As a Bi Girl - Nothing I Did Would EVER Be Good Enough

[justaskingquestions]

What planted the seed for my journey away from Christianity was when I realized I could never live up to anything God "wanted" for me.

 

I'm bisexual. I've known I wasn't straight since I was young, around age 10 or 11. During my Christian life, I always tried to reconcile the religion with my sexuality because I genuinely like SOME of the teachings. And I lived up to those teachings well. I didn't smoke or use drugs, barely drank, didn't have sex, was extremely kind, held my tongue (even when I shouldn't have), was giving, helped in starting a club at my university for community service, was an officer of said club, etc. I did everything I was supposed to. I prayed constantly, always seeking God at every turn. 

 

Then my Christian friend showed me an app they use. It's basically an app that provides answers to popular questions people may have about the faith. Most of them are questions about the nature of God and things like that, but I came across the Love and Relationship section and found several parts of the app just downright calling us (LGBT folks) sinners. How God was so opposed to us.

 

I should say that this is not new to me. I grew up around homophobes, people who were homophobes BECAUSE of Christianity. But I had allowed myself to believe that that was the "old time" Christianity, and a new generation was coming and changing things. Hell, I even moved to Pennsylvania just to clear my head of the damn homophobia. And guess what? Here in Philly, the only horrible homophobia I've ever encountered was IN THE CHURCH.

 

But going back to the app - the best part was that it said that Christians must approach LGBT people with ~~love~~ because ~~~God still loves LGBT people despite their dIsGuStInG sIn~~~.

 

I then realized that no matter WHAT I did, no matter how good of a Christian I objectively was, no matter how much I dedicated my heart and soul into my faith, often to MY detriment, I would never be good enough for a God that could make me bi only to hate me for it.

 

And these damn Christians would always be insidious enough to insist that they are rejecting what I naturally am "for my own good" as a way to gaslight and emotionally manipulate me.

 

That was it for me. I was officially fed up. 

[Joshpantera]

What's happening to you is something natural and what christianity is telling you is basically unnatural. You're as nature has brought you into being. Nature is not corrupt in the aftermath of some original sin in a mythological garden, basically. And I think learning more about the mythological aspect of judeo-christianity can make that very clear. If you're thinking in terms of liberal or more modern christian views which can allow for accepting bisexuals, I think that's the wrong tree to be barking up. Because it's doomed to failure. The scriptures are clear about what they say. And they do not fancy gays, they do fancy slavery and other assorted nonsense and that's just what the bible is.

 

In my advise, moving beyond the bible and christianity is where I think you need to be focused. If you desire a spiritual outlook, I'd look to Buddhism, or Advaita Vedanta, or some other place to find it. Because trying to keep one foot into christianity and Jesus think just isn't going to amount to anything other than you (1) struggling to find acceptance or (2) putting all your cards on liberal christian views that amount to a house of cards and can come crashing down in a moments notice leaving you leveled and barren emotionally. 

 

You say you're fed up, I hope that's true. Because you can do a lot better for yourself than pandering to a bunch of blind believers in the faith....

[♦ ficino ♦]

Hi justaskingquestions, I too was pushed to get out of the cult by, for one, the injustice of the God character as presented by Christians who make God both the first cause of non-heterosexuality (because God is supposed to be first cause of every event or effect) AND make God the condemner of LGBT people. Then I started to realize the other disconnects - like failure of prayer and on and on.

 

I agree that the "love the sinner, hate the sin" thing is very insidious when it gets applied to LGBT people. 

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Christianity tells you that normal is bad, and if you fall for that lie they sell you their cure (groveling in constant re-affirmation of that lie, while maintaining cognitive dissonance over a capricious bloodthirsty god that "is love", and giving them money). Good for you that you saw through the lie.

[Orbit]

Welcome to the site--glad you found us -- and you're fine just the way you are!

[MOHO]

HI, @justaskingquestions

 

I'm as straight as an arrow but I noticed very early on with the fundy crowd that they had a hard-on for those with unconventional private lives. I always knew that sexual urges are natural and that we have little control over our feelings (control over ACTIONS - yes)  because I knew I would not wake up the next morning with gay urges or feelings. What I'm attempting to communicate here is that how fundies treated me at the time had little to do with my deconversion but noting how they treated others certainly did. 

[Guest]

22 hours ago, justaskingquestions said:

I then realized that no matter WHAT I did, no matter how good of a Christian I objectively was, no matter how much I dedicated my heart and soul into my faith, often to MY detriment, I would never be good enough for a God that could make me bi only to hate me for it.

 

And these damn Christians would always be insidious enough to insist that they are rejecting what I naturally am "for my own good" as a way to gaslight and emotionally manipulate me.

 

That was it for me. I was officially fed up. 

Were you told in the church that god is love? Does love create people with "unnatural" urges, and then tell them that the only way to get to this paradise is to go against those urges? What kind of love is that?

 

I agree with @Joshpantera, I think you need to put your focus on moving beyond the bible and Christianity, as it has obviously been harmful. And as Orbit said, you are fine just the way you are, there is nothing unnatural about you, and there is no being that is going to condemn you to a life of eternal torment for being the way you are.

 

You can be a spiritual person without Christianity. You don't need to be confined by the borders of Christianity and by friendships that aren't fully accepting of who you are. You are accepted in this community, there is plenty of support to be found here.

[Wertbag]

Did that realisation drive you towards a diest outlook (eg the church is wrong but that doesn't mean there is no god) or did you step straight to atheism in one go? 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

There are multiple species across the mammalian, avian, and reptilian kingdoms that engage in homosexual and bisexual practices.  Anyone who says it's not natural doesn't actually understand nature.

[justaskingquestions]

8 hours ago, Wertbag said:

Did that realisation drive you towards a diest outlook (eg the church is wrong but that doesn't mean there is no god) or did you step straight to atheism in one go? 

I think I'm more of a diest right now but I'm not following any particular god or anything. To be honest I'm kind of figuring myself out. 

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/24/2018 at 9:31 PM, Joshpantera said:

(2) putting all your cards on liberal christian views that amount to a house of cards and can come crashing down in a moments notice leaving you leveled and barren emotionally. 

This is the wisest advice I've received on this particular topic. Thank you so much!! 

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/25/2018 at 7:59 AM, ficino said:

I agree that the "love the sinner, hate the sin" thing is very insidious when it gets applied to LGBT people. 

It absolutely is! It's so emotionally manipulative to children and teenagers especially.

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/25/2018 at 7:59 AM, ficino said:

the injustice of the God character as presented by Christians who make God both the first cause of non-heterosexuality (because God is supposed to be first cause of every event or effect) AND make God the condemner of LGBT people.

It was always so strange to me, even when I was at my most devout stage, that God would allow Satan to fall into sin in the first place if he is so powerful.

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/25/2018 at 9:28 AM, Fuego said:

Christianity tells you that normal is bad

Seriously! So many normal things like being LGBT, desiring sex, not wanting to immediately forgive people who screw you over, wanting to better yourself.....

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/25/2018 at 9:49 AM, Orbit said:

Welcome to the site--glad you found us -- and you're fine just the way you are! 

Thank you!

[justaskingquestions]

16 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

Were you told in the church that god is love? Does love create people with "unnatural" urges, and then tell them that the only way to get to this paradise is to go against those urges? What kind of love is that?

Exactly! Right on the money. 

 

16 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

You can be a spiritual person without Christianity. You don't need to be confined by the borders of Christianity and by friendships that aren't fully accepting of who you are. You are accepted in this community, there is plenty of support to be found here.

I'm hoping I can find a way to feel spiritually healthy without Christianity. Thank you for the encouragement!

[justaskingquestions]

3 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

There are multiple species across the mammalian, avian, and reptilian kingdoms that engage in homosexual and bisexual practices.  Anyone who says it's not natural doesn't actually understand nature.

Exactly, but so many Christians aren't keen on understanding nature. 

[Tsathoggua9]

Yeah, Christianity does not abide non-hetero sex! And, though I was raised "Fundy", I always felt some empathy for gay people -- I may be hetero in basic orientation, but I am also a paraphiliac with some bizarre fetishes, so I am "off-kilter" enough that I would definitely be in the "god gave them up" crowd mentioned in Romans chapter 1. I knew that my odd inclinations were there, even as a wee prepubescent lad. So others with similar sexual "deviations" probably were like that from a very early age, or so I figured. No real "choice" there!

[ag_NO_stic]

I think there a lot of people disenfranchised by Christianity and its principles/values, I'm so sorry to hear you are one of them. Christianity is such a confusing loop of "be humble, don't judge.....but you're better then THAT PERSON.....but no you're not...." I was always so confused about what to think, but I loved all my LGBT friends and had a difficult time reconciling what "god said" with how I felt. 

 

For the record, though it's not as extreme, I struggled with what god must think of me because he made me a woman. It's like....submit?? My virginity is worth more than anything else really (except 50 shekels).....don't get raped?! I could go on, but it's hard to take this stuff from the bible and also feel like he's a loving, understanding, merciful father.....

[AliT]

My walk from the church was because of the utterly perverse way they treat sex.  My wife was raped by a jakey* while helping out on the corrupt Celebrate Recovery course.  Afterwards,  the b******s wanted her to apologise and to promote him into leadership. 

 

A married woman in the church kept asking me about my sex life. She was made worship leader. Yet another wanted me to watch her breast feeding and promised that she would "accidentally" show me her nipples**. Both remain married and in leadership. 

 

Meanwhile, they preach self control and purity while reminding us that David was a man after God's heart. Loads of wives, has an affair and attempts to cover it up with murder. Sounds about right. 

 

OP, you're the normal person, not them. 

 

 

* Scottish word for someone who is a drug user and alcoholic. 

 

**offer not accepted.

 

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/28/2018 at 10:09 AM, ag_NO_stic said:

For the record, though it's not as extreme, I struggled with what god must think of me because he made me a woman. It's like....submit?? My virginity is worth more than anything else really (except 50 shekels).....don't get raped?! I could go on, but it's hard to take this stuff from the bible and also feel like he's a loving, understanding, merciful father.....

This is 100% my experience too. Christianity is so backwards in its treatment of women, it's pathetic.

[justaskingquestions]

7 hours ago, AliT said:

My walk from the church was because of the utterly perverse way they treat sex.  My wife was raped by a jakey* while helping out on the corrupt Celebrate Recovery course.  Afterwards,  the b******s wanted her to apologise and to promote him into leadership. 

 

A married woman in the church kept asking me about my sex life. She was made worship leader. Yet another wanted me to watch her breast feeding and promised that she would "accidentally" show me her nipples**. Both remain married and in leadership. 

 

Meanwhile, they preach self control and purity while reminding us that David was a man after God's heart. Loads of wives, has an affair and attempts to cover it up with murder. Sounds about right. 

I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your wife. I hope she's healing and moving forward with positivity. I also hope that you are okay after being sexually harassed in that way; I don't think enough is done about sexual harassment in the church, people get away with saying the grossest stuff and no one holds them accountable. My heart goes out to you both. 

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/26/2018 at 3:42 PM, Tsathoggua9 said:

Yeah, Christianity does not abide non-hetero sex! And, though I was raised "Fundy", I always felt some empathy for gay people -- I may be hetero in basic orientation, but I am also a paraphiliac with some bizarre fetishes, so I am "off-kilter" enough that I would definitely be in the "god gave them up" crowd mentioned in Romans chapter 1. I knew that my odd inclinations were there, even as a wee prepubescent lad. So others with similar sexual "deviations" probably were like that from a very early age, or so I figured. No real "choice" there!

Though I don't think fetishes are comparable to orientation, I appreciate that you drew from your own experiences and use them to empathize with gay people!

[justaskingquestions]

On 6/25/2018 at 12:54 PM, MOHO said:

because I knew I would not wake up the next morning with gay urges or feelings.

Exactly! I always ask my Christian parents if being gay is a choice, could they chose to be gay? That leaves them baffled lmao 

[AliT]

Thanks JAQ. 

 

The rape still rankles and I, and our relationship will probably never get over it fully. 

 

Unfortunately, Mrs T still believes and trots out the " all things work together for good" nonsense, which doesn't help. She even asked me to pray for his safety as he was suicidal!