Fear of hell and suicide

[SerenelyBlue]

I suffer from depression now and again.  When I was a Christian fear of Hell prevented me from commiting suicide.  I don't believe in spirits and souls anymore so I am free to go at anytime.

I am going to take my life before I get old.  At least I am free of hell fire.  That is bullshit.  The only thing holding me back from drowning myself in the lake next to my home is the horror of the drowning process.  

A god didn't put us on this earth with a purpose.  I'm an accident of evolution.  No reason to stay.

 

Am I the only person with these thoughts?

[midniterider]

1 hour ago, SerenelyBlue said:

I suffer from depression now and again.  When I was a Christian fear of Hell prevented me from commiting suicide.  I don't believe in spirits and souls anymore so I am free to go at anytime.

I am going to take my life before I get old.  At least I am free of hell fire.  That is bullshit.  The only thing holding me back from drowning myself in the lake next to my home is the horror of the drowning process.  

A god didn't put us on this earth with a purpose.  I'm an accident of evolution.  No reason to stay.

 

Am I the only person with these thoughts?

 

Have you talked to a doctor about this?

[SerenelyBlue]

2 minutes ago, midniterider said:

 

Have you talked to a doctor about this?

Not everyone is happy to go through the motions of this world.  Why do you assume one needs a doctor simply because he doesn't want to go through an eternity of a life that has no meaning.  This iw not a suicide post.  I ask ex christians if they feel the same way.

[midniterider]

Just now, SerenelyBlue said:

Not everyone is happy to go through the motions of this world.  Why do you assume one needs a doctor simply because he doesn't want to go through an eternity of a life that has no meaning.  This iw not a suicide post.  I ask ex christians if they feel the same way.

 

I've been programmed to be concerned about people's welfare. It sounded like it could have been a suicide post. You don't have to agree with my point of view.

[Lost]

4 hours ago, SerenelyBlue said:

 

Am I the only person with these thoughts?

 

Hey Serenely Blue

 

During the beginning of crisis of faith I was thinking about "what is the purpose of human beings, especially if we are an evolution's product?". That gave lots of hopeless feelings and the negative view on our fate as human beings-like no  hope in God, what's now?

 

After my mum's death, almost 16 years ago, I was thinking to myself that it would be better to go to my mum and God to heaven to be close to them and be clean child, because if I will stay longer on this Earth I will sin more. That gave me sort of  a suicidal thought, but during religion Catholic classes a teacher said that people who commit suicide go to hell. So I stopped thinking like that.

 

From time to time, an image of my own suicide sometimes cross my mind, but only as a picture in my imagination...not a real desire to end my life.

 

Everyday I create lots of stories in my imagination, cause I am a Maladaptive Daydreamer, so dramatic pictures have their own place in my head too.

 

I would be afraid to commit suicide, because of 3 reasons:

- I am afraid that there actually could be hell,

- I am jealous that other folks would still live a happy life and I would have to change into a dust,

- a suicide attempt is not always successful and someone can live as a disabled person on a wheelchair or as "a neurologically dead plant" in a bed.

 

WISH YOU lots of strength, health and hapiness on Your journey of life Serenely Blue, hope that Your problems will become smaller and smaller with time

 

[ConsiderTheSource]

"I'm an accident of evolution.  No reason to stay."

 

Actually, it is just the opposite.  No reason to go.

[SerenelyBlue]

7 hours ago, Lost said:

 

Hey Serenely Blue

 

During the beginning of crisis of faith I was thinking about "what is the purpose of human beings, especially if we are an evolution's product?". That gave lots of hopeless feelings and the negative view on our fate as human beings-like no  hope in God, what's now?

 

After my mum's death, almost 16 years ago, I was thinking to myself that it would be better to go to my mum and God to heaven to be close to them and be clean child, because if I will stay longer on this Earth I will sin more. That gave me sort of  a suicidal thought, but during religion Catholic classes a teacher said that people who commit suicide go to hell. So I stopped thinking like that.

 

From time to time, an image of my own suicide sometimes cross my mind, but only as a picture in my imagination...not a real desire to end my life.

 

Everyday I create lots of stories in my imagination, cause I am a Maladaptive Daydreamer, so dramatic pictures have their own place in my head too.

 

I would be afraid to commit suicide, because of 3 reasons:

- I am afraid that there actually could be hell,

- I am jealous that other folks would still live a happy life and I would have to change into a dust,

- a suicide attempt is not always successful and someone can live as a disabled person on a wheelchair or as "a neurologically dead plant" in a bed.

 

WISH YOU lots of strength, health and hapiness on Your journey of life Serenely Blue, hope that Your problems will become smaller and smaller with time

 

Thank you very much Lost.

[SerenelyBlue]

5 hours ago, ConsiderTheSource said:

"I'm an accident of evolution.  No reason to stay."

 

Actually, it is just the opposite.  No reasI haveon to go.

But I have the choice to go.  It is my life.

[1989]

Somewhat ironically, I was most suicidal when I was a christian.  I had tried to kill myself before, but I never really wanted to die so much as I did then.  I couldn't get past the fact that I felt like a glorified pet.  God supposedly loved me, but really I was superfluous.  I couldn't find meaning in that.  I agree with Lost in that most suicide attempts fail (I think the WHO puts the success rate at a whopping 5%) and I'm just not that lucky.  Also, I have a family that does actually needs me more than God ever would, and I couldn't hurt them like that.  That's just me though, and I know I'm lucky in that respect.

 

I hope you pull through this Serenity Blue.  I won't get into platitudes, but I do wish you the best.

[SerenelyBlue]

Thank you 1989.

[disillusioned]

On 05/01/2018 at 3:19 AM, SerenelyBlue said:

But I have the choice to go.  It is my life.

 

I can relate to some of the sentiments expressed thus far in this thread. SB, you're right, it is your life. You can choose to go. Or stay. Your call.

 

For myself, I can only say that while life often seems pointless, it isn't like I have something better to be doing. Might as well keep trucking along. It's not like the ride is all bad. And, while it may all be pointless in the end, it will be pointless whether my life is short or long. So why choose short?

 

Life gives you choices. Death, not so much. I like to keep my options open.

[florduh]

Suicide can be a rational choice in the face of painful, debilitating terminal disease. Otherwise, rational people realize how their suicide would affect the people around them and refrain from hurting others. And yes, there are always others who get hurt.

[SerenelyBlue]

11 hours ago, florduh said:

Suicide can be a rational choice in the face of painful, debilitating terminal disease. Otherwise, rational people realize how their suicide would affect the people around them and refrain from hurting others. And yes, there are always others who get hurt.

Nice...  and who told you I'm not in pain?  I have very few close to me, and the one closest to me understands.  

Your response is a typical response thrown at the suicide victim.  Shame him out of killing himself.  Tell him that he is not worthy of death.  Only the terminally ill may kill themselves.  You don't qualify.  You know nothing of my life florduh.

[florduh]

27 minutes ago, SerenelyBlue said:

You know nothing of my life florduh.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. If you're not terminal you're treatable. Try focusing on others as an experiment at least. And for everyone's sake, please don't miss any appointments with your mental health professional.

[Orbit]

On 1/4/2018 at 12:34 PM, SerenelyBlue said:

I suffer from depression now and again.  When I was a Christian fear of Hell prevented me from commiting suicide.  I don't believe in spirits and souls anymore so I am free to go at anytime.

I am going to take my life before I get old.  At least I am free of hell fire.  That is bullshit.  The only thing holding me back from drowning myself in the lake next to my home is the horror of the drowning process.  

A god didn't put us on this earth with a purpose.  I'm an accident of evolution.  No reason to stay.

 

Am I the only person with these thoughts?

 

You sound very depressed. Perhaps you could seek out a therapist to help you sort through these thoughts.

It would be terrible to make a permanent decision about a temporary state of mind.

[Guest end3]

My two cents SB. 

 

Took a bunch of pills one time...more than once actually.  After getting though the hard times, I realized that what if I had actually succeeded.  Long story short, I thought about all the times my children would need me in the future and how glad I was that I didn't succeed. 

 

Granted I got to a point where suicide was logical in my mind.  I'm reasonably certain that it had to do with the antidepressants, relaxers that I was prescribed. 

 

All I am saying is that suicide can seem like the best choice, but in a different frame of mind/mindset, OR chemistry, things can be different. 

 

Visiting helped me.  I hope you have someone to visit with.  Hang in there sir....

[SerenelyBlue]

Thank you

[Deathportal365]

Serenely Blue,

 

Some questions I have are as follows: if you are convinced that your life has no meaning the way it is now/has played out thus far, what would give it meaning? Is there anything that you can think of that would make it meaningful to/for you?

And, can you think of a time when you didn't feel the way you feel now, or at least not with the same level of intensity? What was different about that time/those times?

 

I wish you well!

[ToHellWithMe]

I think suicide is generally a bad idea but it's so because of personal reasons. Don't think of anyone else. Instead, go for pure selfishness. And I don't mean hedonism, that shit is depressing as hell. I mean set your borders, react to the smallest violations with a frown, to slightly bigger ones with slightly more. Maintain personal autonomy and demand respect and you'll se you'll command respect, even fear. It's your life and you live for yourself. Fuck everyone else.

[Tsathoggua9]

Hey, I'm sorry that you feel this way. Can you think of anything in this life that brings you pleasure? If so, have you tried focusing on that? Like,  "Hey, if I stay, i will be able to do such-in-such?"  Perhaps that could be your reason.  But hey, it is your decision.

 

I'm not sure if what I say will be much help (probably doubtful, since I am really not good at this kind of thing), but I thought that I would give it a try.....

[SerenelyBlue]

2 hours ago, Deathportal365 said:

Serenely Blue,

 

Some questions I have are as follows: if you are convinced that your life has no meaning the way it is now/has played out thus far, what would give it meaning? Is there anything that you can think of that would make it meaningful to/for you?

And, can you think of a time when you didn't feel the way you feel now, or at least not with the same level of intensity? What was different about that time/those times?

 

I wish you well!

Hi deathportal 365.  My life has meaning.  I might have given a slightly wrong impression.  I am bipolar.  I get depressed because of a chemical imbalance in my brain.  I can feel bad when something bad or good happens.

Thank you for your good wishes.

[SerenelyBlue]

2 hours ago, ToHellWithMe said:

I think suicide is generally a bad idea but it's so because of personal reasons. Don't think of anyone else. Instead, go for pure selfishness. And I don't mean hedonism, that shit is depressing as hell. I mean set your borders, react to the smallest violations with a frown, to slightly bigger ones with slightly more. Maintain personal autonomy and demand respect and you'll se you'll command respect, even fear. It's your life and you live for yourself. Fuck everyone else.

Thankyou for the message ToHellWithMe.

[SerenelyBlue]

1 hour ago, Tsathoggua9 said:

Hey, I'm sorry that you feel this way. Can you think of anything in this life that brings you pleasure? If so, have you tried focusing on that? Like,  "Hey, if I stay, i will be able to do such-in-such?"  Perhaps that could be your reason.  But hey, it is your decision.

 

I'm not sure if what I say will be much help (probably doubtful, since I am really not good at this kind of thing), but I thought that I would give it a try.....

I'm bipolar, it is all in the brain.  Ups and downs come and go.  There is nothing really wrong with my outlook on life.  Ups and downs just come and go whenever they want to.  Thank you for your concern.

[buffettphan]

SB, we're glad to know you're not feeling suicidal. 

 

If /When you (or anyone reading this) feels that way, please remember we are not professional counselors.   The last thing anyone here would want to do is unintentionally give some kind of bad advice or express any opinions that could worsen the situation -- not only for the poster, but also for anyone reading the comments.  If anyone is going through these or similar issues, a good resource is Dr. Marlene Winell (http://www.marlenewinell.net/).    Actually, she's a great resource for all ex-christians!