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Goodbye Jesus

How to make your kids critical thinkers


Mothernature

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I'm looking for ideas on how to make my kids critical thinkers. They are young, under 7, and I don't want them blindly accepting my husband's beliefs. This evening I wanted to put cream on my child's hand b/c it's chapped and he replied that Jesus can heal it. I know it was my husband who was telling him this and i find it very disturbing. I want to be able to instill some doubt in a way that doesn't make them feel that they have to defend their dad as this would put me in a negative light. I am still in the closet too so that makes it a bit harder. Please help! Any suggestions or advice?

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Hi @Mothernature

Surprisingly, conversations about critical thinking have happened spontaneously with my kids, as situations have presented themselves.

 

My husband is still a fundy, but I ovetheard him warning my 13yo daughter not to assume everything she reads on social media is true. I seized the opportunity to discuss the importance of skepticism and research.

 

Earlier this year I encouraged her to choose science and philosophy as high school electives.

 

I sometimes set up conversations which allow my kids to connect the dots themselves. I have been reading to my youngest daughter ancient flood stories such as Gilgamesh. Some parts are almost identical to the Noah's Ark story. She made the connection all by herself; the bible is just a book of stories.

 

We then talked about how the bible was our first attempt to explain storms and floods. The ancient people thought it was god punishing them. We now have better explanations because science understands what causes rain, thunder and lightening.

 

Encourage questions. Ask for and value their opinions. It gets easier!

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Thanks for the ideas! Does your husband get upset at all when you read these other stories? If he refers back to the Bible being true do you contradict him in front of the kids or how do you present your different beliefs without implying that one of you is wrong or crazy or ignorant (just thinking of words that come to mind to describe my husband which I'd like to say but try to hold my tongue)?

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I usually deprogram my kids covertly, to avoid arguments with my husband. I loathe conflict. And he views everything as a personal attack.

 

When I do challenge him in front of our kids I ask him, Is thinking rationally a sin? Does the truth have anything to fear from investigation? Would god be happy with blindfolded fear?

 

What is holding you back? Are you afraid of what your husband may do? Are you dependant on him financially? There are many reasons for a power imbalance in a relationahip. I have to keep reminding myself that they are my kids too, and I am entitled to my own opinion. I refuse to feel guilty.

 

I recently dragged my husband along to a secular marriage counsellor. At first he refused, demanding a Christian marriage counsellor instead. I stuck to my guns. He wouldn't budge until I told him I wanted a separation.

 

The marriage counsellor scolded him for using emotional manipulation and threats to force our older kids to go to church with him. She told him it would backfire and they would end up resenting him. 

 

My youngest child would rather go to church with her father rather than risk losing his approval. I have told my kids that they can be forced to go to church but only they have the power to choose what to believe.

 

As your kids are still young, you likely have more influence over them than their father. I'm sure they know you love them unconditionally no matter what they believe.

 

You have more power and influence in your family than you may think.

 

Next time you son says that Jesus will heal an injury you could try asking him, Do you think that's true? If you ask for his opinions it will show him that he has a choice about what to believe, and hopefully this will encourage him to think independantly. Eventually he will learn to trust his own thoughts and judgement.

 

Are things easier now that I am out if the closet? God no. Am I happier? Hell yes.

 

Hang in there.

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Not sure they would understand this book so young, but i am currently using it with my teenagers....Pulling Your Own Strings by Wayne Dyer. Many discussions come up during our reading and i have had many opportunities to help them think critically, usually without even directly referring to religion. Also teach them the definitions of gullible, naive, credible, and faith....they all mean 'believing something easily without proof' ... and that gullible is the opposite of skeptical. one or the other but never both.....And if you get a chance you could point out a few of the hundreds of contradictions in 'the good book'....

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In the end, it is critical thinking that will tend to encourage critical thinking.  Unfortunately, that is likely to cause some level of conflict.  I've found just the one liner has proved quite effective - like pointing out that it's easy enough for the evangelist to "live by faith" if he shouts loudly enough about how much money he needs.

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