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Riven

Facebook.... (sigh)

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I'm once again, all tied up in knots, and have wasted the better part of my Saturday afternoon.

 

In a word: Facebook.

 

I have considered so many times just walking away from it. I'm so upset that I can't just enjoy my news feed stream, which is mostly full of things that really interest me. Of all the friends I have, I'd say 95% or more are believers from my former evangelical life. I've already "unfollowed" almost everyone, due to being so triggered by the awful memes these loving Christian people slap up on their feed. But Facebook also shows you comments people make on OTHER pages, whether you want to know about it or not.

 

I'm not sure if this is just part of my deconversion, but I am still getting SO BLOODY TRIGGERED when I see/read these comments -- which are unavoidable when FB decides I need to see something my friend wrote on a page they follow, which I don't care about. I've tried "telling" FB "see less comments like this" but that friggin' algorithm just doesn't get the hint.

 

I know it's something inside of me that gets hooked in. I'll read something, and then end up researching Bible verses to counteract the insane arguments I see.  But then I realize I'm just "proof texting" the person back, and that they are so entrenched in their ways that it won't matter anyway. So, I put away the verses, don't post, and disengage.  Except, I don't really. I spend the next several hours ruminating on various scenarios of things I could have said, what they might have said back, etc. I can't let go. The fact that people can pick any Bible verse they want, and use it to justify something they agree with, feels like a thousand gut punches. I don't know why this affects me so much.

 

It's insane.

 

And, I can't seem to stop. I'll be OK for sometimes months, but then inevitably I'll see something, and it will send me spinning.

 

I can't leave Facebook, because I belong to several important private groups for my work. I thought that unfollowing 95% of my friends would solve it (and, honestly, that's just so sad it has to come to that). The truth is, I just want to live in peace. But these days, I can't do that. I just feel really defeated right now. I mean really, really defeated.

 

I am seriously considering counseling. I know I'm the one that LET this ruin my day. I just can't seem to stop getting triggered.

 

Thanks for listening.

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As time goes on, you'll be less triggered by that stuff. For now, you're doing the best you can by unfollowing your xtian friends. Maybe limit your exposure to FB for a while...

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1 hour ago, Riven said:

 

I know it's something inside of me that gets hooked in. I'll read something, and then end up researching Bible verses to counteract the insane arguments I see.  But then I realize I'm just "proof texting" the person back, and that they are so entrenched in their ways that it won't matter anyway. So, I put away the verses, don't post, and disengage.  Except, I don't really. I spend the next several hours ruminating on various scenarios of things I could have said, what they might have said back, etc. I can't let go. The fact that people can pick any Bible verse they want, and use it to justify something they agree with, feels like a thousand gut punches. I don't know why this affects me so much.

 

Many people feel that personal experiences that they've had are solid evidence of God existing and God acting in their lives.  For the most part, when you are convinced that something is 100% true, someone presenting counter-arguments or contradictory facts/evidence will not matter.  With the Bible instructing to lean not on your own understanding and trust in God (Proverbs 3:5) and my ways are not your ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), nearly everything (no matter how contradictory) can be explained or justified.  

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Friend me. I only post cool shit

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I created a pseudonym account for some things like Ex-C because I still am undercover with some fundy family members. I occasionally see something that sets me off, but I typically write a lot about it in a text file that I save instead of posting. I can vent and think about the hogwash they wrote and let off the steam.

 

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7 hours ago, Riven said:

I'm once again, all tied up in knots, and have wasted the better part of my Saturday afternoon.

 

In a word: Facebook.

[snip]

     I hate to tell you it's not just FB.  While I don't use FB I can tell you that I used to go through something similar when I came to this site.  I'd write this or that and then it just got into my head and bothered me.  Banging my head against a wall about whatever.  Nowadays, I don't really care about the vast majority of things I write.  I usually write and walk away (as it were).  People not listening ain't my problem.  Some days I'm surprised when I get notifications because I don't actually recall writing this stuff until I re-read it.

 

          mwc

 

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12 hours ago, Riven said:

I'm once again, all tied up in knots, and have wasted the better part of my Saturday afternoon.

 

In a word: Facebook.

 

I have considered so many times just walking away from it. I'm so upset that I can't just enjoy my news feed stream, which is mostly full of things that really interest me. Of all the friends I have, I'd say 95% or more are believers from my former evangelical life. I've already "unfollowed" almost everyone, due to being so triggered by the awful memes these loving Christian people slap up on their feed. But Facebook also shows you comments people make on OTHER pages, whether you want to know about it or not.

 

I'm not sure if this is just part of my deconversion, but I am still getting SO BLOODY TRIGGERED when I see/read these comments -- which are unavoidable when FB decides I need to see something my friend wrote on a page they follow, which I don't care about. I've tried "telling" FB "see less comments like this" but that friggin' algorithm just doesn't get the hint.

 

I know it's something inside of me that gets hooked in. I'll read something, and then end up researching Bible verses to counteract the insane arguments I see.  But then I realize I'm just "proof texting" the person back, and that they are so entrenched in their ways that it won't matter anyway. So, I put away the verses, don't post, and disengage.  Except, I don't really. I spend the next several hours ruminating on various scenarios of things I could have said, what they might have said back, etc. I can't let go. The fact that people can pick any Bible verse they want, and use it to justify something they agree with, feels like a thousand gut punches. I don't know why this affects me so much.

 

It's insane.

 

And, I can't seem to stop. I'll be OK for sometimes months, but then inevitably I'll see something, and it will send me spinning.

 

I can't leave Facebook, because I belong to several important private groups for my work. I thought that unfollowing 95% of my friends would solve it (and, honestly, that's just so sad it has to come to that). The truth is, I just want to live in peace. But these days, I can't do that. I just feel really defeated right now. I mean really, really defeated.

 

I am seriously considering counseling. I know I'm the one that LET this ruin my day. I just can't seem to stop getting triggered.

 

Thanks for listening.


You can mitigate this on your browser by downloading the Facebook Purity plugin (yes, ironic name considering the situation).  It completely eliminates those suggestions as well as other annoyances.  There isn't really much you can do in the FB app though.  I combine that with a healthy dose "friend" purges periodically.  

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I know little about Facebook or how it works, as I've never joined it and have no intention of so doing.  But, if you are tempted to walk away but cannot because of private, work connected groups, cannot you simply unfriend/unfollow/set to ignore/delete with maximum prejudice anyone who is not in those private groups?

 

I certainly wouldn't worry about throwing over Facebook friendships - if they are that problematic, they are hardly friends.   And it's always worth remembering the Christian only views you as a friend if you are a Christian as well, and only calls you "friend" out of hypocrisy when you appear to be a candidate for conversion.

 

In short, be ruthless.

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Thanks, everyone, I appreciate the replies. I know I'll get less triggered as time goes by, and I do more processing and healing. Still, sometimes getting triggered is just..... crappy. 💩

 

I just spent the morning rearranging my FB and adding a friend list that was all my old Christian friends. I then unfollowed everyone on it. So, that way I can go into the stream for that list IF I want to, but they won't show on my main feed at all.

 

aaaaaaaand, @RealityCheck thank you so much for that suggestion. I just installed it! This is a game changer for me.

 

 

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5 hours ago, Ellinas said:

I know little about Facebook or how it works, as I've never joined it and have no intention of so doing.  But, if you are tempted to walk away but cannot because of private, work connected groups, cannot you simply unfriend/unfollow/set to ignore/delete with maximum prejudice anyone who is not in those private groups?

 

I certainly wouldn't worry about throwing over Facebook friendships - if they are that problematic, they are hardly friends.   And it's always worth remembering the Christian only views you as a friend if you are a Christian as well, and only calls you "friend" out of hypocrisy when you appear to be a candidate for conversion.

 

In short, be ruthless.

 

You are right. I still care too much what they think. I need to do some work around that.

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Start posting atheist memes then your Christian friends will unfollow you. Problem solved.

 

My facebook feed has been quiet lately, I’ve quite possibly unfriended everyone.

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On 6/17/2018 at 4:10 PM, Riven said:

I just spent the morning rearranging my FB and adding a friend list that was all my old Christian friends. I then unfollowed everyone on it. So, that way I can go into the stream for that list IF I want to, but they won't show on my main feed at all.

 

On 6/17/2018 at 4:10 PM, Riven said:

I like this hack. I must do some Facebook friend rearranging :)

 

 

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On 6/17/2018 at 2:16 AM, Jeff said:

Friend me. I only post cool shit

Facebook has suggested you several times.  Perhaps next time I'll take the bait.

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13 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

Facebook has suggested you several times.  Perhaps next time I'll take the bait.

Ha ha sucker! Ive got you now

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35 minutes ago, Jeff said:

Ha ha sucker! Ive got you now

Once you get trapped in the insanity of my feed, you'll know who the sucker is.

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Pleased this little extension was mentioned again.Great lil tool, an extension to your browser, does so much to customize what you see, or not when you wish to do so.  Block, edit, trim, clean. Continually updated and improved.  Please do donate!

 

Fluff Busting Purity for all browsers.

 

FB Purity

F.B. Purity - Clean Up and Customize Facebook

 

F.B. Purity is a browser extension / add-on that lets you clean up and customise Facebook. It filters out the junk you don't want to see, leaving behind the stories and page elements you do wish to see. The list of story types that FBP hides is customizable to your taste.

 

 

kL

 

 

 

 

 

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@SkipNChurch this plugin has seriously changed my Facebook feed. I donated to them two days after installing! I had no idea about this tool, and I'm so grateful you mentioned it. (Plus I love the idea of using a purity tool to block all the purity people!) 😂

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@SkipNChurch do you know if that extension works on chrome?

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5 minutes ago, LogicalFallacy said:

@SkipNChurch do you know if that extension works on chrome?

 

 

I'm a Chrome/Chromium user with my Linux box, so heck yes!

 

kL

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The best thing, imo, to prevent triggers, is not to be friends with Christians on Facebook. I got off facebook altogether before I left the church, and it was much easier. It's a hopeless situation trying to have any influence on them and their beliefs. Ultimately, you only stand a chance of getting anywhere if someone is open to dialogue and questioning their beliefs. I have only non religious people as friends on there, and it is so much easier. I don't need to worry about what I post, and how it will be taken.

I also cared a lot about what people thought near the beginning of my deconversion. It does get better though. You have a right to be selfish in this instance, and not care. Put yourself first.

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I’ve been “clean” or “sober” (off Facebook) for two years now!!!! Between my fundagelical American friends posting crap that was pro-tRump and my marriage coming apart at the seams, I couldn’t handle it and realized it was poison for me. Good riddance!

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Have you joined the ex-c Facebook group? Sometimes having that net of people who understand helps, it's a hidden group so no one can see you're a member. We post funny memes and you can join right in! 

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Facebook's algorithms show you more of things you respond to. Posting comments on things you disagree with causes it to show you more most posts like that. The whole point is to get you to use facebook more. It doesn't care if you are enjoying it so long as you are interacting with it.

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On 6/16/2018 at 6:32 PM, Riven said:

I'm once again, all tied up in knots, and have wasted the better part of my Saturday afternoon.

 

In a word: Facebook.

 

I have considered so many times just walking away from it. I'm so upset that I can't just enjoy my news feed stream, which is mostly full of things that really interest me. Of all the friends I have, I'd say 95% or more are believers from my former evangelical life. I've already "unfollowed" almost everyone, due to being so triggered by the awful memes these loving Christian people slap up on their feed. But Facebook also shows you comments people make on OTHER pages, whether you want to know about it or not.

 

I'm not sure if this is just part of my deconversion, but I am still getting SO BLOODY TRIGGERED when I see/read these comments -- which are unavoidable when FB decides I need to see something my friend wrote on a page they follow, which I don't care about. I've tried "telling" FB "see less comments like this" but that friggin' algorithm just doesn't get the hint.

 

I know it's something inside of me that gets hooked in. I'll read something, and then end up researching Bible verses to counteract the insane arguments I see.  But then I realize I'm just "proof texting" the person back, and that they are so entrenched in their ways that it won't matter anyway. So, I put away the verses, don't post, and disengage.  Except, I don't really. I spend the next several hours ruminating on various scenarios of things I could have said, what they might have said back, etc. I can't let go. The fact that people can pick any Bible verse they want, and use it to justify something they agree with, feels like a thousand gut punches. I don't know why this affects me so much.

 

It's insane.

 

And, I can't seem to stop. I'll be OK for sometimes months, but then inevitably I'll see something, and it will send me spinning.

 

I can't leave Facebook, because I belong to several important private groups for my work. I thought that unfollowing 95% of my friends would solve it (and, honestly, that's just so sad it has to come to that). The truth is, I just want to live in peace. But these days, I can't do that. I just feel really defeated right now. I mean really, really defeated.

 

I am seriously considering counseling. I know I'm the one that LET this ruin my day. I just can't seem to stop getting triggered.

 

Thanks for listening.

It's funny you even mentioned this as I just deleted my facebook account 🤞

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@MAAT5 I would love to delete mine. Unfortunately, I belong to several professional groups that don't exist elsewhere. I'm still thinking about how I can get mostly untangled from it.

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