A new self-admitted non-believer.......

[Singular40]

My journey towards deconversion began about a decade ago. I grew up in a safe and sound Christian home, went to a private Christian school kindergarten through 4th grade,

went to church about three times a week with my parents. Unlike many stories that I've read on here, my experience with the church was actually more pleasant. My reasons for losing faith didn't really have anything to do with the way Christians acted, or at least that's not the main reason. I never really liked or disliked the church. I was simply indoctrinated to believe that going every Sunday was something everyone did, because it was the right thing to do. Nobody ever actually came out and said that; it was something that was merely implied. I continued going to church simply to appease my parents and my relatives. I was afraid that if I quit, then everyone would suspicion me or find something wrong with me.

 

 

I will say up front, that I come from a very loving Christian family. I couldn't ask for a better one. So when I quit going around the age of 33, my father accepted it and never judged

me for it. My father was a part time pastor growing up, and he preached at small country church with mostly older people. It was a different community than the one I went to school

in, so I never had to suffer under the dreaded label of "preachers kid." The older people were nice, loving and friendly. I never had any problems with them, and I still have good memories of those times. 

 

However, there was another side to my upbringing. When I was young, my dad was the typical fundamentalist.  I couldn't watch any movies if they weren't rated G

and rock n' roll or anything on the radio was forbidden. I found ways around this. I would secretly sneak a radio into my room and listen to the latest hits, or when I would

go over to a friends house. Once, I got spanked by my mother when she found out I had been listening to the radio. My mother would cringe at that thought today, but back

then it was holy rolling for Jesus, 100%. In time, they became less legalistic and more open. But my dad would incessantly be talking Jesus babble. I was indifferent about church, 

but for some reason I began to get annoyed at the constant God talk.  It didn't matter what the topic was - he would find some way to integrate a biblical passage into the 

conversation. He would say stuff like, "but as Christians we are called to take a stand." Or "as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are commanded." Something about that kind of 

language got under my skin, and I began to resent it. I always hated that "brothers and sisters in Christ" talk. Besides the fact that it made me feel like I was in a cult, it also

felt like a slap in the face to people who weren't Christians. Why couldn't they be brothers and sisters too? 

 

 

My dad would also talk about the "White Throne of Judgement" when me and my sister wanted rent a movie that was PG. He said that we would be judged for what we watched 

and listened to. To my dad's credit, he eventually left that mentality far behind, even though he's still a believer. But that's the way it was then. I didn't like the fact that my mother

forced reading bible stories to us. She would make it clear that since it was God's word, we had to listen to the stories.

 

There were always things about Christianity that rubbed me the wrong way from the time I was a kid, and the above situation was only one of them. Something about the way

that religion could make people so tied to their beliefs never felt right.  Any Christian I would meet, couldn't go one day without talking about God or church. Almost 

as if being normal or being yourself for one day out if your life was alien to them.  It was almost like there was a certain level of seriousness you had to have, in order to be

a Christian - and it had to be worn on your sleeve at all times. 

 

But eventually I became a serious Christian. I was never a bible thumper, or a praise Jesus guy, but I had the belief. I never shared my faith with anyone in highschool, but

I was always eager to speak up in biology class when the teacher would talk about millions of years, and I would tell everyone that it was ridiculous. The world was only thousands

of years old, not millions. I would never really think about church or God that much, but anytime someone said anything against it I would be right there on the front lines to repeat

what I had been taught at home. I was Christian, but only an indoctrinated one. 

 

I went to a Christian college for two years, and played guitar in a Christian band. Everyone knew the bible better than I did. In fact, everyone seemed to be more Christian than 

I was. I still held a serious belief in my faith at that point. But from the time I was a child up until age 20, I had hardly ever read the bible. I was so focused on other things, that 

I simply assumed because I had grown up Christian, that I didn't need to read what was in there. MY dad had already quoted enough scripture to last a lifetime. That should be

enough. Or so I thought.   

 

I continued going to church on my own in different communities. I tried to get involved in small groups. It was great for awhile, but I never was the social type, and never felt

like I fit in completely. I felt like the prayer sessions were ridiculous, praying for two hours straight, trying to jeep my eyes closed for that long. It just seemed counterproductive.

I was never that much of a prayer warrior to begin with. 

 

So.....fast forward to about age 29. I was watching tv one night and I saw a guy named Bill Maher for the first time. I was completely offended at the things he was saying.

"I hate all religion. It's a neurological disorder." Whoa......never before in my life had I heard such vitriol for religion on a television show. But as offended as I was, and as angry

as I was at what he was saying, something deep inside of me whispered......."I like this guy." But why?  I grew to eventually like Maher although I completely disagreed with his

anti-religion sentiments at the time.  And with more investigation about atheism on the internet, it led me to reading "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. 

 

It was the first atheist book I had read. I loved Dawkins and I hated him. I liked him for his clever writing style and wit, but I hated him for challenging me on things I had never thought about or never before had to face. It got me reading the bible more, and learning about the genocide in the old testament and various contradictions. By the time I got finished I was in a completely different headspace but.........I was still a very much a Christian. I prayed to God and asked him to provide me with answers.  I rededicated my life to Jesus, and this time things were going to be different. I was going to let God guide me, and pray for the answers I needed.

 

The first few years of my thirties were good. I defended the bible at every turn.......or at least I thought I did. But the more I studied and read on my own about evolution, I eventually

gave up creationism up completely. I ran into all of the massive problems with the new Testament, and the fact that so many ideas in the bible were borrowed from earlier religions. I would ask my dad about some of these problems since he had been to seminary, and sometimes he had answers, but for the most part I was on my own. I became fascinated with the atheist mindset and started reading deconversion stories - hundreds of them like the ones on this site. I really wanted to know what it was that made people become atheists, and non believers. After reading dozens of them, I began to realize that unbelief was not a choice. After all, how can you blame a person for thinking that Yaweh is an asshole after reading the old testament? How is that their fault for not wanting to believe in something that appears evil?    

 

 

I was still Christian, but more moderate. I liked the fact that I could question things and still be Christian. I thought there wasn't anything wrong with that, and embraced it. But something happened.......my sister was going to the same Christian college that I once did around this time. She was majoring in counselling. She is by

nature, a free thinker. She ran into professors that told her Christian counselors were better at giving people hope, because they had the love of Christ in them. Now that made me think - WTF? You couldn't give someone hope without Christ? Then she encountered other damaging platitudes. That gay people could change their behavior if they just BELIEVE, and not being able to talk about women being sexually active. If you had been through a divorce, they would question you. One of her profs who was known for being a loving man said to a women once who needed his help: "Do you belong to a church?" She said no, and then he replied, "Then I can't help you." My sister eventually quit the counseling department there

as a result, because it would have destroyed her. They won't let you ask questions outside of their little theological bubble. And these people who believed these dangerous things were otherwise good people..........very loving and compassionate humans. And that's when it hit me.........The problem with Christianity was not the bad Christians or people who didn't act like Jesus. It was the GOOD people who lacked critical thinking skills. And the reason why, is because the BIBLE does NOT teach critical thinking. It was a devastating blow

to my faith, because the church teaches that hypocritical Christians are the problem. And they're wrong. The bible is the problem. I had to decide which was more poisonous. The Westboro Baptist Church for hating gays, or the church with kind loving Christians who say: "Don't worry. We can FIX you." The nice Christians are the problem, simply because if it's

in the bible - they have a right to believe it.

 

 

I used to be a moderate Christian who thought he was so cool for not thinking that hell was literal. But I had to realize that I was sharing the same space with people who read from the same bible, who thought it was loving to warn people about hell. Which interpretation was the right one? And that is the problem, folks. An all powerful, loving God who doesn't talk to humans, doesn't show himself, and doesn't answer tough questions, but he gives his rabid followers a book rife with holes and enough ambiguity to justify about anything you want, as long as it's in there. A god who claims to be all powerful, yet he seems unconcerned about people being turned off by his horrible actions in the old testament, contradictions and inaccuracies. Such a God does not care that you live in the 21st century, and that you are unable to think the same way as ancient people did. If I were God, the first thing I would do is make sure that the bible could be understood on all levels, throughout all time periods, and there wouldn't be any confusion as to what something meant. I would make sure that my holy spirit would inspire people to think critically instead of the same asinine cop outs that so many Christians give. I would make sure that Christianity would be as air tight as a round earth. If I were God, atheists would look as dumb as the flat earth society. Why couldn't the bible be more like that, if God is all powerful? My conclusion is that he doesn't exist.

 

I still believe in a presence or a force in the universe that I call God. But that doesn't mean it has to be religious, far from it. It's nothing I pray to or worship. I kind of view whatever is out there to something like "the force" in Star Wars. "Let the force be with you." I always loved that.  When I finally realized I wasn't a Christian anymore it 

was such a great feeling of peace. I don't fear hell, because I never feared it as a Christian. I don't know, maybe deep down I never really gave a shit. It always sounded like a cartoon to me, but my heart goes out to apostates that still struggle with hell. These days, I just call myself agnostic/deist. Or just humanist.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

[Singular40]

Sorry about the paragraphs, had no idea they would turn out like that. 

[Geezer]

No problem, welcome aboard. I believe you will find this site helpful. 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Singular40 said:

 She ran into professors that told her Christian counselors were better at giving people hope, because they had the love of Christ in them. Now that made me think - WTF? You couldn't give someone hope without Christ? Then she encountered other damaging platitudes. That gay people could change their behavior if they just BELIEVE, and not being able to talk about women being sexually active. If you had been through a divorce, they would question you. One of her profs who was known for being a loving man said to a women once who needed his help: "Do you belong to a church?" She said no, and then he replied, "Then I can't help you." My sister eventually quit the counseling department there

as a result, because it would have destroyed her. They won't let you ask questions outside of their little theological bubble. And these people who believed these dangerous things were otherwise good people..........very loving and compassionate humans. And that's when it hit me.........The problem with Christianity was not the bad Christians or people who didn't act like Jesus. It was the GOOD people who lacked critical thinking skills. And the reason why, is because the BIBLE does NOT teach critical thinking. It was a devastating blow

to my faith, because the church teaches that hypocritical Christians are the problem. And they're wrong. The bible is the problem. I had to decide which was more poisonous. The Westboro Baptist Church for hating gays, or the church with kind loving Christians who say: "Don't worry. We can FIX you." The nice Christians are the problem, simply because if it's

in the bible - they have a right to believe it.

 

 

Yup. I see plenty of nice people in my former church, but believe me, their fundamentalism just poisons any real humanity they have. They uphold the poison that's in the bible at the expense of real love and true compassion and acceptance. And they have no critical thinking ability at all - they simply choose to believe what's in the bible because everything must be taken on faith, and its more important to get to heaven than to consider the fact that you could be wrong, in many cases hurting and pushing away loved ones you should love and accept unconditionally.

And what you have said about counseling is something that just annoys me no end. It's why I never even mentioned the fact I had a therapist, let alone a secular one, to anyone. I would have been told I was only to see a counselor with the same beliefs, and doing otherwise was treading in dangerous territory.

 

Welcome to Ex-C, you're in good company here.

[trek4fr]

Welcome, Singular40! Thanks for sharing your journey!

 

Like you, most of my experiences in church were good ones. I didn't leave church because of "bad Christians". I think most Christians are good people. In fact, I was a liberal, progressive Christian for quite some time until I faced the fact that liberal Christianity is not honest about the bible or the tenets of Christianity. They seem to think that you can believe anything you like and still call yourself a Christian. On one hand, I guess they are right. Jesus never defined Christianity and who was or was not a Christian. On the other hand, as you have said, beliefs do define what it means to be a Christian, even if Christians can't agree on what the correct beliefs are. I still miss church, but I can't go back to the beliefs.

 

I appreciate and concur with what you said about non-believing not being a choice. There is simply no evidence for Zeus or Thor. So I can't believe in them. Likewise, there is no evidence for an all-powerful, all-loving deity named Yahweh who controls the world. There is way too much suffering and death in our world for that claim to be true, IMO. I think the Jesus of the bible taught a few good things, but God is, for me, just a personification of nature, not a being, not a person. Welcome again. I think  you'll find many friends here.  

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Welcome! Your story shows the power of that parents have on the emotional development of children. Even when you could see through the myths, you were still compelled internally to follow and rededicate yourself. Then the mixed bag of emotional reactions to Maher and Dawkins showed that you were genuinely angry over something saying you had been tricked into believing in a god by well-meaning people that you love, until you could conclude that yourself based on evidence. I hope that my hyper-intelligent niece and nephew can find their way out of the cloistered upbringing they have currently. (On one hand they have not been raised using the Internet or social media, have never heard pop music of any generation, and are learning classic languages like Latin. On the other hand, they are being taught to think through problems, though NEVER to question god. I'm hoping that someday they will break through that wall. I told their mom that she must teach them to think critically, and she replied "I CAN'T do that, they might question God". Mostly they fear their dad's disapproval, and that holds a ton of emotional power. Even a look from him can cause them to back down.)

 

Some of us still wonder if there is more to us than the biology we see. That is why there is a "safe" part of the forum dedicated to exploring such ideas where overt criticisms and insults are not allowed. But most of us don't believe in any kind of actual "person on a throne" kinds of gods anymore.

 

[Singular40]

Thanks for the feedback guys, I really appreciate it! 

 

 

[MOHO]

On 1/13/2018 at 7:41 PM, Singular40 said:

He would say stuff like, "but as Christians we are called to take a stand." Or "as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are commanded." Something about that kind of 

language got under my skin, and I began to resent it. I always hated that "brothers and sisters in Christ" talk. Besides the fact that it made me feel like I was in a cult, it also

felt like a slap in the face to people who weren't Christians. Why couldn't they be brothers and sisters too? 

 

Welcome to the forum, @Singular40,

Glad you fund us and your way out of the indoctrination.

 

Regarding your quote above - the "Praise God", "Isn't the Lord just WONDERFUL!", "Don't say that your you will end up in Hell!" even "Bless you" phrases get under my skin to this day.

 

I have given this much thought and have often wondered if I should rebel against it, "Stop being so superstitious!", "There is no Hell", "Say something that will actually HELP!" and so on. Other times if think I'm just begin to harsh on these, mostly, well-meaning but indoctrinated folks. I just don't know what the appropriate behavior is. I don't know if I should just suck-it-up and drive-on.

 

Currently I am thinking that mine and your discomfort in the face of such overtly religious rhetoric might be a survival instinct. Humans are were we are, in terms of advancement, largely due to our ability to separate fact from crap. So, when I hear superstitious sayings, adages, and promotions, I get that classics fight-or-flight syndrome going on - whole sale. 

 

Topic for another post, eh?

Welcome aboard and hope to "hear" more from you.

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

 

 

[Deacon_Soze]

Singular40,

I feel like you and I grew up similar. I too felt the same ways you did but my fear of a angry god kept me walking a semi straight path. Took so much emotional stress and abuse to finally say enough is enough and leave it behind. What kind of god would make things so clouded with eternal fire on the line?

 

As you mentioned a god that created the galaxies that we can now see for lightyears, that made the creatures in the darkest parts of the ocean, that created these bodies and the intricate details of each organ and their process; That god made a book so vague as the bible? What? With all that brilliance?

 

You mention creating people who are born homosexual. As if it was their choice. Read Ray Boltz testimonial. You know him. ''I Pledge Allegiance to the lamb'' and other very popular christian songs of our day.

He prayed fervently to god to take his homosexual thoughts and desires away. He even blocked it enough to marry a woman he did not really want and wrote those songs. The desire still plauged him  till he finally came out decades later and admitted it. Why would he be given a desire considered so evil by christians when all he wanted to do is serve?

My parents still do not know the full deconversion, since leaving the church my dad has really not talked to me. My mom does but if this is what he values in life? So be it. I will live mine.

[TABA]

Welcome, Singular40!  The path you’ve walked is very familiar to so many of us here: accepting the many ways in which Christianity and its god ultimately fail to make sense.  I think you’ve felt the sense of relief that comes from acknowledging that you no longer believe it.  There is a great sense of freedom in only accepting what makes sense and no longer having to pay lip-service to all that doesn’t.  You’ve come quite a way, but realize that deconversion can be a rather long process, not just an event.  I hope you’ll stay around to read more and maybe to join in discussions sometimes. This is. A good place to be; I hope you find it so 

[Tsathoggua9]

Hey, great story! Glad to have you aboard.

[Singular40]

On 2/5/2018 at 5:46 AM, ThereAndBackAgain said:

Welcome, Singular40!  The path you’ve walked is very familiar to so many of us here: accepting the many ways in which Christianity and its god ultimately fail to make sense.  I think you’ve felt the sense of relief that comes from acknowledging that you no longer believe it.  There is a great sense of freedom in only accepting what makes sense and no longer having to pay lip-service to all that doesn’t.  You’ve come quite a way, but realize that deconversion can be a rather long process, not just an event.  I hope you’ll stay around to read more and maybe to join in discussions sometimes. This is. A good place to be; I hope you find it so 

 

Indeed, I realize what you are saying about deconversion. Over the past year, I've had to retrain my mind to break old habits of thinking in search of new ones. Some days it's been easy, other days not as much.But there is a deep sense of peace starting to settle within me. I wouldn't trade that for the world.  I think breaking away from faith probably wasn't as hard for me as it seems for some others on here, simply because even though I believed - I was never emotionally sold out to it.  I was never a big praise and worship guy, or heavily involved in devotions or bible study. I'm single with no kids, so there is no kind of family crises involved.  I would go to church, but I was never actively involved in it. No one in my community ever knew me as an ultra religious person, or  a big player in evangelical circles. So it was easy enough for me to sneak away quietly. But many are not so lucky......they have families, kids, emotional ties with their church. And it can devastating. 

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

Welcome, Singular40! I believe your willingness to read and consider perspectives of people who disagree with you, even during your times of belief in Xianity, speaks to a great degree of sincerity on your part!

[◊ Weezer ◊]

I could really identify with a lot of what you said.  I also recently joined the forum, and posted my long story last night.   We seemed to have been born with logical minds.  I am really thankful that my maternal Grandfather, although a Christian, was a critical thinker.  If he had had the internet available back in his day, I think he might have eventually deconverted.

On 2/14/2018 at 1:10 AM, Weezer said:

Oops!  Don't know where this came from.  I touched something on my screen I shouldn't have touched, and can't figure out how to delete it.

He occasionally argued with preachers, which eventually got him fired as a deacon, and there were 2 things he said when I was young that stuck with me.  One was,  "dont believe everything preachers say."  The other was,  everyone has to work out their own salvation."  His attitude helped me to not feel so guilty about the questioning I did.  My father was a different story.  He grew up with an abusive father, saw god the same way, and was so afraid of Hell, I felt sorry for him, even before I left the faith.

Thanks for the testimony.

[Orbit]

On 1/13/2018 at 8:41 PM, Singular40 said:

My journey towards deconversion began about a decade ago. I grew up in a safe and sound Christian home, went to a private Christian school kindergarten through 4th grade,

went to church about three times a week with my parents. Unlike many stories that I've read on here, my experience with the church was actually more pleasant. My reasons for losing faith didn't really have anything to do with the way Christians acted, or at least that's not the main reason. I never really liked or disliked the church. I was simply indoctrinated to believe that going every Sunday was something everyone did, because it was the right thing to do. Nobody ever actually came out and said that; it was something that was merely implied. I continued going to church simply to appease my parents and my relatives. I was afraid that if I quit, then everyone would suspicion me or find something wrong with me.

 

 

I will say up front, that I come from a very loving Christian family. I couldn't ask for a better one. So when I quit going around the age of 33, my father accepted it and never judged

me for it. My father was a part time pastor growing up, and he preached at small country church with mostly older people. It was a different community than the one I went to school

in, so I never had to suffer under the dreaded label of "preachers kid." The older people were nice, loving and friendly. I never had any problems with them, and I still have good memories of those times. 

 

However, there was another side to my upbringing. When I was young, my dad was the typical fundamentalist.  I couldn't watch any movies if they weren't rated G

and rock n' roll or anything on the radio was forbidden. I found ways around this. I would secretly sneak a radio into my room and listen to the latest hits, or when I would

go over to a friends house. Once, I got spanked by my mother when she found out I had been listening to the radio. My mother would cringe at that thought today, but back

then it was holy rolling for Jesus, 100%. In time, they became less legalistic and more open. But my dad would incessantly be talking Jesus babble. I was indifferent about church, 

but for some reason I began to get annoyed at the constant God talk.  It didn't matter what the topic was - he would find some way to integrate a biblical passage into the 

conversation. He would say stuff like, "but as Christians we are called to take a stand." Or "as brothers and sisters in Christ, we are commanded." Something about that kind of 

language got under my skin, and I began to resent it. I always hated that "brothers and sisters in Christ" talk. Besides the fact that it made me feel like I was in a cult, it also

felt like a slap in the face to people who weren't Christians. Why couldn't they be brothers and sisters too? 

 

 

My dad would also talk about the "White Throne of Judgement" when me and my sister wanted rent a movie that was PG. He said that we would be judged for what we watched 

and listened to. To my dad's credit, he eventually left that mentality far behind, even though he's still a believer. But that's the way it was then. I didn't like the fact that my mother

forced reading bible stories to us. She would make it clear that since it was God's word, we had to listen to the stories.

 

There were always things about Christianity that rubbed me the wrong way from the time I was a kid, and the above situation was only one of them. Something about the way

that religion could make people so tied to their beliefs never felt right.  Any Christian I would meet, couldn't go one day without talking about God or church. Almost 

as if being normal or being yourself for one day out if your life was alien to them.  It was almost like there was a certain level of seriousness you had to have, in order to be

a Christian - and it had to be worn on your sleeve at all times. 

 

But eventually I became a serious Christian. I was never a bible thumper, or a praise Jesus guy, but I had the belief. I never shared my faith with anyone in highschool, but

I was always eager to speak up in biology class when the teacher would talk about millions of years, and I would tell everyone that it was ridiculous. The world was only thousands

of years old, not millions. I would never really think about church or God that much, but anytime someone said anything against it I would be right there on the front lines to repeat

what I had been taught at home. I was Christian, but only an indoctrinated one. 

 

I went to a Christian college for two years, and played guitar in a Christian band. Everyone knew the bible better than I did. In fact, everyone seemed to be more Christian than 

I was. I still held a serious belief in my faith at that point. But from the time I was a child up until age 20, I had hardly ever read the bible. I was so focused on other things, that 

I simply assumed because I had grown up Christian, that I didn't need to read what was in there. MY dad had already quoted enough scripture to last a lifetime. That should be

enough. Or so I thought.   

 

I continued going to church on my own in different communities. I tried to get involved in small groups. It was great for awhile, but I never was the social type, and never felt

like I fit in completely. I felt like the prayer sessions were ridiculous, praying for two hours straight, trying to jeep my eyes closed for that long. It just seemed counterproductive.

I was never that much of a prayer warrior to begin with. 

 

So.....fast forward to about age 29. I was watching tv one night and I saw a guy named Bill Maher for the first time. I was completely offended at the things he was saying.

"I hate all religion. It's a neurological disorder." Whoa......never before in my life had I heard such vitriol for religion on a television show. But as offended as I was, and as angry

as I was at what he was saying, something deep inside of me whispered......."I like this guy." But why?  I grew to eventually like Maher although I completely disagreed with his

anti-religion sentiments at the time.  And with more investigation about atheism on the internet, it led me to reading "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. 

 

It was the first atheist book I had read. I loved Dawkins and I hated him. I liked him for his clever writing style and wit, but I hated him for challenging me on things I had never thought about or never before had to face. It got me reading the bible more, and learning about the genocide in the old testament and various contradictions. By the time I got finished I was in a completely different headspace but.........I was still a very much a Christian. I prayed to God and asked him to provide me with answers.  I rededicated my life to Jesus, and this time things were going to be different. I was going to let God guide me, and pray for the answers I needed.

 

The first few years of my thirties were good. I defended the bible at every turn.......or at least I thought I did. But the more I studied and read on my own about evolution, I eventually

gave up creationism up completely. I ran into all of the massive problems with the new Testament, and the fact that so many ideas in the bible were borrowed from earlier religions. I would ask my dad about some of these problems since he had been to seminary, and sometimes he had answers, but for the most part I was on my own. I became fascinated with the atheist mindset and started reading deconversion stories - hundreds of them like the ones on this site. I really wanted to know what it was that made people become atheists, and non believers. After reading dozens of them, I began to realize that unbelief was not a choice. After all, how can you blame a person for thinking that Yaweh is an asshole after reading the old testament? How is that their fault for not wanting to believe in something that appears evil?    

 

 

I was still Christian, but more moderate. I liked the fact that I could question things and still be Christian. I thought there wasn't anything wrong with that, and embraced it. But something happened.......my sister was going to the same Christian college that I once did around this time. She was majoring in counselling. She is by

nature, a free thinker. She ran into professors that told her Christian counselors were better at giving people hope, because they had the love of Christ in them. Now that made me think - WTF? You couldn't give someone hope without Christ? Then she encountered other damaging platitudes. That gay people could change their behavior if they just BELIEVE, and not being able to talk about women being sexually active. If you had been through a divorce, they would question you. One of her profs who was known for being a loving man said to a women once who needed his help: "Do you belong to a church?" She said no, and then he replied, "Then I can't help you." My sister eventually quit the counseling department there

as a result, because it would have destroyed her. They won't let you ask questions outside of their little theological bubble. And these people who believed these dangerous things were otherwise good people..........very loving and compassionate humans. And that's when it hit me.........The problem with Christianity was not the bad Christians or people who didn't act like Jesus. It was the GOOD people who lacked critical thinking skills. And the reason why, is because the BIBLE does NOT teach critical thinking. It was a devastating blow

to my faith, because the church teaches that hypocritical Christians are the problem. And they're wrong. The bible is the problem. I had to decide which was more poisonous. The Westboro Baptist Church for hating gays, or the church with kind loving Christians who say: "Don't worry. We can FIX you." The nice Christians are the problem, simply because if it's

in the bible - they have a right to believe it.

 

 

I used to be a moderate Christian who thought he was so cool for not thinking that hell was literal. But I had to realize that I was sharing the same space with people who read from the same bible, who thought it was loving to warn people about hell. Which interpretation was the right one? And that is the problem, folks. An all powerful, loving God who doesn't talk to humans, doesn't show himself, and doesn't answer tough questions, but he gives his rabid followers a book rife with holes and enough ambiguity to justify about anything you want, as long as it's in there. A god who claims to be all powerful, yet he seems unconcerned about people being turned off by his horrible actions in the old testament, contradictions and inaccuracies. Such a God does not care that you live in the 21st century, and that you are unable to think the same way as ancient people did. If I were God, the first thing I would do is make sure that the bible could be understood on all levels, throughout all time periods, and there wouldn't be any confusion as to what something meant. I would make sure that my holy spirit would inspire people to think critically instead of the same asinine cop outs that so many Christians give. I would make sure that Christianity would be as air tight as a round earth. If I were God, atheists would look as dumb as the flat earth society. Why couldn't the bible be more like that, if God is all powerful? My conclusion is that he doesn't exist.

 

I still believe in a presence or a force in the universe that I call God. But that doesn't mean it has to be religious, far from it. It's nothing I pray to or worship. I kind of view whatever is out there to something like "the force" in Star Wars. "Let the force be with you." I always loved that.  When I finally realized I wasn't a Christian anymore it 

was such a great feeling of peace. I don't fear hell, because I never feared it as a Christian. I don't know, maybe deep down I never really gave a shit. It always sounded like a cartoon to me, but my heart goes out to apostates that still struggle with hell. These days, I just call myself agnostic/deist. Or just humanist.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Welcome to ExC!