☆ DarkBishop ☆ Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Hey guys, Figured I would give you all an update and let you know i"m still alive LOL. It has been almost exactly a year since my deconversion and I can truly say it has been a ride..... sometimes rough sometimes not. But like it has been pointed out before on other threads it is a lot like grieving a lost loved one. I went through all the stages of grief and have finally accepted my new reality. I dont know if acceptance is the best term because I accepted the truth when it was presented to me in my searches. But It took a long time to become comfortable with that truth and to feel like I was me again. I unfortunately haven't been able to be as active on the group as I would have liked to have been during this time because the deconversion affected my relationship with my family.... especially my wife who is still a believer. It has been rough but I think she is finally starting to realize that I still love her an i'm not going to become an adulterer just because i dont believe anymore. I feel like we are growing closer again sometimes as we were before. For awhile there it was touch and go and I was very worried that divorce was in my near furture. Thankfully I think we are past that point and are in the stages of rebuilding our relationship around the fact that I no longer believe in the christian God. One thing that i think helps is that I'm not fully athiest I am agnostic. I still believe in the possibility of something but have accepted that all man made religions are only that. man made religions. I also told her that if i ever came across concrete evidence that supported the biblical account that I would be able to believe again. But just like anything else I"m not going to believe unless it can be proven. I don't really see that happening but hey if it is concrete proof its concrete proof right? lol. I have found in the past several months that the formation of various ancient religions fascinates me now. I'm a history buff sometimes and just love exploring the frame of mind of those that lived long ago. I had to explore this prospect because I had to know why they created this belief that hurt me so much in the end. And when I began to put myself in the shoes of those that lived so long ago without all the years of scientific study and testing that we have been blessed with I can then understand that they were only doing what they could to explain all the Whys that come to mind through life. Why are we here, why is the sky blue, why does rain fall from the sky, why do other people speak other lanquages, and why do i feel bad when I do something wrong that affects someone else? All these questions and more were answered by all the various beliefs, myths, and folk tales that eventually formed the religions we know today and others that fell away long ago. This helped me get past the pure anger i felt at being so deceived for so long. I think that at some points in history, more pointedly during the formation of the monotheistic religions that rule the world now. That there was more political motivations rather than just explaining why things were. I can see how limiting the population to one God would cut down on revolts and create a more obedient and subservient population that would govern themselves in obedience to the one and only God that was apparently in favor of your govt. I also dont hold any anger toward those that are in the faith now. I know they have been programmed just as i was to believe what they believe and to carry on those beliefs through "spreading the word". I have become more of a constitutionalist than i ever was in the past year. I see why our fore fathers in america wrote the constitution and I want to see all those rights protected. I believe in our rights as american and I believe in the right to freedom of religion. I actually feel bad about all the grief I gave believers of other faiths that didn't reflect my own personal churches beliefs. In the end we are all just in pursuing our own happiness and trying to get by the only way we know how. They are the ones that are ruled by an ancient and outdated book, not me, not anymore. But if that is what makes them happy then I support that. On another note I have not been cursed by leaving the faith like some people would try to say. In fact have prospered during this past year and ended up making more money than I have in the past last year and have just topped that off with a promotion. O man, Bible God sucked ass but the universe has been very kind to me :-) lmao. Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know whats going on with me in my ex-christian life. I still cant frequent this site as much as i would like as it starts to weird out my wife and brings up some old arguements that have been laid to rest for now, but you are all always in my thoughts and I wish you all well. Dark Bishop 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Good to see you here DarkBishop. Here's hoping everything on the family front gets as sorted as it can. I can't tell you how many times I've felt lucky that my wife isn't a fundy. I definitely appreciate not having to deal with any marital strife related to my leaving the faith. Family strife in general, though, I get. Relationships with the rest of my family are strained to say the least. I'd tell you to keep the faith, but, well... you know. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LogicalFallacy Posted January 17, 2018 Moderator Share Posted January 17, 2018 Hey DarkBishop Good to see you are still around my friend. I do miss seeing your posts. I hope that in time your situation improves to the point where you can interact with us here with no issues. Meanwhile I am so happy that things are improving for you. Relationships are tricky things. I think my parents are happy at the moment because they've convinced themselves that I'm just on a little hiatus. Not sure how long it will last, but I have been noticing comments like "We still have your spot in church if you want to come". Cheers bud LF 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ DarkBishop ☆ Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 thank you logical. you guys have all been a huge help in this process. i honestly dont know how it would have turned out if i hadn't come across this community. Hopefully before to much longer i will be able to be a regular again. I would really like to get to the point where i can donate to the cause because i believe in this community and i believe in it's purpose. But good things come in time i here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConsiderTheSource Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Nice to have you back Dark Bishop (note my icon here is a white "poison pawn") even if it is just for a moment. One off the wall thought from me. If it is bothersome for her to see you on this site, and demands you spend little time here; that should mean that she should be genuine and not expose herself, or you, to any religious online sites or broadcast programming. But, being genuine is not a strong suit for these folks, is it? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ DarkBishop ☆ Posted January 17, 2018 Author Share Posted January 17, 2018 well the reason she doesn't want me to frequent this site is that she thinks all of you are drawing me away from the "truth" of the bible. but i have told her that that is just not the case. I came here because i felt alone in my new deconversion and i found this site for people who have been through the same thing that I have. I'm starting to wander if she is questioning also tho because of some of the things she has said. I can only hope so. but we shall see i guess. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TABA Posted January 17, 2018 Moderator Share Posted January 17, 2018 It’s good to hear from you again, DarkBishop! I was getting concerned when we hadn’t heard from you in a while. I suspected it was family-related. I’m glad to hear things are going relatively well. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 I doubt many of us were prepared for how difficult our deconversion journey would be. It takes faith to be a believer but it takes courage & determination to be a non-believer. Good to have you back DB. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConsiderTheSource Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 1 hour ago, Geezer said: I doubt many of us were prepared for how difficult our deconversion journey would be. It takes faith to be a believer but it takes courage & determination to be a non-believer. Good to have you back DB. Concur. It sucked. Totally sucked. And painful too. For me, it took a full two years, followed by two more years of infrequently flashbacks/irrationality. But, now, approaching 8 years out of their mindfuck I have washed a good 99% of the old programmingout of my mind. I have Never been at more peace. I have never been happier. I see no end to my peace of mind and existance. Loving it. Every single moment. Loving it. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
★ Citsonga ★ Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 On 1/16/2018 at 10:24 PM, DarkBishop said: well the reason she doesn't want me to frequent this site is that she thinks all of you are drawing me away from the "truth" of the bible. but i have told her that that is just not the case. I came here because i felt alone in my new deconversion and i found this site for people who have been through the same thing that I have. My wife had the same concern when I started going to freethinker meetups. Her fears subsided after she met a few of the people from the meetups and realized that they're decent people. On 1/16/2018 at 10:24 PM, DarkBishop said: I'm starting to wander if she is questioning also tho because of some of the things she has said. I can only hope so. but we shall see i guess. Good luck! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 19, 2018 Moderator Share Posted January 19, 2018 Hi DarkBishop! So good to hear from you. And I'm so glad that things are a bit better for you! Keep sneaking on here as much as you can!! Lol Best wishes (hug) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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