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Hello! This is a great site. I am searching for truth. I got saved and became a born again Christian when I was 19 and am now 31 and have a lot of questions. So much of what everyone is saying on here is very relatable, especially things like being addicted to religion! At times in my life I feel I've been very addicted, scheduling life around church, looking for the next spiritual high, ect. Now many thoughts, realizations and things I read have rocked my faith to the core and it is unraveling very quickly aka I would say gone. The main thing was probably 3 or 4 months ago, I started having doubts which I would call "attacks from Satan " in my mind. I kind of ignored them and just thought I don't have the energy or brainpower to deal with this. When this had happened in the past, I would quote scripture back at the doubts or "voices" and I thought that made them go away. This time I just thought no, I am not even doing that... But one day I did try and I yelled back  (in my mind) "Jesus is my Savior!" The voice that I said it in in my mind sounded like a child's voice. Recently when I was reading a science book it talked about some kind of belief or logic or something on our brains that we only have when we are children and then we grow out of it. I thought maybe that's what that was , my belief was very childlike logically? I don't know. I am struggling right now as I teach in a Christian school ( go back in early August ) and I feel I can't do it anymore. It is hard because that is what all the people around me want me to do. I am going to try and apply to public school. Thanks so much for listening. I am still in church and have many Christian friends and I haven't mentioned this to any of them. 

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16 minutes ago, Questioning32 said:

 I am still in church and have many Christian friends and I haven't mentioned this to any of them. 

 

Welcome to Ex-c, Questioning.  We can all relate to what you are going through. You don't have to ever feel alone on this site. Keep reading all the testimonies and you will see that most of us arrived here with the basic same story. You're going to learn a whole lot of things here at Ex-c. We've got bible scholars here who will answer every question you have. These guys had studied the bible like no others. Post all your worries and concerns. There is always someone here to help you.

 

So glad you found us!

 

(hug)

 

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29 minutes ago, Questioning32 said:

Hello! This is a great site. I am searching for truth. I got saved and became a born again Christian when I was 19 and am now 31 and have a lot of questions. So much of what everyone is saying on here is very relatable, especially things like being addicted to religion! At times in my life I feel I've been very addicted, scheduling life around church, looking for the next spiritual high, ect. Now many thoughts, realizations and things I read have rocked my faith to the core and it is unraveling very quickly aka I would say gone. The main thing was probably 3 or 4 months ago, I started having doubts which I would call "attacks from Satan " in my mind. I kind of ignored them and just thought I don't have the energy or brainpower to deal with this. When this had happened in the past, I would quote scripture back at the doubts or "voices" and I thought that made them go away. This time I just thought no, I am not even doing that... But one day I did try and I yelled back  (in my mind) "Jesus is my Savior!" The voice that I said it in in my mind sounded like a child's voice. Recently when I was reading a science book it talked about some kind of belief or logic or something on our brains that we only have when we are children and then we grow out of it. I thought maybe that's what that was , my belief was very childlike logically? I don't know. I am struggling right now as I teach in a Christian school ( go back in early August ) and I feel I can't do it anymore. It is hard because that is what all the people around me want me to do. I am going to try and apply to public school. Thanks so much for listening. I am still in church and have many Christian friends and I haven't mentioned this to any of them. 

 

Welcome to ExC! I hope you'll find this place helpful. There are lots of good people here, from many different areas of Christianity.

I think applying to a public school would be a good start.

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Yes, welcome.  You seem to be experiencing some skepticism, doubts and (perhaps) cognitive dissonance about your religious beliefs, or about the religious tenets and traditions you are asked or commanded to believe.

 

You could probably use a toolkit to help with your exploration and discovery and a process to efficiently move forward. If you are interested in exploring this further, please let us know. 

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1 hour ago, Questioning32 said:

Hello! This is a great site. I am searching for truth. I got saved and became a born again Christian when I was 19 and am now 31 and have a lot of questions. So much of what everyone is saying on here is very relatable, especially things like being addicted to religion! At times in my life I feel I've been very addicted, scheduling life around church, looking for the next spiritual high, ect. Now many thoughts, realizations and things I read have rocked my faith to the core and it is unraveling very quickly aka I would say gone. The main thing was probably 3 or 4 months ago, I started having doubts which I would call "attacks from Satan " in my mind. I kind of ignored them and just thought I don't have the energy or brainpower to deal with this. When this had happened in the past, I would quote scripture back at the doubts or "voices" and I thought that made them go away. This time I just thought no, I am not even doing that... But one day I did try and I yelled back  (in my mind) "Jesus is my Savior!" The voice that I said it in in my mind sounded like a child's voice. Recently when I was reading a science book it talked about some kind of belief or logic or something on our brains that we only have when we are children and then we grow out of it. I thought maybe that's what that was , my belief was very childlike logically? I don't know. I am struggling right now as I teach in a Christian school ( go back in early August ) and I feel I can't do it anymore. It is hard because that is what all the people around me want me to do. I am going to try and apply to public school. Thanks so much for listening. I am still in church and have many Christian friends and I haven't mentioned this to any of them. 

 

Welcome to the site. Talk to some people here. Ask questions :) Looks like you are already looking ahead by applying to a public school.

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3 hours ago, Questioning32 said:

The main thing was probably 3 or 4 months ago, I started having doubts which I would call "attacks from Satan " in my mind. I kind of ignored them and just thought I don't have the energy or brainpower to deal with this. When this had happened in the past, I would quote scripture back at the doubts or "voices" and I thought that made them go away. This time I just thought no, I am not even doing that... But one day I did try and I yelled back  (in my mind) "Jesus is my Savior!"

 

Welcome Q32. Here's a little something to further peak your interests in our kind of "bible study." 

 

 

This may be something you want to get further into with members here who have tackled the issues of believing satan, for one thing, is literal in the first place. I don't know any better way to take the problem you're having head on other than diving head long into the rabbit hole of the history and evolution of satan and the devil. Intellectualize it. Let it start to sink in. And possibly over come it with time. 

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Hi. Welcome!

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1 hour ago, Joshpantera said:

 

Welcome Q32. Here's a little something to further peak your interests in our kind of "bible study." 

 

 

This may be something you want to get further into with members here who have tackled the issues of believing satan, for one thing, is literal in the first place. I don't know any better way to take the problem you're having head on other than diving head long into the rabbit hole of the history and evolution of satan and the devil. Intellectualize it. Let it start to sink in. And possibly over come it with time. 

 

Thanks for posting that.  It helped me connect some dots.  And reinforce the idea that religions in general have evolved along with the moral and scientific evolution of mankind.

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4 hours ago, Joshpantera said:

Welcome Q32. Here's a little something to further peak your interests in our kind of "bible study."  

It's pique, Josh. Pique... :grin:

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3 hours ago, Fweethawt said:

It's pique, Josh. Pique... :grin:

 

That went through wrong, but satan being entirely man made isn't wrong. 

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16 hours ago, Questioning32 said:

Hello! This is a great site. I am searching for truth. I got saved and became a born again Christian when I was 19 and am now 31 and have a lot of questions. So much of what everyone is saying on here is very relatable, especially things like being addicted to religion! At times in my life I feel I've been very addicted, scheduling life around church, looking for the next spiritual high, ect. Now many thoughts, realizations and things I read have rocked my faith to the core and it is unraveling very quickly aka I would say gone. The main thing was probably 3 or 4 months ago, I started having doubts which I would call "attacks from Satan " in my mind. I kind of ignored them and just thought I don't have the energy or brainpower to deal with this. When this had happened in the past, I would quote scripture back at the doubts or "voices" and I thought that made them go away. This time I just thought no, I am not even doing that... But one day I did try and I yelled back  (in my mind) "Jesus is my Savior!" The voice that I said it in in my mind sounded like a child's voice. Recently when I was reading a science book it talked about some kind of belief or logic or something on our brains that we only have when we are children and then we grow out of it. I thought maybe that's what that was , my belief was very childlike logically? I don't know. I am struggling right now as I teach in a Christian school ( go back in early August ) and I feel I can't do it anymore. It is hard because that is what all the people around me want me to do. I am going to try and apply to public school. Thanks so much for listening. I am still in church and have many Christian friends and I haven't mentioned this to any of them. 

Hi there and welcome. I was raised and indoctrinated in a Fundamentalist church. I went "forward" at age 12 and properly committed my life (and got baptized) to Yahweh and Christ and the Holy Spook when I was 16. I am 62 now and came out as an atheist at age 59 after a decade of cognitive dissonance and searching for truth. I regretfully gave the best years of my life to an illusion. Free your mind while you're still young. Good luck with finding a post in a secular school.

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Welcome to Ex-C, @Questioning32.

 

Is there any unequally yokedness going on in your life?

 

Hope you find a public school (or private non-secular) gig soon. Must be a buggar having to teach topics you know are fallacious. 

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Welcome to Ex-C.  I'm so sorry to hear about your job in a christian school.  That will make things harder for you if you cannot find an alternative position.

 

What helped me at the beginning when I was having a lot of cognitive dissonance, I would come home every evening and get on this or other ex-c-type websites and read obsessively.  For awhile after reading my thoughts would feel less crazy.

 

Good luck with your process.

 

Questioner

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Thanks everyone! I will check that video out. Have a great night! 

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To Weezer, thank you, I just watched the video and it was very interesting and helpful. To Questioner , I have been doing the same thing after work! Lol to JenniferG, thank you for sharing your story. To MOHO, no unequal yokedness here. 

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One thing I am struggling with is decision making. I used to base all of it on what I thought God wanted me to do. it feels weird to not have like an end destination for desicions maybe meaning like I guess a deeper purpose type feeling to them. I know there is still purpose and meaning it is just a weird feeling to not have that underlying, or be going towards not having that underlie everything I do ...anyone?

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7 hours ago, Questioning32 said:

One thing I am struggling with is decision making. I used to base all of it on what I thought God wanted me to do. it feels weird to not have like an end destination for desicions maybe meaning like I guess a deeper purpose type feeling to them. I know there is still purpose and meaning it is just a weird feeling to not have that underlying, or be going towards not having that underlie everything I do ...anyone?

 

This isn't to sound harsh or hard edge, but the biggest consideration here is that everything you felt about purpose and meaning, and direction and end destinations, were things that were always squarely to do with your own mind and your experience of consciousness. This isn't to belittle any of that, though. You know the saying, "life is what you make it." I think the same is true with the way people believe in god. It's always been what you've made of it. You were inadvertently giving yourself purpose and direction on levels that may be subconscious, but doing it yourself all the same. God is a voice in your own mind. And if you can manage to identify this then you may be able to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak. Continue your life with the perception of direction and purpose, but do so from an awareness of who's really in charge, so to speak. 

 

So even to the extent that you may find yourself leaning towards atheism and agnostic views, it's not necessarily an "all or nothing," in terms of having to dump the deeper purpose feeling. You may encounter some atheists who would push you that way, but I'd be happy to join you in disagreeing with them if they do. 

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On 6/19/2018 at 6:57 PM, Questioning32 said:

"attacks from Satan "

 

Remember, the only place in the Old Testament where Satan appears is in the book of Job, and he doesn't act the same as the Satan of the New Testament. Satan in Job is on speaking terms with God! In Job, God puts Satan up to the dirty deeds, and starts the whole thing by bragging!

 

NT Satan runs around trying to tempt people. The Jews seem to have transferred the properties of the evil god of the Persians, Angra Mainyu (who was the opponent of the good god Ahura Mazda), to the Satan of the book of Job. He couldn't be a god in their religion, and they already knew about him, so they took the Zoroastrian gods' traits and applied them to the beings in their own religion. What are Satan and the demons other than lesser gods (without being called gods)?

 

Christianity was born in the environment where the Jews had fully embraced these concepts. You won't find them in the Old Testament!

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Perhaps this might help you with decision making.  I stopped asking what God would have me do, and began asking what Good would have me do.  In a sense good is now my god.

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On 6/21/2018 at 12:33 AM, Questioning32 said:

One thing I am struggling with is decision making. I used to base all of it on what I thought God wanted me to do. it feels weird to not have like an end destination for desicions maybe meaning like I guess a deeper purpose type feeling to them. I know there is still purpose and meaning it is just a weird feeling to not have that underlying, or be going towards not having that underlie everything I do ...anyone?

Welcome! I write pros and cons lists, and if there's still no resolution, I will weight the items :P Sometimes though it does come down to gut feeling, or doing what you feel is the right decision. I absolutely love having control over my life - then again, I wasn't thinking what "god wanted me to do" for many many years before leaving the church.

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On 6/23/2018 at 12:22 AM, Weezer said:

Perhaps this might help you with decision making.  I stopped asking what God would have me do, and began asking what Good would have me do.  In a sense good is now my god.

 

Just an aside, there's a whole wormhole about the issue of "chrestos" being changed to read, "christos." It looks like an older inscription meaning, "the good," was later changed to read as, "the christ." I just thought of that textual criticism wormhole when reading the above quote. It's possible that originally the whole idea was simply about being good, or a concept of a guy who was good and the "good" god. In any case, here's a link to info about the issue with citations to scholars who have broken into this issue: 

 

 http://www.freethoughtnation.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=3900 

 


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