Thinking about Atheism

[willybilly30]

Hey, everyone I am a very old member and got to thinking about this place..glad it's still kicking. I wrote a blog entry on google drive and thought of this place and mentioned it .  i thought i would use as a knew testimony and kind of reintroduce myself

 

I wanted to talk about Atheism and explore it. But, I wanted it in a place I would have privacy and could be by myself. I do not know if I want to be Atheist and Usually, when I explore something I get bombarded with questions and People think I am gonna do it.  Well, this is my private space and I got a really cool laptop to do this on. I think this is the first google doc I have done on here actually.

Where it all started

I was in the group “Satanic Essays and Musings” Someone asked”What would it would it be like to have a beer with Satan?” I said”It is great he likes coffee I talk to Gods and Goddesses all the time” Lucy Morgan asked” if i had a mental disorder? Well, we got to talking and I joined some Atheist groups. I been doing a lot of talking and a lot of thinking. I don’t know I think I will play around in my playground and see what comes up.

One thing I really get sick of about religion

I am Eclectic I guess well that is what I told her. It is really hard to be cause every one tells you what to do

Susan and Red Elk bitched at me cause I had Christian books Susan said i want to be a fanatic

Red Elk said i could not be Cherokee and Wiccan

A Satanist said I could not drink a cup with the devil and with jesus

Religions are kind of like clubs really they got all these rules you must follow to be one of them and if you don’t you can’t be.

Oh, and most of them claim to be the only truth and If you are not one of them you will go to hell or be a bug or something it will be bad that is for sure.

Oh, and If I did become Atheist I know someone will bitch about the cross on my wall

But, they all kind of have a point

Sure, I like the simplicity of Jesus but, I don’t think you got to follow him and I don’t believe in hell.

Um didn’t Jesus say he was the way, the truth and the life and no man comes to father but, by me? John 14:6  People leave out the part of the ten commandments where God says he is a jealous God and You don’t have to read very far to see him rampaging on people. He got mad cause the Jews made a golden calf to worship

Right now my minds a flooding with verses about hell fire from Jesus

Oh, and you want to study Satanism and What be a friend of Satan and Jesus? You know good and well they are enemies.

Religions do have similarities but, many differences winch brings me to the next topic.

I guess i will end this paragraph on what a preacher said to me about believing evolution”To be a Christian you must believe in the Bible! All of it!” Isn’t that pretty much your whole problem...All religions got that rule pretty much don’t they? They don’t wanted treated like a buffet bar where you get your favorite foods and leave what you don’t want.

I am in Christian Wicca and they are like that... ever religion is on a buffet bar in a restaurant they pick what they like and leave the rest

Everyone criticises them they say...Well, religions don’t want any bar in the restaurant but, there's and that is a fact

Who should I believe anyway?

When I was little and raised in Church of Christ I was told all churches was wrong except their church

Boy, That was hard my friend is Baptist, My grandma don’t even go to church, The time I went to the Mormon church they said they are the true church and Mother Angelica on the Catholic channel said”Everyone needs to wake up and become Catholic” Jews don’t believe in Jesus, Muslims believe Christians and Jews will go to hell. Google says there are 33,000 protestant denominations but. I bet there are more than that. They probably all say they are right so, winch one do you pick? What if you pick the wrong one? I love to ask people “With all the religions in the world how do you know yours is right?” They flick their Bible open or Just say they feel it is right. Thing is they all do that...Well, I wish that was the only problem but, it is not

Who or what is God?

Most Christians say Yahweh,Jesus and The Holy Ghost

Jews just Yahweh

Wiccans God and Goddess but, all Gods and Goddesses come from them but, don’t you dare mention Satan could be one of them

Hinduism has tons of Gods and Goddesses

Buddhism Buddha i think

What does God look like?

Christians say a man

Wiccans Horned God and Moon Goddess

Hinduism has all kinds of looks Ganesh has a elephant head, some are blue, have lots of arms, half animal

Buddha a big jolly man

What happens at death

Christianity heaven or hell

Catholics put in purgatory

Buddhists, Hindus and Wiccans reincarnation

Laveyan Satanists nothing you are dead you do not exist

I could really research this and have a bigger article because there are billions of religions with different views on God, the afterlife and morals

What you better do or not do

Muslims cannot eat pork and there women must be covered in some countries they look like walking tables with cloths

Christians most of them believe you can eat anything

But, most Christian churches have different views of what is a sin, Church of Christ thinks music in the Church is a sin but, Pentecostals have music

Seventh day Adventists say church is on Saturday

With all these conflicting ideas you gotta wonder does anyone really know anything?

Why are all religions from people and Why are holy books found in caves written by people?

If there really is some God who cares what we think, do or what religion we choose then why doesn't God tell us?

Where is God anyway? Funny all these religions have ideas of God but, no one has run into him

Satellites orbit the earth, planes fly in the sky, people live everywhere on earth I doubt there are many places left no human has seen or set foot

Why are there Atheists anyway? I know if someone thought I did not exist I would be proving it.

Why are humans the only ones with religion? My dog don’t have a religion, the trees don’t have a bible..Is nature better than us that only humans need a religion?

The Earth is where we came from, we get food and everything is from her and no one considers Earth the supreme God.

Earth made me and everything i need... not some human and It don’t care how you live.

Don’t that make sense I mean why would something create what it did not like or want?

To be continued…

Oh, and another thing...If God told anyone anything why are their different beliefs? Why would a God tell people different things that are true? Why different forms? And Another thing...Why are there Atheists….I wrote a letter once along time ago asking God to show himself and prove his existence...I just now remember that letter...and The many Atheists I know have done similar  gave up and I wonder why I do not.

My childhood

I had a lot of problems I was born deformed, walk funny and just got tons of problems.

Kids at school were really mean to me and Some of my family was not much better

My dad cheated on my mom with the decon of our churche’s wife and it was a sermon...my mom ran out crying, me and Jennifer chased after her it was the most humiliating and embarrassing thing my mom ever experienced.

I explored several churches since then and Seen the same humiliation put on people.

I had a friend named Jim who got in a fight with a girl who constantly looked at us like we were skunks and treated us like it. She was rich...Me, Seth and Jim were poor and She knew it.

After, the fight she told the preacher he told Jim’s mom her son was evil and She was an awful mother...She ran out crying..Another mom humiliated…

I wish this was the only story I had..but, I will stop here

That preacher had a problem with me anyway..I had too many questions….I wondered how we could have no mother everything has a mother don’t it? Nothing exists without a woman...With all the churches how do we even know what is the right one? Why did Jesus have to die for us anyway..Man, the questions and I got brave and asked preachers questions but, there answers just did not seem very good and I could just tell I was really getting on their nerves.I hated the idea of hell and I began thinking with all the religions of the world surely, I could find something better than this…

My dad gave me a bunch of spiritual books he found dump diving in a box

My grandma ordered me a book of mormon

I meditated in the woods

I read the bible and prayed

I met friends who made their own little religions

I studied religions in the library

My journey was starting...But, when i moved out and got the internet is when it really took off

When i moved out i was sitting in front of my computer..I thought “I wonder what Witchcraft really is?..I hear it is evil and of the devil but, that did not tell me much as I wanted to know and Really I should hear what they got to say about it”

I found Wicca and loved it so much..and it seemed to answer every question and no hell.

I fell so in love with it and Nothing about it did I not like.

I found a coven willing to give me a ride, learned spells, rituals, meditation, had spirit guides and It was wonderful and The people treated me better than any Christian

They seemed more like Jesus than any Christian I have ever met

But, I loved Jesus and Mary, Angels, Buddha, and I was told about ChristianWicca by my priestess and That was love at first sight when i found groups and books to read.

It really is Jesus words with Wicca and no hell or any bad stuff

What i called the buffet religion up above

But, I had chaos at home my friends and family bugged me to death and I was kicked out of my apartment. I threw away all my stuff winch i will regret forever cause alot was homemade and it can’t be brought back. My life was a struggle going back and forth, leaving groups and everything was Chaos.

Funny thing is...my friends and family ran me the other direction…

The coven broke up and moved away but, thanks to facebook years later I found where some of them are and We talk

Let’s jump to the part you Atheists maybe more interested in since I think I will stick this in the Atheist group..Even if I don’t I think it is very worth pondering over again.

         Warning

I warn you this will leave you deeply disturbed...you may want to sit outside, sip some coffee and relax a few minutes because the ending filled me with rage and I bet it will do you the same way. When i think of what I am fixing to talk about I wonder why in the hell I went back to religion..Maybe, I can remember that part as well. I warn you go do that relaxing thing! Here goes…

The Ex Christians

I decided the only way to break my family and friends power over me was to free myself of Christianity/

I found a forum www.ex-christian.net  Went there telling about how I was into Wicca and  my beliefs. People had really awful experiences to talk about and So, did I. but, then things got rough.

Atheists decided to debate me and The one thing that annoyed me so, much was the could ask questions I could not for the life of me answer..All my religious knowledge was completely useless...I mean I would rack my brain and still could not win. Look at some of these:

“Why can some one with Alzheimers not think anymore if they have a spirit? If you cut  your arm off do you got a spirit hand that can take over?  Doctors take out stuff they ever take out a soul;?’

‘ if God is so good why are there diseases, starving children and stuff like that”

Reverend Atheiststar wrote a book called “Malevolent Design” had a website with rants, told me about a radio show called “American Heathen” and Made a group called”free speech atheists”

I decided ok. Atheists have point nothing can be proven but, I am keeping Wicca and My God and Goddess even if it may just be my brain

I was even told by a friend go ahead with your beliefs...So, what if nothing can be proven.

I was broke free of Christianity I mean if I can’t even prove anything and defend myself then why bother….I think I kind of ignored the other stuff like I was talking about but, what happens next hit me like a ton of bricks….

I started getting into it all i was ranting in my journal on the ex christian site, on the free speech atheists, talking to friends, making fun of religion and I said on free speech atheists”I want a website  like reverend Atheist star”

Godless Ranter messaged me he said”I am a webmaster..for five dollars a month I will make you a website and you can do whatever you want with it’”

We chatted for days and made a kick ass site called”The Free Thinking Hippe” We talked about all kinds of stuff and far as I was concerned we were best buddies.

But, one night he kind of floored me…

I said”Hey, how are you?’

He said”Depressed, my mind is on something it kills me but, I am not sure I can talk about it…”

Somehow he ended up talking about it

He was a bad kid I guess so, his mom let him live with a preacher who basically imprisoned him and made him his sex slave he tried to tell people but, no one would believe him so, this was his childhood till he moved out.

A man of God did that..He was a Christian what the hell….This was before I knew about sex abuse in the church in fact I think i did not know very much at all

To hear this could happen to such a good friend was really  sad and Where was God? What was God doing during all this? And guess what...his friend decided to see if he could find out.

On Free Speech Atheists some how...some way we got to discussing this...Possibly,Godless Ranter decided talking to his friends on there would be good and I am sure it helped.

Rev. Jeremiah said”I am going to go to a site where you can ask Christians questions and Ask “Why does God let little children be raped and killed?’

Me, Reverend Atheist Star, Him and even Godless Ranter decided to debate them.

Here is some i can remember. I will put Christian and Atheist unless i remember names

Christian:The devil causes people to rape kids

Atheist:Why does God let the devil do that? If a court let someone go around raping kids who's the blame for it..The court? Well, your God did the same thing,

Christian:Everything is according to God's will

Me: It is God’s will kids be raped?

Christian:Quit twisting my words William!”

Me:Read what you just said….

Christian:You Atheists just want to start fights I am out

Christian says:God, will punish them some day

Atheist:Why not now? And He could have stopped it in the first place

Christian:The fall of man

Me:Kids get raped cause our ancestors ate from an apple tree that makes a lot of sense

Christian:God loves you. He will help you if you pray

Godless Ranter:I was raped my whole childhood and God did nothing! What did i do to deserve that? I was just a little innocent kid”

I wonder if i can find this all somehow..ex christian.net is still here

I met this girl who talked me out of all of it and back to Christianity

Man, that bitch was not Christian tho and She controlled my whole life

Made me give up friends and everything

She swore she would leave her husband...she waited two months to tell me about...and marry me

Shit all that is another story i think i will stop there

But, I dumped her but, she tried again and i dumped her again...think i am dumb enough to do all this twice? I gave her a little chance till i see nothing's changed but, a new husband lol

I started exploring religions on facebook joining groups

I got to wondering what The Satanic Bible was like..oooh, the ultimate bad boy, the most hated book in hamilton alabama and I found it online, illegally of course and licked my lips and opened it

I been lied to man...no demons, no babies being sacrificed, and Satan is just a symbol of rebellion not even a real deity.

Basicly, it is what i heard on Free Speech Atheists and They like doing magic as a form of therapy..kind of like if you got mad at someone and beat a pillow it helps you and most likely won't hurt them.

Of course there are some called Theistic Satanist that believe Satan is real and The got a lot of different beliefs

I found this out when I joined Satanic groups but, it is nothing like the news says, church says, and Everyone has been lied too.

When i think about this what other lies are there? The bible has been translated, books left out and edited by the Church before anyone was allowed to see it...Would they change it? Would they lie? I proved it would not be the first time didn’t i?

 

When it comes to religion you ever think how ridiculous it is?

Christians look up to Moses who was gonna sacrifice his son,,,What if i told you i had a kid God told me to sacrifice but, then he changed his mind?

What if you had a wife and she told you God made her pregnant?

Whatever your religion..the only reason it don't seem berserk is cause you was taught it was true

I recently made fun of a Muslim cause in his religion it has a horse with a human head called Buraq...Why is that so, funny? Well, there is no horses like that and never have been. You can’t cross human and horses like that...Don’t you think with all the beastiality cases we would have a half horse half man walking around by now?

But,  does Christianity make any more sense? Ever see a goat man with a pitch fork? Angels? Talking snakes or donkeys, virgin births? And have you seen God?

I don’t want you to say you have i want physical proof I want to see it, touch it, feel it with my own eyes.

I hate to say it but, if there was a group of people who did not believe in anything they could not see, hear, feel and touch personally..that was their rule it has to be then you could not get them to convert to a religion for nothing.

We rely on books from people we do not even know and believe things most of us have never seen.

There would not be all this confusion, questions, and arguing if there was a God who said anything.

I wrote God a letter..still in the ex christian diary if it has not been deleted...I asked God to show me he exists...I have not looked to see the date but, it has been long enough to assume he doesn't exist or just don’t want to tell me anything.

Other points to ponder

Awhile back a woman named Terri shivo have a heart attack, they took her to the hospital, all she did was look at the ceiling..She was brain dead did not eat, did not speak, did not eat, the little movement she did do was just nerves. She was let die. Where was Terri?

When an alzheimer's patient is in the last stages they can’t remember their own kids, name and eventually are a vegetable.

Your brain stores every memory that you have, You are known by your body without it your own mother could not recognize you. Without your body you would not have memories, your name, could not move, and to those who think you will resurrect I doubt there would be much to resurrect if you died long enough ago... Will cremated people resurrect? People beheaded and I don’t think any one notices this verse ‘Luke 9;27 “Some are standing here who will not taste death till the son of man comes”

Scientist made a brain helmet that can make you have religious experiences

I thought i talked to Gods and Goddesses, felt them and seen them in front of me

A girl asked me a question once i tried three times to answer

I was put on pills for hearing voices

Thing is can you name a religion where people say they heard voices?

Moses heard a voice in a burning bush

Joseph Smith heard from Moroni

Buddha heard from Mara

Arujuna heard from krishna

Jesus heard from the devil

If any of these people came to my therapist today I know they would be taking pills

It is interesting even tho my therapist wears a cross and says”that is different” when i brought it up...The people who study mental health think any God you talk to is in your own head.

 

Humans at one time did not know what we know today...read any holy book and compare it to science you will see that.

In the Bible God created the light and plants before there was a sun among other things.

Most. likely God was the Sun at one time, The Earth and The moon

The Earth made us, gave us food, air and water

But, they did not know things like lightning came from clouds so, the thought of a God throwing lightning bolts probably came quite easy.

I was thinking of the story of the tower of babel a few days ago. God got angry because people built a tower to heaven.

We fly planes higher than they could've built a tower..

The sky was heaven…

Who is God?

I wonder why i never could answer that girls questions? A God would know the answers but, I would not know

Why is it i can go to any group in any religion? Talk to Jesus, Satan, read the Satanic Bible and The Bible and read both yet, no God tells me no but would tell a Christian not too?

Cause I believe it is ok and They do not

It is interesting that right now I hear in my head”Cause, your God is you…’

Our brains are better than computers it records everything we have seen, heard, smelled, tasted, and everything that has happened from childhood to adulthood.

I have studied The Bible, Wicca, Satanism, Christianity, Buddhism and Countless spiritual things.

We know the brain sucks up everything like a sponge

My brain has enough information to probably whip up any God I want to talk too but, it probably twists it all around my personal thoughts and feelings.

I wonder if at some point in time humans did not know thoughts came from the brain?

When you go in nature you see a different world

Animals and Plants don’t have a God, A holy book, A religion or rules

My dog don’t know a god,he doesn't know he is a dog, or even how cute he is

According to scientists we were once in caves, had hair and we chimpanzee like

There was a time we did not have a God, religion or holy book either

So, what changed? You think some God decided we should have a religion and the rest of the world not?

A God who can listen to over a billion prayers twenty four seven? Made a huge universe for some reason then made Earth and decided humans should have a religion.

Then makes a sun that causes cancer, dehydration and could swallow us all up

Then parasites, diseases, tornados, handicaps but, does give us a beautiful days and pretty nature right?

I doubt prayers usefulness I am sure Godless Ranter prayed

I read when the amish shooting happened there were people praying outside

People have died thinking a God would heal them.

I watched a documentary about a murdered nun..You would think someone who devoted their life to God would be invincible

They are supposed to be married to God...Well, God is not a good husband and did nothing to stop the priest who was molesting kids she tried to stop.

No, she is some where rotting in a grave while he never got in trouble he died years later after doing no telling what all  that school

Why does the Catholic Church protect such people? And If that town was not full of priest loving catholics he would probably of been in jail

Sorry you wasted your life Sister Kathy Cesnick….

Where do i go from here?

I thought I could have no guidance I guess i thought that part of me would shut off at the thought of no God

Awhile ago i realized I am nearly out of tabbaco it is late at night, i lost my wallet so, i don’t have id

I said what do i do and said all i said above

I heard”You can probably get your brother to get you some tomorrow don’t smoke it up tonight

A friend i let borrow money paid me back

See I still get guidance and The thing is I always been worshipping myself

I sent my brother a message about it

Think of a solution and do it now that is prayer i know works

I thought i would have to burn my books and leave my groups but, I do not think i will

You can learn from anything

I will keep my religious stuff they symbolise the aspects of myself and I am accepted as I am in town and not ready to face ridicule

I will call myself Eclectic in town cause that is what i am...I am not a Christian I read on different religions and come up with my own ideas.

I will do that on facebook as well, that way groups know from the start what i do.

I thought about making a book of my beliefs and may still do

I see no need to follow anyone or what they think i should do and not do

I think i will see what www.ex-christian.net is doing too

Well, i think i will end this blog here but, i may make more this google drive is kick ass on this lap top