Feeling ashamed

[Anushka]

Can failure lead you to have suicidal feelings?

I know failure is not the only reason I feel suicidal.

 

I just feel ashamed that I eat even after I feel full or even when I don't feel hungry.

 

I am not fat. I am just medium sized. Some people have described me now as thin and tiny.

 

 I used to be size 14(UK) for about 2 years. But, now I lost that weight. 

I know that is not fat either. Just mentioned it.

 

It is just that I would like to eat healthy.

Eating too much especially junk makes me feel ashamed of myself and suicidal as well.

[ToHellWithMe]

I wonder what causes shame anyway. Having high expectations and failing them? Like "I should have been able to do better than this". Then again wouldn't that just cause frustration? I know that frustration can make me loathe myself to the extent of wanting to punish myself.

 

Maybe try to re-estimate your ability to resist eating in an unhealthy way? I mean, maybe expect to fail to some extent sometimes? I'm just taking a shot in the dark here, though, so maybe this approach is useless for you.

 

For me overeating junk primarily causes a physically unpleasant feeling. Because of the excess salt or sugar or whatever. It does also bother me slightly, making me think "eww, why did I keep eating after it stopped tasting too good?".

[buffettphan]

I'm so sorry you're feeling suicidal.  While Ex-C is a good place to rant, vent, and unload about various issues, we are not professional counselors.   Most importantly, we don't want to say something that inadvertently could cause you more pain.  Any "advice" posted here is solely the thoughts of the individual posting them.  If you haven't already done so, take care of yourself and seek professional counseling.  Please!

[older]

Anushka:

 

Please take Buffetphan's advice. I can attest to its value. Three times in my life I've done that and I can say that it really does help. We can listen here, but there is no substitute for face-to-face, in person, communication. There are many resources you can take advantage of, but you have to take the first step. But it's worth it. After reading this, set a date and a time to make that call.

[ToHellWithMe]

UK has national healthcare so she may have to be smart about what she says aloud. Finland has national healthcare too, and what you talk to your doctors here will go to your file which will be accessible to other health care personnel as well as some other officials. Having a mental health diagnosis is known to cause certain problems such as seeking help for other medical needs being dismissed as crazy talk. After all, under public services you're not a paying customer but a strain to their limited budget.

 

Furthermore, actually getting to talk to specialized professionals can be either hard to achieve or very expensive if you go for a private one.

[quinntar]

6 hours ago, Anushka said:

Can failure lead you to have suicidal feelings?

I know failure is not the only reason I feel suicidal.

 

I just feel ashamed that I eat even after I feel full or even when I don't feel hungry.

 

I am not fat. I am just medium sized. Some people have described me now as thin and tiny.

 

 I used to be size 14(UK) for about 2 years. But, now I lost that weight. 

I know that is not fat either. Just mentioned it.

 

It is just that I would like to eat healthy.

Eating too much especially junk makes me feel ashamed of myself and suicidal as well.

I feel a little suicidal myself right now, I used to be crippled with it.

 

This might sound real strange, but I never once tried to take my own life. Even when I felt suicidal to the max, it never pushed me over the edge. Think about this for a minute, could there be another state of mind or feeling that comes into the equation that causes people to go through with killing themselves? 

 

Anyway, what I do now is slow down, and that seems to work.

Yep, worked (You didn't see me slow down, but I did)

 

 

 

 

 

[Anushka]

18 hours ago, ToHellWithMe said:

I wonder what causes shame anyway. Having high expectations and failing them? Like "I should have been able to do better than this". Then again wouldn't that just cause frustration? I know that frustration can make me loathe myself to the extent of wanting to punish myself.

 

Maybe try to re-estimate your ability to resist eating in an unhealthy way? I mean, maybe expect to fail to some extent sometimes? I'm just taking a shot in the dark here, though, so maybe this approach is useless for you.

 

For me overeating junk primarily causes a physically unpleasant feeling. Because of the excess salt or sugar or whatever. It does also bother me slightly, making me think "eww, why did I keep eating after it stopped tasting too good?".

 

I would say I have high expectations of myself, very high. My ex-friend did mention this to me.

 

It is not easy to lower my expectations. Because I have no clue how to do that. 

I don't think I can control how I feel (like a failure and feelings of shame) when I don't reach my high expectations.

[Anushka]

13 hours ago, theanticrash said:

I feel a little suicidal myself right now, I used to be crippled with it.

 

This might sound real strange, but I never once tried to take my own life. Even when I felt suicidal to the max, it never pushed me over the edge. Think about this for a minute, could there be another state of mind or feeling that comes into the equation that causes people to go through with killing themselves? 

 

Anyway, what I do now is slow down, and that seems to work.

Yep, worked (You didn't see me slow down, but I did)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me too never once tried killing myself. But, just have suicidal thoughts and feelings.

[quinntar]

1 minute ago, Anushka said:

 

Me too never once tried killing myself. But, just have suicidal thoughts and feelings.

Like good feelings, bad feelings are there to tell you something about your environment & your well being. 

[Anushka]

This might be strange- I don't know- but felt like posting it here.

I am right now just sitting in my bed- checking emails, this website, social media, and I had this feeling earlier today not to open uni related emails until tomorrow.

 

Cos I think it was last week or the week before, I kind of understood I was overwhelming myself with applying for internships even though I had until the end of May to actually start applying.

 

I started applying since early January and stressing myself out like hell!! 

 

And I keep thinking about where to work, what jobs to apply after graduating even though I only graduate in the second half of next year!!! 

 

 

But, as I was sitting in my bed now, I didn't feel suicidal. But, the minute I opened the uni related email, suddenly felt like committing suicide. The email content wasn't bad- it was just uni staff replying to my questions.

 

Do you think I am overwhelming myself with uni work and life??

 

God, feel like screaming!

[mymistake]

22 minutes ago, Anushka said:

This might be strange- I don't know- but felt like posting it here.

I am right now just sitting in my bed- checking emails, this website, social media, and I had this feeling earlier today not to open uni related emails until tomorrow.

 

Cos I think it was last week or the week before, I kind of understood I was overwhelming myself with applying for internships even though I had until the end of May to actually start applying.

 

I started applying since early January and stressing myself out like hell!! 

 

And I keep thinking about where to work, what jobs to apply after graduating even though I only graduate in the second half of next year!!! 

 

 

But, as I was sitting in my bed now, I didn't feel suicidal. But, the minute I opened the uni related email, suddenly felt like committing suicide. The email content wasn't bad- it was just uni staff replying to my questions.

 

Do you think I am overwhelming myself with uni work and life??

 

God, feel like screaming!

 

 

I think you need real help.  Go see a professional.  Come on.  

 

[ToHellWithMe]

52 minutes ago, Anushka said:

I don't think I can control how I feel (like a failure and feelings of shame) when I don't reach my high expectations.

 

I wouldn't believe anyone who says they can control their emotions. Better just accept that emotions will come just as they please.

[quinntar]

37 minutes ago, Anushka said:

This might be strange- I don't know- but felt like posting it here.

I am right now just sitting in my bed- checking emails, this website, social media, and I had this feeling earlier today not to open uni related emails until tomorrow.

 

Cos I think it was last week or the week before, I kind of understood I was overwhelming myself with applying for internships even though I had until the end of May to actually start applying.

 

I started applying since early January and stressing myself out like hell!! 

 

And I keep thinking about where to work, what jobs to apply after graduating even though I only graduate in the second half of next year!!! 

 

 

But, as I was sitting in my bed now, I didn't feel suicidal. But, the minute I opened the uni related email, suddenly felt like committing suicide. The email content wasn't bad- it was just uni staff replying to my questions.

 

Do you think I am overwhelming myself with uni work and life??

 

God, feel like screaming!

Then scream your lungs out, you might see lot's of squiggly eye floaters after (So don't trip out)