Trying to Find Purpose

[Moxie]

How do you find purpose when you are one out of over 8 billion humans on the planet? When your voice may never be heard or people may never know you or your message, if you have one?

　

Most people marry and have children to fulfill this need. What about those who don't take that path? I chose not to have children because I knew it would be the most irresponsible decision of my life, and I was right.

 

Now, I'm feeling like I'm one out of over 8 billion humans who've taken up some space on this planet, not to mention every human who has died. And what of it?

 

I want to feel like I have some purpose for something or someone like I did when I was a Christian.

 

How do you deal with this?

[mymistake]

You have to make your own meaning.  Decide what matters to you.  Work towards something you want.  Make meaning very personal.

[MOHO]

Life became more fulfilling for me when I decided that my purpose in life was to pursue my own personal happiness.

 

Does that sound selfish?

 

You cannot make other people happy. Mrs. MOHO seems happy when I'm doing something for her but that's not the deep inside long-term happiness that can only come from within.

 

You are not going to change the world - even if you join an action comity or devote your days to SJW efforts - you are still just one brick in the wall.

 

I suggest you take each day and make the best of it...for  @Bookworm

[Moxie]

1 minute ago, mymistake said:

You have to make your own meaning.  Decide what matters to you.  Work towards something you want.  Make meaning very personal.

 

That's where I am now, trying to decide what matters to me. I really don't know anymore. I guess I'll just have to pick something and go with it until I feel purposeful.

[Guest]

You can try find meaning in community. Go out there and volunteer, and see what you like. Being of assistance to others can really give you a purpose. And I also agree with MOHO, finding your own happiness isn't selfish, nor is living each day at a time. I do see your point, not having a family or children of my own. Some day, I would like to have someone to give all this bottled up love to, but for now it can be my community and family and friends. Most of us feel that real purpose comes with enriching and connecting with the lives of others around us, I think. That's why the social aspect of church was so important. Personally I'm going to take up some volunteer work, just a matter of finding the right thing. 

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

Do something you love. In essence this is what you were already probably doing as a Christian, when you maybe loved scripture or some particular belief about God. Maybe you loved the community the religion provided. Whatever it was, in a sense your love is just freer and less attached to a particular belief system than it used to be. It is exhilarating and a little terrifying, like flying for the first time. No more training wheels.

 

For me, I love art and science. I love creative expression. If I understand your username correctly you seem to love books? That's a great start, if that's the case. No one can tell you what you love but you. 

[sdelsolray]

2 hours ago, Bookworm said:

How do you find purpose when you are one out of over 8 billion humans on the planet?

...

 

What relevance is the quantity of humans on Earth to how I might find a purpose or purposes?  Are there a limited quantity of "purposes" to be found?  If there were only 7 billions humans on Earth, would it be easier to find a purpose or two?

 

2 hours ago, Bookworm said:

When your voice may never be heard or people may never know you or your message, if you have one?

...

 

If I assume my purpose must include other humans hearing my message, whatever that message may be, or to know me, I would be quite content with a large population count on Earth and I would further be encouraged with the wealth of communication technologies available today, simply because the probability would be quite large that many other humans would hear my message or know me.

 

On the other hand, some purpose(s) may have nothing to do with making sure other humans learn of my purpose, or even know of my existence.

 

2 hours ago, Bookworm said:

Most people marry and have children to fulfill this need. What about those who don't take that path? I chose not to have children because I knew it would be the most irresponsible decision of my life, and I was right.

...

 

Since you never had any children, how do you "know" not having children was the right decision.  You don't know.

 

Since you assume not getting married and not having children would not meet your need for a purpose, why do you raise this point?

 

Wouldn't it make sense, at least for you, to search for purpose and meaning elsewhere?  There are many other choices.  Many.

 

2 hours ago, Bookworm said:

...

Now, I'm feeling like I'm one out of over 8 billion humans who've taken up some space on this planet, not to mention every human who has died. And what of it?

...

 

Yes, what of it?  What is your point?

 

2 hours ago, Bookworm said:

...

I want to feel like I have some purpose for something or someone like I did when I was a Christian.

...

Perhaps you should become a Christian again if you think that will give you purpose.  Would that solve your problem?  Of course, Christian "purpose" is often illusory, fictional and selfish.  Pretending I am more important than what reality dictates is an empty thought.

 

2 hours ago, Bookworm said:

...

How do you deal with this?

 

By finding/creating/discovering purpose and meaning in my life, as mundane and insignificant as that might be, while having honest fun in the meantime, helping other life, leaving a reasonable small footprint on the planet and doing the best I can to not cause harm to most other life.

[florduh]

Your purpose, like mine, is to live. Life is like making music, no purpose other than the joy of doing it.

[Moxie]

11 hours ago, DestinyTurtle said:

Do something you love. In essence this is what you were already probably doing as a Christian, when you maybe loved scripture or some particular belief about God. Maybe you loved the community the religion provided. Whatever it was, in a sense your love is just freer and less attached to a particular belief system than it used to be. It is exhilarating and a little terrifying, like flying for the first time. No more training wheels.

 

For me, I love art and science. I love creative expression. If I understand your username correctly you seem to love books? That's a great start, if that's the case. No one can tell you what you love but you. 

 

Thanks. This makes a lot of sense to me. It's like transforming my life from a wilderness into a garden. I've spent years simply existing, or feeling like I'm just existing, since the start of my deconversion. I think on some level I felt like nothing mattered if there wasn't some big story to explain why humans are here, excluding evolution. Living one day at a time helps as I come to terms with my mortality.

 

As far as what I love, I'm still getting to know myself, and I seem to be coming out of some depressive state too, as I have had a lack of interest in anything. I think for me, I'll just have to pick something to dive into because otherwise I'll just feel as if all I can do is exist.

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

5 hours ago, Bookworm said:

As far as what I love, I'm still getting to know myself, and I seem to be coming out of some depressive state too, as I have had a lack of interest in anything. I think for me, I'll just have to pick something to dive into because otherwise I'll just feel as if all I can do is exist.

Depression is a kind of emotional/psychological illness, so like a flu or an infection there are ways to treat it and recover from it. The thing that's really annoying about depression is that it sucks you of your motivation to treat it. It also feels sometimes like it's going to last forever. Take it from my experience that it doesn't. I don't know how serious it is in your case, but don't be afraid to look for treatments (like a counselor or a medicine of some sort). I tried to bare-knuckle way out of a depression once, and I look back and think it would have ended a lot sooner if I looked for help.

 

In any case, finding a specific thing to focus on and concentrating on it intensely and regularly does in fact help greatly. In my case painting helped a lot during my depression. Meditation also helps for this reason, but probably requires a degree of habit and discipline over time. 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Bookworm said:

 

Thanks. This makes a lot of sense to me. It's like transforming my life from a wilderness into a garden. I've spent years simply existing, or feeling like I'm just existing, since the start of my deconversion. I think on some level I felt like nothing mattered if there wasn't some big story to explain why humans are here, excluding evolution. Living one day at a time helps as I come to terms with my mortality.

 

As far as what I love, I'm still getting to know myself, and I seem to be coming out of some depressive state too, as I have had a lack of interest in anything. I think for me, I'll just have to pick something to dive into because otherwise I'll just feel as if all I can do is exist.

Coming to terms with my mortality was partially what drove me out of religion. Now that I feel like I've largely passed that hurdle, the only thing I can do is focus on living each day to the best of my ability and just appreciating the small things. I don't think we need a big framework or story to explain why we're here. One thing that really helped me was just to realize how amazing and incredible it is that I am here, and I get this chance to experience this life.

I really enjoy my hobbies, and I do think of what else I could pick up. I just enjoy learning new things, and getting some sense of accomplishment out of them. Instead of focusing on the bigger picture, focusing on smaller goals of what you'd like to achieve might help. One of the great things about leaving religion is that you realize nobody has the right to tell you what you're living for. Only you decide that.

[mymistake]

20 hours ago, Bookworm said:

 

That's where I am now, trying to decide what matters to me. I really don't know anymore. I guess I'll just have to pick something and go with it until I feel purposeful.

 

 

You can always change your mind later.  As you live and grow you will learn.  You will know yourself better tomorrow than you do today.  The important thing to remember is that you are in the driver's chair.  You are making the decisions.

 

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, mymistake said:

 

 

You can always change your mind later.  As you live and grow you will learn.  You will know yourself better tomorrow than you do today.  The important thing to remember is that you are in the driver's chair.  You are making the decisions.

 

I tend to think that the purpose of life is just learning, and growth in general.

[midniterider]

On 2/16/2018 at 4:00 PM, Bookworm said:

How do you find purpose when you are one out of over 8 billion humans on the planet? When your voice may never be heard or people may never know you or your message, if you have one?

　

Most people marry and have children to fulfill this need. What about those who don't take that path? I chose not to have children because I knew it would be the most irresponsible decision of my life, and I was right.

 

Now, I'm feeling like I'm one out of over 8 billion humans who've taken up some space on this planet, not to mention every human who has died. And what of it?

 

I want to feel like I have some purpose for something or someone like I did when I was a Christian.

 

How do you deal with this?

 

I grew up without religion and so it was left up to me what I wanted to do or be in life. So now I just push a shopping cart filled with aluminum cans...ok, not really. Like others have said, you are free to pursue whatever you want. I derive 'meaning' in life by being nice to people....not here on this website of course (haha) but in real life. Putting a smile on someone's face is a noble purpose. Being kind is a noble purpose. And it is instantly rewarding. You don't have to wait to get to heaven for a reward nor please imaginary beings.

 

Another thing you can do is begin to analyze 'why' Christianity gave life meaning and challenge those reasons and assumptions. Dump the stuff that doesn't make sense and reinvent the ideas that sound good.

 

Meaning in life does not have to be epic. Enjoy the moment. It's really all you have. (sorry, some zen there).

 

Nothing is true.

Everything is permitted.

-Midnite Rider

[disillusioned]

It may not be comforting, but I've settled on the view that purpose is illusory. Our lives only matter inasmuch as they matter to us.

 

The only rule I live by is to try to have fun, and try not to be a dick.

 

 

[mwc]

     Purpose, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.  Unless you are someone who really impacts the world, like a world leader or something, you're forgotten within generation or two.  How often do you think of your great-grandparents?  I doubt it is very often.  Few people really do.  And beyond that?  So even with kids you just sort of fade away.

 

     So you have to just do the "selfish" thing and do things for yourself.  The things that make life worth living for you.  Hobbies and whatnot.  That's just sort of how it works.  And if others have these interests you can join groups if you're looking for a bit of community otherwise there's nothing wrong with going solo if you're happy.

 

          mwc

 

[Orbit]

On 2/16/2018 at 5:00 PM, Bookworm said:

How do you find purpose when you are one out of over 8 billion humans on the planet? When your voice may never be heard or people may never know you or your message, if you have one?

　

Most people marry and have children to fulfill this need. What about those who don't take that path? I chose not to have children because I knew it would be the most irresponsible decision of my life, and I was right.

 

Now, I'm feeling like I'm one out of over 8 billion humans who've taken up some space on this planet, not to mention every human who has died. And what of it?

 

I want to feel like I have some purpose for something or someone like I did when I was a Christian.

 

How do you deal with this?

 

I don't have kids, for the same reason. Women are pressured to think having kids solves everything, but it doesn't.  Make your own purpose; your blog is a good start...