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Faeryn

What has been the hardest part of your deconversion from Christianity?

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Being so aware that I could never believe again even if I tried, which meant that I could never participate in a lot of the activities my family wants to participate- because religion is involved in most gatherings.

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4 hours ago, Axelle said:

Being so aware that I could never believe again even if I tried, which meant that I could never participate in a lot of the activities my family wants to participate- because religion is involved in most gatherings.

This is so true. There is much that I will miss out on with family, because their life revolves around the church community and with other members of the community. Inevitably, because I have no interest in interacting with other church members other than family (I have no interest in receiving the shunning and judgement that occurs in those situations), I will have to choose very carefully when I visit my family etc. Small wonder than, that I am looking for friends that can replace my family, to some degree.

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On 4/8/2018 at 8:43 AM, Axelle said:

Being so aware that I could never believe again even if I tried, which meant that I could never participate in a lot of the activities my family wants to participate- because religion is involved in most gatherings.

 

Most everyone else in my family is religious (and they know that I am an "apostate"), but we can still have a good time together. I'm very grateful for that!

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Letting go of the intense feelings of:

 

Guilt

 

Fear

 

Shame

 

No Self-Worth

 

And at the same time dealing with all the people in the world who claim that "Christianity is a good thing", and other christian rooted values and beliefs who are deeply rooted in society, "All things happen for a reason", "Turn the other cheek", "Go the extra mile", "God hears every thought", "Loving yourself is a negative thing".....

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I’d say the hardest part was letting go of my general anger.  Second to that was a constant lingering fear for years that I was “wrong” and would find out such when I died.  

I don’t believe that anger was unjustified; in my case, it was just too pervasive in my self for many years.  I was angry about feeling duped and spiritually abused for my entire life up to my point of exit.  And it REALLY pissed me off... for a really long time.

 

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On 4/4/2018 at 11:05 PM, Burnedout said:

The hard part was not leaving, but the legalists who wanted to run your life inside.  But then again, I see the same thing in a secular sense.  When you want to be happy, there are people who are not happy unless they are trying to run your life.  

 

 

"Sunshine"  
 
Songwriters: Andre Harris / Marsha Ambrosius / Natalie Stewart
Sung by Jonathan Edwards
 
Sunshine go away today, I don't feel much like dancing
Some man's come he's trying to run my life, don't know what he's asking
When he tells me I better get in line, can't hear what he's saying
When I grow up, I'm gonna make him mine, these ain't dues I been paying
How much does it cost?
I'll buy it!
The time is all we've lost
I'll try it!
He can't even run his own life,
I'll be damned if he'll run mine--sunshine
Sunshine, go away today, I don't feel much like dancing
Some man's come he's trying to run my life, don't know what he's asking
Working starts to make me wonder where fruits of what I do are going
When he says in love and war all is fair, he's got cards he ain't showing
How much does it cost?
I'll buy it!
The time is all we've lost--I'll try it!
He can't even run his own life,
I'll be damned if he'll run mine--sunshine
Sunshine, come on back another day,
I promise you I'll be singing
This old world, she's gonna turn around,
brand new bells will be ringing

 

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This may sound callous, and I know Ive been lucky. But there hasnt been a hard part yet. I wiped my hands clean of the xtian disease and flipped off those who tried to keep me in that crap.  I know not many get the luxury of just walking out of xtianity middle fingers held high as I have. However the hardest part of me leaving that dastardly cult was putting up with the accusations im something im not. 

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Pretending to believe at times. For example, I have made up my mind that I am not going to share my lack of belief with my elderly grandparents. I'm fairly certain it would make my grandmother sick with worry and she's not always mentally stable. As uncomfortable as it makes me, I think sending her into a tailspin would be worse. Still, it's hard.

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On 11/23/2017 at 8:30 AM, Faeryn said:

Just curious about what the most difficult part of deconversion is for everyone, and what you've been doing to recover from that?

 

The hardest part for me has been trying to erase Christian ideas of shame and guilt - the sense that I'm constantly doing something bad, even though I'm not. Intermingled with this is shame about my sexuality. 

I'm still new to recovering from my Christian past so I'm trying to work this out in psychotherapy. 

My whole life was involved in my religion because I was a pastor. It wasn't too hard to disentangle from the actual religious aspects, but the more practical aspects like "what the hell am I doing to do with my life now" have been difficult.

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Losing something one used to share with loved ones is tough.  Also, I feel constrained about expressing my worldview because of where I live, the kind of folks I work with, etc.  It makes me an outsider in some respects, and sometimes I like to feel as if I belong.

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The worst part of leaving was the perceived betrayal by God.  I had done my best to be a good Christian, and when the cracks formed I begged and cried and did everything I could to not fall away, but I did anyway.  I didn't receive any spiritual help to fight off demons or stay in Grace or whatever.  Once I got through that I was able to brush myself off and try to pick up the pieces, with the help of strong medication and a relatively supportive family.

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19 hours ago, hockeyfan70 said:

My whole life was involved in my religion because I was a pastor. It wasn't too hard to disentangle from the actual religious aspects, but the more practical aspects like "what the hell am I doing to do with my life now" have been difficult.

 

What have you been doing with your life lately?

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dealing with a few very fundy family members. It's been 20 years. They aren't going to let it go. I will "probably" outlive the 3 people involved. But one of them is my mother and I definitely am not rooting for any of their demise. I just know the only way they will shut up about Jesus is when they are gone.

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On 7/30/2018 at 12:31 PM, Intheory said:

I’d say the hardest part was letting go of my general anger.  Second to that was a constant lingering fear for years that I was “wrong” and would find out such when I died.  

I don’t believe that anger was unjustified; in my case, it was just too pervasive in my self for many years.  I was angry about feeling duped and spiritually abused for my entire life up to my point of exit.  And it REALLY pissed me off... for a really long time.

 

 

I'm over the fear part of it, but I still occasionally struggle with the anger part. I'm angry that this stupid belief system has caused so much division in my family. In fact, I think ANY family dynamic built on any sort of "belief system" be it religious or political or whatever is on shaky ground. It's better to share traditions and such than to share beliefs. You can always keep a tradition or custom, but you can't guarantee your mind will never change about something. Families built upon that quicksand are going to have trouble if someone decides to be free.

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