Jump to content
Goodbye Jesus

"It was just like in the Bible!"


Lucy

Recommended Posts

Last night a drunken relative wanted to tell me of a story that convinced her god was real. She knows without any doubt. One day Jesus told her in her mind to go out and walk a 10 mile stretch of road barefoot knocking door to door and tell everyone that same thing he told his followers to tell people in the bible. You know the thing in the Bible. "If you've read the Bible you would know the thing. I don't know the thing. Jesus told me the thing. If you read the Bible you'll know." I told her a few quotes from the Bible and she said, "None of those. Actually what's written in the Bible. You need to read your Bible! It's really written in there."

 

And she did walk that whole distance. And she walked the whole 10 miles barefoot without getting arrested just like Jesus said she would. "Just like in the Bible!"

 

She was taken into custody after she reached her destination. She spent several days in hospital because of cuts and blisters. Then she had to go to rehab which she thinks might have been Jesus's plan all along. But she knows that god is real and he worked through her to save several people that day. Also her parents were atheists so wasn't raise to believe this way. In her mind this proves it's real even more.

 

 

This seems to be some sort of meth related incident, but what's troubling is how many people hearing this story are actually moved by the testimony.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Super Moderator

:49:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Lucy said:

Last night a drunken relative wanted to tell me of a story that convinced her god was real. She knows without any doubt. One day Jesus told her in her mind to go out and walk a 10 mile stretch of road barefoot knocking door to door and tell everyone that same thing he told his followers to tell people in the bible. You know the thing in the Bible. "If you've read the Bible you would know the thing. I don't know the thing. Jesus told me the thing. If you read the Bible you'll know." I told her a few quotes from the Bible and she said, "None of those. Actually what's written in the Bible. You need to read your Bible! It's really written in there."

 

And she did walk that whole distance. And she walked the whole 10 miles barefoot without getting arrested just like Jesus said she would. "Just like in the Bible!"

 

She was taken into custody after she reached her destination. She spent several days in hospital because of cuts and blisters. Then she had to go to rehab which she thinks might have been Jesus's plan all along. But she knows that god is real and he worked through her to save several people that day. Also her parents were atheists so wasn't raise to believe this way. In her mind this proves it's real even more.

 

 

This seems to be some sort of meth related incident, but what's troubling is how many people hearing this story are actually moved by the testimony.

 

Jesus tells her to get drunk too and use meth. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At din din at the home of fundy friends of Mrs. MOHO's last month the couple swore on a stack of bables that "god spoke to them and told them to build their house on this specific location" so that they could conduct a lengthy and in-depth ministry of all the inhabitants of the valley below them.

 

Oh, the house is on one of the best locations in the county as far as views go and they would save a shit-pot of $$ because the septic was already in.

 

but god told them to build there - that's why they are there. Not the view. Not the $ savings. Nope. No sir.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Super Moderator

^^  @MOHO  I read that as "the couple swore on a stack of babies..."    I thought that was our job.  :P    But yeah, they can justify anything.  It's amazing how often what they want lines up with they god  they wants.  They should take their 100% odds and go to Vegas.  That'd be god's will too.   Just like the preacher's wife who sneakily played the lottery in my town after her husband had preached, lobbied, and campaigned against it for years.   She won and suddenly the lottery became a-okay.   It's some kinda magic!  :magic::jesus::magic:

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, buffettphan said:

^^  @MOHO  I read that as "the couple swore on a stack of babies..."    I thought that was our job.  :P    But yeah, they can justify anything.  It's amazing how often what they want lines up with they god  they wants.  They should take their 100% odds and go to Vegas.  That'd be god's will too.   Just like the preacher's wife who sneakily played the lottery in my town after her husband had preached, lobbied, and campaigned against it for years.   She won and suddenly the lottery became a-okay.   It's some kinda magic!  :magic::jesus::magic:

 

 

 

As long as you pay your tithing out of that it's all GOOD!

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 minutes ago, MOHO said:

I read that as "the couple swore on a stack of babies..." 

 

Hmmmmm.

There might be a South Park episode in there somewhere.   :P

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/9/2018 at 10:34 AM, Lucy said:

Last night a drunken relative wanted to tell me of a story that convinced her god was real. She knows without any doubt. One day Jesus told her in her mind to go out and walk a 10 mile stretch of road barefoot knocking door to door and tell everyone that same thing he told his followers to tell people in the bible. You know the thing in the Bible. "If you've read the Bible you would know the thing. I don't know the thing. Jesus told me the thing. If you read the Bible you'll know." I told her a few quotes from the Bible and she said, "None of those. Actually what's written in the Bible. You need to read your Bible! It's really written in there."

 

And she did walk that whole distance. And she walked the whole 10 miles barefoot without getting arrested just like Jesus said she would. "Just like in the Bible!"

 

She was taken into custody after she reached her destination. She spent several days in hospital because of cuts and blisters. Then she had to go to rehab which she thinks might have been Jesus's plan all along. But she knows that god is real and he worked through her to save several people that day. Also her parents were atheists so wasn't raise to believe this way. In her mind this proves it's real even more.

 

 

This seems to be some sort of meth related incident, but what's troubling is how many people hearing this story are actually moved by the testimony.

 

The God virus is notorious for causing hallucinations and making people do bizarre things. Fortunately, it's rarely fatal. Sadly, it is highly contagious & easily spread by word of mouth, and that alone makes it very dangerous. :(

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/9/2018 at 12:52 PM, midniterider said:

 

Jesus tells her to get drunk too and use meth. :)

 

Yeah, Jesus is a real party guy. he loves to get high and pretend he's dead and then jump up and say "Boo!" and scare the hell out of people. The dude has a weird sense of humor. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Geezer said:

 

Yeah, Jesus is a real party guy. he loves to get high and pretend he's dead and then jump up and say "Boo!" and scare the hell out of people. The dude has a weird sense of humor. 

 

He's probably bored and needing some entertainment.

 

I had a co-worker tell me he knew Christianity was false because of a vision he had when he was high on mushrooms. The vision supported a different religion that he had been studying recently. So he switched to that one.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

     Certainly she delivered these oft overlooked commands:

 

Deuteronomy 23

10 If one of you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp; he must not come within the camp. 11 When evening comes, he shall wash himself with water, and when the sun has set, he may come back into the camp.

 

12 You shall have a designated area outside the camp to which you shall go. 13 With your utensils you shall have a trowel; when you relieve yourself outside, you shall dig a hole with it and then cover up your excrement. 14 Because the Lord your God travels along with your camp, to save you and to hand over your enemies to you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.

 

          mwc

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm wondering now how soon someone would have called the cops if she'd been in a delusion that caused her to warn everyone about dragons and zombies and "winter is coming!"

 

48 minutes ago, mwc said:

     Certainly she delivered these oft overlooked commands:

 

Deuteronomy 23

10 If one of you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp; he must not come within the camp. 11 When evening comes, he shall wash himself with water, and when the sun has set, he may come back into the camp.

 

12 You shall have a designated area outside the camp to which you shall go. 13 With your utensils you shall have a trowel; when you relieve yourself outside, you shall dig a hole with it and then cover up your excrement. 14 Because the Lord your God travels along with your camp, to save you and to hand over your enemies to you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.

 

          mwc

 

 

 

That would have been great. I'm sure she hasn't heard of any of those.

 

She said it was something like, "Heaven's gates are open for you if you so choose to enter them."

 

She hasn't actually read the Bible. Yet she wanted to tell me to read the Bible over and over. She claims she was raised by atheists who taught her nothing about religion and Jesus just revealed it all to her. There is no such thing as a true non-believing atheist. Just god deniers. Basically she believes that Jesus reveals himself at some point to every single person in the world and it's up to them to decide at that point to accept the truth or to carry on being a reality denier.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Lucy said:

I'm wondering now how soon someone would have called the cops if she'd been in a delusion that caused her to warn everyone about dragons and zombies and "winter is coming!"

     That would be crazy.  Everyone knows...WINTER IS HERE! ;) (Well, in 2019 so here-ish)

 

 

1 minute ago, Lucy said:

 

 

That would have been great. I'm sure she hasn't heard of any of those.

 

She said it was something like, "Heaven's gates are open for you if you so choose to enter them."

 

She hasn't actually read the Bible. Yet she wanted to tell me to read the Bible over and over. She claims she was raised by atheists who taught her nothing about religion and Jesus just revealed it all to her. There is no such thing as a true non-believing atheist. Just god deniers. Basically she believes that Jesus reveals himself at some point to every single person in the world and it's up to them to decide at that point to accept the truth or to carry on being a reality denier.

     It's always good to see who is really carrying the mantle of religion.  And it is reassuring that it hasn't changed one bit since it was thought up.

 

           mwc

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/9/2018 at 11:34 AM, Lucy said:

but what's troubling is how many people hearing this story are actually moved by the testimony.

As I read this, my bowels were the only thing that was moving. Does that count?

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, mwc said:

     Certainly she delivered these oft overlooked commands:

 

Deuteronomy 23

10 If one of you becomes unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he shall go outside the camp; he must not come within the camp. 11 When evening comes, he shall wash himself with water, and when the sun has set, he may come back into the camp.

 

12 You shall have a designated area outside the camp to which you shall go. 13 With your utensils you shall have a trowel; when you relieve yourself outside, you shall dig a hole with it and then cover up your excrement. 14 Because the Lord your God travels along with your camp, to save you and to hand over your enemies to you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.

 

          mwc

 

 

The Bible: Still relevant after 3000 years.

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This sounds like someone at the beginning of a bipolar psychotic break.

 

I would put money on this being a symptom of some mental illness.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.