Fear

[Learnagain]

I have recently decided to start my nurse practitioner degree, and as I have gotten really excited I feel a sense of dread come over me. This dread ends up making me fear any enjoyment and even for my children's life (like god giving them an illness or something), and fear that if God is there he may allow bad things to happen to my family because I am pursuing financial gain. I know it sounds very strange, but as I grew up as a kid I learned to fear enjoyment because it seemed something bad always happened during those times. I learned to be very critical of myself.  I know this is irrational, but it surprised me today. I am both agnostic and borderline atheist. I think the fear comes from several traumatic experiences I had when I was a kid. 

[♦ Fuego ♦]

I think you have analyzed your fear and understand where it comes from. The next step is learning re-train your emotions based on reality. I grew up with a lot of irrational fears, and find that I still have roots of them (which surprised me). My parents were loaded with fears about people and finances and politics and more. I'm realizing how much their unspoken fears shaped my own mind. But I'm also facing each fear as I encounter it and talk to myself about what I'm feeling and why. This is a practice called mindfulness. It is paying attention to what I feel, and asking myself what is the cause of the fear (or anger or excitement, etc). I can talk myself through things and try to balance what I consciously have decided to do with what I'm feeling. Often with anger, it is a trivial matter that merely annoys me and I can choose to let it go and not let others actions define who I am.

 

With fears, the more I experience reality and take steps forward into the plans that I make, the less I am living in imagination. Fears are trying to help me survive by giving me warnings about what may happen, but if they are misprogrammed, they warn about things that are not possible or real. When I was a child, I was terrified of monsters. There are no monsters, but movies made them seem real. I was afraid of the dark because it seemed like ANYTHING could be there once the lights were out. But that isn't true. The same room contents are there if I close my eyes, and if the lights are out. Over the years I learned that this was true and the fear passed.

 

If your fears are keeping you from progressing in your life, you may want to talk with a secular counselor. That person may help give you techniques to reprogram your mind so it isn't hindering you. I hope you find the freedom and enjoyment of life that you desire.

[Learnagain]

8 hours ago, Fuego said:

I think you have analyzed your fear and understand where it comes from. The next step is learning re-train your emotions based on reality. I grew up with a lot of irrational fears, and find that I still have roots of them (which surprised me). My parents were loaded with fears about people and finances and politics and more. I'm realizing how much their unspoken fears shaped my own mind. But I'm also facing each fear as I encounter it and talk to myself about what I'm feeling and why. This is a practice called mindfulness. It is paying attention to what I feel, and asking myself what is the cause of the fear (or anger or excitement, etc). I can talk myself through things and try to balance what I consciously have decided to do with what I'm feeling. Often with anger, it is a trivial matter that merely annoys me and I can choose to let it go and not let others actions define who I am.

 

With fears, the more I experience reality and take steps forward into the plans that I make, the less I am living in imagination. Fears are trying to help me survive by giving me warnings about what may happen, but if they are misprogrammed, they warn about things that are not possible or real. When I was a child, I was terrified of monsters. There are no monsters, but movies made them seem real. I was afraid of the dark because it seemed like ANYTHING could be there once the lights were out. But that isn't true. The same room contents are there if I close my eyes, and if the lights are out. Over the years I learned that this was true and the fear passed.

 

If your fears are keeping you from progressing in your life, you may want to talk with a secular counselor. That person may help give you techniques to reprogram your mind so it isn't hindering you. I hope you find the freedom and enjoyment of life that you desire.

Thank you for your thorough response. It's sounds like I'm heading in the right direction. I used to think the fear was normal, like it kept me humble and my nose to the grind stone. Now I'm realizing how much of a hindrance it is as I get older and the energy to bear it dwindles. It is so unproductive and works against us. Like you touched on, fears should warn us about real things, but they get out of wack and become irrational when we become hyperfocused on unrealist fears. Thank you for your insight.

[quinntar]

On 4/23/2018 at 10:09 AM, Learnagain said:

I have recently decided to start my nurse practitioner degree, and as I have gotten really excited I feel a sense of dread come over me. This dread ends up making me fear any enjoyment and even for my children's life (like god giving them an illness or something), and fear that if God is there he may allow bad things to happen to my family because I am pursuing financial gain. I know it sounds very strange, but as I grew up as a kid I learned to fear enjoyment because it seemed something bad always happened during those times. I learned to be very critical of myself.  I know this is irrational, but it surprised me today. I am both agnostic and borderline atheist. I think the fear comes from several traumatic experiences I had when I was a kid. 

Knowledge is power (Over yourself) The less gaps you have in your knowledge the less you'll fear thing's.

 

A concrete example:

 

Say you fear being mugged by some stranger while your outside, then the only way to deal with the fear is to learn how to defend yourself. 

 

Knowledge is your friend.