Samuel from SoCal

[Samuel]

Hi my name is Samuel. I'm 29. I live in southern california, and grew up as part of a chinese sect of christianity called the local church. Ive been really struggling to break free, and being in the sphere of people who still think that god is the answer to all problems continues to haunt me, and make me feel inadequate. My father was pretty authoritarian and my mother hyper religious. I grew up hiding the fact that I was gay and it really hurt me. I also believe that as a child, had I the pathway, I would have chosen to be an atheist. I began the process of leaving about 2 and a half years ago, but its not the first time I have tried to leave. The powerful insistence of my parents that they have the absolute and only truth has at times made for some psychological crazy-making (made it hard for me to get a grasp on my life, and feel like the I can't choose my destiny). I hope to build for myself a more solid connection to the secular community, apart from people who continually try to tear down any world view that I would build. I grew up thinking the world was evil, and struggle with self defeatist kinds of beliefs. We didn't have any tv in the house and only participated in christian activities for 95% of the week. I've had time to break free from some things, but there are just a lot of pieces of my life I am struggling to find more freedom to live in. Right now I'm looking for work, but have serious trust issues and have been struggling to find motivation, and awaken any true callings I might have once had. 

 

Thanks for letting me participate in your community. 

[disillusioned]

Welcome Samuel! I hope you find this place helpful.  Dive right in!

[florduh]

Welcome!

[LostinParis]

Hi Samuel,

Many of us here can understand your difficult upbringing, and will offer support during your deconversion process. This site has helped me to defeat my fears and look towards the future. I’m looking forward to reading more of your story.

[Geezer]

Welcome aboard, glad you found this site. I believe you will find the folks here helpful & empathetic.

[MOHO]

Welcome to Ex-C, @Samuel.

 

Are you still living with your folks?

Are you looking or work so you can bail?

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

[♦ nivek ♦]

17 hours ago, Samuel said:

Thanks for letting me participate in your community. 

 

 

Feel welcome to sit down read find your place here at ExC.

 

Need to slip in a correction amigo, this place exists for YOU.  Bones so to think of Ex-Christian dot net are here for people such as yourself.

 

Not everyone has same path, similar goals or needs.  Finding many folks who are fellow travellers who might offer advise, help, hand up, or just plain encouragement are here to do so.

 

kevinL

[Joshpantera]

Welcome aboard Samuel! 

[Samuel]

10 hours ago, MOHO said:

Welcome to Ex-C, @Samuel.

 

Are you still living with your folks?

Are you looking or work so you can bail?

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

 

Yeah, that’s my situation.

[Samuel]

7 hours ago, SkipNChurch said:

 

 

Feel welcome to sit down read find your place here at ExC.

 

Need to slip in a correction amigo, this place exists for YOU.  Bones so to think of Ex-Christian dot net are here for people such as yourself.

 

Not everyone has same path, similar goals or needs.  Finding many folks who are fellow travellers who might offer advise, help, hand up, or just plain encouragement are here to do so.

 

kevinL

 

 

That’s awesome. Thank you for the encouragement :)))

[TruthSeeker0]

On 8/9/2018 at 8:39 PM, Samuel said:

Hi my name is Samuel. I'm 29. I live in southern california, and grew up as part of a chinese sect of christianity called the local church. Ive been really struggling to break free, and being in the sphere of people who still think that god is the answer to all problems continues to haunt me, and make me feel inadequate. My father was pretty authoritarian and my mother hyper religious. I grew up hiding the fact that I was gay and it really hurt me. I also believe that as a child, had I the pathway, I would have chosen to be an atheist. I began the process of leaving about 2 and a half years ago, but its not the first time I have tried to leave. The powerful insistence of my parents that they have the absolute and only truth has at times made for some psychological crazy-making (made it hard for me to get a grasp on my life, and feel like the I can't choose my destiny). I hope to build for myself a more solid connection to the secular community, apart from people who continually try to tear down any world view that I would build. I grew up thinking the world was evil, and struggle with self defeatist kinds of beliefs. We didn't have any tv in the house and only participated in christian activities for 95% of the week. I've had time to break free from some things, but there are just a lot of pieces of my life I am struggling to find more freedom to live in. Right now I'm looking for work, but have serious trust issues and have been struggling to find motivation, and awaken any true callings I might have once had. 

 

Thanks for letting me participate in your community. 

Hello and welcome! Your story is familiar, much like my own. But it's possible to break free, mentally as well, and find yourself in a much better place. It sounds like you have the motivation and you have a plan to get out. That's what I did, and it can seem scary when you've been indoctrinated your whole life in regards to the world being evil etc, but just be brave, one step at a time, it's doable. It gets much easier if you can live separately from believers, space is good. I'd recommend a secular therapist if you can find one, it can really help you work things through. There are also a lot of good books out there that can help, if you're interested I can give some suggestions. Reading is one of the primary things that helped me. And the purpose of this community is to help people like you who are going through what can be very challenging times.

[Samuel]

6 hours ago, TruthSeeker0 said:

Hello and welcome! Your story is familiar, much like my own. But it's possible to break free, mentally as well, and find yourself in a much better place. It sounds like you have the motivation and you have a plan to get out. That's what I did, and it can seem scary when you've been indoctrinated your whole life in regards to the world being evil etc, but just be brave, one step at a time, it's doable. It gets much easier if you can live separately from believers, space is good. I'd recommend a secular therapist if you can find one, it can really help you work things through. There are also a lot of good books out there that can help, if you're interested I can give some suggestions. Reading is one of the primary things that helped me. And the purpose of this community is to help people like you who are going through what can be very challenging times.

 

I’d love some suggestions. Thanks!

[TruthSeeker0]

7 hours ago, Samuel said:

 

I’d love some suggestions. Thanks!

Sure. I'd say my top three are Valeri Tarico (Trusting Doubt), Dan Barker (Godless) and Marlene Winell (Leaving the Fold). The first two are about personal journeys out of faith. Winell focuses more on the psychological aspects since she's a psychologist who also runs her own support groups, info at http://marlenewinell.net/recovery-religion

I found Winell really helpful, reading her book helped me reframe my past in a much healthier way.

Then of course there are others like Ehrman and Pagels if you're interested on the bible itself and what scholars have to say of it. There's a much more extensive list of authors, just ask if you're interested as many people here have a lot of knowledge.

[◊ DestinyTurtle ◊]

Welcome, @Samuel! I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. I have struggled with trust issues myself, but over time I think I managed to surround myself with people who are trustworthy... I hope you experience the same, as well!

[TrailBlazer]

It’s not easy to leave a belief system and even though everyone’s experiences and story is different, somehow we all ended up here. Welcome. 

[Margee]

Welcome Samuel! You're home. So glad you found us. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Take your time. Don't try to hurry. It takes time for the brain to unwind from all the cognitive dissonance of being brainwashed and now trying to form your very own opinions. It takes a few bumpy roads to go over first. It's kinda like grief. You're going to be OK. The gang here got your back. I could not have done it without these beautiful people. You got this! (hug)

[LoneBlueSky]

Welcome Samuel! I can somewhat relate, as far as growing up in a Christian sect. I grew up Mormon (then left it for Christianity, then left that), and when I left the Mormon Church, my parents blamed my husband. They told people I left to save my marriage, which was completely untrue. It was a very painful time in my life, but I got through it.

 

It took some time for me to heal, and I think it will take time for you as well. When you leave the religion of your childhood,  you lose part of yourself. Part of your identity. And then you have to try to figure out who you really are, and that can take time. But it will happen. Just be patient. Just remember that you need to do what is best for you, not what is best for other people. Your happiness is what is important. It's a hard road, but it is definitely worth it. ❤

[Samuel]

3 hours ago, LoneBlueSky said:

Welcome Samuel! I can somewhat relate, as far as growing up in a Christian sect. I grew up Mormon (then left it for Christianity, then left that), and when I left the Mormon Church, my parents blamed my husband. They told people I left to save my marriage, which was completely untrue. It was a very painful time in my life, but I got through it.

 

It took some time for me to heal, and I think it will take time for you as well. When you leave the religion of your childhood,  you lose part of yourself. Part of your identity. And then you have to try to figure out who you really are, and that can take time. But it will happen. Just be patient. Just remember that you need to do what is best for you, not what is best for other people. Your happiness is what is important. It's a hard road, but it is definitely worth it. ❤

 

Thanks lonebluesky I really appreciate your share and encouragement.

[Questioning32]

HI Samuel! Welcome! I know It is very hard at first.. but I think one day at a time. I am new to this all too! This site is very helpful and the people kind and encouraging!

 

[Jeff]

Welcome!