwhelmed me.  I took two steps back and nearly fell over as I witnessed the vines and weeds swaying back and forth all around the edges of the clearing in a state of perfect unison.  There was absolutely no breeze that night that would cause this to happen...  They swooned back and forth like hypnotized cobras caught in the clutches of a charmer's lull.  The hazy green glow that emanated all around me grew in intensity until it threatened to swallow me whole.  I stood frozen in place for what seemed like an eternity in a confused state of shock, wonder, and fear.

 

My awe-struck trance was suddenly broken by a booming voice that came down from the sky above me.  It thundered, "My son!  I am Zoda!  Bow down before me, the one true God!"  I looked all around in a panic for its source but to no avail.  Suddenly, I grew very weak, and I found that I had no choice in the matter.  I fell prostrate on my face with my arms outstretched in total subjection.  Tears swelled up in my burning eyes and my body trembled from head to toe in spasms of fear.

 

The voice exploded once again, "My son! Do not be afraid.  I am Zoda, and I have chosen you to deliver a message to the masses!  This is your purpose.  This is the reason you were created.  You will go back home and tell the infidels on ex-Christian.net that they have angered me with their whining, bickering, and complaining.  You will tell them that I have been known by many names in the past, and Jesus is one of them.  And, you will tell them that my true name is Zoda!!!"

 

I buried my face deeper into the dirt and trembled in something like an epileptic fit.  Suddenly, I felt the choking grasp of gigantic invisible fingers as they closed around my waste like cold industrial sized vice grips.  I felt a surge rush through my entire body as I was catapulted like a rocket into the night sky.  Then, I was floating.  The stars shone brightly all around me like diamonds suspended from invisible strings, and in the distance a bright blue sphere that resembled a swirly marble levitated before me. I immediately recognized it as the planet, Earth.

 

At that moment, a soft and tender voice broke the silence.  "My son, do not be afraid.  I have chosen you to save this planet.  You will be the vessel through which I work my wonders.  But, you must do exactly as I tell you.  Go home, and let the world know that I am Zoda and that I am real.  Let them know that all the prophecies are true and that the world will soon come to an end."

 

I stared off into outer space in pure bewilderment until I could finally muster up enough courage to speak.  Once again, I looked around for the source of the voice to no avail.  I then humbly asked, "How will I do this?  I know they won't believe me, especially the folks at ex-Christian.  They are truly a hard headed bunch."

 

The voice returned in soothing tones, "Have no fear, Shinobi.  I will empower you with my spirit, and the words you need to speak will come to you just when you need them." I slowly nodded my head in resignation.

 

The next thing I knew I was lying flat on my back in the middle of the glade, and everything was back to normal.  The swaying of the greenery had stopped, and the luminescent glow was gone.  I laid there for quite awhile staring back up at the night sky.  The smells and sounds of the forest surrounded me, and all was at peace.  I questioned my sanity and tried to make sense of what I had just experienced.  Had I passed out?  Was it all just a dream? I shook my head.  Nothing I told myself could convince me that what I had experienced wasn't real...  Just then, a shooting start streaked across the sky.  I smiled in spite of myself.  I knew it was Zoda giving me a sign.

 

So, that brings me to this point...

 

You people need to give your hearts to Zoda!  He's real, and he's real mad.  If you all don't cut the shit, he's going to wreak havoc on the world, and he's going to destroy all of you without prejudice!

 

I know I sound crazy, but it's the truth.  I tell you it's the TRUTH!!!

 

*************************************************************************************

Next time you start having doubts about your decision to leave Christianity behind, just remember that it's just about as ridiculous, far-fetched, and credible as the story I have just told you.  You wouldn't give your heart to Zoda, the one true alien god, so why on earth would you give it to Jesus, the magical carpenter from the Middle East?   Think about it.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this! ^_^

 

~ Shinobi

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow LMAO! I don't know if the others made it to the end. But you had me wondering if you went mental there for a sec. I'm surprised no one else said anything yet lol. Good one and very well written. Your description of details made it sound like I was reading a excerpt from a novel. You might should consider developing a real story and writing a book. I enjoyed it.

 

DB 

 

PS. Hail Zoda! Lmao

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand. Zoda has revealed Himself to me as well. Or maybe it was Yoda. Never mind.

 

Anyway, well done sir!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Excellent writing. You should write. It's your talent. Do something with it!! 

 

Loved the story. I'll try very hard not to let Zoda down tonight. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, DarkBishop said:

Wow LMAO! I don't know if the others made it to the end. But you had me wondering if you went mental there for a sec. I'm surprised no one else said anything yet lol. Good one and very well written. Your description of details made it sound like I was reading a excerpt from a novel. You might should consider developing a real story and writing a book. I enjoyed it.

 

DB 

 

PS. Hail Zoda! Lmao

Thank you so much DB! :D  I'm so glad that you enjoyed it!  I was sitting up late last night because I sometimes struggle with insomnia, so I decided that I would do something creative to help me fall asleep.  After surfing through the forums here on EX-C, I came up with the idea.  I just hope that it makes people laugh.  Sometimes, the issues that people deal with when going through the deconversion process are heavy and hard to handle, and I believe that humor can make those issues easier to cope with.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, florduh said:

I understand. Zoda has revealed Himself to me as well. Or maybe it was Yoda. Never mind.

 

Anyway, well done sir!

Ha ha ha! :D Thank you so much, Florduh! I'm really glad you took the time to read this.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Margee said:

Excellent writing. You should write. It's your talent. Do something with it!! 

 

Loved the story. I'll try very hard not to let Zoda down tonight. 

Thank you, Margee. :)  Just remember, if you let Zoda down, you're letting all of us down. :P 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A brilliant piece well done :)

 

Would you like to debate the existence of Zoda in the positive? :D:D 

 

"discombobulated" Flaming Nora! What is this word??

 

*Goes to google*

 

"to confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate"

 

Ohhhhhhh.......

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/6/2017 at 10:39 PM, ExPCA said:

Hypergraphia. Maybe consider a CBC and a physical... and/or start drinking heavily. Love you.

Ha ha ha!!! That's about the funniest thing I've read on the internet today. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/7/2017 at 7:04 AM, LogicalFallacy said:

A brilliant piece well done :)

 

Would you like to debate the existence of Zoda in the positive? :D:D 

 

"discombobulated" Flaming Nora! What is this word??

 

*Goes to google*

 

"to confuse or disconcert; upset; frustrate"

 

Ohhhhhhh.......

Thank you, LogicalFallacy! I'm glad that you enjoyed it.  I'm really not sure why I chose to use that word.  It just sounded right in the moment.  lol  I think it was a word that my grandma used to use whenever she was frustrated about something.  If you've ever been in a wooded area at night, you would totally understand why discombobulation and massive amounts of croaking tree frogs sort of go hand in hand. :D

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Shinobi

 

Yes, as soon as I found the definition I was like ohh that's what was meant. I like this word - thanks for the introduction to it :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/9/2017 at 9:23 AM, ConsiderTheSource said:

I have followed Zoda and his father, Zoda Pop, for some time now.

Ha ha ha!!! :D  You are on the right path, ConsiderTheSource.  However, you still need to pray to Zoda Pop in the name of his son, Zoda for Zoda's spirit to come upon you.  Once you've been baptized in the Spirit of Zoda, you will truly be able to experience all of the power and joy that Zoda has to offer. :P 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎4‎/‎9‎/‎2017 at 9:23 AM, ConsiderTheSource said:

I have followed Zoda and his father, Zoda Pop, for some time now.

Don't forget to add some grain alcohol (Wholly Spirit)  to that Zoda Pop

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.