What Symptoms Do You Struggle With Related Religious Trauma?

[LovelyChantel]

What symptoms of religious trauma do you struggle with the most? And what do you do to combat these?

 

Personally I've been dx with a myriad of mental and physical health conditions. But the symptoms of religious trauma that I deal with the most are self-injury since I was single digits, severe black and white thinking, extreme difficulty making decisions by myself. I also attempted suicide when I was 16. I have an EXTREME fear of these natural disasters that everyone are claiming are the end times. Fear of hell and the tribulation. Just FEAR! 

I combat these by meditating, yoga, and positive affirmations. 

[yunea]

I guess I only have mild stuff anymore but then again I have been deconverting for 3.5 years. Anyway, I still get these fleeting thoughts about things being "meant to be" and sometimes they are so strong and include fears of being in the wrong place and missing out on my destiny.

 

I also miss the feeling that the creator of the world is my bff. Sometimes it feels very hollow and lonely. Especially because I thought there was at least one thing in my life I could trust to not change, and it did.

[Lost]

Hey LovelyChantel!

 

Good that You brought to life this subject.

 

Sorry for that what You had to go through, because of religious trauma :/

 

Me, personally when a strong doubt about God hit me I suffered from depersonalization episode. I was scared of the feelings that I had in my brain. To minimalize that I had to strongly focus on my daily realistic duties. But it wasn't easy to function in high school and Nursing studies.

 

I became very rebelious, I started behave like a spoiled teenager after loosing faith and what is funny (maybe not) I was a fresh memeber of the church at that time. My doubts and crisis of faith started around 3 weeks before water baptism. I'm still in church as a closed free-thinker and sometimes I wonder why it was so difficult to tell elders before baptism about my lack of conviction to Christianity, but instead because of the fear going into it. I FEEL THAT MY STORY IS the weirdest one.

 

I became also a shopaholic and a hoarder and I have lots of debts (because of online loans). My addiction gives me a feeling of doing whatever I want and takes me away from thinking about Christianity and the fact that I'm still in church. I'm planning to write them letter in the next year when I will go to holidays, but my plans never end.

 

I think people in Atheist communities or especially ex-christians don't talk that often about people who literally became insane after loosing faith in God. For some people it's a real tragedy and trauma for the brain. I CAN'T LAUGH like other former believers at religion and to be honest I don't understand my life at all. It's all scary. But free-thinking is truly liberating, but very often confusing and scary especially for sensitive individuals.

 

 

Hope that You, LovelyChantel find peace on your journey of life! Best wishes

 

 

[Guest Ann]

@LovelyChantel I looked into behaviour therapy, specifically CBT. It helped me with the intrusive thoughts,  illogical feelings, and the anxiety I could not understand after leaving religion.  I'm not a therapist and this is only my personal experience. Seek professional help before applying any mental health advice to your life. What worked for me may not work for you and might exacerbate what you are going through right now. You can find a mental health professional that uses CBT in their practice and they are best equipped to know if it can help you.

[mich]

Deconvert since February of this year. Anxiety issues peaked around July/Aug. I really felt like I was gonna have a nervous breakdown and felt very suicidal. I'm still in the closet with everyone except my husband, and he thinks i'm ill (in the head...due to so many tragic things happening in my life- mostly due to religion, but he doesn't see that).  So i think he still has hope for me, lol. NOT. A. CHANCE. 

 

MUSIC. Lots of pick me up music (i had mostly listened to gospel the last 30 years! And i loved it. It made me feel good...because i believed it. Now listening to gospel is like pouring water on the wicked witch of the west....except, I'm not wicked... ) So now my playlist consists of songs like 'Fight Song, Happy, Roar, Stronger, Curse your Branches, even some oldies such as 'I am Woman' .  Music is amazing. I always thought it was, as a xtian. But now, i see that ANY song that resonates with your inner being is awesome!  (and some feel good based only on what you BELIEVE to be true) My children are like 'mom, why are you listening to THAT song?' 'Because it resonates with my inner being, has meaningful words. etc. '. 

 

YOGA. Yes, I went back to yoga a few months ago. . I had done yoga for most of my xtian years, until last year, when my xtian self saw enough evidence to believe it was not fitting for a xtian. Another lie. I always felt so GOOD doing yoga regularly and it even helped greatly while grieving my son's death 6 years ago.  It seems to really help keep my anxiety at bay. 

 

HEALTHY EATING..another thing connected with my son...Years agoI searched ways to help him so that he wouldn't need a hemispherectomy, found ways, he was getting better...long story for another day.. So every since then I have been very healthy minded. Very little processed foods orsweets. Food choices make a huge and worthwhile difference for me. 

 

 HYPNOSIS  videos on youtube. Nothing what i ever imagined as a xtian. Mostly a voice talking you into relaxing. These really really helped earlier this summer when i was about to break. I used them several times throughout the day. I still use one at bedtime. But I usually fall asleep pretty quickly. 

 

MIND TRICKS   Anxiety was the worst of my symptoms.  I don't fear hell. I can clearly see it was all man made lies. But I think the fear of change (i didn't plan on staying in the closet) , my family being deceived ongoingly, the past -irreversible mistakes made due to those beliefs, many painful ones concerning my son, etc.  All these nearly drove me out of my mind. Anxiety is always worse in the mornings. I could lay there for hours struggling with misery. But about the time i was at my worst, one of my sons began a new job and had to get up early, and the healthminded mom that i am, wanted him to have his green smoothy before he left, so i forced myself to get up with him, send him off, and then enjoy the quiet of the morning while reading this forum. Helped tremendously. No more miserable hours in bed.  I would also trick my brain into thinking that everything was fine, i would smile, relax etc. Pretend everything was cool. Trick that brain of mine, lol.  I'm remembering just now that i would set my phone alarm to go off every 5 minutes to remember to relax. It's amazing at how tense one gets without even thinking about it. So every 5 minutes i would check my tension status and relax every muscle i could find. Quite addicting actually!

 

Meditations and positive affirmations...these are still in the works. 

 

These are things that are working for me, but I know it is very individual....

[Geezer]

It seems I was fortunate. The only downside I experienced when I left religion was the loss of social structure. We lost our best friends. Later I wondered if our religious beliefs & church affiliation was the basis for our friendships were they really true friends?  My wife is still a Christian but we've successful worked that problem out. 

 

 

 

[Margee]

I have an emptiness inside of me that will probably never go away. Much like after my sister died. (and that has never left for 20 years now) Losing god was a huge loss for me because deep down, I really do like magic...and miss the belief that 'something' has my life in their hands or that my life is 'mapped out'. I'm on my own and that scares me sometimes. I try everything in my power to stay positive.

[MOHO]

I experience some trauma each and every day,  @LovelyChantel.

 

I watch the dogma of xanity rip and tear at my 20 year marriage routinely. I feel like a helpless spectator as the unequal yoke rears it's ugly head but, at the same time, I simply cannot pretend. I did that for two years - attempting to return after "outing" myself previously.

 

The polarization grows each week as I become more and more engrossed in Dawkins, Ehrman, Hitchens et al. and Mrs. MOHO reads those feel good bable "supplements" and ends each sentence with "Praise the lord!" or "Praise Jesus!"

 

I don't know how much longer we will last and I wonder, each day, if this will be our last one together.

 

[Guest]

I had a terrible amount of anxiety when I was a Christian, and I see now that most of it was tied to my deeply held beliefs I had that all of the challenges I was undergoing, all of the difficult things, were somehow god's will, and thus god was somehow trying to teach me something, or at worst, punish me. I have processed my deconversion rather quickly and I think the best thing that has let me let go of this anxiety was to learn to love my inner child again. By that I mean the inner child that we all have, the one that was hurt by the lessons or thought patterns that Christianity imposed, because they can be very damaging and hard to get rid of, even after leaving the church.

I do things now that I would have deemed selfish before. I take enough time for myself. I meditate. I get exercise every day. I eat healthy or as healthy as possible. I listen to lots of music that resonates with me. And I've continued with the CBT in therapy, that really helps anxiety and dealing with self confidence issues. Today, I think the one most damaging thing that Christianity and fundamentalism have left me with is low self confidence. It is hard to trust my own abilities and specifically my ability to deal with challenges, because I was conditioned for so many years to believe that god would take care of everything. But I think I am getting there. I would recommend professional therapy to anyone dealing with trauma or challenges as a result of leaving, it has been a real benefit to me.

[Geezer]

It seems fear is probably the issue people struggle with the most. Whatever issues people struggle with I believe education is the way to resolve those fears & issues. History provides evidence that all of these religious beliefs & tradition are manmade. Reading the historical records related to the Bible & Religion is the first step. Accepting that information being true & factual is the next step, and for some the most difficult.

 

I posted a YouTube reference to Yale's Divinity School lectures. The viewer is granted access to class. I find it difficult to listen to those professors unravel the mystery of these religions & not be convinced they are right.  All religions & gods are man made. There is noting to fear from manmade gods & religions.

[mich]

8 hours ago, Geezer said:

There is noting to fear from manmade gods & religions.

Exactly. Someone can tell you all day long that there is no monster under the bed, but until you get down there and see for yourself it's hard to be convinced...

[Geezer]

2 hours ago, mich said:

Exactly. Someone can tell you all day long that there is no monster under the bed, but until you get down there and see for yourself it's hard to be convinced...

 

That is true, and for many people it takes years of struggling with their fear of hell before they can muster the courage to look under the bed, and for some that still doesn't fix the problem. The effectiveness of religious indoctrination is truly terrifying & it is not easy to get that shit out of your head......and keep it out.  But don't give up. The struggle is difficult but worth the effort. 

[Guest]

13 hours ago, mich said:

Exactly. Someone can tell you all day long that there is no monster under the bed, but until you get down there and see for yourself it's hard to be convinced...

I suppose I'm one of the lucky ones. I tend to trust people who are knowledgeable on subjects and have put a lot of research into them. It does require educating yourself no doubt about it, I wouldn't have been convinced without reading. But I didn't struggle to believe it once the initial shock wore off, it was all relief after that.

[Geezer]

5 hours ago, SeaJay said:

Youtube Yale lectures? Can you provide a link Geezer?

 

 

 

This is lecture #1. Go to YouTube Yale Courses Religion and you can select each lecture in order. Enjoy! And Christine is a terrific instructor. I think you will enjoy her lectures. 

[mich]

I must have been one one of the lucky ones too, in fearing hell. (But I have other struggles.) I think what really helped me 'see the light' was all the contradictions in the bible. The skeptics annotated bible was helpful.

[Faeryn]

I've struggled severely with my mental health since I was a child. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder,  Avoidant Personality Disorder; I've also struggled with self-harm, paranoia, debilitating jealousy, eating disorders, and suicidal thinking. 

 

I have issues with my sexuality, since coming out at 15 (I'm 30 now), my mothers reaction to my sexuality traumatized me, and my School taught me that I would go to hell. I struggle with any situation which exposes me to attractive women with my boyfriend. I feel extreme jealousy because I can't handle my boyfriend being attracted to women because I was taught that it was a sin to even do so much as look at another person, and that if the one you love "lusts" after another person, even if just for a fleeting second, then in the eyes of god, he may as well also have slept with that person in real life and will be punished with hell for it just the same. This has caused me to believe in adulthood that any man looking at any woman other than his girlfriend, is a horrible, vile sinner who has cheated on his partner. Even though I don't even WANT to believe these things any more, I can't seem to remove it!!  It has ruined my life and even stops me from watching certain movies,  and going to certain places. My therapist advised me to speak to other people who have also struggled with religious trauma, so I am so glad I found this forum!