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My second chance at life


Heimir
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I am Heimir, in my early thirties and I have left christianity almost 5 years ago. My life was a mess until that point, even though I tried hard to get my act together, I couldn't, and religion was the most important factor in that. Some people can function well with religion, and I guess that's great, but the idea of hell was clear to me from when I was very young and due to my personality I am very caring and trusting, which made this a very difficult idea to live with, because all my friends would go to hell. It wasn't until I stopped giving christianity the benefit of the doubt that I managed to let go of it.

 

It's been quite the ride since. It still took a bit of trial and error, but I did manage to make good progress in many areas of my life. However, now I find myself wondering why I did all of it. I have focussed on getting my external life together (which was a mess), but my internal life did not get a lot of attention. I am here to write about that, so that I can transform the dysfunctional thinking and behavior patterns into ones that work, and let go of the dark memories.

Right now what I describe above is what I feel I am now, but here's a more positive introduction (that is true as well - and hopefully after I have gone through the healing process it's one that I can actually identify with). I am Heimir, in my early thirties. I enjoy rock climbing, triathlon, ice skating. I am a consultant and starting out as an entrepreneur. I am a very creative person who loves being  with people. I live on a beautiful farm near a city, where I can enjoy the quietness of my farm as well as all the excitement opportunities and activities the city has to offer.

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Welcome to the forums, Heimir. I don't think you were wrong for giving christianity the benefit of the doubt, but the issue is that it's inherently wrong in many ways from the outset which can be demonstrated time and again. If you're intellectually honest you'll find that it isn't based on truth. You were probably better off to give it the benefit of the doubt and then see where that leads. At which point giving it the benefit of the doubt had run it's course and there's no further reason to do so. 

 

4 hours ago, Heimir said:

It's been quite the ride since. It still took a bit of trial and error, but I did manage to make good progress in many areas of my life. However, now I find myself wondering why I did all of it. I have focussed on getting my external life together (which was a mess), but my internal life did not get a lot of attention. I am here to write about that, so that I can transform the dysfunctional thinking and behavior patterns into ones that work, and let go of the dark memories.

 

Everything's trial and error. Evolution is trial and error. Personal evolution is trial and error. Truth seeking is trial and error. You're in good company here. 

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Just realizing that there is no such thing as "sin" made my life a 100% better and more enjoyable. Add the fact that heaven and hell are imaginary places too, along with Jesus, who is also an imaginary figure that only exist in the fictional gospel stories. That information freed me from the fear religion uses to control people.

 

welcome to Ex-C. I'm sure you will find this site helpful.

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Welcome to Ex-C, @Heimir.

 

Glad you found your way out of the mind control - even if it was five years ago. 

 

             " Some people can function well with religion, and I guess that's great"

That's OK until it begins to negatively impact the lives of those around them. 

 

          " I am here to write about that, so that I can transform the dysfunctional thinking and behavior patterns into ones that work, and let go                   of  the dark memories."

You're in the right place. I also helps to read what others have written. There are some really smart and experienced folks here. 

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)

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7 hours ago, Joshpantera said:

Welcome to the forums, Heimir. I don't think you were wrong for giving christianity the benefit of the doubt, but the issue is that it's inherently wrong in many ways from the outset which can be demonstrated time and again. If you're intellectually honest you'll find that it isn't based on truth. You were probably better off to give it the benefit of the doubt and then see where that leads. At which point giving it the benefit of the doubt had run it's course and there's no further reason to do so. 

 

Everything's trial and error. Evolution is trial and error. Personal evolution is trial and error. Truth seeking is trial and error. You're in good company here. 


Thanks and nice to meet you! I think I did my best. I was taught (or rather, manipulated into believing) that Christianity was the truth and this was reinforced over and over again, it's no wonder that I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Now my starting position is not believing, I need evidence in order to believe a claim. That is very freeing!

Good to be part of this company! :D
 

5 hours ago, Geezer said:

Just realizing that there is no such thing as "sin" made my life a 100% better and more enjoyable. Add the fact that heaven and hell are imaginary places too, along with Jesus, who is also an imaginary figure that only exist in the fictional gospel stories. That information freed me from the fear religion uses to control people.

 

welcome to Ex-C. I'm sure you will find this site helpful.


That is a great lesson, I am glad to have let go of that as well. It has to further sink in, but I notice that the healing process is really happening now that I am paying attention to this. How do I notice? Well, I notice that where it was logical for me to be harsh towards myself (which I assume often comes from my christian past) I am more and more understanding and friendly to myself. Ok, these are turbulent times and it's not all easy, but there are a lot of signs of hope. For example I am taking better care of myself and view this as an act of self-love. Until recently I was doing this quite badly and I was running around solving other people's problems (to the point of doing dozens of hours of unpaid work and volunteer work). I find that silly now, even unhealthy and I don't wish this towards myself. All of this change is happening in the span of weeks! Though I do fall back into self-hatred and despair a few times per week (actually multiple times on most days), I also manage to get out and steer things in a positive direction.

 

The most clear sign of hope: I find myself getting angry when I think or notice that I don't respect myself, or when I think of times that I didn't. I feel like I wronged that person. I am even inclined to be respectful of myself in the past, even with my many faults and weaknesses, because I know that I have always tried. And at the same time, I get excited when I notice that I am taking good care of myself, it really fills me with joy! *This self-love is something that I have never experienced in my life*, I am dead serious about that!! To see such changes happening makes me feel very hopeful for what else is possible! :D  

Thanks, nice to meet you too and I look forward to exploring this place further and learning from all of you! :)
 

5 hours ago, MOHO said:

Welcome to Ex-C, @Heimir.

 

Glad you found your way out of the mind control - even if it was five years ago. 

 

             " Some people can function well with religion, and I guess that's great"

That's OK until it begins to negatively impact the lives of those around them. 

 

          " I am here to write about that, so that I can transform the dysfunctional thinking and behavior patterns into ones that work, and let go                   of  the dark memories."

You're in the right place. I also helps to read what others have written. There are some really smart and experienced folks here. 

 

    - MOHO (Mind Of His Own)


Glad I made it out indeed! I hope that we grow out of such abusing practices as a species. Perhaps I am too hopeful. But at least people can make it out.

Good to know! I am like a sponge, ready to suck myself full with ungodly wisdom! :D
 

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Welcome, @Heimir!! I always love hearing about people who break away from Xianity because of the cruelty of the belief of hell! I identify with that motivation in many ways and I think it's a really compassionate and courageous reason to leave. I hope this website helps in the healing process! 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Welcome! I like you struggled with the idea of hell, and I think a lot of empathetic people end up having that issue, whether they remain in the church or not. In regards to getting your internal life together, give it time, healing is a process. Try therapy, it can be a great help too, as sometimes it's hard to "untie" all the issues without someone to assist with some insight. And welcome to ex-c, feel free to join our discord chat as well if you're so inclined.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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