any advice for a young agnostic still living with their christian parents?

[androgynousApocalypse]

i'm turning 19 later this year and as of now i'm still living with my parents while i'm starting college. every so often my family members like to gang up on me and berate me for not being christian and threaten to force me to go to church with them - even though they know i haven't been in the best place mental health wise for the past several years. 

does anyone have some advice to help with this? thank you

[Geezer]

Unfortunately, until you can afford to live on your own & pay your own way to college, you're pretty much obligated to live by your parents rules. As I told my children age is not what determines when you're an adult. You are an adult when you can afford to live in your own apartment, buy your own groceries, pay your own utility bills, & provide your own transportation & pay for your own insurance. Until then you ain't an adult. 

 

So, until all of that is possible, suck it up & follow the rules. 

[sdelsolray]

45 minutes ago, androgynousApocalypse said:

i'm turning 19 later this year and as of now i'm still living with my parents while i'm starting college. every so often my family members like to gang up on me and berate me for not being christian and threaten to force me to go to church with them - even though they know i haven't been in the best place mental health wise for the past several years. 

does anyone have some advice to help with this? thank you

 

Are you currently meeting with secular mental health professional(s) of your choice?

[androgynousApocalypse]

1 minute ago, sdelsolray said:

 

Are you currently meeting with secular mental health professional(s) of your choice?

not currently, I was seeing my school's therapist before I graduated last may but not right now. 

[Margee]

Welcome to Ex-c aAa. So glad you found us. Here is a letter that I wrote to all the young people who come to be members on Ex-c. I hope it will help you, my dear friend. Keep posting and keep reading. You'll come through this. We're here for you.  Big (hug)

 

Just click on the link.

 

 

[crushed]

my sons are in the same situation like you and I think that Geezer is right - it is not easy - but you have to play that game, until you are able to llive your own life . But you can struggle to be able to build up your own life as soon as possible. 

Try to use this tough situation to get foccused, strong and go for your goal, work hard and build up the life you are dreaming about. 

They can force you physically to go to church - but nobody can slave  your soul and heart  - be proud and confident of who you are !!

Hold on - you can and will make it. Your situation is temporary 

 

 

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Living with bullies sucks. I had a combination of grant and work money while in college that let me eventually get out of my parents house. See if your college has any financial and mental counselors that can help you get out of the house. There are typically people looking for roommates in college also. Not all of those are great either, I ended up with sports fanatics for one year and I'm more of a geek. But look around and see what you can find. Making money is probably the biggest part of independence, since it let's you decide where you want to be and what you want to do, at least somewhat. "Job slavery" is another part of most lives, but something we have to live with in order to eat and have a place.

(side note, once you start making and saving money, look into investing since you can make a lot more percentage than you ever will from a bank or job. It takes studying, but now is a great time to learn about it.)

[mymistake]

Depends on your situation and even more on how your family will react.  Have you considered faking a religious conversion and then just going through the motions?  Depending on your situation it might take minimum effort to pretend to be a Christian.  You don't have to be honest with parents who would abuse or abandon you.  Protect yourself.

[florduh]

Agree with Geezer. Your day will come.

[sdelsolray]

On 1/13/2018 at 6:27 PM, androgynousApocalypse said:

not currently, I was seeing my school's therapist before I graduated last may but not right now. 

 

Is it possible for you to meet with a secular mental health professional (of your choosing, not your parents' choosing) under their medical insurance?  If you tell them that you have a need for medical counseling or therapy, what would they say?

[Orbit]

I was in a similar situation when younger. I just bided my time and didn't rock the boat until I moved out and was financially independent.

[midniterider]

On 1/13/2018 at 5:39 PM, androgynousApocalypse said:

i'm turning 19 later this year and as of now i'm still living with my parents while i'm starting college. every so often my family members like to gang up on me and berate me for not being christian and threaten to force me to go to church with them - even though they know i haven't been in the best place mental health wise for the past several years. 

does anyone have some advice to help with this? thank you

 

Go to church. Eat the yummy pot luck food. Enjoy college. Pretend Jesus is the greatest.

 

After college you'll need to pretend that the company you work at is the greatest. Church will give you the needed experience and expertise at being fake that you need to be a good employee.

[mymistake]

11 hours ago, midniterider said:

 

Go to church. Eat the yummy pot luck food. Enjoy college. Pretend Jesus is the greatest.

 

After college you'll need to pretend that the company you work at is the greatest. Church will give you the needed experience and expertise at being fake that you need to be a good employee.

 

 

Now this is great advise.

[Tsathoggua9]

On 1/21/2018 at 5:18 PM, Orbit said:

I was in a similar situation when younger. I just bided my time and didn't rock the boat until I moved out and was financially independent.

 

This is very good advice.

[Lost]

On 14.01.2018 at 2:39 AM, androgynousApocalypse said:

i'm turning 19 later this year and as of now i'm still living with my parents while i'm starting college. every so often my family members like to gang up on me and berate me for not being christian and threaten to force me to go to church with them - even though they know i haven't been in the best place mental health wise for the past several years. 

does anyone have some advice to help with this? thank you

 

Sorry to hear that, what You have to go through androgynousApocalypse.

 

I think that You have no other choice, but to listen advices of other members here. I know it's easy to say to just listen to them for now, when in reality You would like to run away from this whole bullshit. The worse thing is that if You will pretend to be a Christian for them, there can be a pressure to marry also and spending lots of time with believers. Shit, shit and shit.

But good news is that Your studies can separate You, distract You from this troubled, full of pressure Christian world.

 

I can't believe, I spend alsomst 7 years in church, actually having doubts, since my water baptism. I have never had full conviction about Christianity, but anyway I always thought, even when I was in Catholic church that it'a a great way for living. But when I actually was sucked by it, it turned out that reality is different. I know that for some people it works out, but for others simple not.

Nursing studies in my case really helped me a lot, now I study 3 different things and still it's a great way to escape from people in my church for some time.But I noticed that they don't really like it that I am not that often in church. Days when I am in church are really exhausting and make me sick to my stomach. I go through lots of mixed emotions: missing God, feeling sadness over lack of confidence in faith, desire to believfe, anger, fear, irritation.

I'm planning my coming out in Summer 2018, when I will go somewhere on vacation. I will write to them a letter...hope that it will happen.

 

Maybe, it would be better for You to start the college in another town, but yeah...probably your parents would be suspicious that maybe You plan something and they want You to be near them.

 

Personally, I don't feel pressure from my family (cause they are liberal Catholics), but I feel lots of pressure from my church, especially one fucking sister in Christ that is kind of like energy vampire. Even today (after long time since I was in church) she gave me a speech about my studies choices. She said that I should focus on Nursing and if i have to on Dental assistant course in weekend school, but I should quit my Public Health studies.

She suggested that I should pray to God for guidence whether I should stay in POland and work here or in another country. And unfortunately, in these days there would be a trouble to move to England, because of Brexit regulations. Blah, Blah, Blah...luckily there are other towns and other European coutries where I can move to...

 

In my country Public Health is not really common and is for now an unknown area and people usually don't want to visit a doctor, when they are healthy...but it doesn't mean that it won't be useful for me in the future, who the hell knows?

 

Pressure is real. It's everywhere, even in a secular world.

 

Wish You all the best on Your journey

 

 

[ContraBardus]

I'm 40, and I still go to church when I visit my mother. She knows I'm an Atheist.

 

I stand, sit, and kneel with everyone else, bow my head, I shake hands and wish people peace, and am generally respectful without participating otherwise. I don't go up and eat the magic cracker or drink the water down wine, I don't recite the prayers or sing along, I don't kneel before the altar, put my hand in the disgusting germ spreading little communal water bowl, or make the little cross symbol with my hand, and I don't find it particularly stressful.

 

I refuse to discuss my beliefs with anyone there. I don't even bring it up and neither does anyone else. I'm polite to everyone, including the priest, and have no interest in discussing my lack of belief in God any more than I'd be interested in discussing my belief in Santa. If anyone tried to discuss it with me, and no one ever has, I would politely decline and leave. You don't need to give a reason, you don't owe anyone one.

 

It's not done anything to change my mind about any of it. I occasionally hear stuff that I don't agree with, but see no reason to confront it and be disruptive.

 

I usually get a free breakfast out of it. Even if I don't, the alternative is staying home with her 3lb Papillon that doesn't like anyone but her and watching TV by myself.

 

Unless there's some sort of issue with your presence being disruptive, someone there being abusive or harassing you, or otherwise creating problems. Don't worry about it. Just go, do the bare minimum to keep everyone happy, and when you're out of the house you can do as you please. It creates less drama and can make dealing with your parents easier to do while you're living with them.