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nutrichuckles93

That sinking feeling in your gut....

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....when you've left the church and so far nobody has personally reached out to you to ask about why or even just how you're doing.

 

I kind of want to cry, because that means the two guys I was closest to in church don't even care enough to bother asking me why my wife is there but not me.

 

This sucks. Hopefully this feeling will pass soon.

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We are here with you nutrichuckles.

 

My best friends haven't uttered a single word to me about leaving church, or God, and why I don't believe. My best friends for 10 years! I tried to start a conversation one time saying if they wanted to talk about it, thinking that maybe they thought it would be rude to push me. They were not interested.

 

It doesn't help that the pastor has and continues to poison the well https://www.logicallyfallacious.com/tools/lp/Bo/LogicalFallacies/140/Poisoning-the-Well

 

This is done both in direct conversations with them, (Oh LF, he really believes he just doesn't know it, or don't talk to him, he has been deceived by science) and by preaching against using intellect logic and reason in church EXCEPT in regards to listening to Gods word (Which means don't use your brain at all)

 

So you are not alone, yes it hurts - those closest to us don't want to talk about one of the biggest changes we will ever face - changing our core belief system.

 

All the best

LF

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Just get out here in the real world and make some real friends. You'll be fine, hang in there.

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1 hour ago, nutrichuckles93 said:

....when you've left the church and so far nobody has personally reached out to you to ask about why or even just how you're doing.

 

I kind of want to cry, because that means the two guys I was closest to in church don't even care enough to bother asking me why my wife is there but not me.

 

This sucks. Hopefully this feeling will pass soon.

 

Many theists are taught from a very young age various flavors of xenophobia, including the mistrust, vilification and shunning of non-believers.  You are a victim of that indoctrination.  Yes, it's sad, but it's also pathetic.  You are not the one acting immorally.  They are.

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Well, it might be that those two guys know or have guessed already, or that they just don't consider it their business and don't want to bother you.

Not everyone is a meddler, after all.

 

Documentation for your consideration:

http://finnishnightmares.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/finnishnightmares/

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We are here for yah here. I know it is just an online group of friends and you don't even know most of our names (mostly because we don't want to be outed to everyone we are associated with in real life) but we do care about the situation you are going through. 

      I think this happens any time one makes a huge change in their life affecting their current social situation. Such as moving out of state, deconversion,  job changes, or even conversion. I had close friends I was associated with when I wasn't a Christian that didnt want anything to do with me when I became christian. Likewise since I left the church I have only had two people contact me in real life just because we happened to run in to each other in public. It wasn't like they made an effort to find me. And two people to send me a message or converse with me on Facebook. 

     But that's all fine and dandy because that means I don't have to be guilt tripped because they want me to come back to church. Oh well life goes on. I really appreciate my uncle. He has been their for me no matter what stage of life I was in and we have always been close. I can't even say that about my brothers. 

      If ya ever wanna PM to talk or something feel free too. I will lend an attentive eye to your messages. Deconverting isn't an easy process.

 

Best regards,

       Dark Bishop

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On 5/6/2017 at 7:03 PM, Rounin said:

Well, it might be that those two guys know or have guessed already, or that they just don't consider it their business and don't want to bother you.

Not everyone is a meddler, after all.

That would be the ideal, but it's been several months since either of them spoke to me in a meaningful, more than passive way (I only stopped attending a couple weeks ago). Once I began voicing my doubts and problems with scriptural consistency, a lot of the people I talked to....stopped reaching out to me. My church was very much is of the mind that if they can't/won't convert, then wipe them from their shoes. They're the flavor that talks about how much the world persecutes THE TRUE CHRISTIANITY. Oh, the fucking irony.

 

And while I'd like to think better of those two friends, the general way of our friendships (even when I was "in it") was making sure we were all maintaining our direction towards and in discipline with the Lord's commands. So I don't think it's rash for me to assume they'd pick sticking with that over a person they "befriended" for two years.

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I might as well just copy and paste the OP... it's my story, too.

 

Seriously, fuck them; fuck them all.

 

I am going back to the life and the attitude I had before I started getting involved in church in the first place. I was raised in a fundy church but I left at 18 when I was old enough to choose.

 

I made the stupid mistake of going back when I was in an emotionally-dangerous state, and I let myself believe that 'god' was 'calling me'.

 

If you're not going to waste the time you have left, you have to take back the moments you wasted in the hopes that a god would bring meaning to your existence.

 

If those 'friends' of yours (obviously) only see value in you insofar as you conform to their religious ideal, screw them - if who you are RIGHT NOW isn't worthy of their friendship, they can drop dead.

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. .The lesser their efforts is the perfect answer to do the same. I learned that even with family can you overstay your welcome. In doing your part did you not only live through the deluded, but you also gave plenty of people chances after you left. Now with every impression given to you such as being possessed, a demonic spirit living through you, that you're the one making the mistakes, that god doesn't like ugly, all of that bullshit, can you throw it back at them from here on out. Though it's been mentioned before, but in leaving, only two have really come through to check up on me and that was a month ago since I cut ties with the family around last year. Is it regrettable that I left? Not at all. I've won, and so have you. Whereas your mind is clear can you live without a hint of guilt, shame, or even some god watching over you be it where you go, whom you associate with, where your money goes (still wondering why Jesus needed our money to begin with), what tattoos you decide to go with should it come to that ultimate decision, and most of all where you stand as a person. Originality within you is one of the most beautiful things to embrace after your de-conversion because not only do they not know you anymore, but it's a new world of experiences that await you, old or young. It's your victory no matter what. Think memories outside of religion, not flaws. You've done enough so what more is there to prove? Live, but within don't die. 

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