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Goodbye Jesus

Threatened by my pentecostalist father in law


Smokey4352

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G'day, 

 

It's been a very long time since I've posted. Where I stand is that I'm agnostic and not Christian anymore. But due to suffering from OCD, sometimes I fear religious content. 

 

So to cut a long story short, I am living with my wife again for a last chance at a broken marriage and her full on bible bashing pentecostalist parents have moved in. It was supposed to be for a month but it's been several now. My father in law has brought with him almost twenty five copies of the KJ bible with different covers and he leaves some of them all over the house which gives me the sh*ts. Sometimes he takes over the TV and watches Christian movies up very loud. I have managed to keep the peace until tonight and I spose I need advice on it please. 

 

So earlier in the night, my FIL had some Christian movie playing loud on the TV and I was in the same room on my Lappy trying to get some work done. The movie was starting to get to me and I looked up and saw some scene where a husband then wife was threatened by a Christian mob for not giving ALL the proceeds of the sale of their house to the church (presumably), the Christian shouted at them that they'd lied to God, then blood started running from their noses and they were dead and the mob coldly buried one then the other (before the wife was killed, she was told her husband was killed by god for his lies and buried, wonderful). Apparently this is a bible story but I don't recall reading it as a kid? I lost it and shouted at my FIL "This is like a f*cking horror movie and those innocent people were killed for not giving all their money to a cult!". Not very diplomatic of me I know. So he lost the plot and started shouting at me. Amongst the things he said was that I "saw it out of content" and that I needed to get down on my hands and knees then beg and apologise to almighty God for my blasphemy. He implied that God could strike down anyone and it was actually quite scary. I took it as a religious threat to conform and it stired up old fears that I hadn't felt since when I was more Christian. 

 

So I'm typing this on my phone in the garage, my wife wants me to stay in a hotel for upsetting her father. I wonder if the marriage is actually over. 

 

I still haven't got my head around all this but could someone please advise on the situation? What should I do? And has anyone ever tried to put the fear of God in you and threaten retribution? What are you thoughts on this particular bible story? What's made it worse is that my FIL has triggered my OCD and I am worried something is going to happen to me. My PIL are the kind if Christians that would probably enjoy someone being struck down for daring to challenge the bible. Thankyou for any advice and help folks. 

 

-Smoke

 

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Sorry to see such a sad story. The marriage is dead, don't let it kill you, too. You can never be okay as long as you let evil people rule your life and disrespect you to the extreme. I wish you well. Now, get out!

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Welcome back Smokey. This is a terrible story. I am so sorry to say this but I would be doing everything possible to get out of that environment. You'll have to be the one who decides if you can live like this. I, as a woman, have started from 'ground zero' twice in my life and I am here to tell you that it is possible to start a new life. If you stay here on Ex-c, maybe we can help you with your religious confusion. Please keep us posted. 

 

(hug)

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Run!!!! Get away if you can. Or better yet, if these people are in YOUR house, kick them out. I'm sure they can find a hotel just as easily as you could. These people sound toxic. Wife choosing daddy over you? Why do you have to leave? Of course , ensure your safety. I don't know if these people can be violent. So if you need to leave then do. Or stay if you want. It's really up to what you want in your life and what you feel is best for you.

 

Bible stories are fiction. Try and think of them on the same level as Harry Potter. Could a character in Harry Potter strike you dead?

 

I'm very sorry for your current situation. Stay safe and wishing you the best outcome.

 

 

 

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@Smokey4352,

 

Hire a good (aggressive) lawyer.

Don't be a "good guy" and worry about the livelihoods of the rest of the fams (except any children you might have).

No one should have to tolerate the crap you are dealing with.

 

I am in a somewhat similar position. No in-laws (all dead) but Mrs. MOHO and her son (adult - not living with us) are over-the-top, uneducated fundies. I have dealt with this, so far, by setting limits and, believe me, it is a constant vigil to remind them of those limits and ensure that I don't get soft.

 

I am tolerating this but your situation is far, far worse than mine. Get out but don't leave money/property on the table.

 

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Your father-in-law is treating YOU like this in YOUR own home and your wife wants YOU to go to a hotel for upsetting her poor widdle daddy!?!  NO!  NO!  NOOOOOOOOOOOO!   If it's not feasible to throw them all out of your home, then leave.  Your marriage appears to be over and you need to take care of yourself, including legally!   One more thing--since your wife is such a buybull-believer, perhaps reminding her of Ephesians 5:22  ("Wives, submit to your own husbands...") would be appropriate.  

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I was Church of Christ & I once believed they were probably as nutty as Fundies get, but then I began reading posts about Penecostals & those posts have convinced me the Penecostals are even more bat shit crazy than the Church of Christ.

 

Its a close call between the Mormons, JW's, Penecostals & The Church of Scientology who gets the award for being the most crazy. I'm not sure The Church of Scientology even qualifies as a religion, so we might have to disqualify them.

 

I left the Church of Christ off the list because in retrospect I'm not sure they are nutty enough to make the final cut. They are definitely weird & legalistic as hell, but I don't think their nuttiness rises to the level of those other groups I noted.

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Smokey, how horrible. I can only second what others have written and add, I don't know about Australian law, but I've been advised that in New York State, a spouse who leaves the residence reduces his/her chances of retaining the residence in a settlement. Whatever you can do, get those PILs out of YOUR property. And see if you can get legal advice about the consequences if you move out and later on, there is a divorce. 

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Is it your house? Hey, don't put up with this kind of shit if it is. Throw the bums out! You don't go to someone else's house and behave the way he did to you. A lot of people would have physically escorted the moron right out the door after an incident like that.

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Yes, get legal advice under your particular facts and circumstances.  

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The marriage is definitely over.  I'd run this by a lawyer to get the official list of what to do and what not to do, but once you know what to do, do it mercilessly.

 

If possible, get the parents evicted and get a restraining order against them so that they can't even visit.

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Thankyou so much to everyone for the overwhelming support and wishes. I am going to reply to the questions generally rather than quote each post because I am away from home (not home anymore) and I am on a small smartphone. 

 

I don't have any kids in this situation thankfully, but unfortunately this particular house is in my wife's name only. Although I have actively financially contributed to it. I probably could get something after a divorce because our previous house was in both our names and while we were separated for two years, she sold it and put all the equity into this new one.

 

I am focusing on establishing myself in a flat for now and getting my mental health under control. In Australian law, constant seperation must be achieved for a year before divorce can be filed so I will be waiting a while before I can claim anything. 

 

Thank you all for the divorce advise too, you are right, it's over. I don't want a bad marriage to be the end of me, so I'm getting out. 

 

This whole thing wasn't for lack of trying I tell you! I was separated for my wife for two years from my last post in 2012, then we gave it one more try. It's going to be hard to be alone again but I suppose I can try to date. 

 

I definitely will stay around this forum this time because I want to explore why I am still effected sometimes by Christian doctrine. I want to explore also why it has been so destructive to my marriage. Perhaps I should financially contribute. Thanks again everyone. 

 

-Smokey

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8 minutes ago, Smokey4352 said:

I don't have any kids in this situation thankfully, but unfortunately this particular house is in my wife's name only. Although I have actively financially contributed to it. I probably could get something after a divorce because our previous house was in both our names and while we were separated for two years, she sold it and put all the equity into this new one.

I hear you. Been there, done that. Most people don't realize until it's too late that a marriage is a business partnership. I hope you receive your fair share in this one. Not having kids will make your transition smoother. Get a lawyer now if possible. When money is involved, people are ruthless.

 

10 minutes ago, Smokey4352 said:

This whole thing wasn't for lack of trying I tell you! I was separated for my wife for two years from my last post in 2012, then we gave it one more try. It's going to be hard to be alone again but I suppose I can try to date. 

The sentiment of the only person you can truly rely on is yourself is so true. I've fucked some frogs in search of "my prince." It wasn't until I realized there is no such thing as a prince (or princess) and I was responsible for making careful choices concerning the opposite sex and relationships. I'm still working on that one and it's really not that difficult to be alone. I do what I want, when I want. It can be lonely at times, but I am tired on placing myself in toxic relationships out of fear of being alone. In the end, I felt more alone in a bad relationship than actually being alone.

 

Good luck and I'm rooting for you! #teamsmokey   ;)

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1 hour ago, Ann said:

I hear you. Been there, done that. Most people don't realize until it's too late that a marriage is a business partnership. I hope you receive your fair share in this one. Not having kids will make your transition smoother. Get a lawyer now if possible. When money is involved, people are ruthless.

 

The sentiment of the only person you can truly rely on is yourself is so true. I've fucked some frogs in search of "my prince." It wasn't until I realized there is no such thing as a prince (or princess) and I was responsible for making careful choices concerning the opposite sex and relationships. I'm still working on that one and it's really not that difficult to be alone. I do what I want, when I want. It can be lonely at times, but I am tired on placing myself in toxic relationships out of fear of being alone. In the end, I felt more alone in a bad relationship than actually being alone.

 

Good luck and I'm rooting for you! #teamsmokey   ;)

Thank you so much Ann, much appreciated :-)

 

I really know what you mean about feeling alone in a bad relationship, it's a frightening feeling at times too. Sleeping next to someone that may not have your best interest at heart. 

 

Thanks again 

-Smokey

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On 10/18/2017 at 6:17 AM, Smokey4352 said:

G'day, 

 

It's been a very long time since I've posted. Where I stand is that I'm agnostic and not Christian anymore. But due to suffering from OCD, sometimes I fear religious content. 

 

So to cut a long story short, I am living with my wife again for a last chance at a broken marriage and her full on bible bashing pentecostalist parents have moved in. It was supposed to be for a month but it's been several now. My father in law has brought with him almost twenty five copies of the KJ bible with different covers and he leaves some of them all over the house which gives me the sh*ts. Sometimes he takes over the TV and watches Christian movies up very loud. I have managed to keep the peace until tonight and I spose I need advice on it please. 

 

So earlier in the night, my FIL had some Christian movie playing loud on the TV and I was in the same room on my Lappy trying to get some work done. The movie was starting to get to me and I looked up and saw some scene where a husband then wife was threatened by a Christian mob for not giving ALL the proceeds of the sale of their house to the church (presumably), the Christian shouted at them that they'd lied to God, then blood started running from their noses and they were dead and the mob coldly buried one then the other (before the wife was killed, she was told her husband was killed by god for his lies and buried, wonderful). Apparently this is a bible story but I don't recall reading it as a kid? I lost it and shouted at my FIL "This is like a f*cking horror movie and those innocent people were killed for not giving all their money to a cult!". Not very diplomatic of me I know. So he lost the plot and started shouting at me. Amongst the things he said was that I "saw it out of content" and that I needed to get down on my hands and knees then beg and apologise to almighty God for my blasphemy. He implied that God could strike down anyone and it was actually quite scary. I took it as a religious threat to conform and it stired up old fears that I hadn't felt since when I was more Christian. 

 

So I'm typing this on my phone in the garage, my wife wants me to stay in a hotel for upsetting her father. I wonder if the marriage is actually over. 

 

I still haven't got my head around all this but could someone please advise on the situation? What should I do? And has anyone ever tried to put the fear of God in you and threaten retribution? What are you thoughts on this particular bible story? What's made it worse is that my FIL has triggered my OCD and I am worried something is going to happen to me. My PIL are the kind if Christians that would probably enjoy someone being struck down for daring to challenge the bible. Thankyou for any advice and help folks. 

 

-Smoke

 

It's a reference to the story of Ananias and Sapphira.  Supposedly this happened because they "lied to God."  In reality they lied to the church about whether or not they had given everything they had.  They held back a portion of their land and gave most to the church, and allowed them to assume they had given all.  Somehow, though, I don't think God needs our money, but the church certainly does like to get their hands on it.

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On 10/18/2017 at 4:17 AM, Smokey4352 said:

G'day, 

 

It's been a very long time since I've posted. Where I stand is that I'm agnostic and not Christian anymore. But due to suffering from OCD, sometimes I fear religious content. 

 

So to cut a long story short, I am living with my wife again for a last chance at a broken marriage and her full on bible bashing pentecostalist parents have moved in. It was supposed to be for a month but it's been several now. My father in law has brought with him almost twenty five copies of the KJ bible with different covers and he leaves some of them all over the house which gives me the sh*ts. Sometimes he takes over the TV and watches Christian movies up very loud. I have managed to keep the peace until tonight and I spose I need advice on it please. 

 

So earlier in the night, my FIL had some Christian movie playing loud on the TV and I was in the same room on my Lappy trying to get some work done. The movie was starting to get to me and I looked up and saw some scene where a husband then wife was threatened by a Christian mob for not giving ALL the proceeds of the sale of their house to the church (presumably), the Christian shouted at them that they'd lied to God, then blood started running from their noses and they were dead and the mob coldly buried one then the other (before the wife was killed, she was told her husband was killed by god for his lies and buried, wonderful). Apparently this is a bible story but I don't recall reading it as a kid? I lost it and shouted at my FIL "This is like a f*cking horror movie and those innocent people were killed for not giving all their money to a cult!". Not very diplomatic of me I know. So he lost the plot and started shouting at me. Amongst the things he said was that I "saw it out of content" and that I needed to get down on my hands and knees then beg and apologise to almighty God for my blasphemy. He implied that God could strike down anyone and it was actually quite scary. I took it as a religious threat to conform and it stired up old fears that I hadn't felt since when I was more Christian. 

 

So I'm typing this on my phone in the garage, my wife wants me to stay in a hotel for upsetting her father. I wonder if the marriage is actually over. 

 

I still haven't got my head around all this but could someone please advise on the situation? What should I do? And has anyone ever tried to put the fear of God in you and threaten retribution? What are you thoughts on this particular bible story? What's made it worse is that my FIL has triggered my OCD and I am worried something is going to happen to me. My PIL are the kind if Christians that would probably enjoy someone being struck down for daring to challenge the bible. Thankyou for any advice and help folks. 

 

-Smoke

 

 

The wife wants you to go to a hotel? For an argument with Dad in law? Maybe the marriage is over, yes. If life is constant arguing and strife, time to say goodbye. 

 

The fear of God is bullshit. It is just someone yammering. God doesnt yammer. God doesnt do anything. God isn't real.

That bible story is a BS like all bible stories.

 

 

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A few things to note. As far as I know, in Australian divorce law, property will be split 50/50, unless there is compelling reason otherwise. But don't rely on me - check with a lawyer. I am Australian, from Canberra.

 

I am wondering why the in laws moved in. Was it emotional backup for the wife to push the fundy line - or just housing stress. (Just a note for those overseas - housing costs in Australia are totally out of control with poky little dumps selling for a million dollars)?

 

If there were to be any hope of saving the marriage, you need to be just with your wife, with a very clear understanding of "leave and cleave" even if you are no longer in the religion. Secular psychologists call it "enmeshed" when other people carry greater influence than the spouse. Is there warmth and affection between you and your wife? If not, it is over.

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Btw, I am amazed that you haven't copped an earful from the fundy in laws about the same sex marriage survey. I have had to unfollow Facebook friends who are not even fundy for the duration of the SSM survey.

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@Smokey4352 I am in a similar situation in Australia. My PIL don't live with me but have an overwhelming influence on my marriage and children.

I have just finished reading "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay", a book which has a series of "dealbreaker" questions to ask yourself about your marriage. I have come to the sad realisation that my marriage is likely over.

I hope your transition period goes smoothly, good luck.

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7 minutes ago, LostinParis said:

 

Btw, I am amazed that you haven't copped an earful from the fundy in laws about the same sex marriage survey. I have had to unfollow Facebook friends who are not even fundy for the duration of the SSM survey.

 

@Blue elephant The Australian Same Sex Marriage Survey has certainly revealed everyone's true colours. The vitriol coming from the mouths of Christians has me stunned.

My nephew seized this opportunity to come out as transgender to his fundie parents. They have disowned him, as have his church. Christians sanctimoniously quoting the bible as an excuse to treat people like shit.

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On 23/10/2017 at 7:12 PM, Blue elephant said:

A few things to note. As far as I know, in Australian divorce law, property will be split 50/50, unless there is compelling reason otherwise. But don't rely on me - check with a lawyer. I am Australian, from Canberra.

 

I am wondering why the in laws moved in. Was it emotional backup for the wife to push the fundy line - or just housing stress. (Just a note for those overseas - housing costs in Australia are totally out of control with poky little dumps selling for a million dollars)?

 

If there were to be any hope of saving the marriage, you need to be just with your wife, with a very clear understanding of "leave and cleave" even if you are no longer in the religion. Secular psychologists call it "enmeshed" when other people carry greater influence than the spouse. Is there warmth and affection between you and your wife? If not, it is over.

Thank you for your thoughts, really appreciated. They moved in because they gave everything to their kids and their kids screwed them, they were forced to sell their huge 5 bedroom home because of it. My wife wanted to help them for a short period until they could rent. Actually I am a Canberrian too :-) I've probably passed you in the street before, you know what this place is like! 

On 23/10/2017 at 7:16 PM, Blue elephant said:

Btw, I am amazed that you haven't copped an earful from the fundy in laws about the same sex marriage survey. I have had to unfollow Facebook friends who are not even fundy for the duration of the SSM survey.

I really have copped in earful! Whenever it came on the news it would trigger my MIL and would set her off on a rant. Actually my PIL tried to open my survey letter when they all arrived to tick no. 

10 hours ago, LostinParis said:

@Smokey4352 I am in a similar situation in Australia. My PIL don't live with me but have an overwhelming influence on my marriage and children.

I have just finished reading "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay", a book which has a series of "dealbreaker" questions to ask yourself about your marriage. I have come to the sad realisation that my marriage is likely over.

I hope your transition period goes smoothly, good luck.

Hi Lost in Paris, (what a beautiful place to be lost!) 

 

I feel and understand what you're going through, I hope things improve. Thank you for the book recommendation - I shall pick up a copy. Thank you for the kind wishes :-) 

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Good luck with the separation and divorce. Sounds like it is the most realistic path. The in laws trying to nick your SSM survey shows that they definitely lack the normal boundaries, so you cannot expect to move forwards with them involved.

 

As I said before, in Australia property is split 50:50, even if your name is not on the current deed. When she sold the previously jointly owned house, did she give you your share of that equity?

 

If not, you should be entitled and there have been big rises in property prices here over the last few years. As you will be waiting out the 12 months separation, I would suggest you get all your paperwork re these properties in order now. These things have a way of disappearing over time (especially if things get nasty).

 

Enjoy a serve of Rainbow Cake on 15 November for me, will ya?

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Holy Crap Man!!! So sorry for what you went through. I like you have returned to XC after being gone for such a long time, so this is my first visit since my hiatus. I know I'm a little late for this post, but I hope since this incident, it has gotten a bit better. My concern is with the allegiance of your wife. Why did she tell you to go to a hotel? Was it for your sake or for her father's sake? Either way, it should not have to come to you leaving your own home. I feel so bad for what you went through. Coming from a pentacostal background I know how deeply entrenched your FIL is in his beliefs and it would be pure torture having this within in the walls your home 24/7.  It sounds like you are a nice guy wanting to do right by your wife and in-laws, but at what cost? EDITED after reading your later post advising you are out. So glad you removed yourself from that situation. It's one step in the right direction. Best to you my friend. 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 18/10/2017 at 9:17 PM, Smokey4352 said:

G'day, 

 

It's been a very long time since I've posted. Where I stand is that I'm agnostic and not Christian anymore. But due to suffering from OCD, sometimes I fear religious content. 

 

So to cut a long story short, I am living with my wife again for a last chance at a broken marriage and her full on bible bashing pentecostalist parents have moved in. It was supposed to be for a month but it's been several now. My father in law has brought with him almost twenty five copies of the KJ bible with different covers and he leaves some of them all over the house which gives me the sh*ts. Sometimes he takes over the TV and watches Christian movies up very loud. I have managed to keep the peace until tonight and I spose I need advice on it please. 

 

So earlier in the night, my FIL had some Christian movie playing loud on the TV and I was in the same room on my Lappy trying to get some work done. The movie was starting to get to me and I looked up and saw some scene where a husband then wife was threatened by a Christian mob for not giving ALL the proceeds of the sale of their house to the church (presumably), the Christian shouted at them that they'd lied to God, then blood started running from their noses and they were dead and the mob coldly buried one then the other (before the wife was killed, she was told her husband was killed by god for his lies and buried, wonderful). Apparently this is a bible story but I don't recall reading it as a kid? I lost it and shouted at my FIL "This is like a f*cking horror movie and those innocent people were killed for not giving all their money to a cult!". Not very diplomatic of me I know. So he lost the plot and started shouting at me. Amongst the things he said was that I "saw it out of content" and that I needed to get down on my hands and knees then beg and apologise to almighty God for my blasphemy. He implied that God could strike down anyone and it was actually quite scary. I took it as a religious threat to conform and it stired up old fears that I hadn't felt since when I was more Christian. 

 

So I'm typing this on my phone in the garage, my wife wants me to stay in a hotel for upsetting her father. I wonder if the marriage is actually over. 

 

I still haven't got my head around all this but could someone please advise on the situation? What should I do? And has anyone ever tried to put the fear of God in you and threaten retribution? What are you thoughts on this particular bible story? What's made it worse is that my FIL has triggered my OCD and I am worried something is going to happen to me. My PIL are the kind if Christians that would probably enjoy someone being struck down for daring to challenge the bible. Thankyou for any advice and help folks. 

 

-Smoke

 

So what happened? 

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