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J_Julie

I need help

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I'm not really sure how I am going to word myself but here I go. I have grown up in a Christian home, I think my parents love me, but I don't know. When I was little they used to yell at each other a lot and it was horrible. They used to 'smack' us and say it was for the best. But it hurt and I'm so glad that has stopped now. Once my father told me he thought I had an evil spirit inside of me, another time he held me down and started preying over me.  I want to kill myself but I am too scared of hell. I want to get far far away from my parents, who have caused everything I fear. But I feel bad because they were trying to do the right thing, but its really hurting me now, and I'm struggling to love them, respect them, and get along with them. Also I went vegan because I want to harm at he least amount of leaving creatures that I can, but this has caused even more tension in the house. I feel trapped in this house. I'm only 16 so its really hard to know what to do. My bf said I might be able to move in with them if it I can't cope anymore, but I just don't know what is the right choice. 

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53 minutes ago, J_Julie said:

I'm not really sure how I am going to word myself but here I go. I have grown up in a Christian home, I think my parents love me, but I don't know. When I was little they used to yell at each other a lot and it was horrible. They used to 'smack' us and say it was for the best. But it hurt and I'm so glad that has stopped now. Once my father told me he thought I had an evil spirit inside of me, another time he held me down and started preying over me.  I want to kill myself but I am too scared of hell. I want to get far far away from my parents, who have caused everything I fear. But I feel bad because they were trying to do the right thing, but its really hurting me now, and I'm struggling to love them, respect them, and get along with them. Also I went vegan because I want to harm at he least amount of leaving creatures that I can, but this has caused even more tension in the house. I feel trapped in this house. I'm only 16 so its really hard to know what to do. My bf said I might be able to move in with them if it I can't cope anymore, but I just don't know what is the right choice. 

You're not alone. I can relate. My parents loved me too but also abused me a lot too and it's difficult to contend with. I personally could NOT do it anymore and left when I was 21. I also have been suicidal and even attempted once when I was 16 or so, and have self-injured since I was single digits. If it's really that bad I would move in with someone else. You're in a good place here. We hear you and care. Feel free to PM me. You're not alone. 

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I do not feel comfortable commenting or giving advice to a minor, other than to say patience is your friend.

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I second sdelsoray's sentiments, but I do want to say sometimes you don't have to love your parents. And that does not make you a bad person by any means at all. Sometimes parents will hurt you by doing what they believe is best, and sometimes it isn't always the best thing for you. Do what you need to in order to survive and know you're not alone. 

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@J_Julie Check out this website: http://leading-learners.org/student-news/teen-help-resources-and-hotlines/ 

there are many phone numbers on that site with professionals who can help you in your situation. Please don't kill yourself. Life is hard sometimes and as a teenager it can feel like you are drowning and there is no way out. But I promise that there is. There is always a way out of your darkest situations and feelings. Please click that link and call any one of those hotlines. They are all 24/7 and can provide you with immediate help and counseling. 

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Guest Ann

@J_Julie Because you are 16 and a minor, advice from adults is tricky as sdelsolray mentioned. That doesn't mean you may need help and are crying out for help. And it doesn't mean we don't want to help you...please understand the legalities of giving advice to a minor is scary for adults.

Christy had the best advice. Get help from a professional. And please don't hurt yourself.

Abuse is never ok and never the fault of the victim. Seek out professional help, and if you can, look for an unbiased therapist.

You sound like a nice kid and I'm rooting for you!

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