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How Do I respond to Christian Friend?


JenniferG
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I just told a Christian friend that I was no longer a Christian and that I am an atheist. Jeez, Christians can be so judgmental and not SEE they are judgmental. She suspected my departure from Christianity AND now I've "come out" means that I've never really had a "true" conversion!! How do I respond to this friend. She can't see that she's indoctrinated.
 
Dear Jennifer,
I have long suspected your departure from Christianiy. I will continue to love you and be your friend but of course the dymanic will change because my life belongs to CHRIST. As you know my conversations will always include HIM.
I am  not indoctrinated as you suggest, I can remember when I had my conversion experience, it was real and I always say there wasn't a Baptist around when it happen, there was no religious person around to tell me what to do or how to do it. I did not even know what really happened to me but when I cried out to GOD and told HIM to help me and I would do anything including giving HIM my life, He took it at that time and changed me. I could not have done this by myself that is how I KNOW THIS IS REAL!!!!
I am not sure if I ever told you about my conversion but maybe someday you would let me tell you.
I am sorry that you have been exposed to a form of christianity that has dissolutioned you. We are all fallible and do things to hurt one another that is why we strive for perfect but will not attain it until we see HIM face to face and He changes us.
I know you have heard this all before because you have sat in the pews of many churches but I fear HE did not convert you. You went along with the form of religion for whatever reason and you never really belonged to HIM.It is not something that you decide but it is what GOD decides to do to you.You have no choice in the matter. Of course you can stray away and be angry for a time but HE will never let you be alone.
I suspect you never had a true conversion experience, this is not being judgemental this is just the truth.We can even fool ourselves that we are Christians, and I have have come in contact with several people that introduced themselfs as Christian and for all intended purposes they look on the outside like they were, but I sensed that there was something wrong, I did not say anything of course took them at thier word and years later they did have a conversion and were born again.
You cannot explain this to someone who has not experienced it.
There are many who say LORD, LORD but He has said I never knew you.There will always be a remnet.
From my experience it is usually the Atheist that take up and run from the friendship. I am stronger than that because my strength comes from GOD. So to your disappointment I am not running any where, I do hope our friendship will continue and you do not put limitations on it like our conversations that will include the most important person to me, JESUS. 
I love you and I hope we have many more good times together now that you are closer in distance.
Please call me anytime, looking forward to what is next with our friendship.
love,
Brenda
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     How do you respond to that mess?

 

     Lets see.  You were never a true xian like she was.  You're an angry little prodigal.  You have to listen to her talk about jesus as part of the friendship (translation: "I can convert you nice and proper").  And if you don't then you're the problem here you nasty atheist.

 

     I don't even know if I got everything she laid down in that note.  It was the whole kit-n-kaboodle that's for sure.

 

     I'd tell her that she nailed it.  100%.  And never look back.

 

         mwc

 

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Yes, that one is quite indoctrinated.  Note the, 'I'm special and you're not', along with the, 'You were never a True Christian', as well as the, 'You cannot understand the truth', and, of course the, 'I still want to be friends...but my Jesus addiction won't let me'.

 

Rather typical sour grapes from a brainwashed theist. 

 

 

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It's difficult, if not impossible, to retain your Christian friends once you leave the faith. Neither of you can be comfortable around each other now. Your common bond has been permanently broken. Even if  you returned to the faith she would never fully trust you again, and neither would other Christians. They would always doubt your sincerity. Accept that that part of your life is over and move on, because I feel certain she will.

 

 

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Oh boy. Did she copy and paste this from some kind of “How to respond to ex-Christian friends” template? Because this sounds like a cookie-cutter version of what I heard from several of my Christian ex-friends. 

Sorry to read that you got the pious cold shoulder from someone who is probably a close friend. Don’t let yourself get bullied into anything that your gut isn’t aligned with, you’re following your right path now, not someone else’s. 

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I feel you. When I came out to my parents I wasn't christian they did the whole "we knew it was never real". On top of that they're Calvinists so basically this translates to "God created you to go to hell, he was always going to send you to hell, and there is nothing you can do to stop him from send you to hell. Halleluyah!" At least it keeps them from attempting to reconvert me...

 

Wish I knew what to say about your friend. It's hard to have a sincere friendship with someone who insists they are better than you... ?

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Hm, so because Jesus is important to HER that means she should have carte blanche to talk to YOU about him as much as she wants, whenever she wants?

 

Does that apply to everything and everyone, then? If someone is absolutely fascinated by, e.g., boating, does that mean it's not bad manners for them to bring boating up ALL THE TIME, talk about it at length, and then get offended when the other person really wishes they'd stop? 

 

Of course, she would probably argue that "a personal relationship with Jesus" is different. If she tries going the boyfriend!Jesus route, maybe it would help to point out that even in real-world romances where everyone agrees on the existence of both participants, it's accepted that once someone is past adolescence they not torture all those around them by talking about their SO constantly. I mean, when one of my former co-workers got engaged I was very happy for him, but despite the fact that this was a huge event in his life he somehow managed to have whole conversations without bringing up his fiancée once. …. Encourage your friend and let her know that normal human conversation IS possible, there is always hope! 

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Unless it's absolutely necessary, I don't know that I would respond. Neither of you are going to change your minds by talking about it. And it appears that she is expecting you to "run away".

 

It's difficult losing your friends. Unfortunately, it's just part of the fallout, and I too wish that it wasn't that way. 

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I'd be tempted to tell her "You were never a true friend," although that's stooping to her level.

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2 hours ago, JenniferG said:

You cannot explain this to someone who has not experienced it. 

 

You can easily turn this around on her, if you wanted to.

 

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Hi Jennifer! So sorry you have to work your way through this somewhat 'smug', so-called friendship with its christian issues. I just recently had to tell a friend who wanted to do 'coffee's' that we have nothing in common anymore. I said it in 'love'. And I have no desire whatsoever to have a friendship with her anymore. Those days are over. And your damn right that an agnostic/atheist will put on their running shoes and get away from these people who really only want to try to bring you back into the fold again. The whole phoney friendship will be on her terms only. You will not get a 'say'. I would tell her that she is right. (she'll love it when you say that! lol)  Tell her that running shoes will take you away from having to listen to christian bullshit.

 

Big (hug) hon. Let us know how it goes. 

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6 hours ago, Geezer said:

It's difficult, if not impossible, to retain your Christian friends once you leave the faith. Neither of you can be comfortable around each other now. Your common bond has been permanently broken. Even if  you returned to the faith she would never fully trust you again, and neither would other Christians. They would always doubt your sincerity. Accept that that part of your life is over and move on, because I feel certain she will.

 

 

I never had a strong bond with her, really. She was more into me than I was into her. We've known each other through a church, that we once belonged to and had both moved to the West Coast.  She lived with us for a semester when she was a nursing student 25 years ago. We don't live in the same region now. She is hard-core Fundie - with a Scripture verse on her holiday condo porch where we once stayed. I didn't attend the Baptist church she recommended at the time (That's when she began to suspect that I was not a real Christian!!!) This is a friendship I can easily let go of.

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Thanks everyone for your support. It makes me feel that SOMEONE is on my side! While I'm very confident in my own thinking and my own inner strength, it still upsets my equilibrium when I have to face the inevitable with friends and relatives. Thanks again ❤️

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5 hours ago, Eugene39 said:

Unless it's absolutely necessary, I don't know that I would respond. Neither of you are going to change your minds by talking about it. And it appears that she is expecting you to "run away".

 

It's difficult losing your friends. Unfortunately, it's just part of the fallout, and I too wish that it wasn't that way. 

I ain't running anywhere! I'm secure in who I am. If she lays the Jesus stuff on me, I'll simply bore her with my research that the Jesus of the bible was probably a composite of several mythical characters and that the bible is NOT the word of god but cobbled together by a bunch of delusional, superstitious people who stole from other myths and superstitions. I'll counter her bible stuff with LOGIC AND REASON as best I can! Oh if I had a mouth like Matt Dillahunty!! Oh Mother Nature, I beseech thee, give me the intellect of brother Matt! 😁

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5 hours ago, Hedge_Rat said:

Hm, so because Jesus is important to HER that means she should have carte blanche to talk to YOU about him as much as she wants, whenever she wants?

 

Does that apply to everything and everyone, then? If someone is absolutely fascinated by, e.g., boating, does that mean it's not bad manners for them to bring boating up ALL THE TIME, talk about it at length, and then get offended when the other person really wishes they'd stop? 

 

Of course, she would probably argue that "a personal relationship with Jesus" is different. If she tries going the boyfriend!Jesus route, maybe it would help to point out that even in real-world romances where everyone agrees on the existence of both participants, it's accepted that once someone is past adolescence they not torture all those around them by talking about their SO constantly. I mean, when one of my former co-workers got engaged I was very happy for him, but despite the fact that this was a huge event in his life he somehow managed to have whole conversations without bringing up his fiancée once. …. Encourage your friend and let her know that normal human conversation IS possible, there is always hope! 

Oh yeah! The boyfriend Jesus thing! Brings to mind the lyrics of a song the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir sang "I'm sooo in love with Jesus...I'm soooo in love with my Lord....There's joy bells in my soul, and I want the word to know...that I'm soooo in love with Jesus." I get so irritated by these ear worms of Christian songs that are indelibly seared into my brain!! And yet I can't seem to memorize poetry! Dayum!

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9 hours ago, JenniferG said:
I just told a Christian friend that I was no longer a Christian and that I am an atheist. Jeez, Christians can be so judgmental and not SEE they are judgmental. She suspected my departure from Christianity AND now I've "come out" means that I've never really had a "true" conversion!! How do I respond to this friend. She can't see that she's indoctrinated.
 
I think the 'You never had a true conversion experience' or 'you never were a real Christian' is just a tool of manipulation to try to get you to say, "YES I DIDDDDDDDD!!!!!"
The Christian would like everyone to think that Jesus is a big pile of gold in your living room that you just gotta have! But why not just think about Christianity as a big pile of shit in your living room that you're going to clean up at some point? So what if you never had a big pile of shit (Christian conversion) in your living room. That's fantastic because you wouldn't want something like that anyway. :)
 

I know you have heard this all before because you have sat in the pews of many churches but I fear HE did not convert you. You went along with the form of religion for whatever reason and you never really belonged to HIM.It is not something that you decide but it is what GOD decides to do to you.You have no choice in the matter. Of course you can stray away and be angry for a time but HE will never let you be alone.

 
If conversion is not something that you decide but something that God decides, and if God decided not to convert you....then any blame is therefore on God. You are not responsible for a lack of conversion. There is nothing you or anyone but God can do about it, so no worries. If God will 'never leave you alone' then I suppose you could give him the middle finger without any worries, right? He'll just keep on coming  back for ya! lol. So thank your friend for letting you know that you are in no way responsible for the conversion process. It's all up to God. :)
 
I suspect you never had a true conversion experience, this is not being judgemental this is just the truth.We can even fool ourselves that we are Christians, and I have have come in contact with several people that introduced themselfs as Christian and for all intended purposes they look on the outside like they were, but I sensed that there was something wrong, I did not say anything of course took them at thier word and years later they did have a conversion and were born again.
 
I sense something wrong with your friend. I sense that she has not had a true conversion experience. She has had a false conversion experience that masquerades like a real one. Isn't it great to just pull any old baloney out of thin air and present it as fact. Why not say, "I sense that you are a unicorn." It's about as silly.

 

From my experience it is usually the Atheist that take up and run from the friendship. I am stronger than that because my strength comes from GOD. So to your disappointment I am not running any where, I do hope our friendship will continue and you do not put limitations on it like our conversations that will include the most important person to me, JESUS. 
 
Why would you, as an ex-Christian want to talk about Jesus? But fair is fair so you will also be able to bring up atheism, critical thinking, bible contradictions, whatever you like, right? Especially now that Jesus has decided NOT to convert you. What would be the point of talking about her favorite person who snubbed you? You can talk about Jesus till you're blue in the face but since the ball is in His court all of her Jesus talk is not going to convert you (according to her words). So why bother with the Jesus talk?
 
If you decide to present this type of rebuttal, she may start to backpeddle on who is really responsible for your conversion. Dont let her weasel out of it. We now know it's Jesus' call, not yours.
 

 

 

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7 hours ago, Astreja said:

I'd be tempted to tell her "You were never a true friend," although that's stooping to her level.

 

 

Oooh, good one!

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14 hours ago, JenniferG said:
 
I am sorry that you have been exposed to a form of christianity that has dissolutioned you. We are all fallible and do things to hurt one another that is why we strive for perfect but will not attain it until we see HIM face to face and He changes us.

 

If it was me,  I probably wouldn't reply at all.

 

But if I did reply,  I'd be very tempted to point out that it's letters like hers that often lead to the dissolution of friendships, as they cause us to become disillusioned with each other. Am I petty? Maybe. But still.

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I dunno if what you respond matters much. She's super formal, preachy and makes verbose declarations but it's not like you must necessarily respond in kind.

 

Just figure out how you feel about her attitude and whether you can deal with it and still enjoy her company.

 

If you can imagine how hanging out with her would be now with her Jesus agenda declared, you probably know what must be stated if you're to keep hanging out. If you can't imagine it, then why say anything unnecessary before finding out?

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21 hours ago, JenniferG said:
I just told a Christian friend that I was no longer a Christian and that I am an atheist. Jeez, Christians can be so judgmental and not SEE they are judgmental. She suspected my departure from Christianity AND now I've "come out" means that I've never really had a "true" conversion!! How do I respond to this friend. She can't see that she's indoctrinated.
 
Dear Jennifer,
I have long suspected your departure from Christianiy. I will continue to love you and be your friend but of course the dymanic will change because my life belongs to CHRIST. As you know my conversations will always include HIM.
I am  not indoctrinated as you suggest, I can remember when I had my conversion experience, it was real and I always say there wasn't a Baptist around when it happen, there was no religious person around to tell me what to do or how to do it. I did not even know what really happened to me but when I cried out to GOD and told HIM to help me and I would do anything including giving HIM my life, He took it at that time and changed me. I could not have done this by myself that is how I KNOW THIS IS REAL!!!!
I am not sure if I ever told you about my conversion but maybe someday you would let me tell you.
I am sorry that you have been exposed to a form of christianity that has dissolutioned you. We are all fallible and do things to hurt one another that is why we strive for perfect but will not attain it until we see HIM face to face and He changes us.
I know you have heard this all before because you have sat in the pews of many churches but I fear HE did not convert you. You went along with the form of religion for whatever reason and you never really belonged to HIM.It is not something that you decide but it is what GOD decides to do to you.You have no choice in the matter. Of course you can stray away and be angry for a time but HE will never let you be alone.
I suspect you never had a true conversion experience, this is not being judgemental this is just the truth.We can even fool ourselves that we are Christians, and I have have come in contact with several people that introduced themselfs as Christian and for all intended purposes they look on the outside like they were, but I sensed that there was something wrong, I did not say anything of course took them at thier word and years later they did have a conversion and were born again.
You cannot explain this to someone who has not experienced it.
There are many who say LORD, LORD but He has said I never knew you.There will always be a remnet.
From my experience it is usually the Atheist that take up and run from the friendship. I am stronger than that because my strength comes from GOD. So to your disappointment I am not running any where, I do hope our friendship will continue and you do not put limitations on it like our conversations that will include the most important person to me, JESUS. 
I love you and I hope we have many more good times together now that you are closer in distance.
Please call me anytime, looking forward to what is next with our friendship.
love,
Brenda

 

I am so sorry you're having to deal with this bullshit. Many, if not all, of us have had very similar encounters. It's either "you were never a "TRUE" Christian OR you're "just having doubts." Either way, if I were you (not having any idea what your friendship dynamic is like) I would continue to have light-hearted or non-religious conversations, I would not correct her religious input in a conversation, but kindly gloss over it, I would "like stuff" on her facebook wall that isn't all Jesus-y, I would be as pleasant a person as possible. If she tries to box you in with her presuppositions about god, just tell her you respect her beliefs and wish the best for her. You don't have to "silence" her or shut things down on her side by not participating. Just love on her nonjudgmentally like she should to you.

 

I'm a big fan of just being as nice/kind/respectful as possible if you're going to stay friends. If she wants to talk religion, you can do so in a way that is both respectful AND firm. You can point out her presuppositions and acknowledge her right to believe as she wishes. There are a lot of people who believe a lot of things, so time and accepting that all of us are ignorant will go a long way.

 

Breathe, smile, and pity her captivity. Go holler "FUCK" somewhere, sleep in on Sundays, don't pray before you eat, and enjoy your Jesus-free life and let her do her. If she wants to reach out, welcome her. If it falls away naturally, it might be for the best. Just do you though, boo.

 

21 hours ago, JenniferG said:
You went along with the form of religion for whatever reason and you never really belonged to HIM.It is not something that you decide but it is what GOD decides to do to you.You have no choice in the matter.

 

But....but muh freewill! :P

 

Seriously, how can she know this? So many assumptions.

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It really depends on if you're confrontational or not. My above answer was a passive, non-confrontational approach. If you would prefer to confront, perhaps breaking down her defensiveness by just asking her questions we know she can't answer could help too. For example: "I WANT to believe, but I am just too confused. Were there two angels at the empty tomb or not?! Were Mary and Joseph just passing by or was it a mandatory consensus! If Jesus is supposed to be in David's lineage, but GOD was Jesus' daddy....then how is David in the bloodline! The geneologies are whack, what gives? Do I need baptism or not?" 

 

She honestly sounds like a really NON-FUN person to be around. Even when I was a Christian I would have avoided her like the plague lol.

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When every aspect of daily life goes back to "Jesus said" and The Bible instructs us to" and "I felt led" and "I'll pray about it" and "The Holy Spirit......blah blah blah...."  well, you just can't relate to such people, nor they to you.

 

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16 hours ago, midniterider said:

 

 

Oooh, good one!

She's always been a self-righteous, controlling, shitty friend, really. Treats her husband like a dog.

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3 minutes ago, JenniferG said:

She's always been a self-righteous, controlling, shitty friend, really. Treats her husband like a dog.

 

Anyone who would treat their own spouse like garbage isn't worth trying to be friends with, in my estimation. 

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As I said in a previous comment, she was more into me than I was into her. We really had little in common as far as I'm concerned. So a severance of that friendship won't be any skin off my nose

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