Finally did it!

[Lost]

Hey

 

If anyone remembers me here,  I want to let You guys know that I finally did it!

 

I did send a letter to Pastor of my church and to one of the Elders and to 2 close friends that I have spent most of my time with.

 

I'm kind of nervous inside, cause I went to post office with 4 letters yesterday on Monday (the 2nd July 2018) and they told me that on Tuesday (the 3rd July 2018) all letters should arrive to these people.

 

I blocked phone numbers of people from church and I closed my Facebook account and I created a new one for myself and people that I really want to have contact with.

I'm afraid to meet them one day on the streets or as clients in my work at McDonalds that I'm going to start in the middle of July. Shit... McDonald's- how will I survive this?

 

I finished studying one level of Nursing ( I'm Licensed Nurse) and I'm continuing to study a higher level. I could start working as a Nurse, but I don't feel that much mentally stable right now to be super responsible for patients' health. This whole thing with church drives me crazy. But I got to conclusion with my dad that I have to start my first job anywhere. I have huge debts, because of my shopaholic addiction and my dad became an alcoholic, because of my problems with money :/

 

When I will have more time I will translate a letter to a Pastor and Elder from my language to English to show You, what I wrote.

 

I've noticed that here on Ex-C some people disappeared or decided to be less active. I want to say that I still believe in a power that this forum gives to people, who come here and struggle in their life with losing God and go through the process of deconversion.

 

I admit that I was kind of disappointed that NO ONE reached out to me during my absence. Maybe it's because of me, cause I usually seem to be weird to people or because I don't have this ability to really build close relationships with people.

 

THANK YOU ALL for Your support here and nice advices that You gave me during more than 3 years on this forum

 

By the way, where is Margee, the mother of this forum (at least I think like that personally)?

[MOHO]

Congrats on coming clean with your former clergy, @Lost. That's big step.

 

Perhaps if you landed a nursing gig you would be so busy and fulfilled that it would service as a kind of occupational therapy. Ask you shrink about this before jumping into it.

 

As far as you father's drinking being blamed on you - that is a total mind-fuck tool! Don't buy into that. His problems are his problems but yes - STOP BUYING SHIT!

[florduh]

Yeah, nobody from church reached out to me after I left either. Good job!

[LogicalFallacy]

Hi Lost

 

Yes I do remember you. Thanks for posting an update on your Ex-C life.

 

Congrats on taking the step to come out. It can be a very scary step due to the reactions people can have. Regarding people not contacting you, this is not surprising. While I am still friends with Church members, not one of them has asked why, or attempted to persuade me that god exists etc - and these are friends of 10 years.

 

And like MOHO said, don't blame anyone else's problem on you. You are responsible for you, they are responsible for them. I take it you are not tying your father up and forcing a bottle down his gullet? No. His choice, his responsibility.

 

Regarding Margee and others - I think she, and others are taking a bit of "time out" from what people have said. And some have left for various reasons. Some people just kind of grow out of the forum - it's a support place for when they need it, and once they have worked through de-conversion they no longer 'need' the forum and don't hang around the other parts of it.

 

Wishing you all the best for the future.

 

LF

[Lost]

3 hours ago, florduh said:

Yeah, nobody from church reached out to me after I left either. Good job!

 

56 minutes ago, LogicalFallacy said:

Regarding people not contacting you, this is not surprising. 

 

I meant actually people HERE on Ex-C. For more than 3 years as I am here only one member wrote a private message to me. I feel kind of sad that so many great people disappeared from this forum and I couldn't talk with them in private messages. I thought that I will be able to talk through Discord with some of you, using my voice and hear others' voices, but my computer don't accept this program. I was ashamed to ask if anyone could talk with me on Skype. Anyway, I can't complain You gave me also lots of support by writing posts.

 

To be clear, last time I went to my church was on Sunday the 1st July 2018. On Monday the 2nd July I sent letters on post office and as it turned out my letters arrived to 4 people from church today on Tuesday the 3rd July 2018.

I was surprised that although I blocked one of my friends on my mobile phone I could see a text message from her about my letter and she wasn't judgemental and she said that she wants to continue friendship with me regardless belief. She even admitted that she personally struggles with crisis of faith too and has some moral and spiritual issues. I was open to her in a letter that she can decide, whether she wants to continue friendship with me or not. So she chose yes.

 

In other 3 letter to a Pastor, one of the Elders and to another friend (that I have never really liked) I made it very clear that I don't want them to come to my house and try to convert me and that I don't want any contact from them. I explained to them a lot and wrote all the reasons, why I'm leaving and I was nice in a letter. But about stuff related to staying in a contact, I was really honest with them.

 

Thank You MOHO, florduh, LogicalFallacy for Your responses and advices. I appreciate them!

 

Thank  You TrueScotsman and yunea for your LIKES to my post

 

Hope to hear more positive words and advices from You ALL and other members of the Ex-C

 

 

[LogicalFallacy]

1 minute ago, Lost said:

I thought that I will be able to talk through Discord with some of you, using my voice and hear others' voices, but my computer don't accept this program. I was ashamed to ask if anyone could talk with me through Skype. Anyway, I

 

Perhaps you should try again? You can use the text part of Discord right? (I thought we did have you on voice at one stage?)

 

We have had success in getting Gypsymoon and Yunea on voice at discord.

 

If you can arrange a time we'd be happy to try and troubleshoot the issue and try and get you working. Travi and I are both able to troubleshoot issues, and possibly Wellnamed would be willing to help. (I'll ask him)

 

Re Skype - a few of us do Skype as well, and I was thinking that hangouts could also be used. I do want to do a big video call one day... assuming the internet can take it without breaking us all up.  

 

Re reaching out via PM on forum. I'm not sure how to respond to that. Usually its the people wanting help that reach out - I know I reached out to BAA in my early days, and I've had a few reach out to me, but I don't go around PMing people generally otherwise. Can't speak for others.

[Lost]

I don't know why this is happening, but some people from church try to reach out to me (especially those who didn't have closer interraction with me).

 

I DECIDED to be in touch with one friend (she is quite tolerrant) and she mentioned to me that one married couple from church would like to meet with me and their home's doors are always open for me. They are convinced that I quit going to church, because elders are not really interested in anyone and there is no real family atmosphere in church. I messaged to my friend and asked her to tell them that this is a mattter of my views, not my feelings towards people in church...to be honest it's a matter of different things. They send me greetings through my friend. They seem like they want to be my friends at all cost...sigh.

 

In my church some people created an alternative home group, where there is a nice, family atmosphere and all of that. Of course pastor and one of the elders were pissed off that something like that was created. So creator of the group spoke about this group on the forum of the church.

So, members of the church can go freely to his home group during Wednesdays and to church to Bible study on Tuesdays and Prayer meetings on Thursdays.

 

Yesterday I got call, actually I called back to unknown number (I didn't have it on my phone contacts list) and as it turned out- it was one guy from church (kind of rebellious man, who don't like that much elders). He started to invite me to this alternative home group. He asked me some questions without being rude and he said about his perspective on God . I am not really an assertive person and I told him where I started my job (he even mentioned that he will come to buy ice creams in McDonalds, where I work). Shit!  I blocked his number on my phone like some others' numbers.

 

I told myself that I need to be tough and consistent about my decision and not to make a mistake of interracting again with these people. Some of them are nicer than others, but Lost, please shut up and follow your purposes, don't come back to previous life.

 

But when I will ever meet them on the street or on the bus- I don't know what will I do. I think for some people from my church it's hard to believe that this shy, quiet and nice girl (I'm talking about myself) just lost her faith and don't believe anymore.

 

To be honest I feel strong heat of anxiety and go again through some kind of stage of trauma, when I think about Christianity or Christians. I'm allergic to their whole environment.

 

For sure, if I will ever find out that I'm dying, because of some deadly disease or I will be on death bed, I will be thinking about God, Jesus and hell, maybe I will be praying in case of not being condemed, but I don't know if that will make me feel really certain and convinced about truth of Christianity :/

[sdelsolray]

Lost,

 

You can follow through with your previous choice to not associate with these people.  If you happen to see one around your town, you can just smile and say, "Hi."  If they start to talk about religion you can say, "I do not wish to talk about that."  It's all quite simple behavior, on your part.  Quite simple.

[offtheromanroad]

Lost,

Don't blame your father's alcoholism on yourself. Just don't. It's a guilt trip, and guilt trips don't help your deconversion process...

As for how to deal with church people coming to McD's: I could see some Big Macs flying through the air No really, in case they'd give you a Jesuhs Talk at work, just send them away.

Offtheroad

[Aries256]

Congrats! You’ve taken your first steps to freedom from  live life! Be free!