Riversong

It's been a year-

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It's been a year since I looked in the mirror and said, "I'm not a Christian anymore."  It's been bumpy as hell but I've been slowly doing better and better. 

 

Top things that helped:

therapy

antidepressants

journalling

time

books- I'm a huge reader 

 

Issues I've worked through:

codependency, depression, boundaries, emotional regulation, power dynamics in relationships, ptsd, OCD/scrupulosity

 

other things I noticed:

how much pressure I felt to save the world(combined with the feeling that I was completely ineffective and sinful)

how shame and guilt are my go-to emotional responses

 

Where I am today:

I notice so much more energy. I'm not just surviving, I'm organizing, gardening, etc. it feels fantastic. 

Our family is doing so much better. My husband still goes to church with our son but he respects my lack of interest and belief. Kids are doing great and I'm no longer consumed by worrying that I was messing them up forever with my depression and our train wreck of a year. 

Also, so much more emotional energy and awareness of myself. It's been a huge change to think about myself instead of what God or my husband needs from me. (Dismantle the patriarchy!!) It's relaxing to be able to admire a sunset for its beauty without feeling the need to thank god for it. Etc

 

 

I've sporadically checked in here over the last year. At times, I noticed that reading so much about others religious trauma was just way too much to handle. I'm hoping to be on here a little bit more frequently. 

 

:-)

 

 

 

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I'm glad you're doing well!

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Great that you are feeling better. Hope things continue to improve.

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Happy to hear you're doing well.

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On 4/13/2018 at 4:56 PM, Riversong said:

It's been a year since I looked in the mirror and said, "I'm not a Christian anymore."  It's been bumpy as hell but I've been slowly doing better and better. 

 

Top things that helped:

therapy

antidepressants

journalling

time

books- I'm a huge reader 

 

Issues I've worked through:

codependency, depression, boundaries, emotional regulation, power dynamics in relationships, ptsd, OCD/scrupulosity

 

other things I noticed:

how much pressure I felt to save the world(combined with the feeling that I was completely ineffective and sinful)

how shame and guilt are my go-to emotional responses

 

Where I am today:

I notice so much more energy. I'm not just surviving, I'm organizing, gardening, etc. it feels fantastic. 

Our family is doing so much better. My husband still goes to church with our son but he respects my lack of interest and belief. Kids are doing great and I'm no longer consumed by worrying that I was messing them up forever with my depression and our train wreck of a year. 

Also, so much more emotional energy and awareness of myself. It's been a huge change to think about myself instead of what God or my husband needs from me. (Dismantle the patriarchy!!) It's relaxing to be able to admire a sunset for its beauty without feeling the need to thank god for it. Etc

 

 

I've sporadically checked in here over the last year. At times, I noticed that reading so much about others religious trauma was just way too much to handle. I'm hoping to be on here a little bit more frequently. 

 

:-)

 

 

 

That's awesome progress, sadly antidepressants made me way worse so I did exercising and meditation instead.  Reading is also one of the most beneficial things for me as well, so much reprogramming needs to be done, especially since I was a giant theology nerd.  And I agree one of the best things about leaving Christianity is getting rid of the pernicious guilt and self-loathing.

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On 4/13/2018 at 7:56 PM, Riversong said:

It's been a year since I looked in the mirror and said, "I'm not a Christian anymore."  It's been bumpy as hell but I've been slowly doing better and better. 

 

Top things that helped:

therapy

antidepressants

journalling

time

books- I'm a huge reader 

 

Issues I've worked through:

codependency, depression, boundaries, emotional regulation, power dynamics in relationships, ptsd, OCD/scrupulosity

 

other things I noticed:

how much pressure I felt to save the world(combined with the feeling that I was completely ineffective and sinful)

how shame and guilt are my go-to emotional responses

 

Where I am today:

I notice so much more energy. I'm not just surviving, I'm organizing, gardening, etc. it feels fantastic. 

Our family is doing so much better. My husband still goes to church with our son but he respects my lack of interest and belief. Kids are doing great and I'm no longer consumed by worrying that I was messing them up forever with my depression and our train wreck of a year. 

Also, so much more emotional energy and awareness of myself. It's been a huge change to think about myself instead of what God or my husband needs from me. (Dismantle the patriarchy!!) It's relaxing to be able to admire a sunset for its beauty without feeling the need to thank god for it. Etc

 

 

I've sporadically checked in here over the last year. At times, I noticed that reading so much about others religious trauma was just way too much to handle. I'm hoping to be on here a little bit more frequently. 

 

:-)

 

 

 

Thumbs up! It's been a little over a year since I left as well, and the positives are definitely apparent. I took up therapy as well and it's been one of top things that has helped along this process. Getting rid of the guilt and shame complex has been the best thing about it, but I have noticed that it's not so easy to do when you have been doing it your whole life, the shame complex still likes to creep in and have to consciously pay attention to it.

Had to laugh at your dismantle the patriarchy comment. Hell yes, I have done that in a big way. Never again are a few men with a lot of power going to put pressure on me about how I should be living my life. And I agree with the reading, its one of my favourite hobbies and has taken over a good chunk of the sunday time that was previously lost to the weekly guilt and shame session.

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Thanks for sharing your update!  It's been 3 years for me and I definitely relate to so much of what you wrote.

I hope to give a more thorough reply when I get a moment, but for now I just wanted to say how happy I am for you - it's obviously been a huge year for you and it sounds like you have learned a ton about yourself and grown in tremendous ways!

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Thanks, all!  I feel like I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin and more confident in trusting my own intuition. It's just really nice to feel like life is stabilizing!

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1 hour ago, Riversong said:

Thanks, all!  I feel like I'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin and more confident in trusting my own intuition. It's just really nice to feel like life is stabilizing!

 

Your report demonstrates significant progress, no doubt due to significant effort.

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On 14/04/2018 at 9:56 AM, Riversong said:

It's been a year since I looked in the mirror and said, "I'm not a Christian anymore."  It's been bumpy as hell but I've been slowly doing better and better. 

 

Top things that helped:

therapy

antidepressants

journalling

time

books- I'm a huge reader 

 

Issues I've worked through:

codependency, depression, boundaries, emotional regulation, power dynamics in relationships, ptsd, OCD/scrupulosity

 

other things I noticed:

how much pressure I felt to save the world(combined with the feeling that I was completely ineffective and sinful)

how shame and guilt are my go-to emotional responses

 

Where I am today:

I notice so much more energy. I'm not just surviving, I'm organizing, gardening, etc. it feels fantastic. 

Our family is doing so much better. My husband still goes to church with our son but he respects my lack of interest and belief. Kids are doing great and I'm no longer consumed by worrying that I was messing them up forever with my depression and our train wreck of a year. 

Also, so much more emotional energy and awareness of myself. It's been a huge change to think about myself instead of what God or my husband needs from me. (Dismantle the patriarchy!!) It's relaxing to be able to admire a sunset for its beauty without feeling the need to thank god for it. Etc

 

 

I've sporadically checked in here over the last year. At times, I noticed that reading so much about others religious trauma was just way too much to handle. I'm hoping to be on here a little bit more frequently. 

 

:-)

 

 

 

I can relate to that, I've also changed alot more than I ever did as a Christian. 

 

Gentleman & Ladies, to evil!

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Just now, theanticrash said:

I can relate to that, I've also changed alot more than I ever did as a Christian. 

 

Ladies & Gentleman, to evil!

 

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Thanx for updating us, @Riversong.

 

Success stories like yours will encourage others who are questioning their faith to take charge of their own lives and bolster their confidence that they can do it too!

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20 hours ago, sdelsolray said:

 

Your report demonstrates significant progress, no doubt due to significant effort.

Thank-you!  It feels extra good because I always felt there was something wrong with me. I was putting so much effort into life and not getting anywhere. It's as if I was a tumble down house that I worked really hard at replacing and shining up the windows. I didn't know I was depressed- I just thought I was an ungrateful and sucky christian. 

Anyways, now that I've worked out some of the underlying issues, I can really see the effort paying off!

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11 hours ago, theanticrash said:

I can relate to that, I've also changed alot more than I ever did as a Christian. 

 

Gentleman & Ladies, to evil!

Yes!!!! I always thought I was one prayer or one spiritual book away from crucifying myself enough to let Jesus just shine through me. Blech!  So much more positive change happened in my life as a result of science and not viewing myself as an unworthy sinner. All that self-loathing and constant prayer only kept me blind to what was happening in my life- like depression, culty in-laws, and marriage in need of a re-set. 

 

Woo!  To evil!

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