Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
ag_NO_stic

Arsenal of Religious "Lightbulb" Jokes

Recommended Posts

So, I know I'm new. But this humor and satire genre will probably be my go to on this board. What is life without laughter and not taking each other so seriously? Below, I've included some funny lightbulb jokes that I accrued and laughed at even while a Christian. Enjoy and, by all means, post any more if you know some!

--------------------------------------------------

 

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has determined when the lights will be on.

A(2): Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.

 

 

Q: How many Armenians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1, if he chooses to change it.

 

 

Q: How many Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? 

A: That doesn't matter, it's only what's in your heart. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. God loves you just the same.

 

 

Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 5. One man to change it and four wives to make sure he's doing it correctly.

 

 

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Candles only.

 

 

Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1. But they are still in darkness.

 

(This one is so amusing to me when I consider, in all seriousness, that I used to believe this. It's like "Take the sunglasses off then, brothers, because I'm actually en"light"ened!)

 

Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10. One to actually change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness. 

 

 

Q. How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!!

 

 

Q. How many agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Hmm, I'm not sure on that one. There are so many options!

 

 

Q. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, Lutherans don't believe in change.

 

 

Q:How many members of the Church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. All of them need to first confirm that they have the one true bulb and then the pastor'll do it.

 

 

Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A(1): 3. One to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!

A(2): 1, since his hands are in the air anyway.

 

 

Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A(1): 1. But for the message of light to continue, please send in your donation today.
A(2): Don't limit yourself to 1, that is determined by how much you can give! There is no end to God's grace and mercy if you are generous!

 

 

Q:How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one. 

 

 

Q:How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it we would need four or five committees to review the idea first and draft a constitution. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 20 or 30? 

 

 

Q:How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?

A2. 1, and at least 30 natives to see the light. 
 

 

Q. How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. 3, but they're really one.

 

 

 

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The agnostic one is pretty good, too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.