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aila

Friend dumped me over religion

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Hi, my "friend" (or I thought) recently ended our friendship because I no longer go to church. She feels that she can no longer "be herself" with me because she cannot talk about her faith constantly and does not want anyone coming between "her and God (not sure how I was ). I was surprised this happened and tried to explain how she was being judgmental in her decison, but she is literally unable to see how it is a form of discrimination. How come Christians cannot see their own hypocrisy? I did not know my leaving church would cost us our friendship. 

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This sort of thing is a predicable part of the de-conversion process. Christians are tribal & you are no longer part of their tribe. Your mutual faith was your common bond but that no longer exists. 

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7 minutes ago, Riven said:

 

Thank you, disillusioned. I appreciate that. 🙂 (For the life of me, I can't figure out how to "like" or "thank" a post...)

 

I'm glad you are here, and posting, Riven. We can always use more quality contributions to the conversation.

 

BTW, if I recall correctly, liking posts becomes possible after 25 posts, when you lose the "new member" tag.

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Sorry to hear this happened to you.   

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I'm sorry to hear this happened... Yes, there is a lot of hypocrisy out there. Depending on how old your friend is she might be under pressure from her parents or other adults to cut you off? I remember when I was a Christian child my parents frequently encouraged me to cut off my friends because they weren't Christian or didn't meet their understanding of what it meant to be Christian.

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Frustrating, isn't it, when someone's self-medicating delusions are more important to them than reality?

 

I have the same problem from the other side - if I don't talk bible-babble and attend every event, I have no relationship with any of these people, with whom I am supposed to have cosmic, eternal things in common. We either keep up appearances, or there's nothing.

 

Comfort yourself with the knowledge that this person doesn't want YOU for a friend... they want people around them who will prop them up and let them believe that their fairytale theology is real. Who you are doesn't matter to that narcissist at all. They'll do it to others, too.

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A real friend sticks with you no matter what. To make an extension of L.B.'s comment above, this person wasn't really a friend anyway.

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Sorry this has happened to you. It shows the poison of religion. I agree with the comments re real friends sticking by you no matter what.

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you are never a real christian and

he is never your real friend

 

all fakes

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I did not know my leaving church would cost us our friendship.  (aila)

 

What you've just seen is a human version of ovine mentality. Sheep can become flyblown, but if they do, and they are with a mob of other sheep, they will get a certain odour to them, which the other, non flyblown sheep can smell. When they smell it, the other sheep will push the flyblown one to the back of the mob, and as it gets weaker, they will push it out altogether. This may seem cruel, but it is the way sheep protect themselves from the same infestation. Sheep at least have the excuse that Nature herself can be very cruel. I don't know what excuse Christers, blue lighters, and Social Justice Warriors have for similar behaviour, but one might theorize as follows:

A Christian's "mob," is their church denomination, (for SJW's read "Party") and all too often, anyone who holds any opinion or belief other than that authorized, will have become "flyblown," and subject to the human version of the same treatment. Pastors and preachers, vicars and vice ridden priests encourage this, as God forbid their flock should become capable of critical thinking, unless of course it's of a kind approved by the Church or the Party. Were this not so, the faithful either religious or political would stop putting money on the plate or paying their Party dues, thus forcing certain so-and-so's to work for a living.


Thus do Christers often unwittingly show themselves to be more sheep like than sheep themselves are.

Casey

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And in any case:

“Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.” (Marcus Aurelius)

That'll do for me.

Casey

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13 hours ago, aila said:

Hi, my "friend" (or I thought) recently ended our friendship because I no longer go to church. She feels that she can no longer "be herself" with me because she cannot talk about her faith constantly and does not want anyone coming between "her and God (not sure how I was ). I was surprised this happened and tried to explain how she was being judgmental in her decison, but she is literally unable to see how it is a form of discrimination. How come Christians cannot see their own hypocrisy? I did not know my leaving church would cost us our friendship. 

What kind of friendship could it have really been? A relationship based around a sky fairy isn't a relationship, it's a delusionship.

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16 hours ago, aila said:

Hi, my "friend" (or I thought) recently ended our friendship because I no longer go to church. She feels that she can no longer "be herself" with me because she cannot talk about her faith constantly and does not want anyone coming between "her and God (not sure how I was ). I was surprised this happened and tried to explain how she was being judgmental in her decison, but she is literally unable to see how it is a form of discrimination. How come Christians cannot see their own hypocrisy? I did not know my leaving church would cost us our friendship. 

Although this is hurtful, it is necessary.  Some of your decisions will inevitably distance your friends.  This person doesn't seem very pleasant to be around with in the first place.  You only have so much time in life to build meaningful friendships so let these people filter themselves out and focus on those who are worth it.

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I hope you're not hurting over this much. True friends will stick with you regardless of religion. It only proves that her acceptance of you was conditional upon your believing. In truth, trying to keep up this kind of friendship is really difficult if all the talk revolves around religion. How much would you have been able to be open with her about you and your life? This is why I don't really grieve the loss of my friendships in the church, I would get frustrated with not being able to be myself with them and censoring every little thing about my life. I have found my new friendships much more meaningful even if most of them are online ones here at ex-c. 

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2 Cornthians 6:14 is clear about this issue. If this particular Christian believes in the literal interpretation of the Bible they will not have anything to do with you. I lost friends as well. It is common for people to lose friends. Even after becoming a Atheist for a few years, I lost friends who got more involved in being a Christian. It's unfortunate but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. It may hurt but it is probably best for you too because they won't stop trying to convert you.

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On 5/12/2018 at 12:59 PM, aila said:

Hi, my "friend" (or I thought) recently ended our friendship because I no longer go to church. She feels that she can no longer "be herself" with me because she cannot talk about her faith constantly and does not want anyone coming between "her and God (not sure how I was ). I was surprised this happened and tried to explain how she was being judgmental in her decison, but she is literally unable to see how it is a form of discrimination. How come Christians cannot see their own hypocrisy? I did not know my leaving church would cost us our friendship. 

 

A more appropriate term for your "friend" could be "religious acquaintance", or, more accurately, "former religious acquaintance".

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You are better off without her.

 

I want to thank you for posting this...because- there is this girl I met a couple of months ago..she is a Christian, I told her I am a Christian as well- I was half believing in Jesus, half not.... I met her just once..I thought about being her friend- asking if she wanted to hang out. But, then I thought she might judge me for leaving Christianity... The first time we met, she told me she moved cities just because she felt like god told her to... I thought a friendship between me(an EX-CHRISTIAN) and someone like her won't work and won't last for long. Even though I knew this, I felt bad I couldn't be her friend as she seemed like a sweet person. But, reading your story made me feel good about my decision not to let her into my life.

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Here's the thing. I feel like Christian friends are just going to make me feel like I have to justify my beliefs or my lifestyle. And why should I have to? I am so tired of the underlying assumption in this world in many respects that Christian principles/lifestyle is good, and any other principles/lifestyle is more questionable. I do not have to justify my life or beliefs, as long as I'm doing no harm to anyone.

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14 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

Here's the thing. I feel like Christian friends are just going to make me feel like I have to justify my beliefs or my lifestyle. And why should I have to? I am so tired of the underlying assumption in this world in many respects that Christian principles/lifestyle is good, and any other principles/lifestyle is more questionable. I do not have to justify my life or beliefs, as long as I'm doing no harm to anyone.

 

 

Good point! There is no sense hanging around people who will exhaust you in this manner. It may hurt at first, but you will be much better off without them in the long run.

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You are better off w/out Xitan friends unless they are TRUE friends, @aila.

 

Since I quite church and declared, publicly, that I am atheist, this area has been a challenge for me. Mrs. MOHO has no friends outside of Christianism and, as the director of socialising and entertainment for the family, she plans events and gatherings with that in mind. so, at every event, I am hounded with every imaginable attempt to suck me back in. 

 

"God spoke to me and said I need to take ownership of bringing you back to the lord!"

"No he didn't - because he does not exists." Said MOHO out loud.

"And if you really think god spoke to you then you are bat-shit CRAY!" Said MOHO...on the inside. :rolleyes:

 

 

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This is why I won’t tell people. I’m more concerned with losing family than friends, but the fallout would be horrible. 

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2 hours ago, Jace said:

This is why I won’t tell people. I’m more concerned with losing family than friends, but the fallout would be horrible. 

 

That's as good a strategy as any!

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I would have stuck with the not telling people thing except that I cannot stand to be in church and when wifypooh askes why it's quicker and slicker to simply come clean. And has @florduh as stated honesty is the best policy - as long as it's not your folks AND they are supporting you.

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13 hours ago, Jace said:

This is why I won’t tell people. I’m more concerned with losing family than friends, but the fallout would be horrible. 

I felt that way for awhile, while I was still pretending and going to church. And it may not be too difficult to keep it hidden if you belong to a more liberal minded church where the social policing doesn't work the way it does in fundamentalism. Yes, there is fallout, and none of it was pleasant after being honest with my family, but the alternative was even worse, my life still felt so restricted. I feel free in a way I have never felt before.

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Right now I live overseas, so there’s no pressure. I have a big mouth and will probably eventually tell on myself, but I’ve seen how my family has responded to like situations in the past; I know my relationship with my parents from that moment on would only be their pleas to avoid eternal damnation and my pleas for them to cut it out. 

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On 5/15/2018 at 3:53 AM, Jace said:

This is why I won’t tell people. I’m more concerned with losing family than friends, but the fallout would be horrible. 

 

Jace, I'm with you. I've struggled so much with this. Part of me would like to know if I could be thrown away so easily by my family, and part of me never wants to find out.

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