Brothers & Sisters In The Faith Vs Authentic Friendship

[skysoar15]

Hi everyone,

Hope y'all are having a good Friday.

 

Been doing some reading on here about people losing their friends due to their beliefs.

 

I understand I can just read old posts, but do any of you have a fresh perspective on the friendships you once had?

 

I've realized that with Christians, there is a 'brother' and 'sister' mindset. How deep that actually sticks depends on the individual Christian.

 

One of the hardest things to deal with is the inevitability of losing friends, yet my problem hasn't been in losing them so far.

 

My problem has been in that I no longer seek to hang out with THEM. 

 

If the friendship dies, most likely it will be because of me. This will vary from each person I deal with.

 

There are some I can see staying my friend and some I just cant imagine staying friends with. Around 90 percent of the people I am close to will be the latter.

 

Simply put, Im losing room to hold onto so many people who fervently live that lifestyle. 

 

My questions are this:

1.) What does authentic friendship mean to you?

2.) What are your experiences as an ex- Christian brother or sister?

3.) How do they relate to you now?

4.) How do you relate to them?

 

[sdelsolray]

I suggest you revisit and contemplate your current definition of the word "friend".

 

In my experience, I have learned that many Christian sects teach its members a certain dogma - 'shun those who do not believe as we do'.

 

Friendship, at least to me, does not allow for such infantile tribalism and xenophobia.

 

Accordingly, those who chose that particular religious dogma over the human social concept of friendship are, ironically, to be avoided.

[nutrichuckles93]

First, I'll answer your questions, then I'll provide an additional anecdote with my separate thoughts.

 

1. It means someone I can be myself around and they won't stare at me like I've lost my mind. Ex: When I was a Christian, I couldn't behave the way I did around my "brothers" like I did with my best friends from high school (whom I still see every so often). And it felt unnatural behaving "christian-ly" around those friends. So I had to fake it both ways. That's the brief version.

2. I have yet to reveal to anyone in my Christian circle that I outright don't believe anymore. Except my wife and one of the pastors, whom I'm expecting will tell others and I'll be confronted any time now. I've had "doubts" I've occasionally brought up for months, but we're always swept under the rug. My old school buds recently revealed to me when I admitted my reconversion that they felt Christianity didn't suit me when I told them I'd initially converted. How about that? Real friends know the real you.

3. I can't relate in the least at all. I'm constantly holding back rolling my eyes anytime one of them speaks about the Babble and God.

4. ^^Much the same as #3. I may have mixed the questions up, but they mean the same to me. There's no relation at all. Christ was the only friendship foundation for most/all of them. I'm scared to have a real conversation about my unbelief to the guy who brought me to Christ. I'm sure I'll have to eventually though.

 

Frankly though, the "Brotherships" are only based in Christ. In the year since my doubts began and grew, I can never honestly talk to them about anything anymore. So it's all been sapped away.

[nutrichuckles93]

Deconversion, not reconversion. Again, this dang phone. Anything that doesn't look right with context is probably an autocorrect.

[★ Citsonga ★]

1 hour ago, nutrichuckles93 said:

Deconversion, not reconversion. Again, this dang phone. Anything that doesn't look right with context is probably an autocorrect.

 

Autocorrect should be called auto-INcorrect. I turned that horrible feature off on my phone. 

[nutrichuckles93]

I guess I didn't realize it could be turned off. Thanks.

[Rounin]

1.) What does authentic friendship mean to you?

Liking and valuing each other, enjoying spending time together and / or communicating with each other, having things in common, such as interests, viewpoints or mindsets.

 

2.) What are your experiences as an ex- Christian brother or sister?

Most of the Christians I used to know are in different social circles now, since I'd meet many of them in my catholic school or at church. I've been open about not believing anymore with family, friends and acquaintances alike, but I haven't gone out of my way to announce it to everyone I've ever known.

 

3.) How do they relate to you now?

I don't associate with that many Christians to begin with, and haven't gotten any huge reactions from anyone that is. One friend of mine is a very ardent believer, and tries to convert me more or less every time I see him. However, he's very respectful and friendly and not overly pushy about it, and I've enjoyed the theological discussions I've had with him. He's recommended me an apologetic book that I'm reading right now.

 

4.) How do you relate to them?

I get along fine with the Christians I still happen to associate with. It feels slightly awkward for me if the topic of religion comes up, as it's such an emotion-laden topic for me. I think I feel more strongly about religion than many believers.

[Ellinas]

1.) What does authentic friendship mean to you?

Being accepted for who I am now, even if that is not the same as yesterday.

 

2.) What are your experiences as an ex- Christian brother or sister?

Christians do not believe they can be friends with non Christians.  As such, they are correct.

 

3.) How do they relate to you now?

As little as possible; that's my choice.  Even though I have not openly stated my unbelief, they see enough to be wary and not force the issue.

 

4.) How do you relate to them?

See above.