ChangeofFaith

When kids are involved and dissappointed in you...

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 I am happy I stumbled upon this group last night after a confrontation with my 11 yr old daughter. I was born and raised in a dysfunctional Christian home. Both my mom and dad were christian. I was even named Faith because i was their "Faith baby." Growing up i accepted everything about the church without question. I have married twice, both of them proclaimed to be christians. The first one was very abusive not just physically but mentally and sexually. I finally left him and took my 2 yr old son and 3 yr old daughter with me. 

  I then met my 2nd husband. He accepted this shingle mom and even adopted my 2 kids. Shortly after we married he quit his job and quit helping me with the kids or the house. He would sit in his chair and research the bible and end of times. It became an obsession. He wouldn't even kiss me without me pretty much begging him to. A lot more happened but this isn't really about him. I ended up having an affair. 3 strikes against me for being a Christian, 2 divorces and cheating on my husband. I fell in love with the man i had the affair with. He is Hindu. Oh look! Another strike against me! (Unequally yoked). My kids are now 11, 10, and 5. After moving out on my own i world have my boyfriend over and spend time with him and the kids. They loved him coming over. We would go on little trips together and the kids hated it when he left. 

   My dad killed himself 5 years ago and my mom lives alone in a house she rents from my sister. I decided to move in with my mom to help me finish school. In doing so...i had to agree not to have my boyfriend over. I only see him once a week and my kids never see him. Since I moved in last October, my kids heart from my mom and sister how week-long i am for seething him, that I'm going to hell, he isnt a good man, etc...He sticks by me through all this and misses the kids. My oldest daughter is definitely against him already. I know I'm jumping around alotin my story. I'm emotional writing this. Its been a long 2 years. My kids go to a Christian school that my brother'n'law is on the board of education for. They are surrounded with Christianity. I don't want to wreck their world while I am still new at this change of Faith. Its so hard teething to make a stand for my relationship and  my own daughter resenting me for it. I don't know what to do. I don't believe God would want 2 people to end their relationship because of religion. Obviously being a christian hasnt worked out for my first two marriages.

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It sounds like you're in a place with very little effective guidance or emotional support. I've seen many christians toss and turn asthmatically trying to maintain their illusion of a "Christian life" while they do anything but. I believe it takes courage to admit to yourself that Christianity hasn't worked out for you (it doesn't for more people then people care to admit), after closely examining its outcome in your life. Welcome to X-xian!

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Thank you Destiny, i was beginning to think I wasnt going to to gwt any comments. I agree with you. I know Christianity isnt what I believe anymore. I am still in the beginning stages and am gathering my thoughts on things but my family is turning my daughter against me. Some guidance and support would be nice!

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Take one day at a time and try not to become overwhelmed.

 

Would Jesus shun Hindus? Probably not. He hung out with tax collectors and prostitutes. He wasn't a snob. (Not saying he's real...but you could use that as an argument in favor of your boyfriend.)

 

Is this living arrangement working out?

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The living arrangement isnt very healthy. I feel I have no choice. My boyfriend and I found a house together and he bought it. He is already living there and makibg updates to what would be the kids bedrooms. Can't exactly mive in when my oldest is so against it. It would be bad for everyone.

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Is she against him personally? Or against living in sin? Or something else?

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Welcome to Ex-C, @ChangeofFaith

 

I hope you don't' feel unwelcome by not receiving replies right away. I, myself, am usually too busy on weekends to visit Ex-c. 

 

Being unequally yoked to someone who's only friends are scream'n fundies I can relate to having to interface with, and be impacted by, those close to you. I know how painful and lonely it can be when, regardless of the outward treatment, that just under the surface lies distrust and contempt for you in the eyes of your fams. 

 

Your decision to arrange your living situation to facilitate education with your eyes on a better future for your offspring is a selfless one. Kudos to you!

 

You will soon complete your academic goals, move out, and undo the impact to your son and daughter by the religious indoctrination. 

 

When it gets lonely and you think you are alone in this - remember you have friends here. :3:

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, midniterider said:

Is she against him personally? Or against living in sin? Or something else?

@midniterider

She's against how we started (the cheating) and the fact he's not a christian. 

@MOHO 

Thank you for your post.  I appreciate the support from everyone here. I am such a people pleaser by nature and going against my mom and sister on Christianity is not in my capabilities right now.

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I tend to be a people pleasure too, @ChangeofFaith but I am learning to just so "go pound sand!"

 

I figure the fundies at least brought it on themselves. 

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On 7/6/2018 at 12:28 PM, ChangeofFaith said:

I fell in love with the man i had the affair with. He is Hindu.

 

Is his name @Bhim ?

 

Just kidding. We have a Hindu member here. 

 

On 7/8/2018 at 11:25 PM, ChangeofFaith said:

The living arrangement isnt very healthy. I feel I have no choice. My boyfriend and I found a house together and he bought it. He is already living there and makibg updates to what would be the kids bedrooms. Can't exactly mive in when my oldest is so against it. It would be bad for everyone.

 

It sounds like a toss up between living arrangements. The existing arrangement with your mom isn't very healthy. So you're already in an unhealthy environment. How unhealthy would it be to just move and make the 11 year old deal with it until she's old enough to be in the drivers seat of making her own decisions? Do you think she'll throw such a fit that it will ruin your new relationship? The whole thing sounds like a double edged sword and the choice between a toss up of the lesser of two evils. 

 

So which one is the lesser evil? 

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1 hour ago, Joshpantera said:
Quote

The living arrangement isnt very healthy. I feel I have no choice. My boyfriend and I found a house together and he bought it. He is already living there and makibg updates to what would be the kids bedrooms. Can't exactly mive in when my oldest is so against it. It would be bad for everyone.

It sounds like a toss up between living arrangements. The existing arrangement with your mom isn't very healthy. So you're already in an unhealthy environment. How unhealthy would it be to just move and make the 11 year old deal with it until she's old enough to be in the drivers seat of making her own decisions? Do you think she'll throw such a fit that it will ruin your new relationship? The whole thing sounds like a double edged sword and the choice between a toss up of the lesser of two evils. 

 

So which one is the lesser evil? 

Its funny and ironic that to take the kids from a non-christian environment and place them in a christian one immediately is generally socially acceptable (and often encouraged) but to do the opposite and take them from a bad Christian environment to one without christianity is frowned upon. Despite the fact that the non-christian environment is probably the better and safer choice.

 

@ChangeofFaith you need to do what is best for you and your children. Even if that means that you and your daughter are at odds for a time. Parenting is tough and you aren't under any obligation to help her keep her faith. Your responsibility to your kids is to do what is best for them. You can't be the best version of you when your life is chaotic and full of things that you can change by making the "tough" choice and moving in with your boyfriend. When your life gets stable, then their life gets stable. Kids are resilient and they bounce back. I wish you luck in this situation.

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I agree and wish I had it in me to just move in with him. Its not easy. I don't want to make it harder on the kids.Being surrounded by Christianity when i see the flaws in it and everyone telling my kids how wrong i am for not following the bible....I'm just not sure how to fix the situation, especially with my 12 yr old daughter. Thanks everyone for letting me vent. It really helps!

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