Going back home during the holidays - Tips?

[davidennl]

Hi All,

 

My parents are baptist missionaries working abroad, and I grew up mostly religious. Since moving back to my passport country to study, I've deconverted and moved away from christian influence as much as possible. I'm mostly extremely angry and uneasy around christians, and get goosebumps when I'm surrounded by bible-verse stickers and the words 'Let's pray together'. In the past year I've been doing particularly well, however, as I've now forged a network secular enough that I don't even need to think about religion on a daily basis anymore. It's relieving, and freeing.

 

In any case, I'm a little worried about heading back home for the summer. My parents and I get along really well, and have always been close. I have been extremely open about deconverting and (somewhat stereotypically) being gay, and in the last three years we have all grown into a certain sense of uneasy peace with both these subjects.
Still, I'm easily frustrated by religion, and am worried that upon returning to the missionary bubble I'll be constantly angry, isolated and resentful. My parents are currently organising an event which involves a lot of american biblebelter inturns that I'll have to spend some time with as well, which is a bit of an added obstacle.

I'm wondering if you have any tips or experiences that might help me maintain a civil and relaxed relationhip with my family. I really do love them and hope to minimize tension on either side, as they have been remarkably respectful of my deconversion and sexuality for the past three years, and the least I can do is try to be equally so while I tread into 'their territory'. How do I prevent myself from going crazy?

 

Thankyou all for listening/reading,

I look forward to your advice,

Dave

[florduh]

Hello and welcome!

 

Advice? My first inclination would be to "call in sick." Have other plans and avoid entering the pressure cooker. Maybe a quick visit for a couple of days could work. It's hard to judge family dynamics from this vantage point, but we all understand the issues that go with being the black sheep suddenly reuniting with the herd. Good luck, and don't let any burnt bridges be your doing.

[MOHO]

@davidennl,

 

Kudos on your deconversion and two snaps, UP for being totally honest and upfront about it. Take if from someone who was not for a couple years - making things far worse than if I had just been forthcoming at the outset. 

 

That said, and regarding your request for advice, I have a couple questions:

    1. Are your parents supporting you and paying for your education?

    2. Will they cut your off if simply do not return home for the Summer?

 

Would it be OK with your fams if you just visit for a week or two? Think of this as preparation for dealing with those you do not, necessarily,  agree with. You will spend your life doing this to one degree or another. 

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His own)

 

 

[davidennl]

17 hours ago, MOHO said:

@davidennl,

 

Kudos on your deconversion and two snaps, UP for being totally honest and upfront about it. Take if from someone who was not for a couple years - making things far worse than if I had just been forthcoming at the outset. 

 

That said, and regarding your request for advice, I have a couple questions:

    1. Are your parents supporting you and paying for your education?

    2. Will they cut your off if simply do not return home for the Summer?

 

Would it be OK with your fams if you just visit for a week or two? Think of this as preparation for dealing with those you do not, necessarily,  agree with. You will spend your life doing this to one degree or another. 

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His own)

 

 

My parents are not really financially involved in my life anymore, which makes things easier. It's funny how it's so much easier to think separately from family once you no longer depend on them financially. Cutting the length of the vacation seems like a pretty good solution. I'm enjoying some stuff of being here, like playing video games with my siblings and getting to know my younger sister a little better, since she's still living at home and in her teens now. Being surrounded by their American colleagues is a little tiring, but not frequent enough that I'm unable to get away.

 

I think it's funny though, to be back in my childhood home. There are quite literally about 7 bibles surrounding me as I type right now, and on the wall bible verses hang somewhat cheesily. I'm trying my best to not be so angry, and to be respectful. I wish I could just be made to feel only mildly curious around religion, instead of so angry all the time. I can't think of a better sign of full deconversion than disinterest.

 

Let's hope all continues to go well,

Many thanks @florduh and @MOHO