Popular Post Jace Posted April 23, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted April 23, 2018 I remember the first time I stumbled onto this website. I was deep in ministry, saving souls for Christ, and left the site in prayer for the souls of all those who’d turned away. Today, after 30 years of devotion to the faith I proclaimed as a kindergartner, I revealed to my husband of 11 years that I’m no longer a Christian. This five-year deconversion comes as the biggest part of a life change I’m going through. Personality-wise, nothing has changed, but as far as beliefs go, everything has. It’s challenging and unnerving, but necessary. My husband, who’s been in ministry for several years, who I built a life with on the foundation of Christianity, was more understanding than I’d anticipated. I’ll spare the details for now, but man, I don’t really know how we can make this work. Anyhoo, I’m glad this space exists, as opposed to a few years ago, when I wished it didn’t. Irony. 11 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 Greetings Jace! Welcome to the Forum as a first time poster. Congratulations on finding your way out of Christianity. Deconverting is tough and certainly will test your patience and your sanity. My wife is still a believer and we make it work for the most part by simply avoiding the subject altogether. I am still struggling with the raising my daughter part, as she goes to church with my wife. I am slowly working on that, but she's only 5 and isn't quite able to reason enough to figure out what I am saying. Eventually, I will get there. Please remember that you can continue to deconvert at your own pace and you can do it however works best for you. Its your life. live it as you please and in a way that makes you the most happy and content. I wish you well and hope things work out in your relationship with your husband. We are here when/if you need us. Storm 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 Wow, Jace, what a huge life change. Did you ever think of the words, "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free," as you found yourself heading out of the religion? I respect your resolve to aim toward truth - even if perhaps you wouldn't claim now to know the truth, it's a mark of character that you are not compromising with a system that pretty clearly is false and far too often, outright destructive. I hope to see you more on here. I have no words of wisdom about marriages in which one of two believers no longer is a believer. I know of some such marriages that seemed fraught after the change but regained equilibrium as the two people reaffirmed their love and partnership day to day. Hugs, ficino 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 Congrats on finding your way out! You are in a difficult situation, but I've found that most believers (even pastors) have things that bug them about god, church, the bible, failed promises, ineffectual prayers, etc, so there is always hope. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 Welcome aboard. I was a fundamentalists Christian for 47 years before I saw the light & became a non-believer. I've been a non-believer for several years now. My wife is still a believer though but we've been able to work it out. I told I would go to church with her but only if she found a liberal version of Christianity. She left the Church of Christ and jointed the United Methodists. They're nice folks and they don't much care what you believe, they are very non-judgemental. I'm not a believer but I can tolerate the Methodist folk. My point being my wife and I found a way to compromise. We've been married for 52 years & we were not going to let religion destroy our marriage or our love for each other. I hope you and your husband can find a way to compromise too. It would be a shame to allow religion to destroy your marriage. An update. The going to church thing didn’t work out for me. My wife and I talked about it and she agreed there was no point in me going to church. She still goes to church, but not every Sunday. I don’t go at all and she is okay with that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 Deleted Double post. Am I the only one having issues with this site? I've been having issues for several days now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOHO Posted April 23, 2018 Share Posted April 23, 2018 Welcome to Ex-C, @Jace. Congrats on thinking you way out of the mind-control. I am also unequally yoked and Mrs. MOHO is has one of those personalities where everyone she come in contact with simply must think the way she does...or else. Be it politics, religion, or the finer point of teaching your dog to walk backwards after shaving his arse. We have found a way to make it work by mostly ignoring the topic. Once in a while she'll attempt to bring it up but my total and complete lack of attention when that begins seems to mitigate her enthusiasm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace Posted April 24, 2018 Author Share Posted April 24, 2018 Wow, I appreciate the warmth here! There’s so much to say, to file through. Right now, I’m enjoying the freedom that came with sharing this truth with my husband. It was killing me, as I value authenticity above all else in this life. The layers run deep. I was raised in the Bible Belt, wrote a book on Christianity, and gained quite a following over the years. Now, none of that exists. Well, people’s ideas of who I am exist, but the foundation is gone. As a child, I inherently believed certain things about the world, until I was told those ideas were satanic/demonic/insert other extreme adjective here. Think animism/energy/love/we are all “god...” I’m listening to my spirit again. I kind of feel like someone dropped me into the Pacific, but I found my stride and am swimming towards a shore that leads to a beautiful world somewhere, home, no longer begging the self-proclaimed life saver who claims to love me to show up, hoping I’m pleasing him enough and asking the right way for him to come before I’m devoured by the sharks. When I realized he wasn’t coming, and I quit being mad about it, I REALLY started to realize my power. Since I admitted that truth to myself a year ago, some wonderful people have just been appearing in my path. When we seek truth, it seeks us back. Anyhoo, I’m glad to be here, and I’m glad for you guys...apostates. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted April 24, 2018 Share Posted April 24, 2018 Welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted April 24, 2018 Share Posted April 24, 2018 Hi Jace! Welcome to here. Best place on 'net to pull up a seat, and relax a bit. Some powerfully intelligent people onboard here who will work with and try to help any kind of direction setting you may wish to go. Me? I sweep the floor, toss drunks out, button up as needed.. kevinL 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace Posted April 25, 2018 Author Share Posted April 25, 2018 Thanks, guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostinParis Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 Hi @Jace, That’s helpful that your husband is understanding. My husband totally flipped out! I felt sure we would end up divorced. Lately he has been more understanding, he even agreed to watch some youtube clips of Ken Miller, a molecular biologist and a catholic, who is opposed to creationism. My once fundy husband has now declared he belives in evolution. PRAISE THE LARD!! Good luck navigating the marriage stuff, it’s not easy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disillusioned Posted April 25, 2018 Share Posted April 25, 2018 Welcome! Glad to see you here. Very glad that you found your way out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 27, 2018 Share Posted April 27, 2018 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoustonSeeker Posted April 27, 2018 Share Posted April 27, 2018 Welcome, Jace! I can relate to much of what you say, as I also was a believer the first time I found this site, distressed over those I felt had lost their way (and perhaps a little worried that they might be right that the faith I followed then was not true). A few years later, as some life experiences led me to reevaluate the answers to some lingering questions, I came back to Ex-C, this time seeking knowledge and support through a challenging transition. I'm glad you were able to tell your husband and that he was at least somewhat understanding. (That wasn't the case when I told my wife about the changes in my thinking.) It is certainly a challenge, and I think each couple has to decide how to deal with being "unequally yoked" in their own way. I wish you the best, and wherever your path leads, you have this group for support and encouragement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace Posted April 27, 2018 Author Share Posted April 27, 2018 @HoustonSeeker, we followed like paths. My husband and I have been in an evaluation phase in our marriage, and the religion conversation was the latest of other major ones that would determine if we’d see year 12 or part ways. Ultimatley, he told me that he loves me for me, not my beliefs, and that we need to focus on the now to make our marriage what we want it to be. The tricky part is how to raise the kids. He’s a preacher with a masters in theology. I don’t ever need to go to another church again. Our kids are 8&4, so Christianity is all they know. Also, we presently work at a Christian school (not much longer), and I’d rather not make a PSA. Maybe once we move, we’ll sit them down and explain their mother is a heathen. I truly want them to be open as children and come into their own in their own time, not in their mid-30s bc it took so long to move away from the fear and indoctrination, like me. Once they know, though, my parents will know, and my community back home will know, and the tornado will ensue, so for now, I’m just enjoying the peace of finally being transparent with my husband and realizing my own beliefs. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted April 27, 2018 Share Posted April 27, 2018 Jace, Un, or free-sk00led my son throughout his graduation. What classes he wanted to take at brick building he did. Band, some schportssball games, hands on classes in science and mechanical arts. He studied what grabbed his interest, with a very gentle guide from me to ensure he 'could pass the TEST' boy excelled. Loved Jazz Band, played in big school band, ended up teaching as a TA in Metals/Welding (go figure, at home my shop is full of detritus of former work life... ) Overall my large and in charge wildchile did well, never got a single moving violation with his truck, ended fights quite well, took his 1st Black in our Sensei's dojo, and gradutated with a 3.4 something. Not bad for attending just 15% or so of his mandated "seat hours" here in Oregon.. Public school is gonna suck when your kids are introduced to general disrespect and malaise of what Common Core has introduced. Keep you kids close Mom, don't let them get sucked into the machine. kevin,ProducerOfOneFineYoungCatWishWeHadMore,L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace Posted April 27, 2018 Author Share Posted April 27, 2018 @SkipNChurch We live abroad. Right now, we’re in China. In addition to what they learn in their international school, they get another few layers at home. School in the U.S.? Hard pass. Lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ DestinyTurtle ◊ Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 Welcome! It really fascinates me what circumstances people on this site has deconverted from, and the courage they had to have to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riven Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 Welcome, Jace! I too, am in the deconversion process, which started for me in late 2015, after 25 years in evangelical Christianity. And, like you, I have a husband that still believes, even though we exited our evangelical church together in agreement. He still wanted to have a connection to the church, so as @Geezer said, I agreed to attend, if it were a place that was accepting of all. We landed at United Methodist, and the pastor knows of my beliefs. It's working for us. Good luck in your journey! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace Posted June 1, 2018 Author Share Posted June 1, 2018 Thank you, and you too, @DestinyTurtle! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Joshpantera Posted June 1, 2018 Moderator Share Posted June 1, 2018 On 4/24/2018 at 1:11 AM, Jace said: Since I admitted that truth to myself a year ago, some wonderful people have just been appearing in my path. When we seek truth, it seeks us back. Anyhoo, I’m glad to be here, and I’m glad for you guys...apostates. Welcome Jace!!! Yes, that does tend to happen. The thing about christianity is that we all assumed that that was truth. No need to seek any further, you've found absolute truth. But we actually didn't have absolute truth. Then what? If you put truth seeking first and foremost, then there's really no other option than to move on and keep searching, learning, and growing as a person for doing so. Believers paint this as such a negative thing, but it really isn't. Leaving christianity for the sake of seeking truth where ever it may lead you, involves a certain integrity and should rightfully be hailed as admirable. And here we do see it that way. Anywho, good luck on the process and path you've chosen. We're all here to help in whatever ways we can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace Posted June 7, 2018 Author Share Posted June 7, 2018 On 6/2/2018 at 2:24 AM, Joshpantera said: Yes, that does tend to happen. The thing about christianity is that we all assumed that that was truth. No need to seek any further, you've found absolute truth. But we actually didn't have absolute truth. Then what? If you put truth seeking first and foremost, then there's really no other option than to move on and keep searching, learning, and growing as a person for doing so. Believers paint this as such a negative thing, but it really isn't. Leaving christianity for the sake of seeking truth where ever it may lead you, involves a certain integrity and should rightfully be hailed as admirable. And here we do see it that way. I just had this very conversation with a dear friend. She asked how I was doing spiritually. I told her I was seeking truth apart from Christianity. She didn’t freak out; she, too, thought it was admirable. She’s praying for me now, but she didn’t freak out. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VerbosityCat Posted September 11, 2018 Share Posted September 11, 2018 Welcome. That's really a rough thing to go through. I may bitch about how frustrating it is dealing with a fundy parent and grandparents, but my husband is atheist, so there was no problem there. I don't know what to say to you other than that I hope it works out for the best for both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quinntar Posted September 12, 2018 Share Posted September 12, 2018 On 4/23/2018 at 9:20 PM, Jace said: I remember the first time I stumbled onto this website. I was deep in ministry, saving souls for Christ, and left the site in prayer for the souls of all those who’d turned away. Today, after 30 years of devotion to the faith I proclaimed as a kindergartner, I revealed to my husband of 11 years that I’m no longer a Christian. This five-year deconversion comes as the biggest part of a life change I’m going through. Personality-wise, nothing has changed, but as far as beliefs go, everything has. It’s challenging and unnerving, but necessary. My husband, who’s been in ministry for several years, who I built a life with on the foundation of Christianity, was more understanding than I’d anticipated. I’ll spare the details for now, but man, I don’t really know how we can make this work. Anyhoo, I’m glad this space exists, as opposed to a few years ago, when I wished it didn’t. Irony. Welcome to the dark side of the force. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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